Infidel in a relationship with a Muslim girl

Hello to all.

I am an agnostic (for the time being) who was raised in an atheist socialist/radical family. While I am not as dogmatic as my parents were I am not quite a religious person at all.

I first learned on religions from a secular point of view, how Judaism was inspired by Ancient Greek poetry and how Christianity was very influenced by the Roman Caesar temple (read Jesus was Caesar by Franco-Carotta for example). I came to meet a Muslim girl of Mideastern roots, she is progressive but her family is very conservative. I then started reading the religious texts from a religious perspective, to understand how Islam was and how her religion works. Since when I learn about something I just don't do it half I read the Qur'an and essays on the Sunna and hadiths. I saw the Qur'an referred to the Ancient Testament (Jewish Bible, and most particularly to the Torah) so I read the Bible (as Gnostic texts like the Gospel According to Thomas), I also saw the Qur'an referred to Enoch (Iblis) so I read the apocryphal Book of Enoch too.

At this point it is extremely clear I won't convert to any of the big three Abrahamic religions, I also was interested in the Baha'I Faith but I still don't feel it's absolute truth (but of Abrahamic religions it's the most appealing to me). Many of my reasons not to accept any of these religion as mine can be debated but they didn't just grew out of prejudices but individual studies of holy texts and religious essays. My reasons are not to be debated here, at this point, there is one religion that interests me, it's Zoroastrianism (Mazdaeism) and it's the one I so far feel the closest to (I'm reading the Avesta).

So as you can guess there's a problem that arises. My girlfriend (I'll use that term since that's how we consider each others) would appreciate me to convert, but I won't. I love her but I won't convert and simulate believing in things I don't believe. It just breaks all rules my life is built on. At that point you can see the problem, for her it's not a problem, as long as I accept her in my life as a Muslim and don't interfere with any of her beliefs (prayers and everything) I consider it absolutely fair she accepts me as what I am (fairness and equality are founding principles of our relationship, in every fields). The problem lies in her family, I didn't "take" her (in a sexual way) because she's a virgin and she could get in troubles so we're just a sentimental couple you could say so that's not a risk, still her family wouldn't accept us being together and if they get annoyed it'll be the outright end of it.

So, what do I need to know about women relationship with "infidels"? I read in the Qur'an it was plain simply forbidden for both men and women to marry pagans but marrying monotheistic people was accepted, however in practice it's well known only Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women (indifferently of their beliefs apparently) while Muslim women could only marry Muslim men. Where does this truly comes from?

At that point I can stay agnostic or adopt Zoroastrianism, which is a monotheistic religion, potentially the first and oldest one (it's older than Judaism) and most of the beliefs in it are present in other monotheistic religions: single God (Ahura Mazda), devil (which are named deva in the singular form and devi on the plural one and are humans claiming to be gods, idols and anything worshiped and dividing people), heaven and hell (who refer to spiritual states rather than physical worlds), angels and so on. Zoroastrianists are not formally "peoples of the book" as neither Jews nor Christians, and yet this religion exists.

Do you people have any advice on the stance to adopt or what to do (please don't mention converting to Islam).

The absurd one wrote: So, what do I need to know about women relationship with "infidels"? I read in the Qur'an it was plain simply forbidden for both men and women to marry pagans but marrying monotheistic people was accepted,

Not only they can not marry outside the faith but also can't have any relationships before the marriage.period, cuz that is the beginning of their infidelity being in Diaspora.
 

however in practice it's well known only Muslim men can marry non-Muslim women (indifferently of their beliefs apparently)

Not true, only the practicing chaste women who practice the faith of Torah and Injeel only not all; non Muslims like agnostics or Hindus etc. are excluded...This is allowed when the Muslim women are not available!
  

while Muslim women could only marry Muslim men. Where does this truly comes from?

You said you have read Quraan...read it again!

Do you people have any advice on the stance to adopt or what to do (please don't mention converting to Islam).

Conversion to marry is not a sound stance Islamically!
Seems like it is your way or the highway! LOL

Edited by Sign*Reader - 09 December 2010 at 7:27pm

The absurd one wrote: I however am skeptical about the fact the issue about Zoroastrianism has been debated very much, yet from the knowledge Muslims have of this religion (from observation, most of them have never heard of the term) I guess I can't expect it to make any difference indeed.

The Zoroastrianism is not a primary belief system anymore if no one told you that yet...You are assuming that most of them have never heard of the term and  the rest!

First, I would kindly appreciate if you didn't try to give me order, right now only a handful of people can do so (and they never do, they always ask gently). This sentence of your is downright rude and I'm not to be talked like that. I wouldn't talk to someone I don't know without being the most polite, so I expect others to do the same, thank you. A more correct formula would be "I saw the read the Qur'an" ("You said you have read the Quraan" implies you question my assertion, that's rude in itself) - "maybe you missed that part (showing where your point stands" or "I can't advice you enough to check (parts)". "Read it again!" I won't take it that way.

I didn't mean it that way, if you think I was ordering you!... This is internet no one can order anyone accept the people in business !

Nevertheless Islamic scholars of the ancient times agreed that marrying Christian and Jews was permitted because they are monotheistic, also and I know that for a fact, that historicaly Muslim rulers from Spain could sometimes marry their daughters to Southern French Christian rulers in building alliances (against other Muslims or other Christians).

I am not sure what Muslims rulers did...Even so did it help their survival? The answer is big fat NO...Expedience is not what I am talking about! It is ruling class that has caused more damage to the message of Quran and then they pay heavy price for their default.

Understand, but I'm not Muslim man trying to marry a woman from another faith. Also it seems to contradict previous statements above.

Rephrase what are you trying to do?

In any case, it's more about her and her family, but if there's no way to get a solution then either they are indeed completely put them out of the picture (which is an option, but might be difficult for her) and I don't believe for a second there's damnation for that (you think it is from the highway and LOL thing, but I'm the one that would say LOL here) or it's plain and simply over (but I think quite strongly this is evil from them and they're the ones turning to wrongs).

You are being what you are! There are many more only Allah knows the damnation part! You do not have any belief so you don't know what is coming your way! But sure you are asking something that will really blowup in your face if you think her parents are to be blamed for this thing!
I don't know anyone can help you at Islamicity. You need to go see a shrink! Good luck...

It seems like you have yourself in a bit of a pickle there...what I don't understand however is how a Muslim girl from a "conservative" family would be allowed to date in the first place. Unless she's doing it in secret, of course.