M$

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Bi ismillahi rahmani raheem

assalamu alaikum

Windows vista jokes
Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems.
Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change 
    a light bulb?
A: Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet.
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a 
    light bulb?
A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a 
    light bulb?
A:
We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn
out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the
bulbs work smarter, not harder.  
Q: How many Microsoft support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be
working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now,
exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong
... have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight: one to work the 
    bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb 
    works fine on the system in my office ...

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a 
    light bulb?
A: One, but he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it 
would be 
    for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.

Java programmers v's Microsoft programmers
A tail of the battle between Java programmers and Microsoft programmers

A
group of 4 Microsoft .NET programmers and a group of 4 Java programmers
are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each,
and then watch the Java programmers proceed to buy one ticket between
them.

The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train,
they watch the Java programmers to see what they do when the guard
comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes,
they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks
for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it
back.

The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy
only one ticket. Only to watch the Java folks get on the train without
buying a ticket at all.

When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as
they saw the Java folks on the earlier journey. The Java programmers
then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers
slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Java programmers do
earlier.

"Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them."

Microsoft Tech. Support
Has anyone actually phoned Microsoft tech support and got a suitable answer

A
helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above
Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation
and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot
could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to
the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it,
the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM
I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE
IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how
the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support
building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless
answer."

Edited by rami

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rami Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Male Joined: 01 March 2000 Status: Offline Points: 2549	Post Options Post Reply Quote rami Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: M$ Posted: 12 February 2008 at 8:37pm
	Bi ismillahi rahmani raheem assalamu alaikum Windows vista jokes Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems. Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three: two holding the ladder and one to screw the bulb into a faucet. Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle... Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder. Q: How many Microsoft support technicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong ... have you tried the light switch? Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world. Q: How many Microsoft developers does it take to change a light bulb? A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office ... Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user. Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard. Java programmers v's Microsoft programmers A tail of the battle between Java programmers and Microsoft programmers A group of 4 Microsoft .NET programmers and a group of 4 Java programmers are going on a train to an expo. The MS programmers buy a ticket each, and then watch the Java programmers proceed to buy one ticket between them. The MS programmers are intrigued and when they get on the train, they watch the Java programmers to see what they do when the guard comes to check the tickets. It turns out that, before the guard comes, they all cram into the toilet. The guard knocks on the door, and asks for the ticket. The guard takes it from under the door, and slides it back. The MS programmers are all impressed, so on the way back, they buy only one ticket. Only to watch the Java folks get on the train without buying a ticket at all. When they get on the train, the MS people cram into the toilet, as they saw the Java folks on the earlier journey. The Java programmers then knock on the door, and say "Ticket please". The MS programmers slide the ticket under the door, as they saw the Java programmers do earlier. "Thank you", they say. "You steal our methods, but you don't understand them." Microsoft Tech. Support Has anyone actually phoned Microsoft tech support and got a suitable answer A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see. People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer." Edited by rami
	Rasul Allah (sallah llahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever knows himself, knows his Lord" and whoever knows his Lord has been given His gnosis and nearness.