Islamic Ethics ..

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   I seek refuge from Allah, the All Knowing, the All Hearing, from the cursed Satan, in the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, we praise Allah, thank Him, seek His help, guidance and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and the sinfulness of our deeds. He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly guided; but he whom He sends astray, for him you will find no guiding advocate.

Everybody will find it strange that the manner that we talk about this time is part of Islam; it is the manner of (courtesy, politeness, nobility and high-ranking behavior with other people). Many of you may wonder: What is the relation between this manner and Islam? I intend through this lecture to reach the conclusion that the origin of this manner is Islam.

First: What is the meaning of courtesy and politeness?

I mean politeness in dealing with people, I mean a sensitive spirit, I mean a pretty soul, I mean beauty, cleanliness, order, I mean the delicate sensation and perceptive soul that discerns what is wrong through a glance or a smile.

This is a real Islamic manner; nevertheless I know that you are still hesitant and wondering, �What is the relationship between this manner and religion?� I also know that the title of this lecture does not attract you, and that what I intend to speak about should be addressed to diplomats for example, or that it should be taught in foreign schools where they would value such a speech! So what do we have to do with it?

In our societies, we have four types of people depending on how they view and interact with this manner:

- First type: Those who think that politeness, courtesy, civilization, progress and high manners are Western or European values that we have adopted from them. For this reason we learn them in foreign language schools, and send our children there to learn courtesy and politeness so they may grow up with these manners. Our speech today is directed to this type in particular so together we will see the origin of this manner.

- Second type: Those who grew up with this manner at home but imagine that Islam is contrary to it. When they hear of religious people, this conjures up images of impoliteness, disorder and uncleanness. Courtesy therefore becomes a barrier between him/her and religion. Here I should say to them: No, this barrier that you have put up between courtesy, progress, civilization, politeness and religiousness is but an illusion, because the origin of courtesy is from our religion, Islam.

- Third type: Those who view Islam as being in the mosque only, that it has no relation with anything outside of it such as politeness, management and dealings.

- Fourth type: A devout young man, who understands Islam as worship, prayer, invocation of Allah, night prayer, but has no courtesy. As a result, he has made other people hate the idea of religiousness, and this could include his parents. They may say, �Look, since he has become religious, he has neglected his appearance!� He is religious, sticking to his worshipping, sticking to satisfying Allah but he cannot comprehend that courtesy is one of the Islamic values that our Prophet (PBUH) came with.

Today I want to address this type saying: Please comprehend Islam as an integrated religion, for this reason I consider this type of manner as one of the most important Islamic manners which we should adhere to, and it is of no less importance than honesty or faithfulness.

At the end, my aim is to implant one very important concept: we are proud because we belong to Islam.

I know that everyone has grown up and learned courtesy at home. However, he views it as a matter of etiquette, especially those who are from high social standings, and not because it is part of Islamic teaching. I am here to say that your dealings with courtesy and politeness originally stem from Islam.

Let us start our speech after this long introduction with the types of politeness and courtesy:

Types of Politeness and Courtesy:

1) Politeness with Allah (SWT)
2) Politeness with Allah's Prophet (PBUH)
3) Politeness with people.

Politeness with people

Let us begin with people and conclude with Allah the Great and Almighty:

Actually, when I tried to enclose everything that Islam said concerning politeness and courtesy, I was lost and I knew that I had put the different aspects in order. For this reason, I will start with politeness and courtesy in your home, then in street, then with those to whom you pay visits, and so on.

For example, one comes home carrying with him a kind of food that he likes and has a large appetite for. He is afraid that his parents may see it and take it, so what does he do? He hides it, eats it on his way home, or eats it with his friends. I repeat, I am not talking here about being dutiful to one�s parents; I am talking about the courtesy of a Muslim man with his parents and Islam�s evaluation of this courtesy. I will tell you a story:

One of our Prophet's companions was dying, his brothers asked him to utter the two declarations of faith but he could not. So they went to the Prophet (PBUH) as this is a very serious matter. The companion was a disciplined man, close to the Prophet (PBUH), and obedient to Allah (SWT) and His Prophet (PBUH). �Has he a mother?� the Prophet (PBUH) asked, �Yes, Prophet of Allah�, they answered. The Prophet (PBUH) went to his mother asking her about her son's piety. �He was dutiful to me�, she said, �but he used to bring fruits and food and hide them away from me, feed his kids without feeding me.� So he could not utter the two declarations of faith because he did not deal with his mother courteously! The Prophet (PBUH) then lit a fire and told the mother that her son would burn if she does not forgive him, so she said, �I have forgiven him.� When her heart moved, her son�s tongue said, �I declare that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is Allah's Prophet.�

Look at this incident and to Islam�s evaluation of dealing courteously with one�s mother in a simple situation. This man used to give fruits to his children and not to his mother, compare this with your deeds.

Other manners: Your mother calls out to you and you do not answer her.

Islam sets an example for this point. There is a very long Hadith narrated by the Prophet (PBUH) saying, �A time ago, there was a man called Gureige the worshiper, who used to pray a lot. Once when he was praying his mother came, called for him, he said, �Oh Allah, my mother and my prayer�, he was confused, and went on with his prayer so his mother went out. The day after, she came again calling, �O Gureige.� and he said, �Oh Allah, my mother and my prayer�, also he went on with his prayer. Then on the third day, she came, called for him,� Oh Gureige.� He said,� Oh Allah my mother and my prayer.� He went on with his prayer. By then his mother was angry and said, �Oh Allah, don't make him die until he looks into the faces of�.� and said a word that means prostitutes. So a prostitute who was pregnant kept bugging him pretending that the son was his, so the Israelites(1) began beating and hurting him until Allah saved him at the end.� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by Muslim, Al-Masnad As-Sahih, 2550).

Notice how he was a worshiper and dutiful towards his mother, but she was hurt because he had not answered her when she called for him three times. I present this story to a young man who goes to Jumua�a prayer and is late for two hours while his parents are waiting for him at lunch and not to the young man busy with worshipping away from his parents. I also present it to a girl who sits with her friends for hours and hours while she refuses to sit with her mother for half an hour.

Even in asking permission to enter one's parents' room

Can we find a verse addressing politeness in entering the parents' bedroom in this Qur�an, which will be read to all on the Day of Judgment? Yes.

Allah (SWT) says what can be translated as �O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions� (TMQ 24:58). (1)

This verse sets one of the rules of courtesy, children who have not reached the age of puberty should ask permission three times: before Fajr (morning) prayer, and while you take your clothes off for the noon siesta and after the �Isha� (late-night) prayer. This religion does not only organize life in the mosque or at home, it has come to organize life inside the bedroom! Truly there is no God except Allah (SWT).

A man came to the Prophet (PBUH), �O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?� asked the man, �Yes�, said the Prophet (PBUH), � O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?�, asked the man, �Yes�, said the Prophet (PBUH), � O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?�, asked the man, the Prophet (PBUH) then asked, �Would you like to see her naked?�, �No Prophet�, answered the man, �Then ask her permission to enter her room�. (Authentic, Al-Albani, Sahih al-Adab, 809).

Hence, generations grew up with this rule of asking permission before entering their parent�s room through the instructions, courtesy and manners of Islam. So it is Islam that moved humanity to civilization and culture, for this reason, such a situation was strange to this man.

We will now speak about courtesy with the wife since we are still tackling the issue of courtesy in the home.

For example, we have all seen how in foreign films and serials, if the husband is having dinner with his wife, he cuts a piece of the meat and puts it in his wife's mouth using his fork. The youth in particular, like this and say, �How romantic!�. We grow up imitating theses dealings pretending modernity through imitating Europeans, and we forget that what our Prophet taught us. To whom will you now refer?

There is another problem. Many homes are broken and the couples split up right before marriage because of problems that arise while setting the basics for a married life. We find that either the bride�s family is excessive and extravagant in their requirements, or that the groom does not want to provide his wife with the same standard of living she is used to so the marriage fails. Look at the Prophet�s (PBUH) courtesy in such cases. 

The Prophet (PBUH) married his wives and all of them lived beside Prophet�s (PBUH) mosque in Madinah in the desert, which his wives were all used to. When the Prophet (PBUH) married Maria the Egyptian, from the land of greenery and the Nile (this is the Prophet (PBUH) the leader who is responsible for this message and for teaching the Qur�an, and to guide the companions and to undertake night prayers, yet he still notices these small elements of courtesy). So he does not house Maria with his other wives, instead he provides a home for her in an area named the Awaly as it is a green area. Can you see this detailed attention and courtesy in his dealings with his wife? He could have easily made her live with his other wives but he didn�t.

