Assalam Alaikum,

I'm new to islam....actually i'm on my way to be a muslim...I have a strong belief that this is a right religion and planning to convert some time soon.

There's one thing that stops me somehow ... My parents...They are christians & live in Russia ... I've been in USA for more than 2 years now, met here a wonderful guy, he is from Egypt and a really want to marry him & have kids ..etc..

My mom is a religious woman, she goes to the church, prays, fasts and she is really committed .... and she would never understand me if i do something like that ... Is it possible not to tell your parents about your conversion  ? at least for now ??? untill it's gonna be a proper time for it & she would accept it ?

Thank you so much,

Safiya.

abuayisha wrote: How soon will the marriage follow your intented conversion to Islam?  I think this is important because your mom and most reasonable people will feel that the conversion is more about your marriage and less about belief in a new faith.

Sure a marriage is a factor, but not the major reason for my conversion .(i was planning to convert after the marriage or at the same time... ) I know that he would like me to be muslim, but he doesn't demand it in any way... That's my decision...

And i understand that people might think that my conversion is more about the marriage but...should i really care that much about what other people would think about it ? I would try to be a proper muslim woman after that, so they wouldnt have any doubts that the decision to get muslim wasn't about the marriage only... thats how i think ...

rami wrote: Bi ismillahi rahmani raheem There is nothing in islam that says you have to tell your parents, its a matter of personnel choice. If you feel it would cause more problems than it would solve then you shouldn't say anything until you think the time is right.

Thanks for your answer, Rami .

Safiya, i applaud your intention for the conversion. Masha-Allah. Mostly it happens as you feared that people convert there religion for the other intentions. But  you seem to really studied islam and then conclude. People always have varying thoughts of us. We cannot shut there mouths .For there sake u need not delay your conversion till marriage, as u intend to convert for the sake of Allah swt. Why do you wait for tomorrow as you contented with the Islam completely? Regarding to let know your parents or not? I completely agree with Bro.Rami. Most of the scholars also recommend so. It does mean that being a muslim then we neglect our non-muslim parents. Islam has special orders that even such parents are to be obeyed except when they demand shirk. Anyways, they shall slowly get indications aboout your conversion and at  the right time you shall reveal. Or keep introducing them to Islam slowly so that they may get satisfied.

But as you  fear, they may not welcome it. Here you may face bit tough situations {as it normally happens to the reverts} . These trials shall inturn  strengten your faith. I don't say you break up your ties with your family,  but be in touch accordingly and invite them to Islam. Keep thanking Allah SWT for bestowing you with faith. May Allah bless you and ease your path. Finally i say is don't delay in embracing islam. Who has seen tomorrow?

seekshidayath wrote: Most of the scholars also recommend so.

Interesting.  Which scholars?

Am addicted to read stories of reverts since years. So the sheikhs who help them enter into islam advice them to do so. It depends on the how the family is. Here Safiya mentions that her mother is strict. So its better for her, if she hides her religion for the time being and disclose it at an appropriate time. By then she shall get stronger in her faith. If the very day she lets her family know, she may be pressurised and her weak imaan may not be able toi defend her. That the reason why its advisable to let it know later. We require very very strong imaan to face such situations. As far as i know its not nowhere is it written that we need to seek permission of our family or hide it from them. But yes its advisable to be on a safe side for time being to hide it.  Am sorry that i used the word scholars - Its the  sheikh.

When we go though the stories of sahabas, just to cite a vey known example of  Hazrat Umar RA.

