I think one has to ask Allah

Assalamu Alaikum,

I think the key to conversion lies in the simple act of asking Allah for forgiveness and guidance, in the most humble way one is capable of at the time.  Of course I am assuming this from my own experience, but I have also seen this common event amongst many of my converted friends.  We may all have discovered Islam in the countless ways we describe, but I really wonder if there is a common denominator, one single act, that takes us out of darkness into the blessing of Allah removing the veil from our eyes, ears and hearts.

I had felt so helpless, having struggled for so long trying to find peace and happiness, security and stability, the correct method of how to live and behave.  I remember feeling embarrassed to get on my knees to pray to God, how degrading, how juvenile I thought it was.  But my despair had surpassed my ego, and I remember getting out of my chair and kneeling with my hands pressed together like most Christians do, and beginning to pray, then cry, then beg, then bury my face and sob painfully and uncontrollably into the floor so that God might accept my prayer and show me what it was He wanted of me, how I was supposed to be so that He would be proud of me.  I even remember asking Him to make me like a daughter of Sarah, the wife of Abraham, and forgive all that was behind me from that day.

That was December 1993. In January of 1994, a stranger who heard of my new marriage to his friend sent me a wedding gift; a translation of The Noble Qur'an.  By March (Ramadhan), I was bugging my husband to witness my shahadah.  By the end of the year, I had completed reading the translation with all the tafsir footnotes from cover to cover.

The only place that made me hesitate was the story of Issa alaihi assalam, the fact that he had not been crucified.  It's not that I was a strong Christian, but I had bought into the belief that he had "died for our sins", because of the reference to Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son.  That took some time, I read every ayat in the translation regarding Issa alaihi assalam and his mother, I asked many questions at the Islamic Center on Mass Ave, Washington, during our Sunday classes, and even after saying my shahadah to my husband (reluctant as he was, as he was afraid I might not be able to bear such a quick conversion and revert into kufaar), I still didn't quite understand why Issa hadn't been crucified.

I mean, I knew the Devil had decieved even those who were known to be pious and steadfast, it said so in the New Testament, I knew the world was seduced and that there was a grand conspiracy to take us all into the Hellfire with him, but the crucificion?? a crucifiction???  It was soooooo incomprehensible that so many people in the world (of course from my WASPy perspective, christians were most of the world  ) were duped!!!

 I had seen so much light and truth, so much logic and so many "Eureekas!" while reading the Qur'an, that I decided that even though I didn't fully understand it (Issa's ascension), I trusted it to be true and went ahead with my shahadah, and had it witnessed by the brothers at the Islamic Center. Alhamdulillah, slowly and eventually I began to understand the test that Allah has put on Bani Israel and on the Christians. 

Though my marriage didn't survive, my Iman, Alhamdulillah did.  Allah rewarded me for my patience and perseverence, and I am now married to a very strong Mu'min, and I am carrying our 4th baby, (even at my old age of 43, Masha'Allah).  If Khadijah could give Muhammad salla alaihi wa salam 6 children after her nikah at age 40, who am I to worry, eh?

p.s. Just cause a person takes the shahadah, doesn't mean life is a bed of roses.  Though we pray for peace and happiness, we don't really understand yet that life is not about ease, but trial and perseverence.  Most converts have so many difficulties, so many divorces, that it truly is a hijrah away from our homelands, even if we only moved across the street from our families.

We deny our family, our old religion, our culture, our friends, our careers, our ethnicity, our status, our image.  All of it is gone when we become muslim and put into practice the Qur'an and the Sunnah.  (now I understand the status of white people, now that I am no longer acceptable as a white person to white people, my hijab makes me a brown person, Subhana'Allah!). These are all tests on us, each of these things can hold us back from obedience or testify for us on the Day of Judgement because we rejected their rebellion against Allah and His Commands.

When you see a convert smoking, please have patience, and think about what he/she may have already left behind (drugs, drinking, sexual promiscuity...).  If you see sister convert in pants, say "Alhamdulillah, she has a hijab on her head, May Allah make it easy for her to complete her purdah".  If a convert lets her non-muslim children have a birthday party, know that she is still trying her best to teach them Islam in a gentle patient way.

Know the convert from a different place than you know those born Muslim.  You may never understand the world we came from, but be patient in your ignorance, and make duah before you give dawah.

Assalamulaikum Waramutuallahi Wabarakatu sisters,

Mashaallah I had not read so much pleas of understanding from anyone than you. Please forgive us as muslim we are also very ignorance towards others let alone understand how the reverts are having a tough time.

Let me share with you my experience too. I am a born muslim not enough understanding of the law of Allah. When I finally decided to put on the hijab after a few years of learning. It was really a test for me. Your own family was shock that you decided to hijab yourself and the society is worst. I was kind of test on my knowledge and my belief from my own muslim brothers or sister or from society in general. Questioning you on your every move towards Allah. Alhamdullillah when you need him most he will always be there even if we don't need him he will always be there but we tend to forget that. There is no one we should turn to except for Allah. We should never hope or depend on anyone or anything in this life of ours except for him. Cause especially people will let us down but not Allah. He will not disappoint his creations of our needs.

Please remember this  NOTHING IN THIS WORLD,ANYONE OR ANYTHING WILL ALLOW OF GIVE BADNESS OR GOODNESS EXCEPT FOR ALLAH. I had live with this saying for all this years. Because we will never even for a second of our life know whats good or bad for us except for Allah. So it made life easier for us that we turn to him for every move or step we are going to take. And we must always pray that he give us the best for us in his eyes. Because we may think that what we wants is the best for us, so we think so but Allah sometime has other plans for us. But don't forget to duah and work very hard and the key words is patience and perseverence. Then everyting is going fine but he will test us too along the way. Thats the only ways we learn and insyallah will become a better muslim. 

I make duah for all that we love each others and Allah the Almighty The All Knowing always give the best for us. Especially to you sisters Syukur and Alhamdullillah you had found the light of Allah. Sister Um Tayyab hope you have an easy delivery.  May Allah Blessed You.

p.s if you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to email me at [email protected]. I do have four of my own which I may share my experience.

ummziba wrote: Assalamu alaikum, sister umTayyab, Al hamdulillah for the Grace Allah has bestowed upon you!  I do identify with many parts of your story, as I am also a revert (which I prefer to convert as we are all born Muslim!). I went through five years of utter hell when I became a Muslim.  All these years later, there are still scars and wounds that may never heal.  I cried so much on many days that I literally burned the skin on my face with the salt from my tears!  But, it was all so very worth it! You are so right when you say that your hijab makes you non-white in the eyes of others!  And I sure know what you mean when you say you had to let go of everything you were.  It is such a trial, but once we understand about this life being a trial, it all finally falls into place. You are also dead on target when you ask born Muslims to have patience with reverts, they can no more understand where we are coming from, than we can understand where they are coming from. Welcome to the forum, sister, and may Allah give you ease in your labour when this next baby is ready to be born! Peace, ummziba.

can you please tell us how you converted to islam, as i like to hear about the up and downs people go through. thats  life.