I wanna save my marraige
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Forum Name: Family Matter
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URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15308
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Topic: I wanna save my marraige
Posted By: fais
Subject: I wanna save my marraige
Date Posted: 25 August 2009 at 12:39am
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Dear sisters, I am sorry for entering this forum as it is for women only i think,but my problem can be well understood by a woman than any male so i am here seeking your advise,
I got married 2 years back in saudi arabia with my seconf cousin,she is wonderful lady full of life and with a very clean heart,its love marraige and it took a great effort for us to convince her father for this marraige,
she fell in love with me 4 years back and she was mad about me,whatever i say whatever i do she was really interested,then after a 2 yr longdistance relation as she was in saudi and i was in india we finally got married,now according to the saudi system girl get married first in sharia court and then the boy gets time to set all the things for the girl and then take formally with a valima party.
after marraige i had to go back to india as i had a fight with my employer,now i am here after one year,she is still with her father and i plan to take her with me in november.
after this gap of one year she has developed a starnge disease,when ever i approach her for sex she gets a very bad smell from me and this forces her to hate sex,and recently she also complaint that when she talk to me she feels suffocated and just want to hang up as soon as possible and this has created a great problem for me as i am alone in riyadh and now a days her good qualities like her high confidence and ability to handle difficult situations makes me feel inferior,this is happeneing since she has become very mechanical to me on the phone and her nonparticipation in any of the sexual talk.
earlier she loved to be physical with me but now even the thought of it horrifies her,last time we had a fight on the phone as she was rude to me for no reason and i made her cry when she was attending a party and i was and i agree i did a mistake and i said sorry to her,but after this incident she dont me that she might leave me.
now the girl who chose me leaving all the rich boys with saudi nationality with high income,the girl who loved me says that she might leave me if this problem continues.
i am really surprised with her,i left the whole world behind for her,my career,my house everything for her and because of this badsmell problem she says she might leave me,she sounds so selfish i know she has problem,the smell is so bad that she feel like vomiting but instead of finding a solution she says time will solve this problem.
I think this is a problem of al ain which means bad eye of someone on our relation or it is possible that someone has done seher on her means black magic,but she is not interested in taking any step to solve this problem accept reading sura bakra.i fight with her frequently and she is just happy with my thought and not my presence,she loves me a lot and i adont want to leave her.
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Replies:
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 25 August 2009 at 11:39pm
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i am sorry for u brother. May Allah help. I have no idea about ur situation & what 2 do. But i want 2 say be more patient, the other members may take time 2 reply to ur question but soon they will. All get busy because of work & Ramadan. Seek the help from Allah.
Also the men know alot, ask them they can help u. -------------  And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 27 August 2009 at 12:43am
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Salam, Dear sister, thnx for your dua,just pray that she again fall in love with me as i cant stay without her,you know my wife is born and brought up in saudi culture and i am from india,some how i feel saudi culture is very open to talaq,you know when she took advice from her friends about our relation all told her to take talaq from me ,in india we dont take talaq so easily.Talaq is the most hateful thing to Allah which he is permitted by law. |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 28 August 2009 at 7:41am
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Hi fais, Well, I am sorry to tell you but I understand her. In my company, there are a lot of Indians, and their smell is awful!! I am always avoiding to go with them in the elevator because I cannot... If I meet one of them (well, to be honest, not all of them are having this bad smell, but most of them are) first time in the morning, I cannot even take my breakfast because of it!! The problem is with the kind of food you are taking, with to much spices, that are making your personal smell to much strong. Really, I can understand her perfectly, because I just work with those man, but I cannot imagine myself just hugging one!!! I am sorry, but it's very very serious problem. Another thing I understand from her, is the sexual conversations through the phone. Men doesn't need too much efforts to get excited, but for us as women, the most important thing are the touch, the kisses, the kindness... and the telephone is not the place to meet it. I understand your needs as man, but right now, what you have to do is to understand her as woman, and I think you are not doing. My suggestion? First of all, change your diet. Try to stop using spices in your food and your body smell will start changing (it will take time, it's not a miracle). Secondly, regarding sexual intercourses, go slowly. Show her that for you, the most important thing is to be with her, not the sex. Hug her, kiss her, stay close to her, but don't look for sex. She is your wife, and she will come to you as soon as she can, but be sure that it's difficult for her too, you are not the only one having pain. And as Full of Hopes said, be patience, if you love her, show her that the most important is what she feels and you will please her. Well, I hope you will not get angry, I am not racist but that's truth, for us the Indians smell is so bad that we cannot stand with it  Good luck, Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 3:19am
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Hello sister, i think you did not understand me properly,its a love marraige and she married me with her choice,when year back i was in saudi i was going to meet her ocasinally at fathers house and she loved my smell,infact she was one who explained me that smell plays an important role,we both are indians and she is my second cousin,we eat same kind of food.its not my diet its somthing supernatuaral,you earlier she was crazy to talk to me butnow she jus feel suffocated to talk to me,you know she says she hate sex and it is the problem of bad eye we muslim call it al ain.you know lip kiss was the best thing she liked with me but now she just hate it.