According to a well known and authentic tradition when   Umar {ra} set out to kill the Holy Prophet, he met a certain person, who said, "Before you do anything else, you should know that your own sister and brother-in-law have embraced Islam" Hearing this, he directly went to the house of his sister. There he found his sister, Fatimah, and his brother-in-law, Said bin Zaid, learning the contents of a scroll from Khabbab bin Art. When Fatimah saw him coming she hid the scroll at once, but Hadrat Umar had heard the recital, so he began to interrogate them about it. Then he began to thrash his brother-in-law, and wounded his sister, who tried to protect him. At last both of them confessed, "We have become Muslims; you may do whatever you like." As Hadrat Umar was moved to see blood running down from her head, he said, "Show me the thing you were reading." The sister asked him to promise on oath that he would not tear it, and added, "You cannot touch it unless you have a bath." Accordingly, Hadrat Umar took his bath and when he began to read the scroll, which contained this Surah, he spontaneously spoke out, "What an excellent thing!" At this Hadrat Khabbab, who had hidden himself at the sound of his footsteps, came out of his hiding and said, "By God, I have high expectations that Allah will get great service from you to propagate the Message of His Prophet, for just yesterday I heard the Holy Prophet praying to Allah, 'My Lord, make Abul Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Khattab a supporter of Islam. So O Umar, turn to Allah, turn to Allah." These words proved to be so persuasive that he at once accompanied Hadrat Khabbab and went to the Holy Prophet to embrace Islam. This happened a short time after the Migration to Habash.

Now  without any furter explanation,  its understood as why and how did the sister of Umar RA hid not reveal her religion. Sis Safya, pls go thru this link too which shows how this companion of Prophet , behaved when was emotionally presurised by his mother. Hope it shall help you.
http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7691&PN=1 - http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7691& ;PN=1

 how much do you really know about this man? His family? His associates?  Does he have a citizenship? A green card? College educated - employed?  Does he already have another wife in Egypt?  Married before?  Children?[/QUOTE]

I think i know him pretty well ... dont know much about his family, only talked on the phone couple of times with his mom, sister... but it was kind of a funny, 'coz i dont speak arabic that much, and they dont speak English... but i will learn arabic, so i can communicate with them inshaallah ....  He's been in America for almost 10 years now, he's self-employed, hasn't been married & doesnt have any children back in Egypt ... if he had a family back there, you would notice it right away.... he would call them, he would visit them.... but he hasn't been to Egypt for almost ten years now... his parents visited him over here .... and there's other minor things that show he's not married...

It's just i fear my moms reaction ... i know that she loves me, and i dont want her to be upset ... we should respect our parents no matter what ... And what's killing me inside is that if im gonna go ahead and tell her , i might lose her ... and if im not gonna tell her, i would have to live with that all my life, or at least untill i tell her ...

I'm so lost...I guess Seekshidayath was right, im just not strong enough yet...

Safiya wrote: ... we should respect our parents no matter what ...

Agreed, so tell her.  Until now you have not converted or married.  Tell her and allow her the opportunity to share in these very major decisions in your life.

seekshidayath wrote: Am addicted to read stories of reverts since years. When we go though the stories of sahabas, just to cite a vey known example of  Hazrat Umar RA.

How about the story of Mus'ab ibn 'Umair?

Welome to the Forum Safiya..

It can be a hard thing. I did not tell my family or friends for three years. It is less about fear of being "disowned." Mostly I am a very private person. And well I am not into big annoucements, gaining attention etc.

And you know.. becoming a Moslem, saying one's Shahada is between you and Allah. None of knows where life will take us. And really, no one can lead your life. You'll tell them when you are ready. Not before.

Your life is your life. It is your relationship with Allah. The ONLY thing you have to do is beleive their is no God but Allah, And Mohammed is his Messenger.

It is most important that you add onto your life what you can. No two people are alike. I don't think that just because you cannot tell your mom about Islam that you are not ready to begin.  I do karate. I"ve done it for 15+ years. And a beginner- white belt is not a black belt. Not in skill level, not in understanding etc. Each step is just a step. When you do your Shahada you are just getting your uniform and signing up for classes. You cannot possibly do it all. As a couple of good friends said to me and still do, go slow. Focus on the basics. You belief in Allah, the Prayers, Fasting in Ramadan.  And slowly add onto it. Start with parts that you can do, not eat pork etc.

If I kept a list of all the things I was told I "have" to do.. honestly I would have lost my mind.. lol  I know that I have more knowledge and information to deal with anything that comes my way. That is just me. Others can take on the "public" aspects of Islam right away. Great!

