Marriage advice

My parents themselves brought us up very strict compared to all the other Muslim Pakistani girls I knew I always had the most strict upbringing. Yet my parents always trusted us for example if I wanted to go to town to get some personal items all I would do is mention to my mum I’m going and for how long. There wasn’t a need for permission as my parents trust that I only go somewhere nearby and I’m never doing anything wrong all I had to do was just mention to them where and for how long I will be gone. 

My parents also treat each other equally meaning I’ve never heard my father put down my mums opinions if they don’t match with him by saying I’m the man in the relationship your choice doesn’t matter. He knows she’s camper of looking after herself and trusts her so they always treat each other’s as equals.

So when I got married I experienced a culture shock for example when I just casually mentioned to my husband yes I go out for shopping on my own he asked why I don’t go with my dad and I said because he raised us to be able to do things for myself. He then told me that I would not be able to leave the house or go anywhere until I would ask permission from him first. Even for something small like groceries he would take me, I asked him what he would do and he said he would make life difficult for me.

Basically any time he doesn’t like my opinion or I don’t agree with his views he says I’m you’re husband are you not going to listen to me. I won’t lie but he can be emotionally manipulative I always find I have to compromise in everything he even mentions having to train me to be a better wife as I’m not allowed to say no to him if he asks me to do anything even as far as leaving university and leaving England to stay with him in Pakistan I have no choice but to agree because that’s my role as a wife in Islam.

Please would some of you who have married someone of a different culture or have been in a similar situation give me some advice our marriage is good but whenever he starts mentioning things like this I feel belittled and disrespected.

I’ve been taught to respect my husband but I’ve also been brought up to be independent and that my opinions also matter. I told my mum about this and she said he’s thinking like this because that’s the mentality of men from Pakistan and when he comes to England he will open up and be less strict. I would like to believe that’s true but I’m still fearful I married to find a life partner who sees me as an equal and cares and considers my views and opinions I feel like I’m able to withstand his hurtful opinions now but I fear sometime in the future I may not be able to take anymore