I am afraid here that my speech may be understood that all parents want their daughters to live beside the Nile. On the contrary, when the Prophet (PBUH) came to give in marriage to his daughter, Fatima and was approached by the best groom one could find, a believer, and responsible man who would bring happiness to whomever he married, despite being poor, he approved the marriage with what the groom owned; a rug and blanket!

I am not saying that we will do this today; however we need to understand the groom�s ability and stop arguing about materialistic things. At the same time, I again stress that out of Islamic courtesy we must take into consideration the social and material standards of the wife.

We now turn to another aspect in the courtesies of dealing with the wife:

The wife during the time of her menstrual cycle: Her mood is changed and many husbands refuse to deal with their wives in any way during this time. This shows a complete lack of courtesy. Look at how the Prophet (PBUH) acted in such a case.

Aisha, the Prophet�s wife said, �During my menstrual cycle, I was drinking from a cup and then the Prophet would pick up the cup and look for the trace of my lips on it, and then place his mouth on that same place!� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by al-Albany, Sahih al-Nassaie, 270). The Prophet (PBUH) intended such actions to take care of her psychologically, at the time she needs such an act. Can we still refer to the West and their traditions after this?

I am not stating anything new, for all of these are Ahadith with which we are all familiar, yet we do not realize that they lay the foundations of courtesy and politeness in our interactions. We must therefore take great pride and a sense of belonging to this religion Islam.

Other aspects of politeness when dealing with the wife include taking care of her when she feels weak or angry:

One time Aisha was sitting with the Prophet (PBUH) and she raised her voice just as Abu Bakr As-Sedeek (her father) was entering the room, he was just about to hit her but the Prophet (PBUH) stepped in between them and calmed Abu Bakr, then Abu Bakr left. The Prophet (PBUH) returned to Aisha, and found her defeated since she was about to be humiliated and beaten, so he said to her trying to make her feel better, �Did you see how I stepped in between you and him?� It is the Prophet�s (PBUH) courtesy and presence of mind in making her feel better at her moment of weakness.

Many husbands do not deal with their wives with courtesy or tenderness, always threatening that they will marry someone else, or that they will divorce them. This kind of talk even in a joking manner is hurtful to the woman.

Aisha was once sitting with the Prophet (PBUH) telling him the story of ten men with their wives. A very long story and at its end she mentioned the story of a man named Abu Zar�e, who was a gentle man and loved his wife and they lived happily together, however he divorced her. The Prophet (PBUH) then looked at Aisha and told her, �I was to you as Abu Zar�e was to Um Zar�e, however I will not divorce you.� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by al-Albany, Ash-Shmael Al-Muhammadiah, 215). The Prophet (PBUH) realized Aisha�s worry and wanted to quickly remove any doubts in her mind that a similar thing could happen to her, all this through his quick understanding and extreme courtesy.

From the aspects that again show a lack of courtesy: The husband returns home after a long workday with a frown on his face and he sits to read newspapers till he goes to sleep. This really hurts the wife. Yes, you may be very tired and exhausted from working all day however, you are not busier than the Prophet (PBUH) was. Look at how he (PBUH) was in his house: All of the Prophet�s wives mention that he was bright-faced in his home and that he would always bring a smile to their faces. He used to sit and talk with them, and not close the door behind him and say I am tired and busy with many problems. However, when the call to prayer came, it was as if he did not know them and they did not know him.

In the question of appearance and looking good: The husband always wants his wife to adorn herself before him however, he does not pay any attention to his appearance and how he should look before her.

Abdullah Ibn Abbas, one of the most knowledgeable companions said, �I like to adorn myself before my wife, just as I like her to adorn herself before me.� Honestly, the meanings of courtesy in Islam are extremely high and sophisticated.

The last example that we will speak about concerns the sexual relationship between the husband and his wife:

The Qur�an has referred to the courteous manner of their interaction in bed, for Islam left neither small nor large matters without discussing them. Listen to this ayah that can be translated as, �Your women are a tillage for you; so come up to your tillage however you decide, and place forward (good deeds) for yourselves; and be pious to Allah, and know that you will be meeting Him. And give good tidings to the believers.� (TMQ 2: 223). Therefore, doing some good act for your yourselves beforehand refers to the tender and affectionate acts undertaken before the intimate relation, as this is from the courtesies of the relationship between a man and his wife.

The Qur�an has referred to this in a word that is full of courtesy: �Place forward good deeds for yourselves�.

� Courtesy and Politeness in the home: A nice example from the Prophet�s life

If you want to enter your home, then it is from the Sunnah to ring the bell first and wait seconds before opening the door.

This is for two reasons:

First: Because Islam likes you to see your wife in the most beautiful image, and her hair or her dress may be disheveled and so it is not nice for you to see her in that way. Therefore, you should give her chance to neaten her self up as it is also from courtesy for her to look beautiful for you, as the Prophet (PBUH) said, �if you look at her, she pleases you�.

Second: Because some men are by nature suspicious about their wives, and the Prophet (PBUH) wants to remove this attribute from their hearts and minds, as they should not treat their wives in this way. You should always give her security and knock the door first so that she is aware of your presence and then enter the house.

What kind of sophisticated courtesy is this? It may be simple but it makes a big difference when dealing with people.

Courtesy and politeness in the street 

In fact, the etiquettes of courtesy and politeness are hard to find in the Egyptian street. We will, however, go through them one by one.

The way of walking: We were taught at home that we should not walk idly or kick the stones on the ground, right?

Listen to what they used to say about the Prophet (PBUH), �If he walked, he did so quickly but did not run.� His walk was serious and full of courtesy and politeness. It was neither slack nor quick.

Even the Holy Qur'an mentioned the issue of walking, such as in the ayah that can be translated as, �And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness.� (TMQ 25:63). It is therefore a sedate walk that is courteous and not arrogant.

Another lost etiquette in the Egyptian street is about honking your car�s horn:

A youth might want to call over his friend while waiting outside. He would do so by honking the horn without any courtesy, simply because he is too lazy to go up the stairs to his friend's home.

Even this point is mentioned in the Qur'an, as in the following ayah that can be translated as, �Verily those who call you from behind the dwellings, most of them have no sense. And if they had patience till you could come out to them, it would have been better for them. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.� (TMQ 49: 4-5).

Even though the ayah is about the Prophet (PBUH), it still serves as a lesson in human behavior.

Another wrong behavior is when you do not want the car behind you to pass you so you decide to block the road for it.

Listen to this ayah that can be translated as, �O you who believe! When you are told to make room in the assemblies, (spread out and) make room.� (TMQ 58: 11).

Omar Ibnul-Khattab said, �Three things make wins over your brother's friendly feelings, one of these things is; making room for him�.

To move and make room for another is a concept that applies to everything, whether you make room for others in the mosque, in the street between cars, or during times of condolences! You might realize that whoever would enter the room would be nervous because all eyes would be on him. Wouldn't you put an end to his nervousness if you took his hand and made him sit down?

This also applies in a college lecture hall where you should make room for you classmates. All of this comes from an ayah in the Qur'an that teaches manners and to make room for others!

Another wrong manner is throwing trash in the street:

While driving, you check around to see if there is anybody watching you, and then you throw your trash. Yet the Prophet (PBUH) taught us that, �Removing what is injurious from the street is charity.� Imagine then how horrible it would be to throw something injurious in the street? What will his sin be? The Prophet (PBUH) said, �Faith has over seventy branches or over sixty branches, the highest of which is the declaration that there is no god but Allah, and the humblest of which is the, removal of what is injurious from the path. Thus, removing harm from the street is part of faith�. (Authentic, narrated by Muslim, 35).

This makes courtesy a part of our faith. Making sure our streets are clean is a charity, as in the previous Hadith. We should therefore get to know our Islam correctly. Why are people afraid of Islam and commitment? It is all courtesy and politeness.

Think with me: the Prophet (PBUH) said the following, �Removing harm from the street is charity,� when the Arabian Peninsula was mainly a vast desert. On the contrary, we usually do not feel regret throwing our trash in the desert while traveling. However, the Prophet (PBUH) taught us about civilization 1400 years ago as if he is saying this Hadith today.

What is worse than throwing the trash is spitting in the street? Listen to this Hadith: the Prophet (PBUH) said, �Whatever harms mankind will harm the angels�. (Authentic, narrated by Muslim, 564). That will be sufficient for you to apply courtesy in everything. Think about anything that harms mankind and remember that it also harms the angels.

Yes that applies to all: spitting, cigarettes and the bad smelly socks. Politeness and courtesy are the basis of faith.

