marriage
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13478
Printed Date: 21 November 2024 at 9:07pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: marriage
Posted By: sharonjundi
Subject: marriage
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 2:18pm
|
Good Afternoon
I really need help. I have been been with my husband for 28 years, and he left me without saying a word. He got an apartment and moved out. I know we had problems like every married couple. But I am in desperate help to get him back. I love him very much and want him home. I believe in Allah and pray all day and night to find the answer. How can he do this to me, and I forgave him for leaving, but he says he wants to be by himself and live his life. I cry all the time and pray to Allah that he will want me back. I need a lot of help from someone with answers why he would do this and not want me. I can not live without him. I know that if I have to, I will survive, but it just hurts so much that I want to die. I do not believe in suicide, so I would never take my own life, but I need to find out somehow I can go on with my life, or is their some miracle that can happen to help me. Do all men go through a mid life ordeal and leave like this and tell us that they are unhappy. Why are Allah's words on this in the Quran. Please help me. |
Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 6:10pm
| I suggest that you appeal to those who have intimate knowledge of both you and your husband, because at this critical stage in your life reaching out to strangers may not provide needed moral support or assistance in arbitrating a successful resolution to your troubles. |
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 03 November 2008 at 11:46pm
|
salam.
please take the advice abuayisha has given you.
It is the best thing to do right know.
This is a critical Family matter so dont go for the advice of strangers.
Think wise. May the peace of ALLAH be with you.
Was'salam. ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:59pm
|
Assalamu Alaykum,
May Allah swt bestow you with patience. I pray Allah swt that he returns to you, soon. Hope you have acted upon Abuayisha's advice.
------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 09 November 2008 at 2:38am
|
salam.
sharon i hope that you take the advises given to you.
Put GOD first in all your affairs and you will surely have answers to your problems.
Stay blessed. ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 18 November 2008 at 3:27pm
|
Hello again,
I can not contact family with the answers for my husband and I. I have no family left and he has his brother here. His friends have a lot of influence with his actions. I am at lose with this situation. I am trying to just leave him alone but I have no one to turn to in this situation. We talk, but we have not seen each other for 6 weeks now. I just do not understand what went wrong and why he does not want to go to counseling our even try to come home and work things out. I will always love him, but I just need advice on what I can do, or whom I can at least talk to about this problem. Please advise.......... Please explain how a man sees this situation at this age of life. Thanks Sharon |
Posted By: lily_mawar
Date Posted: 19 November 2008 at 5:11am
|
Salam,
I suggest you perform solat hajaat (request) ...
Solat hajaat (request) is performed like any other sunnah prayer. It's recitations are also the same. It can be performed at any time but not during the forbidden times for prayers, the best at midnight after solat tahajjud. May Allah bless you and guide you ...
|
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 1:14am
|
salam
i think you sould do what lily mawar suggested. ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 21 November 2008 at 6:05am
| As salaamulaikum Sister Sharonjundi My dear sister this is indeed a tragedy.Maybe he just needs some space and you two can reconcile Inshallah.I know Im not family or even know you personally but we both know what Allah loves.Does he speek of seeking a divorce?Do you two have chidren?Sometimes we men do go through changes in which we question ourselves about our decissions in life.When I was married I when through a separation and I know for a fact if he is not ready to come back it will not work give him his space.There's a old saying that if you love someone let them go and if they come back you really know.Keep in touch I have alot to say to you and I dont what you to take it all in at ounce.You really do need someone to talk too, yes even a stranger but one who comes in peace As salaamulaikum. May Allah give you comfort in your time of need.(Ameen) |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 22 November 2008 at 1:08pm
|
Thank you so much. You are so kind. I am trying really
hard to give him all the space he needs, but it is so hard to do this. He first said he did not want a divorce and when I pressured him about coming home, then he said he wanted a divorce. Now he does not mention this to me. I just miss him so much. I pray that Allah will lead me in the right direction and help me in this time of need. After so many years together, I really have a hard time realizing that he actually left me. We have 2 boys that are now grown. I ask for your prayers and may Allah help me. Thank you so much for your reply. Sharon |
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 3:33am
|
Sharon dont even mention it. we will always include you in our prayers.
May ALLAH have mercy on you.
Amen!  ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 7:45am
|
sharonjundi wrote:Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 8:33am
Have they spoken to their father on your behalf?