The Quran was revealed over a period of, I believe, 23 years. People were given things and other aspects were revealed later.. We are only but human.

Even though I did not tell my mother and everyone for a few years. I became a better person. That was my goal, was I a better daughter, sister and friend? Islam greatly influenced me in that regard. And interestingly when I told them, 3 years later, they could then see, I had not "changed" in any negative way. I was still the person I was, although inshallah, a better one.

I don't think you are lost at all. I would ask you, if you believe in the Shahada, that is what you start with. That and only that. One step at a time.

and again, welcome 

Hayfa wrote: t can be a hrd thing. I did not tell my family or friends for three years.

And when you eventually told them....did they accept it ? ...was there any negative reaction from them ?

Sister Hayfa, JazakAllah for the moral booost up of Sayfa.

Abuayisha - We are not here to win a point or any debate. Please lets remember that its a  matter of  turning point of a life. If you have noticed my posts, i said its not necessary that we hide or reveal but to be at safer side as her mother is a strict person, let her hide it. If she has a stronger faith , let her announce her shahadah louder. Lets become her moral support .

Safiya - These unknown fears are abstaining you to embrace Islam. Its not that am forcing you, As you already said that you are contended with Islam, these whisperings of satan are obstructing the way towards. Be brave and move ahead.

You keep introducing them to Islam. Explain your mother that even Muslims believe in Jesus but as a messenger. We shall help then.  Islam doesn't teach to be dis-obedient to our parents be it a muslim or non-muslim. If you say it now, she will naturally object to it. And if you don't listen her, it may then be dis-obedience. Is n't it? You can still love her. Be in touch with her. Infact make calls more than frequent. As Hayfa says, its true that you are not lost. Be bold and confident in every work you do.

You must not have realised the worth of being a muslim. As i said above this fear is mere a whispering from satan. Its your very first trial. So please move boldly. When once you realise the beauty of Islam while, implementing in your life, you shall then feel to invite your mother too. In this process, we members of Islamicity shall stand by you.

Please read out the stories in this section as it shall help you realise and gain faith.

http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=9 - http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_topics.asp?FID=9

Thank you all sooo much for the support.

Even since i was a kid, i had a lot of muslim friends, they were always very supportive . That's one of the many things i like about muslims ... They are always ready to help if they can , they are standing by their brothers & sisters in faith ... it's not like that among christians ...

Safiya wrote: ... it's not like that among christians ...

Help and assistance has little to do with whether Christian, Muslim, atheist or otherwise, but a willingness to aide a fellow human and indeed it is a trait of Christians.

seekshidayath wrote: Abuayisha - We are not here to win a point or any debate.

Well if we are intent on being myopic in our desire that she embraces our faith and not address what's clearly a larger issue, you should know that who becomes a Muslim is made from above the seven heavens and not on islamicity.  Intercultural marriages are very difficult and I would hope advice that she receives has the support of her family going into this marriage.  Also I have seen a troubling trend with Arab Muslim men marrying out of convenience, only to later leave these women for girls from their home countries.  I would therefore never risk my mom's love and support for their sake.

Yes Abuayisha, its Allah swt who bestows his hidayah.Neither me nor you can do any. But yes, i feel we need to help her here.Just it. You seem to be very angry. If i had hurted u intentionally or unintentional, pls forgive me.

Safiya - just move on postively. Success shall be yours

Safiya,

yes they "accepted" it. My family is made up of very indepent folk. So we live and let live. My mom really is the only one who is Catholic  truly. Not sure what my siblings are.. lol We actually don't really talk about it..  For me faith is a very private matter. I am a private person.

There are two issues marriage and Islam. yes they are intertwined. And it is most important that you know you own motivations for becoming a Moslem.  Many of us meet other Moslems who are men, not for any other reason than they are the ones who are public. They are out and about. So sometimes it is hard to differentiate. Always do it for yourself. Always.