There is a difference between cutting ties and actually being abused on a regular basis. I have never "cut ties" with my family, but my brother is an alcoholic and well, i rarely see him.

 

No noe should be at such a point that it is so mentally unhealthy for you and is affecting you o severely. Honestly, we cannot abuse not neglect family but that is different than a clear case of mental and emotional abuse.

 

Honestly, your husband's job is to protect you, his wife. Sorry there is nowhere that says this is allowed. He is your protector. Period. And he must side with you and limit interactions.. There is a level of behavior that is acceptable.

 

I would say that he should not tolerate that type of behavior in his home, your home.  It is about appropriateness. We as Muslims are not supposed to act the way she is towards you both. And you have the right to peace and harmony in your home and life. Sometimes one has to put your foot down. "If you speak like such and such we will leave,  (or you need to leave). I want to have a relationship with you but this is unIslamic and therefore I need to follow it." Say it calmly and with no anger. She gets anry, just walk away. Or don't respond. Just keep repeating it.  be kind but firm. We must be kind, but we are not to endorse unislamic behavior or attitudes.

 

Maybe someone is waiting for someone to take te lead, Iam sure others feel this way.

 

OR he and others in the family say it to her as a group. And they DON'T response with anything but that. Basically do not engage on their level. Its a refusal to participate. As long a you "engage" this behavior will continue.

 

Its like the child who gets attention for bad behavior.. and nothing for good.. guess what they do..the bad behavior. We can enable people to continue doing unhealthy activities.

 

Some other basic tips/ideas

-change the subject

-when she is around, read the Quran. Ask her to read it with you

-ask her to pray with you

-pray FOR her. Honestly, she semes really unhealthy and probably miserable.

-if she comes, be busy... is she invites, be busy

-get religious lectures on tape, when she comes, invite her to listen with you

-play recitiations of the Quran when she comes...

 

It may seem trite, but really, you need peace and she needs help!  You can improve your deen and maybe influence her.. if your husband cannot be so firm... these might be some tips.  If you are improving, by listening to Quran etc., best would be if she is influenced and that is up to Allah.

 

If you need recommendations for CDs I can send you some.

 

I pray it goes well for you. Keep us updated..

 

Hayfa