To seekshidayath

I was trying to keep any further discussion off of the topic having to do with Iraqi hairdressers.  I am sorry for the problems that occured there.  I never had a problem with you.  We sometimes see things differently, but that never made me dislike you in any way.  I often look forward to your point of view on something and have a lot of respect for your commitment to Islam.

Unfortunately you assumed my husbands post meant I was involved in what he said.  What you didn't know was I had no idea there was a problem with the messages you sent.  The first one was a nice one, and the second one was just you trying to point out a mistake I made.  I understood that.  Yet, I am very open with my husband and try to tell him everything going on with my life, even the smallest details.  I don't want to hide anything from him so that he will always feel confident in me.  I mentioned your messages to him not even realizing there was a problem (though I wouldn't have hidden them from him if there was).  It never occured to me that he would see things differently.  You see, for him he saw an unknown person sending me private messages.  As there is no way for him to know if you are male or female, he assumes you are a man (he obviously tried to point out to you he doesn't know which you are by saying brother/sister in his post).  Now as a man you can see where he would be upset if he thought another man was sending his wife private messages, even if they appear harmless.  This is because it is creating a type of relationship that is now personal rather than the public one used on the forums.  You seem reasonable enough to me and you really seem to strive to be strong in your deen, so you must see how a muslim man would react to this.  Me, as an American, and a new muslim, do not always see these problems until they occur.  He is helping me and teaching me along the way.

Now I knew his post would be upsetting, but I have to respect my husband and what he feels is right.  As time went on I could see how it was bothering you and I really felt awful and couldn't get my mind off of how it must have hurt you.  So finally I prayed for Allah's guidance to help me in finding a way to talk to my husband without offending him on this subject.  Thank God I married a reasonable man because he saw my upset and told me he would write a message for you again.  Both times I never knew what he would say until he posted it.  I just thanked God that perhaps this second message would clarify things and reduce the tension (another reason I stayed off this thread until after his second message).

So I am asking you to please let it go and not hold these things against me.  I would apologize, but unfortunately I don't see what I could have done different.  I can't hide private messages from my husband because that would be wrong.  I can't force his beliefs and opinions.  I respect him to much and he only wants the best for me.  This is why he tries to protect me and our marriage from any problems.  If my being on this forum makes you uncomfortable than please tell me and I will leave it.  I don't want to create problems here.