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 4:11pm
|
Hello again,
Yes, his friends are Muslim. I hope and pray that they would talk to him about this. I am not sure what they say to him, because almost all of them are married and have young children. Lately, this past few days, he has come by the house to fix things around the house. I do not know if he feels guilty and that is why he is helping? He wants to come over for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. It will just be our 2 boys and him and I. I am really confused on his feelings towards me this weekend. Does he care or is he just trying to be nice and release his guilt? Thank you for your kindness are caring......... May ALLAH bless you. Sharon |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 23 November 2008 at 4:15pm
|
The boys are so hurt over this situation, especially
the oldest son. They never talk anyone. They have had very ugly words to each other in the past few months. My youngest son stays with me at home and works and goes to school. They talk all the time and do things together. My boys love their dad, but act a lot different towards him. May ALLAH watch over all of us and bless us. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 24 November 2008 at 7:16am
|
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 24 November 2008 at 11:41am
|
Amen! ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 24 November 2008 at 12:27pm
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 24 November 2008 at 4:31pm
|
Hello again,
Thank you so much. I do not know what is going on in this husbands mind. He is in very good health. I think maybe he is just stressed out and confused in him life at this time. He called me again today and brought me dinner. I just do not understand him. He is driving my emotions crazy. I am tired of being on a roller coaster with these emotions. He talks about things for the house and just does not act like we have a future ever together. What do I do now? He acts like he wants me to have a good future and that things will change, but he never says that we will be together again. I really need prayer today. I am so confused on what is going on........ Thank you so much for your kind responses. Allah bless us all.............. Sharon |
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 24 November 2008 at 9:31pm
|
Salam Sharon
Be very calm and dont act so fast. Just observe his actions and movements.
If he brings out the topic about your marriage then you can proceed with every plan you have.
For know just be nice to him and concentrate on your prayers and the well being of your kids.
Do not be afraid and confused, ALLAH is in control.
Try to be normal with yourself and focus. ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 4:23am
|
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 5:45am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 5:48am
|
Thank you so much. I will keep praying to ALLAH for
the strength and guidance this time. I know ALLAH has a plan for our lives, and I am at fault for pressuring my husband. I have really been with a closed voice around him lately, trying to not say a word about the relationship between us. All I can do is have the faith that ALLAH will bring him back to me and that we will be very happy in the future. I know it takes time to work out a relationship, but I just get to upset and obsess about it. Again, thank you for all your prayers, and may ALLAH bless you. Thanks again, Sharon |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 25 November 2008 at 3:17pm
|
Hello again,
I am really having a bad day today. My emotions are really bizarre. It is so hard to cope with this reality now. My husband has never mentioned anything about getting another wife. Do you believe that their is a soulmate for everyone? I am about to give up on this relationship totally. I am tired of being upset and why is he so nice lately? To your question about the income, he works and I work part-time and going to go back full time soon. I need to get a full time job to take care of myself. I just do not want to be alone at this age and I do not want to be with anyone else except him. I know that my sound selfish, but after so many years together I can not accept that he is gone and will never be back. I wish he would not be so nice, unless he has plans in the future with me. Please tell me what is the reason for being so nice to me. I try to stay busy all the time, but I think about him 80 percent of the time. Every where I go, I see something that reminds me of him. The memories are so strong all the time. I need help..... I feel like I have a disease that will not cure. I do not know what to do anyone. I am so afraid that he is being nice so he can finally leave me forever. That this his exit in my life. He pays the house note and he has paid it for the next 2 months ahead of time. How can he do so much for me lately, and then not love me anymore. I want him back home, but he talks like it is over. It is as if I can get a full time job and then he will be gone forever, as long as I can support myself. I keep praying for a change to happen, but am I wasting my time on wanting him back in my life. I hope you will continue to pray for me and that ALLAH will help me soon on what to do and to be a stronger person now, as I need help. May ALLAH bless us all. Sharon |
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 1:21am
|
salam sharon.
Your emotions are very strong. Do not let your heart take control over you.
Please be focused in life. Be very ready for any change in life. Remember that we can not always have what we want. Dont try to build castles in the air. It is definately in possible to do that.
Let ALLAH get absolute control over you and your affairs. What ever the result may be do not be sad or worried although it hirts.
Your husband is being nice to you because he knows his role in this matter of yours. So dont be overwhelmed by his actions.