i agree onething is i should not go for direct sex with her and try to convince her,but you she says she dont love me and dont want live with me.you know its like the saudi culture we get married first on papers and then boy gets some time to arrange all things for girl and then a formal reception and then finally take to home.but before this she say now that i dont wann stay with you.
i left the whole world for her and she wants to leave me without even finding a solution to this matter of al ain.
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Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 6:11am
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Sorry for the misunderstanding, fais, Well, I think that if things are this way, you have only three options: - To go to a muslim scholar asking for advice - To go to a doctor (I am not sure about the al ain, really, it may be a psychological problem caused by something she saw, heard, dreamed... we cannot control our minds sometimes, even if we try). - Stop everything without fighting. Myself, I would choose the second one, going to the doctor and checking. All what you talked about is something coming from the mind, and not from the heart. But, again, wait for her with patience. Don't blame her, and try to understand her and her pain. Try to be generous with her, help her in everything you can, and show her that your heart is clean. Try to make her fall in love again with you. I don't know if you are living with her now... well, if the answer is positive, my suggestion: cook for her her favourite food, get ready the table in special way, make a cake (or buy it if you don't know how to), and get ready to stay the whole night talking with her about old times, about the same things you where talking during the engagement period. Try to come back to that days, and don't forget one thing: even if you want her, don't even touch her. Just show her that you want to stay with her no matter any other thing. I hope it will work as starting point. And if it was not working... try to go with the doctor with her. Another very important thing: you can pray together before the dinner. It's a very special moment. Best wishes fais, Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 29 August 2009 at 7:54am
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Asslamu Alikum.. My sister Pati, let me first explain to you the word ain. When you have something VERY VERY good.. for example: you are wealthy, you have a dimond skin, you get very good marks in exams,, your hubby loves you so much..and so on...anything good or special. Some people envy you, which is highly frowned at in Islam. These people may affect you till you lose that good thing you have just by the willing of Allah. Prophet, peace be upon him, ordered us if we see something very good we say: Tabarak Allah, in order not to cause harm to any one else. I don't understand the relationship between ain and magic. This is my humble information... BUT brother.. I don't know a lot about your case I just want to say something very important. Of course we don't deny al-ain because it is in Hadith but some people have kind of obsession with it. They think that every problem happen to them is from this eye. And the result is that they stop looking for a logical solution and start blaming others for that ain. I don't mean you brother at all. Please don't missunderstand me, but I'am talking about a serious problem we face in Saudi Arabia in general. People are sick of that magic eye or "ain". For example, some students don't study for the exam, when they fail they say oh.. that is ain. Some women don't care of there smell or cleaning when they get divorce or hated by there hubbies, they say it is ain. Some ugly girls ,I know I am sorry for this word but seriously, when they have skin disease they say oh we were very attarctive till that ain reaches us.. How sad!!! Islam doesn't each us ain to throw every thing on ain. Islam doesn't want us to give up or submit when we face a trouble. NO.. Allah, Suhanah, wants us to try again and again and fight until we know the truth and solve the problems. So brother don't think of that ain a lot, just stay with her and discuss that with her honestly without limits. Ask her what she desires and likes you to do. Tell her you like her and ready to do anything to solve the problem. Ask her about the smell .. I mean let her give you more explanation about what kind of smell it is. .. Tell her you tried to change that smell. You as I think need more self-confidence in this case, don't compare yourself to the Saudi guys and think she might leave you because of them, think of your own good qualities that she likes in you. I don't know if this is helpful. This is just my humble opinion. I am still not an expert... I'm sorry.. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 30 August 2009 at 3:15am
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Hello sister, nice to have suggestions from you,let me tell you i am not staying with her as my marraige is still like engagement an i intend to take her with me in november the hajj holidays, i know it can be treated by phycological treatment but my bad luck is she dont want to discuss anything with me exept for saying to keep away. i will get 10days to spend with her inshallah in ramadan eid so i will try to convince her,last night i called her and cried like mad on phone but still she dint melt she is adamant to leave i think,she always says that allah will do the best for us.and she says she dont love me.but i will try your trick insha allah.plz sisters pray for me. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 30 August 2009 at 3:26am
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Salam. thanx sister for reminding me about my good qualities she selected me,thnx for boosting my morale, i agree with you that it might not be a problem of al ain but i have no other option then this as she is not at all open to solve this issue,last night i called her after and cried like like mad on the fone but her heart dint melt,some saudi women has advised her that she has time now to save her from this marraige as our dukhla is not done,but sister how can a girl do this,she was mad for me,she made me leave the whole world in india and on her promises i left evrything and now she just wanna walk away.i wish you could talk to her as we all are in saudi but i know its not possible, when you pray tahajjud plz plz plz pray for me sister,i dont wanna let her go,also if some has gone through same case so let me know what they did for the cure. i can just pray and nothing,i will meet her in ramadan eid so lets see she changes her mind whe we meet. regards Faisal |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 01 September 2009 at 9:54pm
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Then, in this case brother, you should pray a lot to Allah to help you two and save your marriage. Besides, you'd better read the verses for ain cure from Qura'an every morning and evening and persuade her to do so. May Allah help you and save your marriage. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 02 September 2009 at 12:32pm
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salam,
to,
full of hopes
Sister i have very little hope for this,but its ramadan and may allah accept my prayers,she dont say anything to me she just says i am not comfortable with you so her elder friends has advised her to leave me,i explained her that the adivises of anyone is always biased as you tend to ask the the question in such a manner that you get the answer of your choice but she is not ready to understand,i tell you sister its not a serious matter no big fight but she just dont feel she love me,i went back to india after the court marraige as i was not getting good benefits for my wife,in this one year she says she developed this feeling,she still talks to me nicely but the way she was mad for me just six month back now she cant even say that she love me,i feel like committing suicide sometimes but its haram,I am 31 the age in which people think of comfortable jobs and better postion i used that time to get this girl in my life,restarted my carreer for her.accepted the meher of saudi standard which was not my budget but i still arranged everything for her.
somehow i convinced her to come with me to umrah may allah put love in her heart this time.sister i swear she will never get a loving husband like me
 .i am so helpless i wish you could talk to her.i will give her number if you mail me at mailto:[email protected] - [email protected] pray for me sister.
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Posted By: Aimaan
Date Posted: 05 September 2009 at 5:16pm
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ASA, faisal
Has she done a pregnancy test?Most women change when they are pregnant.Please,seriousy consider this before doing anything else.
Insha'Allah all will be well.
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 07 September 2009 at 1:26am
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salam,
well i was away from her for one year so its not possible,you know she still not staying with me as our valima party is left.
sister she says she is not comfortable with me and this she is feeling since 6 months when i was india,she has no love for me and she says she hates me, may be because i had a fight with her last time,but this is not a good reason to apart,anyways i still have no idea whats the true reason,she is confident to leave me in this eid holiday.i am going to madina to pray to stop her from asking Talaq.but i have very little hope.
just pray for me,for the girl i left the whole world behind she is now just walking away from my life by saying just sorry.how painfull it is for me no one can imagine.i really love her plz pray for me.
Regards
Faisal
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Posted By: RASHROUSH2222
Date Posted: 07 September 2009 at 12:21pm
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salamo alaykpm to all
soster aimaan fais said dukhla is not done yet...so she is not pregnant.
brother first of all i think i know wat u r goin through...i was engaged b4 and i used to think i love him but after 10 months of spendin every day with him for hours and after livin some troubles...i figured out that am tellin myself most of the time thats not the man of my dream thats not wat i need or love...and it ended upon my determinantion of havin divorce...
i agree with full of hope regardless if its ain or not as a muslim guy u r supposed to do ur role and leave it to allah...
so my points are:
1.inshallah she wont feel for u wat i felt for my Ex.
2.go back to the old fais she filled in love with...
3.dont be tooo weak when u r we can use that against u...
4.keep ur kindness and all good stuff u have but dont show that u r dyin for her.
coz if allah wanted u to be hers noone and nothin in the world can prevent that,but if allah dont want u to be together then nothin in the world can gather u...
it hurts i know i have been through this b4 wallah i felt its the end of the world for me and i was in a huge pain that i couldnt live with although i was the one who ended it,but subhan allah with time i started to feel my brain is wakin up and my heart is relaxin,after few days i realised how st**id i was to accept him and at that moment till this moment i never stopped thankin allah that i ended it b4 dukhla..
she should be mature enough and not lsn to girls around coz that may destroy her future.
at the same time u should start thinkin that allah will choose the best for both of u.if u continued tog be grateful to allah and make sure that ur both one in mind and soul but in 2 bodies.if it didnt work its ok say alhamdulillah and be sure that allah will reward u with a better girl..
