Outlining the ideal husband
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=14809
Printed Date: 01 February 2025 at 6:46am
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Topic: Outlining the ideal husband
Posted By: Pati
Subject: Outlining the ideal husband
Date Posted: 06 June 2009 at 8:42am
Sometimes, with my friends, we are talking about the qualities we want our men to have. Really. I think it may be helpfull for the men (brothers) to tell them what a girl wants or waits from them. I think we should not be too far in our needs 
First of all, what I am looking for is respect. For me is the basis of any relationship, even if it's just friendship.
Secondly, I want him to be opened with me. I don't want a boyfriend or husband shy to ask me about his needs, or hiding his problems...
I want him to support me, in the same way I will support him everytime, even if I don't agree 100%, and after my advice he goes on with his ideas, I will support him (sure, except in case it's crazy idea... in that one I would run away!!
 And, obviously, he should be lovely with me. If possible, just while being alone, but it's important for a woman to feel loved by her man, it's very very important, as well as to receive love from her husband. If the wife feels that her man loves her, she will take more care about him!!! It's something natural on us, when we feel loved, our eyes are full of light, we try to take care about our clothes, we put make up...
I don't know if you, girls, think the same than I or have different idea... but please, help the men of the forum who are not married to know what we are wanting on them.
And if you are a married man, try all this and tell us what happens!! Just go to your wife, look at her eyes, and tell her how much you love her with a sweet kiss!!!
I guess the ideal husband exists for each one of us.... ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Replies:
Posted By: Gibbs
Date Posted: 09 June 2009 at 2:13pm
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Pati your post outlines the song I very much like (and hope you're familiar with) a song by Steveland Wonder (or known as Stevie Wonder) "Send one your love" if you're not familiar check it out on youtube a very beautiful song. As a married man I have to say that the "perfect man" is different for women. Although you have hit the essential attributes on what a mate ought to have not all women find those qualities attractive. Some women like extreme opposites of themselves and some women may be attracted to men who arent as romantic or expressive. This is not to say women want jerks but this is to say women and men are different. I do tell my wife how much I love her but after being married awhile couples just know through looks and gestures not necessarily words.
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Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 10 June 2009 at 10:46am
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Hi Gibbs,
Thans for your reply.
Actually, I know that it's not necessary to tell your wife how much you love here, even, if you say too much, it may seem "false"... but really, if you tell her in the right moment, she will love it!!
Sometimes, you are planning to go to a restaurant you know and like, and when you arrive it's closed!!! So tell her that you love her.
Something is broken at home, or she throws something to the floor... doesn't matter, you love her!!! Just in the right moment.
I don't know the song, but I am looking for it.
Thank you very much
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 June 2009 at 7:04am
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Interesting topic Patti!
Come on people, post!
 And yes, I agree with Gibbs - (although there is no such thing as a perfect man/woman - I guess when we love someone, we tend to ignore even thier very obvious faults, hence finding the beloved 'perfect'
)Some women like serious, withdrawn men - others like really expressive ones. . . sometimes the grass is just greener on the other side! I heard a lady complain that she wishes her husband would 'tell' her how much he loved her, rather than doing things for her. Others think men should be more caring in thier actions - even if they arent verbal about feelings.
Complicated stuff.
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 03 September 2009 at 12:33pm
I don't know if anyone would like to add anything here  I want to add something: it's not necessary to have the perfect man... and if you find the perfect man in the middle of the road... RUN AWAY!!! IT DOESN'T EXISTS!!!!  Just someone who takes the peace to your heart, to your mind, and to your life. That's the most important thing not only for the women, for the men too. Hopefully, we all will find/already found someone like this ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 03 September 2009 at 4:47pm
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Oh sister, this is a very HOT topic. I just like your opinions about the ideal man. But Here comes the question. Is this man exist on the Earth??? I wonder. I remembered in past watching a movie with the title a made up man. The heroin is looking for the ideal Hubby but couldn't find any man with her needed conditions. At the end she decided to make this man herself. She got married to a man who is ZERO in everything and started to make him an ideal husband for her. This is what I guess I will do but the problem is that some men are not zero but minus( _ ) without any willing to change ... which is hopeless.  Let me say something, I hate the selfish man who just thinks only of his own desires and needs. Some men has a very long list of needs and requirements that they want from their wives.. while they are not thinking about the women own needs. Some unfortunately men who are considered to be good Muslims, do so much prayers and worships but bad and rude with their wives. Some men are blind, they see only the darkness. They keep criticizing the women all the time and reminding them of their faults. But would they please look at their own faults??? And the worst thing which really makes me sad some times, I see the men so good when they are new married. They treat their wives very well but this doesn't last. After having one child, he becomes another man. Let's say after living together so many years, he starts to treat her like a piece of furniture at home. It is serious... I wonder do the love and respect have an expiration date??? Seriously .. I hope to know The ideal man is Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, would the men please study how he treated his waives and learn form him?? -------------  And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 04 September 2009 at 9:40am
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"Some unfortunately men who are considered to be good Muslims, do so much prayers and worships but bad and rude with their wives." Amen Sister! ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 7:47am