I do not know you but i must say that you are a very soft person as far as emotions are concerned.
So please wake up for yourself and your boys.
Be ever ready for any change in life.
Life is full of agonies and sorrow. Inshalla if you are able to over come them you will gain a handsome reward from ALLAH.
Tell yourself that you can live with or without him with the help and mercy of ALLAH.
Stay blessed and may ALLAH bestow his mercy upon you always. Amen!  ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:11am
|
Hello again
I am giving up on the relationship with my husband and I. I think it is a losing battle for me. I have to move on in my life and take care of myself. I am getting sick with my nerves over this. I believe ALLAH will help me at this time, but I need to realize that my husband does not love me and want to be with me. So I need to be strong and just say that it is over. It hurts so much to give up on him, but I will be crazy if I do not give up. I always believed that we all have a soulmate in life but I guess I lost mine. May ALLAH bless us all. I will pray to ALLAH to give me the strength and the guidance and to keep the faith strong in my life. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 7:05am
| As salaamulaikum Sister Sharon Jundi.As always im very pleased to hear from you sister.You and your family are in my prayers much lately.It is o.k that he is being nice.These things are very complicated for both of you and he knows that you hurt.It seems that you are coming to realize that the end of you two is near?Im so sorry for that,but know that Allah is Most Gracious Most MercifullYou must seek Him for strength.Your husban is nice because it is what Allah wants read Surah 2 221-232 it is where Allah speaks of marriage and divorce,and what a man and women should do.I never received an answer for do you have any wali?If not that I will be.May Allah except our intentions. |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 8:10am
|
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 11:49am
|
Is this a fiqh position Akhe Abdullah?
What is the relevance in knowing her age? |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:34pm
| Surah 2 Ayat 224-227 Bismilla ARahman ARahim And make not Allah's (name) an excuse In your oaths against Doing good,or acting rightly,Or making peace Between persons; For Allah is One Who heareth and knoweth All things. Allah will not Call you to account For thoughtlessness In your oaths, But for the intention In your hearts,And He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing. For those who take An oath for Abstention From their wives,A waiting for four months Is ordained; If then they return, Allah is Oft-Forgiving,Most Merciful. But if their intention Is firm for divorce, Allah heareth And Knoweth all things. |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:52pm
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 26 November 2008 at 8:01pm
|
Hello again,
Thank you so much for your kindness. I feel like I need a lot of prayer at this time and I will always pray for ALLAH to make me stronger everyday and that you will continue to pray for me and my husband at this time. I need the strength from ALLAH more than ever in my life. I will pray that things will be ok for me now. I will try to live my life like ALLAH wants me to and that someday I will be a stronger person and live my life, either with my husband or by myself. Please continue to pray for me. Thank you so much for being their for me lately. May ALLAH bless us and keep us all safe and stronger each day of our lives. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 5:15am
|
[QUOTE=sharonjundi] Hello again,
Thank you so much for your kindness. I feel like I need a lot of prayer at this time and I will always pray for ALLAH to make me stronger everyday and that you will continue to pray for me and my husband at this time. I need the strength from ALLAH more than ever in my life. I will pray that things will be ok for me now. I will try to live my life like ALLAH wants me to and that someday I will be a stronger person and live my life, either with my husband or by myself. Please continue to pray for me. Thank you so much for being their for me lately. May ALLAH bless us and keep us all safe and stronger each day of our lives. Sharon [/QUOTE As salaamulaikum Sister Sharon Jundi.As always its good to hear from you.I will continue to pray for you and your family.Enjoy your dinner with them today.I am very blessed to have the oppurtunity to be there for you.I may have to limit what I say (Inshallah).May Allah guide your hearts and minds,Open your eyes and let you see eachother for the first time.(Ameen).May Allah except our intentions.(Ameen.) |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 27 November 2008 at 5:45am
|
Thank you and may you have a blessed day. Enjoy the
thanksgiving today. May ALLAH bless us today and have a wonderful fulfilled day in his presence. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 7:05am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 1:50pm
|
I had a good day for Thanksgiving. My husband came over
and ate lunch with me and the boys. I told him earlier not to come over, and to go and enjoy lunch with him brother and their family. But he chose to come to the house and eat. I still have mixed feelings on what he is doing. I pray that he had good intentions on coming over. He never talks about our relationship. I am still so confused on his actions lately. Thank you for all your prayers. I pray ALLAH will still help me and I hope and pray soon I will receive an answer on what will happen between my husband and I. Sharon |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 28 November 2008 at 6:36pm
|
Asalam Akaikum Sharon,
I just read this thread and my Duas are with you. It is hard to go through these struggles. They are our test. And those who are most devoted get strongly tested!
