Unhappy in marriage

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   Salaam All,

I would appreciate any advice regarding my situation.

I married at 20 after being in a relationship for 3 years and have been married for 2 years. I used to live with my inlaw but my sister in law caused a lot of arguments between me and the family and so things got really ugly and i and my husband decided to move out. My relationship with my husband has not been so great from the very first day not having my family around i had mistaken our relationship for love and decided to get married. We argued/argue a lot over petty things and i have always felt he does not understand me i have tried to communicate in several ways but none seem to work. I feel unhappy and not loved i tried to pray the istikhara namaaz but ifeel im not getting anywhere with it. We now have a unplanned baby and i feel this is it i have no choice but to stay in this marriage for my babys sake but when i think about my life ahead it scares me knowing i will not be happy in this marriage and i would not want my baby growing up seeing us argue and despite each other. When we got married one week into it he used to leave me and go out with his friends every single day and while he was gone his family would mistreat me and thats when things started to really fall apart but i have moved on from that and now its come to a point where ifeel i do not love him not how a wife should i care for him a lot. I dont know what to so i have tried councelling too and tried to focus on the good but i keep finding myself angry or upset by the things that he does some of which i feel he does intentionally even though he knows it will make me react in a unpleasent manner. I feel so lost and alone all i want is to be happy i have done so much for him and his family and still do i have supported him through out our relationship and have had no expectations apart from that he keeps me happy and sometimes i think he does try but he just does not know me at all.

What do i do?

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Eliza9391 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Joined: 10 November 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote Eliza9391 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Unhappy in marriage Posted: 10 November 2015 at 5:26pm
	Salaam All, I would appreciate any advice regarding my situation. I married at 20 after being in a relationship for 3 years and have been married for 2 years. I used to live with my inlaw but my sister in law caused a lot of arguments between me and the family and so things got really ugly and i and my husband decided to move out. My relationship with my husband has not been so great from the very first day not having my family around i had mistaken our relationship for love and decided to get married. We argued/argue a lot over petty things and i have always felt he does not understand me i have tried to communicate in several ways but none seem to work. I feel unhappy and not loved i tried to pray the istikhara namaaz but ifeel im not getting anywhere with it. We now have a unplanned baby and i feel this is it i have no choice but to stay in this marriage for my babys sake but when i think about my life ahead it scares me knowing i will not be happy in this marriage and i would not want my baby growing up seeing us argue and despite each other. When we got married one week into it he used to leave me and go out with his friends every single day and while he was gone his family would mistreat me and thats when things started to really fall apart but i have moved on from that and now its come to a point where ifeel i do not love him not how a wife should i care for him a lot. I dont know what to so i have tried councelling too and tried to focus on the good but i keep finding myself angry or upset by the things that he does some of which i feel he does intentionally even though he knows it will make me react in a unpleasent manner. I feel so lost and alone all i want is to be happy i have done so much for him and his family and still do i have supported him through out our relationship and have had no expectations apart from that he keeps me happy and sometimes i think he does try but he just does not know me at all. What do i do?

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 November 2015 at 8:12am
	Salaam Eliza, and welcome! Feelings and emotions wax and wane, therefore don't make the mistake of thinking and believing that if you're unhappy today, that will bode for the future as well. Be patient and keep working on your relationship. Most if not all marriages go through the same difficulties, and successful relationships are those in which endured in good and bad times. Try to place more stock in the times he makes you happy rather than sad. Do you currently have and pursuits, friends, relatives that you are involved with?

Eliza9391 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Joined: 10 November 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote Eliza9391 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 November 2015 at 10:12am
	Yes my dad recently got back in touch with me after 10 years but he lives very far from me so Ido not get to see him much and as for friends i do but not many i can confide in and having a baby makes it difficult to go out with them. I have tried to focus on the good but i feel like our marriage is so dead regardless of wht we do. I even booked him a surprise holiday thinking maybe a vacation would makes things better but we came back feeling the same we have tried seperating for a bit to give each other time but none seems to work. The only thing i can now do is focus on my child. But being so young and looking back at our relationship we have shared for 5 years, when i balance out the good and bad, the bad takes the lead, we have spent so much time just arguing that now it feels normal to us.

Tim the plumber Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 30 September 2014 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 944	Post Options Post Reply Quote Tim the plumber Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2015 at 1:49am
	Have you tried the counciling services? I don't know where you are in the world but they might help. The investment you have made in your marrage and the fact that you two are still together even after all the hurt says that there must be something good in there somewhere. Edited by Tim the plumber - 12 November 2015 at 5:03am

NABA Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 13 December 2012 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 867	Post Options Post Reply Quote NABA Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2015 at 4:41am
	Start reading Quran with understanding and make your husband read it too,in ch 2 v 187 of Quran Allah regards husband and wife as each other's garments,Allah in ch 31 v 19 forbids us to be rude.fear of Allah will help you.

fais Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344	Post Options Post Reply Quote fais Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 November 2015 at 1:42pm
	Assalam Alaikum to all, Hello Abu Aisha, was away from this forum for a long time. hope you are doing good. Per my understanding, Eliza you should read Tahajjud and pray for your husbands love. Try to be good to your in-laws but in a very diplomatic way without bringing yourself back in trouble. Keep your husband connected to his roots and take into confidence who ever is good to you in his house. may be this will work. May Allah help you. Would you like to share your location may be I can suggest more if we are from same culture.