The Prophet (PBUH) said, �Beware! Avoid sitting on the roads.� They (the people) said, �O Allah�s Apostle! We can't help sitting (on the roads) as these are (our places) where we have our talks.� The Prophet said, �If you refuse but to sit, then pay the road its right� they said, �What is the right of the road, O Allah's Apostle?� He said, �Lowering your gaze, refraining from harming others, answering the greeting, enjoining what is good, and forbidding what is evil� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by Bukhari, 2465). They were thus asking about street manners.

Courtesy and Politeness during visits:

I will tell you about the Prophet's (PBUH) Sunnah or teachings. I don't know whether to call them teachings, civilization, or precious values?

First: visiting someone without an appointment. �O, you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember.� (TMQ 24:27).

Nowadays, seeking permission is by making a phone call. Examine the Qur�anic expression, �until you have asked permission�. This means that you are assured that it is possible to pay a visit, which can also be inferred from the person's tone on the phone. Look also into courtesy in this Qur'anic phrase �and greeted those in them� Hence, greetings come after being permitted to visit and after going to that home.

If the person is not ready to welcome you then do not be angry, �And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. And Allah is All-Knower of what you do.� (TMQ Surat 24: 28). The Qur�an thus teaches you that it is out of courtesy to go back and not to be angry.

If you had an appointment and went on time, you will then be standing in front of the door. Remember that when you were a child your mother taught you not to ring the bell and stand facing the door directly, because that is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) also gives the same advice. He taught us not to stand in front of the door, but instead to turn right or left. In other words, you must stand to the right or the left of the door. We were also taught not to ring the bell continuously or more than once in order not to disturb the households. The Prophet (PBUH) also teaches us that. He taught us to ask permission three times. It is from the Sunnah to wait for a while between each of these three times to give the one you�re visiting a chance if he was praying or in the bathroom.

�If anyone of you asks the permission to enter thrice, and the permission is not given, then he should return.� (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2153). Do not insist then on knocking the door or ringing the bell because you assume that someone is in there. ��And if you were asked to return; then do so.�

When you knock the door and you are asked, �Who is it?� Then do not say, �It's me� Islam teaches us that we must directly say our names. Jaber Ibn Abdullah said that he went to the Prophet (PBUH) and knocked the door. �I was asked who I was and I said that it was me. I then heard him say �me, me?� as if he disliked it.� The companions then learned that if the Prophet (PBUH) asked who it is, one should say I'm Aba-Dhar while another might say I'm Um-Hani. Thus, the companions learned this over 1400 years ago. This is Islam, which did not neglect either large or small issues.

The door was opened for you and you closed it loudly/harshly behind you. This is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) says, �Every act will be completed with kindness yet without it this act will be disgraced�. (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2594).

Another thing: You were invited to a banquet and you went there with a friend. Or if you informed your mother that a friend of yours would come and have lunch with you, but then you surprised her with six, this will not be courteous.

The Prophet (PBUH) went with five other companions to one of the Ansar (supporters) who invited them to eat. While walking, someone followed them. As soon as they reached the door of the Ansari, the Prophet (PBUH) told him, �The sixth one followed us, if you want you can give him the permission to enter. If not, then he must return.� The supporter replied by accepting to take the sixth man in.

However, we might say that having six people rather than five is not a big difference and will not be noticeable. Yet, the Prophet (PBUH) said, �No�, and taught us something else.

You have now entered your guest's home and found a phone. You ask to use the phone to make a phone call but you made an international call and spoke for about half an hour. That is neither right nor courteous. The Prophet (PBUH) said, �What is taken out of shyness will be ill-gotten.� Whatever you take from another by taking advantage of his modesty is forbidden. Imagine the greatness of this religion.

Assume that you went on a visit and you stayed for a long time. Allah says what can be translated as, �and when you have taken your meal, disperse� (TMQ 33:53). After you eat, disperse by not burdening the host.

Al-Imam Al-Shafi'ee had a story; Once someone came to visit him. The Imam brought him food, he ate it and waited. Once again he brought him food, he ate it and he waited for a very long. The man then said: O Imam, I'm afraid I have been a heavy guest. He said: You have been heavy, and you're at your home!� Consider how his admonition was courteous for the sentence carries a double meaning.

You decided to visit a relative and stay in his house for two days or one week. His wife welcomed you. In return, you were so careless and chaotic to the point that you invited others and stayed up late at night. The Prophet (PBUH) tells us about the time when he immigrated from Makkah to Madinah and stayed over at Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari�s place for a while till he built his mosque and his own home. Abu Ayyub's home was two stories; out of courtesy he told the Prophet (PBUH) to stay in the second floor and he would stay in the first in order not to step over the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) was also courteous and told him that because many of the companions would visit him then Abu Ayyub�s wife would be disturbed by the number of visitors; but by staying in the second floor neither he nor his wife would be disturbed.

When we visit someone, it is not right to enter and sit anywhere. You should sit where the household chooses for you to sit so as not to sit in a place whereby you could be facing the whole house.