Ultimately.. seek to be closer to you Creator. The ONE to whom you shall return. These tests can be hard. Seek Al Wadood.. the Loving One.
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 29 November 2008 at 5:13am
|
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 29 November 2008 at 5:18am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 3:14pm
|
I want to thank you for your prayers and support. I have
had a better weekend. Now, today I am asking my husband what his intentions are in our relationship... It has been over 4 months since our seperation. I need to know what he wants, but I do not feel like it is his decision only to ask for a divorce. Is that correct? Should it be both of our decisions, or can he make the decision by himself. I am tired and stressed out over what he is doing. I do not want this to become a divorce but what can I do? It seems like he wants to make all the decisions now. Please tell me is this correct, or can I dispute it. I pray to ALLAH for more guidance and let him decide what is the right thing to do. Please pray for me and thank you for being so kind and replying back to me. ALLAH bless us all and keep us strong and safe in our lives. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 9:26am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 1:48pm
|
Good Afternoon
Thank you for replying back to me. I am trying to be strong now and I do have stronger faith in ALLAH right now, but sometimes I feel like I am lost and no one can find me and help me. I have strong faith more than ever. I will still pray that my husband will come back, but I just get tired of dealing with this. My husband avoids me when I ask him any questions about our relations. Why does he do this? I know that you said that sometimes people need time to clear their heads and are stressed out about things. So what do I do, just leave him alone for a long time and let him sort things out? I am getting to impatient now. It has been over 4 months since he left. Did I do wrong by asking him to give me an answer on whether he wants a divorce? Please advise me what I should do. May ALLAH bless us all and guide us and give us strength that we indure. Thanks again for replying back to me. Sharon |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 03 December 2008 at 6:56pm
|
Hello again,
I know now that it will be over for my husband and I. Thanks so much for all your prayers and support.... I really appreciate the effort and support that you have given me in the past. I now know that ALLAH does not want us to share our lives together any more. Thanks again for all the support. May ALLAH bless us all........ Thanks once again. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 8:20am
|
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 8:43am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 04 December 2008 at 2:23pm
|
Hello again,
I am trying to keep busy. I have a few friends, but they are mostly from work. They like to go out to places that I do not care to go. I enjoy going out to eat and to the movies. My son that lives here with me, took me out over the weekend for lunch and shopping. I love to go shopping even if I do not buy anything. I have a grand daughter that is 3 years of age. Her daddy is from my oldest son Ali. She brings me lots of joy. I also have a dog and a cat. They are very special to me. Thank you so much again for all your kindness. I hope your life is not as sad as mine. May ALLAH Bless you for being there for me lately. You have become a good friend for me....... Thanks again so much for your kindness and I will always pray that ALLAH gives me more strength and peace from now on........ Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 6:02am
|
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 6:55am
Really?
|
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 6:20pm
|
oh shopping.. .lol
I am impressed that people can do that.. .I am an in and out type of person..
So what do I do, just leave him alone for a long time and let
him sort things out? Can you hit him over the head with a frying pan?? ooops... lol But seriously.. people can be just SO frustrating.. like hello... make a decision and get on with it. hmm maybe the frying pan may work?? Whay do you folks think? ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 8:35pm
|
That is funny. I thought about if someone would just
hit him in the head, maybe he would realize what he is doing, not only to me, but to this sons also. You know, I have decided to just leave him alone..... I am trying to totally cut him out of my life and move on. I am tired of what he has done to me. He just keeps leading me on........ So I told him never to call me or come by anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE.............I told him..... SO lets see what happens now. Sharon
|
Posted By: Imani
Date Posted: 05 December 2008 at 11:56pm
|
hello sharon.
good to hear that from you.
So when you said that to him, did he do any sign of respond. I mean did his action showed that he was pleased with what you said.
Any way we are all looking forward to what happens next.
If he is going to come by to your house.