wallah wallah after i left my Ex (i left him for alot of reasons and ppl support me in that after they knew) i felt much better and now am more grateful and appreciate things in my life more...and now am gettin ready inshallah to marry my australian guy who is a great great muslim guy elhamdulillah and now i know why allah subhanahu wtaala helped me to end with my Ex...
this guy means the world to me i would never ever leave him for the world.
i know thats wat u feel to her but ur heart might turn off ur mind...relax
trust allah and pray for the best dont pray to get back to her as this might not be the best for u my brother wallah,u might pray to get her back and allah lsns to ur prayers and after marriage u start to wake up sayin this is the worst mistake i have ever done...so relax take ur time and trust allah more than anythin else....
i have lived the pain i dont want ppl to live it but after that pain am the happiest now to meet my australian man...
i have learned that no matter wat,wat is meant to be will happen tears pain sadness lonliness will get u nothin but hurt,instead get closer to allah and be certain more than certain that allah will solve it.
solve doesnt mean to save ur marriage coz this marriage may not be successful,only he knows.
solve mean the best will happen for both of u...and rememebr she lost u by lsnin to girls u wont loose her brother maybe she doesnt deserve u..
u might think am cold and not aware of ur feelings but wallah am aware more than anyone else coz i lived it b4...
inshallah allah will choose the best trust him..if u had any doubts in allah then the best wont happen...
may allah grant u peace and strength in ur heart and mind...umra is a gr8 thing to do its the best moments i ever had in my entire life....thats exactly wat u need.
forgive me if my words showed any coldness or careless allah knows that i have wrote this long reply to help u feel better and stop feelin the burden on ur shoulder...i dont think the smell is wat is it about coz she smelled it b4 she is just makin up excuses and she is copyin wat the girls told her...
and sex is not the right topic to talk about or worry about...sex is done after dukhla so dont worry now about it...worry about ur current situation..
hoping that at least one line in my reply will help
allah knows my intentions in helpin.
salam ------------- ALLAH is too generous to let ur prayer down..if ALLAH take somethin away from u he gives u wat is much better.ELHAMDULILLAH for islam |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 08 September 2009 at 1:44am
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Dear sister, I am really glad that finally there is someone who know my pain. let me explain in detail my story. I am from india and my wife is my second cousin but she is born and brought up in saudi as we have big kabila who has migrated to saudi.she is not saudi but brought like a saudi girl,however she speaks fluent hindi too. I am simple man from india who never dreamt of marrying a girl of arab culture as the standard of living is quite different and high from us,this girl came to india 4 yrs back for the first time,we were talking like normal cousins and she use to call me brother at that time,then 2 months later she left to saudi,she gave me her email but never replied to any for a long time but one day she called me and said her computer was under repair.then she started talking to me and then on 14th feb she said to me plz give me the happiness which girl always desire for,i knew she is asking me to propose her,but it was my decency that i held my self as she was my cousin and my best friends sister,her brother is my very good friend,and i thought it will be not ethical to do this,but when she said common say that you love than i could not stop and we were in a realtion. she was so mad about me that i left my job and the entire carreer and restarted my self in a totally new country with totally new language,you how difficult it is in saudi if you dont know arabi.anyways i came to saudi sent proposal for the third time to her father and finally her father had to accept as she was very much adamant to marry me,we got married finally on 30th shaban in sharah court alhumdulillah,
she lives in jeddah and i got a job in dammam so i use to once in a month to meet her and she was so mad about me that to accomodate me she gave me all the permission which normally is not given to any boy before dukhla,anways my salary was less and when i saw the saudi culture full of parties and expensive dresses i thought of getting all those for her and fought with my employer and went back to india for migrating to australia,i took tempevary job there,i had a house on loan but it was my dream house,as it could effect my married life i sold it with her permission the money i had thought i will use to migrate to australia but i could not do so as after 3 months NIA informed me that i have less marks in accounting,so i planned for higher education in austrlia but her parents refused as the money which i had was the only saving i had so they asked me to comback to saudi.
i did everthing her parents said, pay 15000riyal meher which is much more for an indian but i agreed as it was the standard of saudi,they said keep our daughter in saudi i said ok,she said i dont want to keep deep relations with your family as it is a burden i agreed,she loved me on her conditions and i accepted everthing for her as she made me belive that she is mad for me.
when i was in dammam she use to complain that i dont love her the way she does and i use to work hard to get that feelings which she likes,i was never aware of the love which happens only in novels but she forced me to love like heroes of novel and i really developed those feelings.when we use to meet she use to like each and every physical move of mine.we were so happy and after our nikah we went for hajj and sister that was the best time for me,u know there are restrictions when you are in ehram but she was so crazy for me that even in the state of ehram somtimes she use to hug me and i use to get angry that this is not right.