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Arab Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 15 December 2006 Location: Kuwait Status: Offline Points: 256	Post Options Post Reply Quote Arab Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Islamic Ethics .. Posted: 16 January 2007 at 11:12pm
	I seek refuge from Allah, the All Knowing, the All Hearing, from the cursed Satan, in the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, we praise Allah, thank Him, seek His help, guidance and forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and the sinfulness of our deeds. He whom Allah guides, he is the rightly guided; but he whom He sends astray, for him you will find no guiding advocate. Everybody will find it strange that the manner that we talk about this time is part of Islam; it is the manner of (courtesy, politeness, nobility and high-ranking behavior with other people). Many of you may wonder: What is the relation between this manner and Islam? I intend through this lecture to reach the conclusion that the origin of this manner is Islam. First: What is the meaning of courtesy and politeness? I mean politeness in dealing with people, I mean a sensitive spirit, I mean a pretty soul, I mean beauty, cleanliness, order, I mean the delicate sensation and perceptive soul that discerns what is wrong through a glance or a smile. This is a real Islamic manner; nevertheless I know that you are still hesitant and wondering, �What is the relationship between this manner and religion?� I also know that the title of this lecture does not attract you, and that what I intend to speak about should be addressed to diplomats for example, or that it should be taught in foreign schools where they would value such a speech! So what do we have to do with it? In our societies, we have four types of people depending on how they view and interact with this manner: - First type: Those who think that politeness, courtesy, civilization, progress and high manners are Western or European values that we have adopted from them. For this reason we learn them in foreign language schools, and send our children there to learn courtesy and politeness so they may grow up with these manners. Our speech today is directed to this type in particular so together we will see the origin of this manner. - Second type: Those who grew up with this manner at home but imagine that Islam is contrary to it. When they hear of religious people, this conjures up images of impoliteness, disorder and uncleanness. Courtesy therefore becomes a barrier between him/her and religion. Here I should say to them: No, this barrier that you have put up between courtesy, progress, civilization, politeness and religiousness is but an illusion, because the origin of courtesy is from our religion, Islam. - Third type: Those who view Islam as being in the mosque only, that it has no relation with anything outside of it such as politeness, management and dealings. - Fourth type: A devout young man, who understands Islam as worship, prayer, invocation of Allah, night prayer, but has no courtesy. As a result, he has made other people hate the idea of religiousness, and this could include his parents. They may say, �Look, since he has become religious, he has neglected his appearance!� He is religious, sticking to his worshipping, sticking to satisfying Allah but he cannot comprehend that courtesy is one of the Islamic values that our Prophet (PBUH) came with. Today I want to address this type saying: Please comprehend Islam as an integrated religion, for this reason I consider this type of manner as one of the most important Islamic manners which we should adhere to, and it is of no less importance than honesty or faithfulness. At the end, my aim is to implant one very important concept: we are proud because we belong to Islam. I know that everyone has grown up and learned courtesy at home. However, he views it as a matter of etiquette, especially those who are from high social standings, and not because it is part of Islamic teaching. I am here to say that your dealings with courtesy and politeness originally stem from Islam. Let us start our speech after this long introduction with the types of politeness and courtesy: Types of Politeness and Courtesy: 1) Politeness with Allah (SWT) 2) Politeness with Allah's Prophet (PBUH) 3) Politeness with people. Politeness with people Let us begin with people and conclude with Allah the Great and Almighty: Actually, when I tried to enclose everything that Islam said concerning politeness and courtesy, I was lost and I knew that I had put the different aspects in order. For this reason, I will start with politeness and courtesy in your home, then in street, then with those to whom you pay visits, and so on. For example, one comes home carrying with him a kind of food that he likes and has a large appetite for. He is afraid that his parents may see it and take it, so what does he do? He hides it, eats it on his way home, or eats it with his friends. I repeat, I am not talking here about being dutiful to one�s parents; I am talking about the courtesy of a Muslim man with his parents and Islam�s evaluation of this courtesy. I will tell you a story: One of our Prophet's companions was dying, his brothers asked him to utter the two declarations of faith but he could not. So they went to the Prophet (PBUH) as this is a very serious matter. The companion was a disciplined man, close to the Prophet (PBUH), and obedient to Allah (SWT) and His Prophet (PBUH). �Has he a mother?� the Prophet (PBUH) asked, �Yes, Prophet of Allah�, they answered. The Prophet (PBUH) went to his mother asking her about her son's piety. �He was dutiful to me�, she said, �but he used to bring fruits and food and hide them away from me, feed his kids without feeding me.� So he could not utter the two declarations of faith because he did not deal with his mother courteously! The Prophet (PBUH) then lit a fire and told the mother that her son would burn if she does not forgive him, so she said, �I have forgiven him.� When her heart moved, her son�s tongue said, �I declare that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is Allah's Prophet.� Look at this incident and to Islam�s evaluation of dealing courteously with one�s mother in a simple situation. This man used to give fruits to his children and not to his mother, compare this with your deeds. Other manners: Your mother calls out to you and you do not answer her. Islam sets an example for this point. There is a very long Hadith narrated by the Prophet (PBUH) saying, �A time ago, there was a man called Gureige the worshiper, who used to pray a lot. Once when he was praying his mother came, called for him, he said, �Oh Allah, my mother and my prayer�, he was confused, and went on with his prayer so his mother went out. The day after, she came again calling, �O Gureige.� and he said, �Oh Allah, my mother and my prayer�, also he went on with his prayer. Then on the third day, she came, called for him,� Oh Gureige.� He said,� Oh Allah my mother and my prayer.� He went on with his prayer. By then his mother was angry and said, �Oh Allah, don't make him die until he looks into the faces of�.� and said a word that means prostitutes. So a prostitute who was pregnant kept bugging him pretending that the son was his, so the Israelites(1) began beating and hurting him until Allah saved him at the end.� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by Muslim, Al-Masnad As-Sahih, 2550). Notice how he was a worshiper and dutiful towards his mother, but she was hurt because he had not answered her when she called for him three times. I present this story to a young man who goes to Jumua�a prayer and is late for two hours while his parents are waiting for him at lunch and not to the young man busy with worshipping away from his parents. I also present it to a girl who sits with her friends for hours and hours while she refuses to sit with her mother for half an hour. Even in asking permission to enter one's parents' room Can we find a verse addressing politeness in entering the parents' bedroom in this Qur�an, which will be read to all on the Day of Judgment? Yes. Allah (SWT) says what can be translated as �O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions� (TMQ 24:58). (1) This verse sets one of the rules of courtesy, children who have not reached the age of puberty should ask permission three times: before Fajr (morning) prayer, and while you take your clothes off for the noon siesta and after the �Isha� (late-night) prayer. This religion does not only organize life in the mosque or at home, it has come to organize life inside the bedroom! Truly there is no God except Allah (SWT). A man came to the Prophet (PBUH), �O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?� asked the man, �Yes�, said the Prophet (PBUH), � O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?�, asked the man, �Yes�, said the Prophet (PBUH), � O Prophet, should I ask permission to enter my mother's room?�, asked the man, the Prophet (PBUH) then asked, �Would you like to see her naked?�, �No Prophet�, answered the man, �Then ask her permission to enter her room�. (Authentic, Al-Albani, Sahih al-Adab, 809). Hence, generations grew up with this rule of asking permission before entering their parent�s room through the instructions, courtesy and manners of Islam. So it is Islam that moved humanity to civilization and culture, for this reason, such a situation was strange to this man. We will now speak about courtesy with the wife since we are still tackling the issue of courtesy in the home. For example, we have all seen how in foreign films and serials, if the husband is having dinner with his wife, he cuts a piece of the meat and puts it in his wife's mouth using his fork. The youth in particular, like this and say, �How romantic!�. We grow up imitating theses dealings pretending modernity through imitating Europeans, and we forget that what our Prophet taught us. To whom will you now refer? There is another problem. Many homes are broken and the couples split up right before marriage because of problems that arise while setting the basics for a married life. We find that either the bride�s family is excessive and extravagant in their requirements, or that the groom does not want to provide his wife with the same standard of living she is used to so the marriage fails. Look at the Prophet�s (PBUH) courtesy in such cases. The Prophet (PBUH) married his wives and all of them lived beside Prophet�s (PBUH) mosque in Madinah in the desert, which his wives were all used to. When the Prophet (PBUH) married Maria the Egyptian, from the land of greenery and the Nile (this is the Prophet (PBUH) the leader who is responsible for this message and for teaching the Qur�an, and to guide the companions and to undertake night prayers, yet he still notices these small elements of courtesy). So he does not house Maria with his other wives, instead he provides a home for her in an area named the Awaly as it is a green area. Can you see this detailed attention and courtesy in his dealings with his wife? He could have easily made her live with his other wives but he didn�t. I am afraid here that my speech may be understood that all parents want their daughters to live beside the Nile. On the contrary, when the Prophet (PBUH) came to give in marriage to his daughter, Fatima and was approached by the best groom one could find, a believer, and responsible man who would bring happiness to whomever he married, despite being poor, he approved the marriage with what the groom owned; a rug and blanket! I am not saying that we will do this today; however we need to understand the groom�s ability and stop arguing about materialistic things. At the same time, I again stress that out of Islamic courtesy we must take into consideration the social and material standards of the wife. We now turn to another aspect in the courtesies of dealing with the wife: The wife during the time of her menstrual cycle: Her mood is changed and many husbands refuse to deal with their wives in any way during this time. This shows a complete lack of courtesy. Look at how the Prophet (PBUH) acted in such a case. Aisha, the Prophet�s wife said, �During my menstrual cycle, I was drinking from a cup and then the Prophet would pick up the cup and look for the trace of my lips on it, and then place his mouth on that same place!� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by al-Albany, Sahih al-Nassaie, 270). The Prophet (PBUH) intended such actions to take care of her psychologically, at the time she needs such an act. Can we still refer to the West and their traditions after this? I am not stating anything new, for all of these are Ahadith with which we are all familiar, yet we do not realize that they lay the foundations of courtesy and politeness in our interactions. We must therefore take great pride and a sense of belonging to this religion Islam. Other aspects of politeness when dealing with the wife include taking care of her when she feels weak or angry: One time Aisha was sitting with the Prophet (PBUH) and she raised her voice just as Abu Bakr As-Sedeek (her father) was entering the room, he was just about to hit her but the Prophet (PBUH) stepped in between them and calmed Abu Bakr, then Abu Bakr left. The Prophet (PBUH) returned to Aisha, and found her defeated since she was about to be humiliated and beaten, so he said to her trying to make her feel better, �Did you see how I stepped in between you and him?� It is the Prophet�s (PBUH) courtesy and presence of mind in making her feel better at her moment of weakness. Many husbands do not deal with their wives with courtesy or tenderness, always threatening that they will marry someone else, or that they will divorce them. This kind of talk even in a joking manner is hurtful to the woman. Aisha was once sitting with the Prophet (PBUH) telling him the story of ten men with their wives. A very long story and at its end she mentioned the story of a man named Abu Zar�e, who was a gentle man and loved his wife and they lived happily together, however he divorced her. The Prophet (PBUH) then looked at Aisha and told her, �I was to you as Abu Zar�e was to Um Zar�e, however I will not divorce you.� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by al-Albany, Ash-Shmael Al-Muhammadiah, 215). The Prophet (PBUH) realized Aisha�s worry and wanted to quickly remove any doubts in her mind that a similar thing could happen to her, all this through his quick understanding and extreme courtesy. From the aspects that again show a lack of courtesy: The husband returns home after a long workday with a frown on his face and he sits to read newspapers till he goes to sleep. This really hurts the wife. Yes, you may be very tired and exhausted from working all day however, you are not busier than the Prophet (PBUH) was. Look at how he (PBUH) was in his house: All of the Prophet�s wives mention that he was bright-faced in his home and that he would always bring a smile to their faces. He used to sit and talk with them, and not close the door behind him and say I am tired and busy with many problems. However, when the call to prayer came, it was as if he did not know them and they did not know him. In the question of appearance and looking good: The husband always wants his wife to adorn herself before him however, he does not pay any attention to his appearance and how he should look before her. Abdullah Ibn Abbas, one of the most knowledgeable companions said, �I like to adorn myself before my wife, just as I like her to adorn herself before me.� Honestly, the meanings of courtesy in Islam are extremely high and sophisticated. The last example that we will speak about concerns the sexual relationship between the husband and his wife: The Qur�an has referred to the courteous manner of their interaction in bed, for Islam left neither small nor large matters without discussing them. Listen to this ayah that can be translated as, �Your women are a tillage for you; so come up to your tillage however you decide, and place forward (good deeds) for yourselves; and be pious to Allah, and know that you will be meeting Him. And give good tidings to the believers.� (TMQ 2: 223). Therefore, doing some good act for your yourselves beforehand refers to the tender and affectionate acts undertaken before the intimate relation, as this is from the courtesies of the relationship between a man and his wife. The Qur�an has referred to this in a word that is full of courtesy: �Place forward good deeds for yourselves�. � Courtesy and Politeness in the home: A nice example from the Prophet�s life If you want to enter your home, then it is from the Sunnah to ring the bell first and wait seconds before opening the door. This is for two reasons: First: Because Islam likes you to see your wife in the most beautiful image, and her hair or her dress may be disheveled and so it is not nice for you to see her in that way. Therefore, you should give her chance to neaten her self up as it is also from courtesy for her to look beautiful for you, as the Prophet (PBUH) said, �if you look at her, she pleases you�. Second: Because some men are by nature suspicious about their wives, and the Prophet (PBUH) wants to remove this attribute from their hearts and minds, as they should not treat their wives in this way. You should always give her security and knock the door first so that she is aware of your presence and then enter the house. What kind of sophisticated courtesy is this? It may be simple but it makes a big difference when dealing with people. Courtesy and politeness in the street In fact, the etiquettes of courtesy and politeness are hard to find in the Egyptian street. We will, however, go through them one by one. The way of walking: We were taught at home that we should not walk idly or kick the stones on the ground, right? Listen to what they used to say about the Prophet (PBUH), �If he walked, he did so quickly but did not run.� His walk was serious and full of courtesy and politeness. It was neither slack nor quick. Even the Holy Qur'an mentioned the issue of walking, such as in the ayah that can be translated as, �And the (faithful) slaves of the Most Gracious (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness.� (TMQ 25:63). It is therefore a sedate walk that is courteous and not arrogant. Another lost etiquette in the Egyptian street is about honking your car�s horn: A youth might want to call over his friend while waiting outside. He would do so by honking the horn without any courtesy, simply because he is too lazy to go up the stairs to his friend's home. Even this point is mentioned in the Qur'an, as in the following ayah that can be translated as, �Verily those who call you from behind the dwellings, most of them have no sense. And if they had patience till you could come out to them, it would have been better for them. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.� (TMQ 49: 4-5). Even though the ayah is about the Prophet (PBUH), it still serves as a lesson in human behavior. Another wrong behavior is when you do not want the car behind you to pass you so you decide to block the road for it. Listen to this ayah that can be translated as, �O you who believe! When you are told to make room in the assemblies, (spread out and) make room.� (TMQ 58: 11). Omar Ibnul-Khattab said, �Three things make wins over your brother's friendly feelings, one of these things is; making room for him�. To move and make room for another is a concept that applies to everything, whether you make room for others in the mosque, in the street between cars, or during times of condolences! You might realize that whoever would enter the room would be nervous because all eyes would be on him. Wouldn't you put an end to his nervousness if you took his hand and made him sit down? This also applies in a college lecture hall where you should make room for you classmates. All of this comes from an ayah in the Qur'an that teaches manners and to make room for others! Another wrong manner is throwing trash in the street: While driving, you check around to see if there is anybody watching you, and then you throw your trash. Yet the Prophet (PBUH) taught us that, �Removing what is injurious from the street is charity.� Imagine then how horrible it would be to throw something injurious in the street? What will his sin be? The Prophet (PBUH) said, �Faith has over seventy branches or over sixty branches, the highest of which is the declaration that there is no god but Allah, and the humblest of which is the, removal of what is injurious from the path. Thus, removing harm from the street is part of faith�. (Authentic, narrated by Muslim, 35). This makes courtesy a part of our faith. Making sure our streets are clean is a charity, as in the previous Hadith. We should therefore get to know our Islam correctly. Why are people afraid of Islam and commitment? It is all courtesy and politeness. Think with me: the Prophet (PBUH) said the following, �Removing harm from the street is charity,� when the Arabian Peninsula was mainly a vast desert. On the contrary, we usually do not feel regret throwing our trash in the desert while traveling. However, the Prophet (PBUH) taught us about civilization 1400 years ago as if he is saying this Hadith today. What is worse than throwing the trash is spitting in the street? Listen to this Hadith: the Prophet (PBUH) said, �Whatever harms mankind will harm the angels�. (Authentic, narrated by Muslim, 564). That will be sufficient for you to apply courtesy in everything. Think about anything that harms mankind and remember that it also harms the angels. Yes that applies to all: spitting, cigarettes and the bad smelly socks. Politeness and courtesy are the basis of faith. The Prophet (PBUH) said, �Beware! Avoid sitting on the roads.� They (the people) said, �O Allah�s Apostle! We can't help sitting (on the roads) as these are (our places) where we have our talks.� The Prophet said, �If you refuse but to sit, then pay the road its right� they said, �What is the right of the road, O Allah's Apostle?� He said, �Lowering your gaze, refraining from harming others, answering the greeting, enjoining what is good, and forbidding what is evil� (Authentic Hadith, narrated by Bukhari, 2465). They were thus asking about street manners. Courtesy and Politeness during visits: I will tell you about the Prophet's (PBUH) Sunnah or teachings. I don't know whether to call them teachings, civilization, or precious values? First: visiting someone without an appointment. �O, you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember.� (TMQ 24:27). Nowadays, seeking permission is by making a phone call. Examine the Qur�anic expression, �until you have asked permission�. This means that you are assured that it is possible to pay a visit, which can also be inferred from the person's tone on the phone. Look also into courtesy in this Qur'anic phrase �and greeted those in them� Hence, greetings come after being permitted to visit and after going to that home. If the person is not ready to welcome you then do not be angry, �And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. And Allah is All-Knower of what you do.� (TMQ Surat 24: 28). The Qur�an thus teaches you that it is out of courtesy to go back and not to be angry. If you had an appointment and went on time, you will then be standing in front of the door. Remember that when you were a child your mother taught you not to ring the bell and stand facing the door directly, because that is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) also gives the same advice. He taught us not to stand in front of the door, but instead to turn right or left. In other words, you must stand to the right or the left of the door. We were also taught not to ring the bell continuously or more than once in order not to disturb the households. The Prophet (PBUH) also teaches us that. He taught us to ask permission three times. It is from the Sunnah to wait for a while between each of these three times to give the one you�re visiting a chance if he was praying or in the bathroom. �If anyone of you asks the permission to enter thrice, and the permission is not given, then he should return.� (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2153). Do not insist then on knocking the door or ringing the bell because you assume that someone is in there. ��And if you were asked to return; then do so.� When you knock the door and you are asked, �Who is it?� Then do not say, �It's me� Islam teaches us that we must directly say our names. Jaber Ibn Abdullah said that he went to the Prophet (PBUH) and knocked the door. �I was asked who I was and I said that it was me. I then heard him say �me, me?� as if he disliked it.� The companions then learned that if the Prophet (PBUH) asked who it is, one should say I'm Aba-Dhar while another might say I'm Um-Hani. Thus, the companions learned this over 1400 years ago. This is Islam, which did not neglect either large or small issues. The door was opened for you and you closed it loudly/harshly behind you. This is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) says, �Every act will be completed with kindness yet without it this act will be disgraced�. (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2594). Another thing: You were invited to a banquet and you went there with a friend. Or if you informed your mother that a friend of yours would come and have lunch with you, but then you surprised her with six, this will not be courteous. The Prophet (PBUH) went with five other companions to one of the Ansar (supporters) who invited them to eat. While walking, someone followed them. As soon as they reached the door of the Ansari, the Prophet (PBUH) told him, �The sixth one followed us, if you want you can give him the permission to enter. If not, then he must return.� The supporter replied by accepting to take the sixth man in. However, we might say that having six people rather than five is not a big difference and will not be noticeable. Yet, the Prophet (PBUH) said, �No�, and taught us something else. You have now entered your guest's home and found a phone. You ask to use the phone to make a phone call but you made an international call and spoke for about half an hour. That is neither right nor courteous. The Prophet (PBUH) said, �What is taken out of shyness will be ill-gotten.� Whatever you take from another by taking advantage of his modesty is forbidden. Imagine the greatness of this religion. Assume that you went on a visit and you stayed for a long time. Allah says what can be translated as, �and when you have taken your meal, disperse� (TMQ 33:53). After you eat, disperse by not burdening the host. Al-Imam Al-Shafi'ee had a story; Once someone came to visit him. The Imam brought him food, he ate it and waited. Once again he brought him food, he ate it and he waited for a very long. The man then said: O Imam, I'm afraid I have been a heavy guest. He said: You have been heavy, and you're at your home!� Consider how his admonition was courteous for the sentence carries a double meaning. You decided to visit a relative and stay in his house for two days or one week. His wife welcomed you. In return, you were so careless and chaotic to the point that you invited others and stayed up late at night. The Prophet (PBUH) tells us about the time when he immigrated from Makkah to Madinah and stayed over at Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari�s place for a while till he built his mosque and his own home. Abu Ayyub's home was two stories; out of courtesy he told the Prophet (PBUH) to stay in the second floor and he would stay in the first in order not to step over the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) was also courteous and told him that because many of the companions would visit him then Abu Ayyub�s wife would be disturbed by the number of visitors; but by staying in the second floor neither he nor his wife would be disturbed. When we visit someone, it is not right to enter and sit anywhere. You should sit where the household chooses for you to sit so as not to sit in a place whereby you could be facing the whole house.

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	Courtesy and Politeness during visits: I will tell you about the Prophet's (PBUH) Sunnah or teachings. I don't know whether to call them teachings, civilization, or precious values? First: visiting someone without an appointment. �O, you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember.� (TMQ 24:27). Nowadays, seeking permission is by making a phone call. Examine the Qur�anic expression, �until you have asked permission�. This means that you are assured that it is possible to pay a visit, which can also be inferred from the person's tone on the phone. Look also into courtesy in this Qur'anic phrase �and greeted those in them� Hence, greetings come after being permitted to visit and after going to that home. If the person is not ready to welcome you then do not be angry, �And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. And Allah is All-Knower of what you do.� (TMQ Surat 24: 28). The Qur�an thus teaches you that it is out of courtesy to go back and not to be angry. If you had an appointment and went on time, you will then be standing in front of the door. Remember that when you were a child your mother taught you not to ring the bell and stand facing the door directly, because that is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) also gives the same advice. He taught us not to stand in front of the door, but instead to turn right or left. In other words, you must stand to the right or the left of the door. We were also taught not to ring the bell continuously or more than once in order not to disturb the households. The Prophet (PBUH) also teaches us that. He taught us to ask permission three times. It is from the Sunnah to wait for a while between each of these three times to give the one you�re visiting a chance if he was praying or in the bathroom. �If anyone of you asks the permission to enter thrice, and the permission is not given, then he should return.� (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2153). Do not insist then on knocking the door or ringing the bell because you assume that someone is in there. ��And if you were asked to return; then do so.� When you knock the door and you are asked, �Who is it?� Then do not say, �It's me� Islam teaches us that we must directly say our names. Jaber Ibn Abdullah said that he went to the Prophet (PBUH) and knocked the door. �I was asked who I was and I said that it was me. I then heard him say �me, me?� as if he disliked it.� The companions then learned that if the Prophet (PBUH) asked who it is, one should say I'm Aba-Dhar while another might say I'm Um-Hani. Thus, the companions learned this over 1400 years ago. This is Islam, which did not neglect either large or small issues. The door was opened for you and you closed it loudly/harshly behind you. This is not of courtesy. The Prophet (PBUH) says, �Every act will be completed with kindness yet without it this act will be disgraced�. (Authentic, Sahih Muslim, 2594). Another thing: You were invited to a banquet and you went there with a friend. Or if you informed your mother that a friend of yours would come and have lunch with you, but then you surprised her with six, this will not be courteous. The Prophet (PBUH) went with five other companions to one of the Ansar (supporters) who invited them to eat. While walking, someone followed them. As soon as they reached the door of the Ansari, the Prophet (PBUH) told him, �The sixth one followed us, if you want you can give him the permission to enter. If not, then he must return.� The supporter replied by accepting to take the sixth man in. However, we might say that having six people rather than five is not a big difference and will not be noticeable. Yet, the Prophet (PBUH) said, �No�, and taught us something else. You have now entered your guest's home and found a phone. You ask to use the phone to make a phone call but you made an international call and spoke for about half an hour. That is neither right nor courteous. The Prophet (PBUH) said, �What is taken out of shyness will be ill-gotten.� Whatever you take from another by taking advantage of his modesty is forbidden. Imagine the greatness of this religion. Assume that you went on a visit and you stayed for a long time. Allah says what can be translated as, �and when you have taken your meal, disperse� (TMQ 33:53). After you eat, disperse by not burdening the host. Al-Imam Al-Shafi'ee had a story; Once someone came to visit him. The Imam brought him food, he ate it and waited. Once again he brought him food, he ate it and he waited for a very long. The man then said: O Imam, I'm afraid I have been a heavy guest. He said: You have been heavy, and you're at your home!� Consider how his admonition was courteous for the sentence carries a double meaning. You decided to visit a relative and stay in his house for two days or one week. His wife welcomed you. In return, you were so careless and chaotic to the point that you invited others and stayed up late at night. The Prophet (PBUH) tells us about the time when he immigrated from Makkah to Madinah and stayed over at Abu Ayyub Al-Ansari�s place for a while till he built his mosque and his own home. Abu Ayyub's home was two stories; out of courtesy he told the Prophet (PBUH) to stay in the second floor and he would stay in the first in order not to step over the Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) was also courteous and told him that because many of the companions would visit him then Abu Ayyub�s wife would be disturbed by the number of visitors; but by staying in the second floor neither he nor his wife would be disturbed. When we visit someone, it is not right to enter and sit anywhere. You should sit where the household chooses for you to sit so as not to sit in a place whereby you could be facing the whole house. Imagine a personality that behaves through these manners. Wouldn't it be loved? Wouldn't it be civilized? Civilization is not technology, it is not the price of what I wear, or the car that I drive. It is courtesy and politeness in how we deal/treat with one another. What we have learned while growing up in our homes is what has prevailed 1400 years ago because our source is Islam in every large and small issue. Visiting the ill: Do not stay for a long time when visiting the ill in order not to make him tired, except if he was comfortable with your stay. Yet, generally we must not stay for a long time. Four people went to visit Imam Abu-Hanifa when he was ill and they stayed for a long time. He said, �Please go, Allah has cured me�. Courtesy and Politeness with Neighbors The Prophet (PBUH), in his Sunnah, teaches us that if one brings home a special kind of food or fruits, and the neighbors see it; then he should offer them some. You should not hide it, but at the same time do not show off. If they see it then you should offer them some of it. The person should not come home carrying a bag of apples, for example, and he gives his children some in front of his neighbors in order to show them that he is well off. This is not courteous. Courtesy dictates that if you cook food that has a strong aroma, then you should offer some to your neighbors. Courtesy also dictates that you should not build a wall higher than your neighbor's unless you take his permission. One of our main problems, nowadays, in most buildings is that people build more floors and walls higher than their neighbors depriving them of sun and air without asking their permission. Courtesy in the Mosque - You should make room for others. - You should not surpass other people with your feet while passing. - You should turn off your mobile phone! (Yes, angels get irritated from the same things that provoke humans). One might experience a moment of khushu' (concentration) in prayer; however, a mobile phone rings and takes his concentration away. So, he hates the mobile owner and he could even curse him during his prayer. Thus, angels are irritated. - Sometimes we try to change common customs that are not based on the Sunnah, in a wrong manner. A memorable story that demonstrates this comes to my mind: There was an old man, who is not very learned about Sunnah, who was praying in a mosque. After he finished his prayer, he extended his hand to shake hands with the person sitting next to him and said, �Haraman� (May you pray in the Holy Mosque). These words; Haraman and Gam'an (May we pray together there), are not attributed to the Prophet (PBUH) and are hence not Sunnah, but a habit. So, the young man sitting to his right shook hands with him and said, �Gam'an�, while the young man sitting to his left told him that this is not a Sunnah and refused to shake his hand. The old man replied, �Is rudeness, then, a Sunnah?� It would have been more appropriate for the young man to shake hands with his elder and then explain to him that this habit is not based on Sunnah. My brothers, we need to pay attention to these simple rules of courtesy when dealing with each other. - Courtesy also dictates that you should not separate two people and sit between them. The Sunnah advises us to either take their permission or to sit beside them. � Courtesy in inviting others to Allah To the youth and the people who love Islam and love talking to others about it, these rules of courtesy are important: - If you come across someone who acts in a wrong way, remember Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein, grandsons of the Prophet (PBUH). They saw an old man performing ablution in a wrong way. They devised a smart plan; one of them went to the man and said to him, �My brother claims that he performs the ablution better than me, but I swear that I perform the ablution in the same way as the Prophet (PBUH) did. Would you be our judge and tell us who performs the ablution better?