LoL! ------------- "But those who believe and do righteous deeds are the best of all creatures."(surah98:7) peace for all peace for the nation. To Allah indeed we are to return. SALAM |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 6:19am
|
Hello,
His reactions was with anger. He said if I had the money I would have already gotten a divorce. So that is when I told him to never come by the house or call me. I told him then to just leave me alone...... Let him enjoy his life and I will enjoy mine without him.............It has been two days and I have not heard from him.. He does this. And then about 1 week later he usually calls or comes by the house. Let's see what happens this time. I need to stay strong and let it be. Whatever ALLAH wills, then it will happen. I am going shopping today, because that usually helps me to not think about him for a while. Thank you a my ALLAH bless us all. Sharon |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 6:36am
 |
Posted By: chkwf
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 7:58am
|
assalamu alaikum you have to define at first the problem .
what make your husband taking the decision to leave you.
did he saw something bad from you?
try to discuss with him to know the problem . may be he misunderstood you on some matters or you are too hard with him on other matters.
from what I see in your post , you really care about him its so nice too see that but you have to show him how much he means for you.
put your beautiful clothes , invite him to a beautiful and calm place and try to discuss with him the matter.tell him how much his kids miss him .
may god help you.
|
Posted By: jhaskell48
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 8:18am
|
Assalam alaikum Sharon: I have been following your posts and my heart goes out to you. I also am admiring your strength and your faith in Allah. You can get through this and you will, whatever the outcome. I am going through a terrible time and reading the Qur'an is bringing me an incredible amount of peace and comfort. I am praying for you. Al Bafqarah 2:256 "...whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy Handhold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things." |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 3:15pm
|
Hello
I tryed that in the past. We had a great time going out and then all of a sudden he got just decided that when I asked him if he wanted to come home, he said yes and then he never came back. He just calls and does not want to be with me. I know that in the past that he has been stressed with a lot of things in his life. I would say that our relationship with each other was not the same for the past year before he moved out. But then after he moved out, then we started going out every weekend, as if we were on a date. Then after I asked him to come home, he agreed and then when it was time to move back, he avoided me for about 1 week. I do not know what is wrong with this man. I think he is crazy. Mentally ill............ |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 06 December 2008 at 5:59pm
|
Salaams Sharon,
You know, sometimes one should be a bit distant.. its sort of like, be your dynamic, beautiful self.. really.. its like, let him know he'd be a fool to let you go.. really he would, we know that.Its like pure foolishness.. and you know.. let him know that YOUR priority is Allah, and serving Allah. And that means a good marriage. Either he is on board or not. And if not, get out of the way.. life is very short and you hve no time to wait. You want to share your life with him, but well.. no one can control another.
How many men come back when they realize what they will loose or have lost. Let him know you love him , but you, as a human being deserves respect. I remember this quote by Gandhi,
"no one can hurt me without my permission."
Some poeple just go through these phases.. but he has to decide on his priorities in life. Mine is Jannah, we all forget but we should try to keep it in mind.
And its funny, once people get in this mind set, the others realize you are not kidding. Many get themselves together.
And if all else fails, get out the frying pan sister..  ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 4:52am
|
I have told him how I feel about him.... He knows that I
love him and miss him, but I can not make someone love me. He said that he has changed in the past year and that he wants to be alone. He said it is nothing that I did. He just wants to live him life and be alone for now. I think that is very selfish........... He knows that I love him. I have told him many times. I told him that we should go to counseling. He will not do any of that. I guess he enjoys being by himself. I did many things in the past months to try to be with him. We went out to dinner, to the movies, shopping, and them all of a sudden, he rejects me.......Like the DEVIL was inside of him..... He acted to crazy. Then he asked to come over for dinner for the thanksgiving holiday and I told him if he felt in his heart that he wanted to be with us, hew was more than welcome. So he came over. Then he came over for 3 days after that. Said he was trying to help around the house. Then I asked him why, and that were his intentions on still getting a divorce. Then he said if he had the money, he would have already gotten it. He said that when he came by the house, that he guesses it was confusing me. After I had told him, not to come by and not to be nice to me. So who is the confused one????????? HIM......... This man is crazy. What does he want???? So I decided to just leave him alone and hopely with ALLAH's help, either he will decide to come home or just leave me alone. I know that I miss him very much, but I try to stay very busy so I do not cry everyday. I have my granddaughter, who is 3 years old with me this weekend. So we have been very busy..... She is such a joy in my life. I thank ALLAH everyday for her.... May ALLAH bless us all and you all have a wonderful week........... Please keep praying for me.......... Thanks again, Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 4:58am
|
[QUOTE=Hayfa] Salaams Sharon,
�
You know, sometimes one should be a bit distant.. its sort of like, be your dynamic, beautiful self.. really.. its like, let him know he'd be a fool to let you go.. really he would, we know that.Its like pure foolishness.. and you know.. let him know that YOUR priority is Allah, and serving Allah. And that means a good marriage. Either he is on board or not. And if not, get out of the way.. life is very short and you hve no time to wait. You want to share your life with him, but well.. no one can control another.
�
How many men come back when they realize what they will loose or have lost. Let him know you love him , but you, as a human being deserves respect.� I remember this quote by Gandhi,
"no one can hurt me without my permission."
�
Some poeple just go through these phases.. but he has to decide on his priorities in life. Mine is Jannah, we all forget but we should try to keep it in mind.
�
And its funny, once people get in this mind set, the others realize you are not kidding. Many get themselves together.
�
And if all else fails, get out the frying pan sister.. [IMG>http://www.islamicity.com/forum/smileys/smiley16.gif" height="17" width="17" align="absmiddle" alt="Cool" /> [/QUOTE As salaamulaikum Hayfa Jazakallah Khair for your reply the sister needs to hear that.
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 7:24am
|
I will get out the frying pan.......Ha Ha Will that
knock some sense back in him.... I doubt it with this man. He has his mind up that he wants to alone in this time of his life. So I will just leave him alone........... |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 3:52pm
|
You know, I a taking this class for certification. And you know some of the method defies my logic.. it really does... noty to go into it.. but at times we must laugh at the absurdities of our lives.
I am a very serious, intense person and I MUST make efforts to laugh.. really just look at life. We humans do the most absurd things.. we are often so self-absorbed we forget to take a step back and reflect. How often do we focus on the innane-meaningless stuff???
I mean really, how many of us are running around in silly, often mindless circles?? I am not talking about those who face serious struggle.. but how often do we make our own lives harder..
i say tell him the bus is going, are you on or off.. if not see ya later..
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:23am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 1:43pm
|
Hello,
I had a better day today.... I still cry on the way home from work each day, but I am getting better. I know that ALLAH is watching over me everyday and that in time I will be ok. I still miss my husband, but by the strength of ALLAH, I am getting a little better each and everyday. I pray everyday and hopefully things will change. I know in my heart that if it be ALLAH's Will for my husband to come back, that it will happen. I am not duelling on it like I used to in the past. I am moving forward each and every day.... It is still very hard to do, but I have no other choice in life, but to try to accept what has happened and move forward........ It is easy to say this, but in reality, it is so....... hard to do....... Please keep praying for me, that things will change in my life and if it is ALLAH's will, then it will happen soon............. Bring my husband back or either make me such a strong person to keep on going in my life..... May ALLAH bless us all and keep us strong and safe in this lifetime.. Sharon |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 7:06pm
|
Hi sharon,
My Duas are with you..it is hard.. and that's all we can do is lean on Allah and take it day by day...
Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 09 December 2008 at 2:01pm
|
Thanks again for all the prayers that you have done for me. I do not believe anything is going to change this
man's decision.... We have a 24 year anniversary on December 14 this year. I am so hurt and heart broken and sad today. I know that it will be so difficult for me on December 14..... I pray for ALLAH to give me lots of strength on this day..... I know that I will probably stay in bed crying most of the day..... May ALLAH bless us and keep us strong in the times of hardship............... May ALLAH bless us all.......... Sharon 
|
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 09 December 2008 at 5:03pm
Try to stay positive on the day of your anniversary take time to reflect on the years Allah have given you two.And again (Alhamduillah)Thank Allah Ta ala for that. Alot of times we never miss the water until the well runs dry.Lets see what happens.Would you be happy if he came over to celebrate we you and still not come back?