when i left saudi she was very upset but i left for her better life,after six months she complaint that she dont fee like talking anything romantic on the fone so i thought when i meet her it will be alright,i came to riyadh this time after exactly 14 months,i found that she dont have time for me,i complaint this many times but she said she has college,work,and house work so she is too busy to give me her true feelings,somehow i calmed my heart that i know she is doing a lot of hardwork,her collge closed no feelings her wotk over no feelings,she use to be so rude sometimes that i use to cry in the night that allah why my wife is so rude to me,before ramadan she was in a party and i called her to see her on the fone and she disconnected as she was busy and then she called and shouted me that why i called so i also gave her a good shouting and made her cry,
after this incident she was asked me not call her for few days and she swtiched off her fone,the she called me and said that she is considering to take a divorce,i litrally begged in front of her,just imagine sister i left parents my whole life there for her and now she is walking just cause she has no love for me in her and this she is feeling since six moths when i was india.i told her she can love me for the sake of allah as it great reward and insha allah love will come one day.she said when she comes close to me she gets a very dirty smell and when she talk to me she feel suffocated,she addmitted that she has al ain problem but she never took the trouble to solve this,i told her that will go till the last corner of the world to solve your problem but she said all her friends who are older ladies not girls and also very good alimas has advised her to leave me.when she wanted me she convince me any how i told her i am very poor i cant meet your needs she said i am different girl i dint selected you for money i like but now she suddenly she says she hate me,
she has one big reason which she says because of which she is taking divorce but she will tell me after the talaq,sister i swear i dont remember any situation when i was very unhuman to her,i have 100 reasons to give her talaq but i love her and i know that i promissed her father when i decided to marry her so even if she is not obeying me i will love her and keep the marraige as it is my promise.
she still says i am a good man but because of this smell and suffocation problem she thinks allah has decided for us to apart.where are those promises those novel like feelings.i will not curse her but pray to allah that allah one day make her realise what she left behind and repent and she should cry to get me back in her life.
you know the hieght is she dont want to discuss these problem when she opens the matter of talaq,she requested me to keep my mouth shut and say that its between two of us.she dont even want take the responsibilty of what she is doing.what ever she does she thinks she is right as allah has naturally blessed with very high confidence.pray for me i still love her.
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Posted By: UmmAmara
Date Posted: 08 September 2009 at 6:17am
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A.A. Fais
This is Aimaan...i had to sign in another name to reclaim my old one.So you are still talking to Aimaan.
I have been divorced for some half a year now.I have been with a man and stayed away from him for sometime.So i have some little experience from this kind of situation.Il will send you my email address on your Private messenger so we can talk about this more.Please be patient.Maybe you can alittle from my experince.
Allah will help you Insha'Allah...Pray in this holy month,your prayers will be answered. ------------- Acquisition of knowledge requires a great deal of patience and hardwork. |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 09 September 2009 at 12:31am
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Brother Fais May Allah help you. Maybe I do not know more but a little advice: Do not leave or ignore your parents for the sake of a woman or any one else. If she likes you truly, then she accepts your parents and your simple life. But if from the beginning she wants to keep away form your family, I am not sure...  Do not get mad of my words..You and me believe in Allah the Just. We trust Allah who knows our future and what is good for us. Some times and this happened to me really, some times we love something or someone and die to have it but Allah doesn't want it for us because in the hidden knowledge it is not good for us and we will discover that later. Some time there might be a disaster if the relationship lasts more. And again your parents will stay for you and the paradise is with them. Accept that so many things in this life we like them to happen but did not happen because they are not good for us. There are so many pretty and very good Muslims who will accept you and your family. Forgive me just in case no soultion..and Allah will help you We just trust Allah and increase our faith in Him and He will please us and protect us.. I am sorry if I am rude, but I did not like the idea of leaving your parents and family for any woman although I am a woman.This is the truth. .Allah has joined them with His worship in Quraan. Something else very important as she was brought up here in the KSA, women feel jealous and if you let any other women talk to her about you then the things will be worse, believe me. And she might take this as an excuse to blame you and make more problems. No strange women between you. I hope you see what I mean.. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 09 September 2009 at 1:49am
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hello sister,
to full of hopes.
well she never asked me to leave the parents infact she respects my parents, she dont want to be with my kin india,she has problem with the formalities in the kin,and about my parents i have brother to take care of them and send money to them so i have taken this decision with their permission,they are ok with this,and i will never leave them like this.
you are right she will go mad if a third person will talk to her,i just want one opinion from,is she right in what she is doing with me,please read my story and tell is she justified to leave me.just pray for me sister.