� The first young man began to perform the ablution slowly and exactly according to Sunnah. Then the other young man performed the ablution exactly in the same manner as his brother. The man looked at them and said, �I swear that you perform the ablution better than I do�, and they replied, �May Allah reward you� and they left. Examine how they corrected the mistake in a courteous manner. It is a far cry from one who tells the man, �O Hajj, what you do is wrong; look at the right way.� Once the Prophet (PBUH) was in the mosque, and a Bedouin started to urinate! Can you imagine? In the Prophet's (PBUH) mosque! The companions of the Prophet (PBUH) were about to kill him, but the Prophet (PBUH) said to them, �Let him finish what he is doing.� Look at the Prophet's (PBUH) wisdom in dealing with the situation; what is done cannot be undone. And if they attack him while he is urinating, imagine how he would feel if had to run in this state. - It is known that Jibril (AS) (Gabriel) did not convey to the Prophet (PBUH) the call to prayers. The Muslims had begun to think how to gather people for prayer. One of them saw a vision in which he heard the words for the call to prayer. Omar Ibn Al-Khattab had seen this vision as well, so they ran to the Prophet (PBUH) to tell him of their vision. The Prophet (PBUH) told them �This is a true vision. So tell Belal to say it. His voice is more pleasing than yours.� Even if the speaker is closer to Allah (SWT), the one whose voice is better and more pleasing should call for prayers. It is an aesthetic value in Islam. Afterwards, thousands of callers for prayers pride themselves on their beautiful voices, because of a word that the Prophet (PBUH) said 1400 years ago. - Imam Abu-Hanifa liked to perform Qiyyam (night prayer); and his next door neighbor was a corrupt young man who used to return home at night completely drunk, and keeps on singing, which disturbed the Imam during his prayer. The Imam knew that if he tried to advise him when he is in this state, he is not going to listen. The young man used to sing, �They let me down, they let me down.� One night, the Imam did not hear his voice, so he inquired about him, and he was told that the police caught him because he was drunk. The Imam decided to call him to Islam in an indirect way. He went to the police and told them, �Would you let him go for my sake?� They replied that he is always drunk. However, the Imam insisted until they let him go. The Imam made him ride behind him on his mule, and he stayed quiet all the way home. When they arrived home, he asked him, �Have we let you down, chap?� He replied, �No, by Allah, I swear by Allah that I will never go back to drinking (wine) again.� Do you see the effect of gentleness and courtesy with people? Courtesy in debating One of the known manners that does not demonstrate courtesy is interrupting people while they are speaking and not allowing them a chance to talk. Look at this incident that happened to the Prophet (PBUH). A disbeliever called Otba Ibn Rabi'a comes to him and offers him a number of ridiculous proposals, which reveal disrespect of religion. He tells him �O Muhammad, I have some offers for you from your folks, so listen to me.� The Prophet (PBUH) told the man, �Speak your mind, Abul-Walid.� He said, �If the aim of what you are doing is wealth, we can give you money until you become the richest among us. If your aim is authority, we can make you our king.� Silly as these offers were, the Prophet (PBUH) listened to all of them. Look at the Prophet's (PBUH) courtesy � in spite of what he heard he did not interrupt the man. After he finished, he asked him �Have you finished, Abul-Walid?� Notice that he calls him with his nick name �Abul-Walid�. He replied, �Yes, I've finished.� The Prophet (PBUH) the replied, �Then, listen to me.� He read him parts of Surat Fussilat, until he reached the verse which says what can be translated as, �But if they turn away, then say (O Muhammad (�I have warned you of a S�iqah (a thunderbolt) like the S�iqah which overtook ��d and Tham�d� (TMQ 41:13). The man was scared, and he put his hand on the Prophet (PBUH) telling him �I plead to you, by our kinship, to be quiet.� So, the Prophet (PBUH) stopped talking. Do you see the civil manners of discussion? On the day of At-Ta'ef, the tribe of Thaqif threw stones on the Prophet (PBUH). They harmed him by beating, insults, stones and even spit at his face. The head of his servant, Zaid Ibn Haritha, was badly hurt. The Prophet�s (PBUH) feet bled. So, the Prophet (PBUH) searched for a shelter to protect him from the stones. He found a small garden where he could hide. The garden's owners pitied him when they saw him covered in blood. They sent a twelve-year-old Christian boy to him, called Addas. They told him to give a bunch of grapes to that man, as they did not know the Prophet (PBUH). When the boy placed the grapes in front of the Prophet (PBUH), he took one and said aloud, �In the name of Allah.� The boy told him �People of this land do not use these words.� The conversation began between them thus: - The Prophet asked him, �What's your name?� - �Addas� -�Where are you from, Addas?� - �From Nineveh.� - �It is the city of the righteous man, Yunus Ibn Matta (Jonas son of Mathews)!� - �How do you know about Yunus Ibn Matta?� - �He is my brother; he was a Prophet and so am I.� So, the boy began to kiss the Prophet's (PBUH) feet. When I heard this story, I used to wonder why the boy kissed the Prophet's (PBUH) feet. I think I have some explanations now: 1. The Prophet (PBUH) started with, �In the name of Allah�; so do not hide signs of faith to make people love you. 2. The Prophet (PBUH) asked him, �What's your name?� This is a good icebreaker to start the conversation by asking the person about their name. 3. He used the name immediately when he asked him �Where are you from, Addas?� You might get introduced to a man who tells you his name is Ahmad, and a minute later you tell him, �I'm so pleased to meet you, Muhammad.� You did not pay attention to the name, but the Prophet (PBUH) did, as he used the name immediately in order not to forget it, and in order to get closer to him. 4. Then, he asked him about his country, and when he answered, he identified the country as that of the righteous man. When he said �Yunus Ibn Matta�, he meant to mention his father's name as a kind of assurance. And he described him as his brother; and he said, �He was a Prophet, and so am I�, as if he is ascribing himself to him, which reveals his decency. So, the boy kissed his feet. It is courteous also not to whisper, and not to be too talkative. The Prophet (PBUH) also told us not to be talkative and when he talked he used to be heard. He also taught us a beautiful rule: when three people are together, it is improper for two of them to hold a secret council without the third one, unless they are standing among other people, or there are at least four of them. This protects the feeling of the third person. I know a British girl who embraced Islam because of this practice. It is a matter of courtesy that if two people speak a language that is not known to another person, it is courteous in his presence that they speak in the language he understands. This is to eliminate the thought that they are talking about him. This British girl worked with two Egyptians who used to speak Arabic with each other. Whenever she was present, they carried their conversation in English. The girl noticed and asked them why they do this. They told her that it is a Sunnah in their religion, and that the Prophet (PBUH) is the one who ordered them to do so. She remarked, �Your Prophet is very civilized.� This girl embraced Islam after six months, and she says that the first thing that touched her heart were these rules of courtesy in this religion. It is also courteous not to use foul language. Unfortunately, the youth nowadays are used to insulting each other. One of Al-Tabi'een (Followers of the Companions of the Prophet) was walking with his young son, when a dog passed in front of them. The boy said, �Walk, you dog, son of a dog.� The man said furiously to his son, �Never say this again.� The boy wondered �Why, father? It is a dog and son of a dog.� The man replied, �My son, you didn�t say it as a statement, but for degradation, and you shouldn�t say such words.� Let�s examine the behavior of Prophet Yusuf (AS) (Joseph). His brothers got rid of him by throwing him in a well, he got lost for twenty years and he suffered a lot because of them. However, after the family was reunited and his vision came true, �And he raised his parents to the throne�and he said: �O my father! This is the interpretation of my dream aforetime! My Lord has made it come true! He was indeed good to me, when He took me out of the prison� (he did not say out of the prison and the well so he would not hurt his brothers' feelings in their presence) �and brought you (all here) out of the Bedouin-life, after Shait�n (Satan) had sown enmity between me and my brothers� (TMQ 12:100). Although Satan whispered to them in order to plot against him, he did not like to say that Satan fooled his brothers, and he ascribed what happened to the intervention of Satan between him and his brothers; he even started with himself. Do you see how courteous he is? Are you going to abuse your neighbor any more? Are you going to hurt your husband with your tongue? Courtesy with high-rank people Such as your university professor, a minister, a scholar�etc. It is a Sunnah to place him in his due rank, except in the case of war. When the Prophet (PBUH) sent a letter to Chosroes, King of Persia, who worshipped fire, he addressed him thus: From Muhammad, Messenger of Allah, to Chosroes, the great King of Persia. When he sent a letter to the King of Rome, he said: From Muhammad, Messenger of Allah, to Heraclius, the great King of Rome. He could have said: to the disbeliever Heraclius or the disbeliever Chosroes, but he wanted to give them their due respect among their people. Do you notice the courtesy? Never address your professor at university as a peer, but you should give him his due respect. This is Islamic courtesy. Courtesy with those who have done you a favor, Among them is your teacher, do not ever think that mocking your teacher is an aspect of manhood; he did a favor for you. Did not he teach you as well as, those who taught you religion, and guided you through the path of Islam and adherence and anyone who has done you a favor? Consider Al-Abbas' answer when he was asked, �Who is older, you or the Messenger of Allah (PBUH)?� Al-Abbas was older than the Prophet (PBUH), yet his answer was �He is greater but I was born before him�. When the Prophet (PBUH) reached Al- Madinah on Al-Hijrah (Immigration) with our master Abu-Baker, the people of Madinah were still unaware of which one of them was the Prophet (PBUH), and since Abu-Baker�s camel was preceding the Prophet's (PBUH), they thought that he was the Prophet (PBUH), so they held the halter of his camel. He didn't want them to feel embarrassed, so he took his gown off and shaded the Prophet (PBUH) with it, hence the people realized that he was not the Prophet and ran towards the Prophet's (PBUH) camel. Sometimes, and out of familiarity with your teacher, you loose your politeness and decency when you deal with him. For example when he or she tutors you at home, you start speaking with him informally; be careful, do not disparage him, for he is doing you a favor Think deeply of Imam Shafe'y's saying, �I can�t turn the pages over in the presence of my teacher lest I disturb him� He also said, �Highly esteeming my teacher stopped me even from drinking water before him� Courtesy in Funerals In funerals in the course of Qur'an recitation, you may see women, and a man, chatting with each other while the deceased�s mother, sister or wife etc� is weeping. The Prophet (PBUH) said, �Allah likes us to be silent in three cases; while marching with the army, while listening to Qur�an recitation and during funerals�. (Weak Hadith, Al-Albany, 1703). Courtesy with people: 1. Exaggerated courtesy is no courtesy at all: Example: while visiting a patient, your visit must be short, but this patient may insist that you stay with him a bit longer and you insist on going saying that you have to leave, because your courtesy dictates on you to make the patient's visit short. Quite the contrary, exaggeration in courtesy is no courtesy at all. Imam Shafe'y says, �The most tiresome brother to me is the one who exaggerates and makes me exaggerate, while the most beloved one to me is the one who makes me behave freely in his presence as if I am alone�. 2. Exaggerated seriousness is not a matter of courtesy: For example, refraining from laughing to assume seriousness and courtesy is not really an act of courtesy. *Courtesy with Allah (SWT)* 1. Preserving your thought from attributing any defect to Allah (SWT), like saying �O� Allah, why did you do that to my children�. This is insolence to Allah (SWT). 2. Preserving your heart from turning to someone or something other than Allah (SWT). Is not it shameful to turn to or think about anything else while you are praying before Him? 3. Preserving yourself from doing anything that Allah (SWT) detests such as: looking boldly at women, dating girls, missing prayers or committing a certain sin, all this is considered as a sort of impudence to Allah (SWT). Ulama� (Islam scholars) say whoever adapts these three manners i.e. observes Allah (SWT) in his thoughts, heart and deeds: deserves the love of Allah (SWT). Do you see how preserving courtesy with Allah (SWT) can elevate you? *Some samples of courtesy with Allah (SWT):* Allah SWT) will ask Prophet Isa (AS) (Jesus) on the Day of Judgment, saying what can be translated as, �O Isa, son of Maryam (As) �Mary�! Did you say unto men, �Worship me and my mother as two gods besides Allah?� He answers, �Had I said such a thing, you would surely have known it. You know what is in my inner-self though I do not know what is in Yours� (TMQ 5:116). He could�ve said, �No, I have not said this, how can I say that� but he just glorified Allah (SWT) and exalted His knowledge above saying such words without previous knowledge, while He knows everything. Then he went on saying- as mentioned in the surah what can be translated as: �Truly, You, only You, are the All-Knower of all that is hidden (and unseen). Never did I say to them but what You (All�h) did command me to say: �Worship All�h, my Lord and your Lord.� And I was a witness over them while I dwelt amongst them, but when You took me up, You were the Watcher over them; and You are a Witness to all things. If You punish them, they are Your slaves, and if You forgive them, verily You, only You, are the All-Mighty, the All-Wise� (TMQ 5:116). What do you think about such politeness? The story of Prophet Musa (AS) (Moses) with Al-Kidr (AR): Al-Kidr did three things: 1) scuttled the ship 2) killed the boy 3) set up the wall for the two orphan boys. Notice how he talked about them: He ascribed the first two deeds which seem outwardly evil, to himself, he said- as mentioned in the Surah what can be translated as, �As for the ship, it belonged to Masakin (poor people) working in the sea. So I wished to make a defective damage in it� he did not attribute this deed to Allah (SWT) (TMQ 18:79). �And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief. So we intended that their Lord should change him for them for one better in righteousness and nearer to mercy�. (TMQ 18:80). He said, �We feared �we intended� and did not say, �Allah intended� in order not to attribute an evil deed to Allah (SWT) even outwardly. However, when he talked about the wall he said-as mentioned in the surah and can be translated as: �And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure� (TMQ 18:82). Here he said, �your Lord intended� because it is a good deed, so it is from Allah (SWT). People vary in Allah's (SWT) judgment according to their decency in dealing with Him that is why Allah (SWT) cursed the Jews and their impudence towards Him was one of the reasons of this curse. Allah (SWT) says what can be translated as, �The Jews say: �Allah�s Hand is tied up (i.e. He does not give and spend of His Bounty). Be their hands tied up and be they accursed for what they uttered. Nay, both His Hands are widely outstretched. He spends (of His Bounty) as He wills� (TMQ 5:64). And, �Indeed, Allah has heard the statement of those (Jews) who say: �Truly, Allah is poor and we are rich� (TMQ 3:181). This ayah also tells about the Jews who were cursed for their impudence to Allah (SWT): As for us, our status varies as well according to our decency to Allah (SWT). Some of us give up sins as a sign of politeness to Allah (SWT). Others; pray Qiyyam (night prayer), wear their best clothes and perfumes in preparation to meet Allah (SWT) or use Miswak prior to each prayer, to get a nice mouth smell, when they meet Allah (SWT). Or they stand and listen to the prayer call in glorification for Allah�s (SWT) rituals, and bow their heads in submissiveness to Allah (SWT) when listening to Qur�an. There are different levels of showing courtesy towards men, and I'll compare it here to the meeting of a king with one of his subjects, who will be allowed to meet the king in your opinion is he a polite man or a rude one? Likewise Allah (SWT) will let people meet him according to their courtesy to Him (Blessed and Exalted be He), so the most polite people will be allowed to meet Him. Therefore the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) was the only one who was permitted to enter to Sidrat-ul-Muntaha(2) at the night of Al-Isra and Al-Mi�raj(3) since he is the most perfectly mannered person ever. That is why Allah (SWT) described him in this meeting with, what can be translated as, �The sight (of Prophet Muhammad) turned not aside (right or left), nor it transgressed beyond the limit (ordained for it)� (TMQ: 53:17), in recognition of his great politeness towards Allah (SWT). This is the concept of decency fellow brothers, and whoever disdains from showing courtesy Allah (SWT) will surely be deprived from Sunnah and his sins will increase. I advise you to be courteous to Allah (SWT), to the Prophet (PBUH) and to everyone. ____________________________________________________________ _________________________________ (1) Bani Israel. (2) TMQ=Translation of the Meaning of the Qur'an. This translation is for the realized meaning, so far, of the stated (Surah: Ayah) of the Qur'an. Reading the translated meaning of the Qur'an can never replace reading it in Arabic, the language in which it was revealed. (3) The lote-tree of the utmost boundary over the seventh heaven beyond which none can pass. (4) The night journey of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) from Makkah to Jerusalem and his ascension to the seventh Heaven.

Arab Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 15 December 2006 Location: Kuwait Status: Offline Points: 256	Post Options Post Reply Quote Arab Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 January 2007 at 11:16pm
	Article written by Amr Khaled. For more: http://www.amrkhaled.net/articles/articles1351.html