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 10 December 2008 at 1:33pm
|
Hello,
No I do not want him to come and celebrate our anniversary, if he is not coming back.... That would be so hard for me to move on in my life. If he loves me, then he will remember this time and will want to be with me. But, I think that his mind is somewhere else. I am sure that he will avoid this day altogether. He was something in his head that he wants to be alone in his life at this time. I pray so much, but if ALLAH wanted us to be together, I think by now something would have happened to my husband.... and he would at least try an effort of showing some kind of hope for us to be together. His mind is made up.... I feel at this time that he does not want me in his life at all..... I am so sad..........It has been 6 months now and he has not made any changes to want to work things out.... I still do not know what the main reason is that he left, except he said that he changed. He does not want me in his life anymore. I need to accept this now even though it hurts so much, I have to move forward in my life. No matter how much I cry, I have to make myself move on in life......... May ALLAH bless us all and pray that things will change and maybe my husband will come back.\ Sharon |
Posted By: kalid
Date Posted: 01 January 2009 at 9:25am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 13 January 2009 at 3:32pm
|
I tried with no response.
May ALLAH bless us and keep us save. I will always love my husband no matter what he is going through in his life at this time. May ALLAH bring him home to me........... |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 13 January 2009 at 5:52pm
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 14 January 2009 at 2:02pm
|
Glad to hear from you. I am doing ok. I try to stay
busy, but it is so difficult at some times. I get sad and discouraged at times, but I know that I will be ok. I know that it was not anything that I did, for him to leave me. So I pray that maybe someday he will respond and want to come back home. Thanks again for your reply and I hope to hear back from you soon. I am so thankful for someone to talk to...... May ALLAH bless us all and keep us safe. Sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 14 January 2009 at 9:45pm
|
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 9:52am
|
Asalaam Alaikum Sharon,
Its good to hear you are hanging in there.. It is not easy. Sometimes we may never know what exactly happens when a relationship changes or ends.
Just keep your focus on Allah...
My Duas are with you.
Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 15 January 2009 at 2:10pm
|
Hello,
Thanks so much for your support. I really enjoy getting responses back from everyone. I am glad that there are people out there that are friendly and actually are nice enough to reply back. No matter what my husband does with his life, I will support his decision. I know it hurts, but I have no other choice. Thanks again for all your support.... Hope to hear from you all soon Sharon May ALLAH bless us all and keep us safe. |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 17 January 2009 at 6:53am
|
Posted By: sharonjundi
Date Posted: 18 January 2009 at 5:05pm
|
Thank you very much. I am getting stonger and ALLAH
is giving me the strenth to go on every day in my life. I will always be thankful for ALLAH. He is the greatest and gives me strenth every day. sharon |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 19 January 2009 at 4:55am
|
Posted By: naziatabassum
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 8:14pm
| assalamalaikum hayfa nazia here thnks for replying no i m not angry orupset with my parents because my husband he only wanted to marry me knowing tht i dnt want to marry him but i married him just for my father i wanted to marry someone else i can never see my father upset i love him a lot i was trying hard to accept my husband but after our marriage my father n he joined hands in bussiness n for some reason clashes came between them n he broke partnership with my father within 6 months without giving him his loss amount ths situation n ths period i will never foorget in my life tht was the worst period i faced huge mental torture frm both side i could not support either of thm n whn my husband talked to my father rudely i cannot say hw i felt they even left ths place now i feel very lonely here bcause i dnt know ths place well i blame my husband for all ths may be ths thng is lways in me so i m rude to him i was never like ths before i was a very jolly n fun living girl i dnt knw wht have changed me sooooooooooooooo much. |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 25 February 2009 at 10:16pm
| As Salamu Alaikum Sister naziatabassum.May Allah Help you to overcome your situation and give you ease.(Ameen) |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 3:04am
|
Hello sister,
my situation is somwhat similar to you,my wife wants to leave me after 4 years of struggle to get her and convince her father.see my post in family matter i wanna save my marraige.
may allah give you peace and help in you day trouble.