Hi dear, I don't agree with something you said: "At the end she decided to make this man herself. She got married to a man who is ZERO in everything and started to make him an ideal husband for her. This is what I guess I will do but the problem is that some men are not zero but minus( _ ) without any willing to change" It's a very big mistake, in my opinion, to start a common life thinking about the bad things you want to change in your husband. When you get married, you change, because everyone change. Your life is different, your aims too, your priorities should change, you have responsibilities, etc... You your character will change. Where is the point? For women, it's very easy to accept these changes, because it's inside us. Just a silly example: when we are children, we play with dolls, and we say "we are the mum"... it's not a play, we are just practising for the future. It's a natural thing. Some people say that it's because of society, but I don't agree, I think it's something natural on us as women, because even the poor children without money to buy a doll are developing the same behaviour. What about men? Which are their plays? Football, basketball, different machines, etc... men plays only. They are not used to play with women while being children, even, they are used to reject every women who wants to play with them (in general). So, that's their natural behaviour. That's why, a very close friend of mine, says that men should be at least 20 years older than their wives, in order to be in an equal level of maturity (I don't think so, even 20 years are not enough!!!).Where is our hope? Well, in my opinion, before getting married the couple should arrive to lot of agreements, and this way none of them will feel cheated after the time... for instance, about children: men prefer to wait few years and enjoy the marriage, while women use to want it as soon as possible. Another point, with the house works: in the current times, both are working, and for women is very difficult to develop their works outside and inside, as well as to take care of children, the rest of the family, friends, etc... it's too much!!!! We should not think that we can "make" the ideal husband with our hands, because it's impossible. Every human being is having own character, and changing it during the whole life. We just have to pray to be able to find "our" ideal husband, the one who will understand us and share his life with us. I wish you will do sooner or later  Hugs Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Full of Hopes wrote:Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 10:43am
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Salam sister Pati, I see when Pati doesn't agree it means she has the correct and interesting opinion.
Dear, I completely agree with you and undersatnd you. I was jsut joking. I now that the real life can't be in his way at all.
Just wanted to sahre you the discuusion but in fact, .. Dear .. If it is only you or at least women only, I would have spoken about my ideal man without limits. But in case of an open media, I am not sure if I can say anything. I just could say like an advice for some men to be careful of thier wives. That is what I really meant.
Especially the Arabic man is diffenent in every thing. BUt as you said, we just pray ro Allah to get married to the the good ideal Muslim man.
Thanks alot for posting. We learn form you, Pati.
 ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: Gibbs
Date Posted: 10 September 2009 at 10:21am
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A word of advice to women "stop looking for perfection" I wouldn't even go as far as to say "ideal." Pati has brought up some very good points as far as how a man ought to be towards his wife or to women but in a forum such as this when talking about ideals its not always the same. It's good to discusss and brainstorm what you want for yourself, its also good to see if you are ready to give yourself to a so-called "ideal man." I'm sure there are many 'good" men out there but being good and having all these necessary qualities doesn't gurantee a fulfilling relationship. Sometimes a man can have all of these positive qualities and be an extrovert while you (the woman) with good qualities yourself can be an introvert. whether or not you allow this minor (or major) difference affects your relationship depends on the people. But I typically believe people with common interests last longer than those who don't.
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 10 September 2009 at 11:03am
so you don't think that 'opposittes attract' ?  ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Gibbs
Date Posted: 10 September 2009 at 12:34pm
Well, I don't want to put my foot in my mouth (or get my head slapped since wifey is behind me cooking! LOL) my wife and I are different in many respects and similar in many respects. I guess if I were to use my best logic I would say that opposites do attract, but then there is the issue with how large is the gap in personality? Again, if I'm an extrovert and I love to go out and be active and do fun things and my partner doesn't then for her I can compromise or at least meet halfway. Now it becomes an issue if the partner is unwilling to compromise or at least meet half-way. But those who have similarities and find pleasure in similar activities I would say its a lot easier to enjoin in the pleasurable without fear of the other not enjoying them as you do.
So although opposites attract, the key thing here is survivability of the relationship and three key questions: a) If opposite, is the partner willing to compromise on the things they don't normally do? b) How much are you willing to compromise?
A good example of this is a relationship between a Muslim woman and a non-muslim man. Of course such relationships are taboo in the Muslim world. But if the man is areligious or associated with a religious group, but is willing to convert to Islam then this is this man's compromise (of course the sincerity of conversion is questioned here). But in such a circumstance, the survivability in this particular relationship would last much longer if both had similar interests i.e. both being practicing Muslims. Sorry to babble
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Posted By: Saladin
Date Posted: 12 September 2009 at 9:00am
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imwa1hNybCo - ideal husband ? ------------- 'Trust everyone but not the devil in them' |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 12 September 2009 at 2:03pm
WOW... She is so so lucky!! She got it !!!!Well.. except ... well... the night is not this much long and I believe you finally get used to the "music"!!! Thanks for sharing. I hope every men in the world will learn from that wise husband ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 12 September 2009 at 3:59pm
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LOL
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 13 September 2009 at 12:49am
 ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |