Help Required

Hello Muslims.
My story is a bit confusing though but nothing about this is fake or lie.
I have been in relationships through out my life and right now I am in my 20s.
I have been with girls and committed sins, sins which are very serious but I made sure nobody gets hurt. Never took anyone's virginity. But yes I know few did get hurt and very hurt.
Anyway, It started from college life and went till i figured out that I fell in love with one of my ex girlfriends.
We started talking and meeting each other, went serious too she told about me to a part of her family and i told my parents. Meanwhile i phase came again when I was unfaithful to her in the middle, i don't know how but I fell into that *****again, still I just couldn't leave her cause she was so dear to me, though I know it sounds like shit, because I am talking about insincerity here.
Anyway, by the time I realized that I should settle down for marriage I planned to go out for job.
And well I really switched myself to become sincere to her. She never knew any of it
I always gave her surprises, by visiting on her birthday, giving her gifts, giving her all my time.
Meanwhile I was also into my prayers, 5 times. Loved it.
After few months I planned a visit to my home country where I find out that the girl i was in love with and wanted to marry fell for someone else.
YES ' What goes around comes around' The price has to be paid. And i made myself understand that I am the reason to face all this
Either I could have taken a revenge or would have fall for other girls or would try killing myself lol but no, I wasn't that st**id and I got struck by the statement that I did so wrong and I should ask for forgiveness and repent to Allah swt.
SO i started doing that, kept praying day and night, 24/7, cried cried and cried in tahajjud all night long and I kept doing, and praying for myself.
Later i started asking her in my nikah and asked Allah to make her better for me.
6months I stayed back in my homeland and kept praying, first for my forgiveness and then for her in my nikah.
Between those 6months i got betrayed 3 times by her. She even spoke to my mom and told her that she is ready for everything,and then after making sure every thing is okay i came back. but when i landed to my work place, i found out she was still betraying me. Every time she did, i never thought bad about her, i couldn't because i always had this feeling that i was wrong too.
But then I also read a lot of forums and blogs and lectures through which it was explained that dua can change everything. dua can change the taqdeer, dua is the only thing in which u will find peace with Allah. and Allah can forgive for all your tears.
I kept crying a lot, a lot, and kept asking for forgiveness from Allah swt and i felt good in crying in the middle of night, alone in masjid.
well when i found out, i again explained her that he is the wrong guy with the proofs, clear proofs. but she kept falling for her, and i actually did tried to do something to myself, only that was the moment i dont know how she felt that she cares for me somehow and left him and took oath upon her mother of not contacting him again
I felt happy and i kept praying praying and praying for us. I also asked her to pray guided her to the right path, which i found. after few months i gave her a vdo of her own on her bday and my mom went to meet her she took her gifts all by herself and met her somewhere outside and she seemed really happy,
everything went great and she started feeling for me the same way, she told me. and i was so happy, i thanked Allah and kept praying even more.
i asked Allah for His help in our nikah and also asked her to do the same.
Later I planned to surprise her a my bday. and i did
she was happy, and me too.
few days passed and she told me she has this proposal coming up to which her parents seem serious. I told her that my parents are ready to talk. she said she needs time to talk to her parents.
well she did and told mer that her parents are okay but she cant come and meet me next day as it might not seem appropriate i was okay with that.
i asked her for next week to which she said okay,
3 days passed and she resisted talking to me.
I dont know and i kept asking whats the matter, she said she cant continue with me and she needs space.
i dont know i was confused and shocked cause i wasnt expecting this.
well i couldn't meet her that day too, and then i asked and requested and confirmed that we need to meet before i leave so she said okay to that day before i was leaving.
and before the meeting day at night she told me she cant to which i actually cried out.
i asked her whats the matter ans she kept insisting on space thing.
well i left my flight, wasted my money to get a new one and extend my trip, by 4 days so that i can find one day to meet her and wanted to convince.
well, she got convinced,
even my mother spoke to her requested her and helped her as a friend over this space issue very well that she thanked her.
so again she decided the day before i was leaving to meet me.
i was happy and excited, yet again, she told me the day before meeting that she wants to break up with me for a reason that she wants to realize my value in her life. i kept crying she never cared and she was stubborn.
when i was leaving my mother was so much upset that she was crying and she realized my pain very well.
but i never left asking from Allah. never.
so i came again to my workplace and here i found out that she never left that guy.
she was with him since an year and she took fake oaths upon her mother, Quran and Allah. she made fun of my prayers and she was never interested in me but she just used to talk to pass her time. she lied to my mother and lied 3 times and even being committed i dont know why she met my mother gave her these fake statements of marrying me when she never wanted to.
i called her up and yet again i explained her that this is wrong, how can someone be happy like this by hurting someone's mother by taking fake oaths. i have cried for whole year in my prayers to ask Allah for you. please dont make fn of my prayers. And she told me that she loves the other guy and cant help it and even if its wrong its her choice. so she left.
till today I keep praying, obv i cant leave praying to Allah, and yes i still have feelings for her, i can accept her in all her forms and Allah knows i am saying the truth. But i want to know, am i still paying for whatever i did ? am i still the culprit ? or is she ever going to face the same, because what goes around comes around. i believed she did wrong, may be not to me but yes by lying to my mother for no reason keeping me on hold knowing that i am crying, even when i kept calling her all night she was on with the other guy and knew that i was calling her all night. she did that like 1000 times. but i still love her, may be i am crazy or may be i paying for whatever i did. i just keep crying in front of Allah and i love talking to Him late at night and do my repentance and still ask for her to realize my love for her and comes back clean. I told Allah that i want to accept her anyway cause i really love her, but my love for her is not more than my love for you, so Allah you grant me her love and I dont want to ask her anymore. cause only You are the All knowing, and i can only pray.
Yet i am confused and need help that I should I consider myself as the culprit still? or will she also feel this one day? I do know that the guy wasn't good to her earlier cause he abused her and left as she never wanted to be physical but this time she was so much crazy for him that she could have done anything for him. But m ready to accept, if this is the punishment for me i will face it and accept it,i just dont understand whether to stop asking her from Allah or what to do. I just feel ashamed of myself still.
please advise.
Jazak Allah.