Regards
Faisal
|
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 3:44am
|
hello sister
Salam.hope you can give some advise to me,
I got married 2 years back in saudi arabia with my seconf cousin,she is wonderful lady full of life and with a very clean heart,its love marraige and it took a great effort for us to convince her father for this marraige,
she fell in love with me 4 years back and she was mad about me,whatever i say whatever i do she was really interested,then after a 2 yr longdistance relation as she was in saudi and i was in india we finally got married,now according to the saudi system girl get married first in sharia court and then the boy gets time to set all the things for the girl and then take formally with a valima party.
after marraige i had to go back to india as i had a fight with my employer,now i am here after one year,she is still with her father and i plan to take her with me in november.
after this gap of one year she has developed a starnge disease,when ever i approach her for sex she gets a very bad smell from me and this forces her to hate sex,and recently she also complaint that when she talk to me she feels suffocated and just want to hang up as soon as possible and this has created a great problem for me as i am alone in riyadh and now a days her good qualities like her high confidence and ability to handle difficult situations makes me feel inferior,this is happeneing since she has become very mechanical to me on the phone and her nonparticipation in any of the sexual talk.
earlier she loved to be physical with me but now even the thought of it horrifies her,last time we had a fight on the phone as she was rude to me for no reason and i made her cry when she was attending a party and i was and i agree i did a mistake and i said sorry to her,but after this incident she dont me that she might leave me.
now the girl who chose me leaving all the rich boys with saudi nationality with high income,the girl who loved my sexual moves says that she might leave me if this problem continues.
i am really surprised with her,i left the whole world behind for her,my career,my house everything for her and because of this badsmell problem she says she might leave me,she sounds so selfish i know she has problem,the smell is so bad that she feel like vomiting but instead of finding a solution she says time will solve this problem.
I think this is a problem of al ain which means bad eye of someone on our relation or it is possible that someone has done seher on her means black magic,but she is not interested in taking any step to solve this problem accept reading sura bakra.i fight with her frequently and she is just happy with my thought and not my presence,she loves me a lot and i adont want to leave her. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 1:49am
|
Dear sisters, I am sorry for entering this forum as it is for women only i think,but my problem can be well understood by a woman than any male so i am here seeking your advise,
I got married 2 years back in saudi arabia with my seconf cousin,she is wonderful lady full of life and with a very clean heart,its love marraige and it took a great effort for us to convince her father for this marraige,
she fell in love with me 4 years back and she was mad about me,whatever i say whatever i do she was really interested,then after a 2 yr longdistance relation as she was in saudi and i was in india we finally got married,now according to the saudi system girl get married first in sharia court and then the boy gets time to set all the things for the girl and then take formally with a valima party.
after marraige i had to go back to india as i had a fight with my employer,now i am here after one year,she is still with her father and i plan to take her with me in november.
after this gap of one year she has developed a starnge disease,when ever i approach her for sex she gets a very bad smell from me and this forces her to hate sex,and recently she also complaint that when she talk to me she feels suffocated and just want to hang up as soon as possible and this has created a great problem for me as i am alone in riyadh and now a days her good qualities like her high confidence and ability to handle difficult situations makes me feel inferior,this is happeneing since she has become very mechanical to me on the phone and her nonparticipation in any of the sexual talk.
earlier she loved to be physical with me but now even the thought of it horrifies her,last time we had a fight on the phone as she was rude to me for no reason and i made her cry when she was attending a party and i was and i agree i did a mistake and i said sorry to her,but after this incident she dont me that she might leave me.
now the girl who chose me leaving all the rich boys with saudi nationality with high income,the girl who loved me says that she might leave me if this problem continues.
i am really surprised with her,i left the whole world behind for her,my career,my house everything for her and because of this badsmell problem she says she might leave me,she sounds so selfish i know she has problem,the smell is so bad that she feel like vomiting but instead of finding a solution she says time will solve this problem.
I think this is a problem of al ain which means bad eye of someone on our relation or it is possible that someone has done seher on her means black magic,but she is not interested in taking any step to solve this problem accept reading sura bakra.i fight with her frequently and she is just happy with my thought and not my presence,she loves me a lot and i adont want to leave her.
I have posted this as "i wanna save my marraige"plz comment sisters
|
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 06 September 2009 at 4:57am
|
Salaams Brother: It sounds to me as though she has changed her mind about you and just doesn't want to be married anymore. Maybe she was too young, or her family put pressure on her, or she just decided you are not what she wants.
There is probably no smell, she just doesn't want to tell you the truth and this is her way of keeping you away. It's easier than telling you she wants out of the marriage because she changed her mind.
If she really loved you and wanted to stay with you she would try anything possible to try and solve any problem and she would not be satisfied with being separated from you for any reason.
If you want to see how she really feels, tell her that you feel this problem needs to be solved or you want a divorce. If she does nothing or agrees to divorce you, you have your answer.
------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |