Need advice on mahr amount

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   Assalamualaikum,
I met a girl through a matrimonial site. I live in the US currently (originally from Southern India). The girl is from Northern India (UP - one of the following three cities Aligarh, Rampur, Lucknow).  I'm divorced with one daughter (10 yrs old) and she is divorced with one daughter as well (5 yrs old)

We spoke for 1.5 months after which my family visited her family. The visit went very well. Her family decided to visit my family after 2 weeks. I had never seen the girl, so I flew to India to coincide my trip with their visit.

During their visit the family demanded that I create an "Asset" in their home city as a security for their granddaughter (the 5 yr old girl). The Asset would be in my name but it had to be in their home city nowhere else. My family refused, after some back and forth with the girl, she suggested we set the mahr amount comparable to an asset. She wants 3 Million Indian rupees (30 Lakhs, A "Lakh"  is term used in India for 100K) and additional 5 lakhs deposit in the name of her daughter. This amounts to ~46000 US Dollars. I told the girl I will try to do 1 Million indian rupees (10 lakhs), she said  give me 10 lakhs at the time of Nikah, but 20 lakhs will still be due, and we will write 30+5 lakhs in the Nikah contract. The girl is hesitant to reduce to amount that will be written as Mahr on the Nikah contract.

The girl and her family claim that since the first Divorce was bitter they have to have a significant amount as security, and apparently this is a common custom in their family and in their city in case of second marriages.

What are your first impressions?

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zzafr Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter. Male Islam Joined: 12 December 2021 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2	Post Options Post Reply Quote zzafr Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Need advice on mahr amount Posted: 12 December 2021 at 11:27pm
	Assalamualaikum, I met a girl through a matrimonial site. I live in the US currently (originally from Southern India). The girl is from Northern India (UP - one of the following three cities Aligarh, Rampur, Lucknow). I'm divorced with one daughter (10 yrs old) and she is divorced with one daughter as well (5 yrs old) We spoke for 1.5 months after which my family visited her family. The visit went very well. Her family decided to visit my family after 2 weeks. I had never seen the girl, so I flew to India to coincide my trip with their visit. During their visit the family demanded that I create an "Asset" in their home city as a security for their granddaughter (the 5 yr old girl). The Asset would be in my name but it had to be in their home city nowhere else. My family refused, after some back and forth with the girl, she suggested we set the mahr amount comparable to an asset. She wants 3 Million Indian rupees (30 Lakhs, A "Lakh" is term used in India for 100K) and additional 5 lakhs deposit in the name of her daughter. This amounts to ~46000 US Dollars. I told the girl I will try to do 1 Million indian rupees (10 lakhs), she said give me 10 lakhs at the time of Nikah, but 20 lakhs will still be due, and we will write 30+5 lakhs in the Nikah contract. The girl is hesitant to reduce to amount that will be written as Mahr on the Nikah contract. The girl and her family claim that since the first Divorce was bitter they have to have a significant amount as security, and apparently this is a common custom in their family and in their city in case of second marriages. What are your first impressions?

Dr. Aslam Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Admin Group Male Islam Joined: 24 February 2018 Location: California, USA Status: Offline Points: 279	Post Options Post Reply Quote Dr. Aslam Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 December 2021 at 5:48pm
	Wa alaium Salam Marriage is not a business and spouses are not commodities. You are stationed in the US. According to US laws, spouses are equal partners in assets owned by both the partners. In your case, if you marry with her, both of you will raise children together, hers and your daughters included. They would have share in your common property. I feel in this situation, the demands from girl's family are unrealistic. Mehr is a gift given by husband to his wife. Give her assurance that you will treat her daughter like yours and ensure that her education and other upbringing expenses would be met by you. In the US, you both would be responsible for your children. Sit down with her and discuss it in the context of raising a good family, rather than reducing the marriage to a business transaction. Aslam Abdullah
	Best Regards, Aslam Abdullah

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 December 2021 at 6:41am
	Assalamu alaikum, yield to your parent's refusal and let them take the lead in finding an agreeable settlement with her parents. Make dua and we wish you all the best.