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Posted By: RASHROUSH2222
Date Posted: 09 September 2009 at 2:28am
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salamo alykom brother.. ur story is clear but coz u r a part of it u cant think rationally...beleive am toooooooooo emotional that my heart almost every time think instead of my brain so wallah i know ur feeling.
brother there is somethin wrong with ur girl am sorry but its obvious coz she keen to u she started to love u she demanded ur love to her and u started loving her after she loved you so probably she controled ur feeling somehow and she made u love her...now she s leaving for no reason or hidden reason nothing in islam give her the right to destroy a marriage without telling why obviously she doesn't fear allah that much and as full of hopes said no matter wat u should obey and please ur parents as long as they r not asking for haram allah orders u to obey them if u didnt then u r not obeyin allah and when u dont obey allah then alah wont listen to ur prayers.
u dont need this girl.GOD u r a man how can she and her family control u the way they want?doesnt make sense that is not islam fais 100% not islam...if u left ur imaan for the sake of ur heart or ur dunya u will losse dunya and akhira but if u chose allah u will be rewarded in dunya and akhira...wake up my brother before its too late..but dont u divorce her coz if u did u will not gonna get any money and u will even pay more...tell her to ask for talaq and give u back ur money if they said no under islam laws she can never marry anyone but u can and they wont say no for along time my brother maybe she met someone that other girls convince her of and her feelings r for that man..u just never know...ppl we r all tryin to advise him to be more patient and inshallah it will be solved we r actually helpin him to drown...fais wake up its wrong maybe u think am cold and rude wallah wallah wallah allah knows am helpin u one day u will wake up and know that....
my brother u were tooooooooo nice to her that she controls u and made u obey her....its ok to go along with ur wife but only if she is a good muslima who fears allah dont tell me she wear hijab and pray and do umra and hajj that is not enough...there is imaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan and fearing allah....marriage is a very critical and sensitive thing in islam good marriage can bring a whole nation of good muslims bad marriage could bring a whole nation of baaaaaaaaad muslims.who can destory islam.(i mean not obeying allah and do haram things)
u will be in pain for couple of weeks then u wll be better wallah dont save this marriage its not a good marraige from the first place its obvious open ur eyes...girls he is here seekin our help and we should advise him wat really he should do...we can comfort him and even help him to get back to her but is this really wat he should do?
Fais this marriage should end and they should ask for talaq dont listen to her by shutting your mouth if u did u will pay everythin and more u have to tell them if they want talaq give me back all my money or no talaq will happen...
if she was a good girl wallah i wouldnt say that coz i asked for talaq as well but i paid him everythin and i didnt even hurt him with a word i told him i cant live ur way of livin maybe u r a good guy but i wanna get divorced he was rude to me but i said to myself its ok all wat matters is to be free again coz he doesnt fear allah enough...i paid him everythin just to set me free...and allah knows i was a good girl...but ur girl is not good enough she should pay u everythin to give her talaq dont feel sorry for her or feel u wanna save it...if u did one day u will regret.she and her family will always control u and treat u bad u know y ?coz they know u lover her and u would anythin for her.stand up for ur self and keep allah in ur heart to get stronger and am sure u hurt ur family by leavin them for her...go to ur family ask for their forgivness heal the pain u caused them stop thinkin about ur feelings wallah one day u will know its the right thing to leave her...trust allah he will grant u peace and strength...am only sayin that coz am thinkin with my brain but ur brain is not even workin ur heart is controlin u and heart can send us to hell....search in ur mind and am sure u will start realizing that there is somethin wrong in this marriage end it now before its too late...girls for ALLAH's sake stop encourgin him to save this marriage...read his words read wat he did to his family and her read wat she and her family did to him....fear allah in ur advise he is seekin good muslims advice...
allah knows every word i said for ur own good.i felt pain when i left my Ex but now?am happier that i left him...the happiest to meet my future husband...and am getting married to him coz my heart and brain and my imaaan are all tellin me that am doin the right thing for my deen,dunya,and akhira inshallah...trust allah he wont let u down but not good muslims who dont fear allah will always find away to let u down.
am prraying allah to save u from this marriage
am praying allah u wont misunderstand me...
am just trying to advise a muslim brother who asked for our help and inshallah am fearing allah with my reply inshallah..may alah forgive me if i hurt u or hurt anyone here...am not that kind wallah..
salamo alaykom
dont forget to pray for me and my man in ramadan and always. ------------- ALLAH is too generous to let ur prayer down..if ALLAH take somethin away from u he gives u wat is much better.ELHAMDULILLAH for islam |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 13 September 2009 at 11:46am
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salam sister,
to rasroush,
U r so nice to give me this good advice,u r right this marraige will never work and it should end,read this what happened to me when i went to her house this thursday after umra.
i went to her house from makkah after umrah with all the gifts i bought for our aniversary,i reached at fatoor time i reached there asap so that i can break my fast with her,when i reached she didnt even look at me properly and no smile nothing,all my dreams were shattered then when i met her alone i asked her to give me a hug and she came closer hugged her and then kissed her on which she got annoyed,i cud not controll sister and it is my right,then i told plz dont go we can save this marraige we will solve your al ain problem on this she said plz finish this matter as soon as possible,i got angry and started abusing my self and banged my head on the wall and was gone mad,then in anger i told her i wanna have sex with you on this she said no i said i will not forgive tonight and angels will curse u,she said no she wont have sex,i said i can do forcibly also and then i went to taravi prayer,in this 30 min she cried and told everything to her parents this is thefirst time they came to know about her intention of talaq,she told her parents that i told her that i am gonna rape her belive me sister i dint even use this word rape and what i ment to say was i have the right to have sex with u without your consent also and islam has given me this right,maybe she misunderstood and later on she said she was afaraid of my behaviour.after this incident i came after taravi in this mean time all my clothes were packed and my father in law asked me to go to my brotherinlaws house,before i leave they insulted very badly and her brother was about to hit me if i had revolted.a man who loved her and she knows me very well i can never hurt her,even when i was physical with her in our happy days i was so carefull that i shud not hurt her while doing anything,
now sister sex is a big problem with her,and i am normal so when i ask for the least thing which is a romantic talk she gets angry,when she was normal she use to make me feel guilty if i dint call her for a romantic talk,that means if she wants i shud be ready anytime and when i want i become sex meniac for her a rapist for her.i am god fearing man i expect anything from my wife only i dont look for other woman so its my right to have some comfort if not sex.i know she has problem of smell and suffocation when i come close but where do i go to remove my frustration.tell me sister am a culprit in this whole episode.
and i know that hidden reason is the same, when i got angry and made her cry in the begining when this fight started i told her sorry and then i thought i convinced her and then started romantic talk as we use to do in our happy days but ithink she felt i am a sex meniac and i dont care for her feeling and she said she has no love for me after few days.
give me some opniona as i wanna know something from her point of view also,am i wrong to expect sex from my wife in a country like saudi where you feel so frustrated.i know the question is again favouring me but i want your unbiased opnion considering my personality if u think u know me to some extent.
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Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 14 September 2009 at 11:34pm
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Sorry to tell you, fais, but I think that you have not much possibilities after what you did. You came to ask for advise, but you followed your men instincts, you didn't control it even a bit. We, as women, told you to give her space, to allow her to take breath, and suddenly, you talked to her about your sex rights as husband. Really, I cannot imagine how much pain she got in that moment. You have a very difficult way to make her back to you. I am sorry for both. And I don't think it's Al Ain, I think that women need time to know men, and that for us, sex is not important (at least, this much important than for men), and you didn't know anything about women. If you really love her, you have to go to her in nice and kind way, not as a husband. Think that your relation came back to the starting point, and try to do the same things you did at beginning. Really, I am sad to read what you did. ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: mariyah
Date Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:46am
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Asalaamu alaikum:
Well sex rights are sex rights ,and if my husband approached me in that manner I would ban him from my house. But culture is culture, and I respect that.
It sounds to me as if your wife needs to see a physician about her "smell" problem. That is usually secondary to a microorganism that is native to the body but gives off bad odors as a chain reaction when different body chemicals mix. It is the overgrowth of this bacteria that gives off this smell. Usually a dose of metronidizole, or flagyl will take care of this. She should be seen by a physician though, she may have female problems that cause discomfort, maybe her indecision or instability is caujsed by a hormonal or chemical imbalance. Insha"Allah she will come around. May Allah wa ta'la grant you relief. ------------- "Every good deed is charity whether you come to your brother's assistance or just greet him with a smile. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:08am
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Dear Patti, I think you have not read my eralier post,she has mad me a psycologycal patient since one month,i begged in front of her not to leave but she dint agree,this day i went with so much feelings and really did not intend to have sex,but when she saw me she dint give a smile,she suddenly told me that she wants to finish this matter,at that very time banged my head on the wall,and in anger i said this,she knows me very well i can never hurt her,i was always kind and gentle,but she shud realise what she did to my brain she has made me mad and now if i do somthing which is abnormal she will insult me like this. she spoilt my life i have no confidence now,i gave 4yrs to her and she just wanna walk off,remember when she was normal she use to demand sexual conversation even if it was not possible as it was expesive to call from india to saudi.she made me do things whcih was really hatefull to me in a sexual raltion but for her i made my self like that,she use to make me feel guilty if i dont do that,
when she wants she wants but when i just say it in anger i become rapist wow patti.
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Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 15 September 2009 at 1:59am
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� Asslamu Alaikum �I am sorry for you brother, I have thought of an advice to give you but I see that this lady has taken you out of her heart. And this is normal for us as human beings. Our hearts love this day and very normal to hate the next day. �� You have suffered a lot and listened to many advises a lot. Now it� comes the time to do something. If we face a problem the solution is not to stay sad and listening to advices or having more information. The most important thing is the way out. What is the next efficient step which will solve your trouble??�� Believe in:� hearts change even swing. She might loved you in past but now she stopped for some reason, we do not know. If this is the truth, shall I waste my time in making sure of it?� May Allah forgive me and you.� Brother, you have read enough replies. There is no more than� your real actions. �� Stay with yourself and put an end for your suffering. I do not say the divorce but I say the end which makes you improve and build your future.�Life is full of trouble and sad moments, so is the solution STOP and cry??� There is something you must believe in it ... THE CHANGE...�We have to face it and like it. So many new things are better than the old.your girl is not the last woman on the world, not the most beautiful or blessed. I know that you do want to leave her but Allah put the divorce if the life between you comes to its end. � � You might feel it difficult or impossible, but think if you meet a new girl who loves you and cares for you and your family. You may get married to prettier than her and higher rank. Life is full of chances, just wait for your chance.� � � I appreciate your trying not to divorce may Allah reward you for your patience and� I am not advising you� to get divorced. I say enough listening now it is time to work and get out of your problem. do istikhara before ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 15 September 2009 at 11:33am
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salam sister, to full of hopes, Dear sister,thnx for the valuable advice,i think u r right i have to put an end to this,this lady has no love for me left but allah knows sister i did no unhuman act to make me hate her,but still what is the use of talking all these,she has forgetten all my efforts to get her,all my love and everything,and besides this she has kept her self respect intact and on the contrary i lowered myself to the lowest level to convince her,i begged i cried i shouted but sister its like summun bukmun umun deaf blind dumb-no responce she just listen and know answer from her. it was just my last eid with her to spend but she dint even give me that,i cant go to her house in jeddah so now i have cancelled my flight and going to dammam.sister i just pray one thing one day she should realise what she did with me and repent for leaving such a loving man in her life.she never took any serious step to save this marraige as u see above one sister has given a medical solution also to this problem,but she didnt even share this problem with her mom and kept it to herself till our marraige has come to end. u r a nice lady and dont want to encourage divorce i like this but i have no other option as this lady is adamant to leave me,and now i have to be strong as all said in this group,this lady thinks allah has supernaturally informed her that this marraige should not go on so she is quitting finally. i will what ever they want,whenever they want i will come and sign the papers for talaq,i dont wanna harras her as i wanna be free in duniya and akhirat.may allah do insaaf with me and make this lady repent for her deed.i still love her what to say now. |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 15 September 2009 at 12:16pm
Sorry, but I didn't say you were a rapist.
You asked her for a hug, and she gave you, isn't it? And suddenly, you went straight asking for sex... really, fais, what I think is that she needs time (at least in the past, I don't know if she will give you another chance, sorry).
Yes, I read your first post. I understand that you cannot understand why she liked sex before, and suddenly she changed, but that is another thing that she should check with a doctor, there is none here who can help someone without knowing what she feels and thinks. But... really, I find it a very big mistake what you did to her, really. She was trying to come back to you in slow way, and you "forced" her, you got angry, mad (as you said).
Maybe both of you need to go to a pshicologist. There are specialist to help couples, so I think that could be the way. This situation you are going through needs for lot of patience, and I think you already lost yours (I understand it, don't think I blame you).
Both of you, you need help fais. I think that you don't know each other, and you need to start again building your relation.
That's my opinion only, sorry if you don't like it.
Regards
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
fais wrote:Posted By: Saladin
Date Posted: 16 September 2009 at 12:27pm
Salaam Alaikum Fais,
Get the marriage terminated through Khula (not talaq) cuz she wants it.
And take back the mahr and bust out of there.
Dont ever get nostalgic about how she used to love you cuz it seems it was all just infatuation.
Get rid of your al-ain and blackmagic phobias. People dont get al-ained or jinxed by some voodoo zinzin, its just in their minds.
And you dont've to be a devdas, move on, Insha Allah you may find a girl that really loves you and then hang on to her with dear life.
------------- 'Trust everyone but not the devil in them' |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 16 September 2009 at 2:33pm
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Asalaam alaikum brother,
This is a very sad story really. And you have suffered enough. It seems you have done your best and now you are becoming too frustrated. Perhaps this lady was in love with love, she is certainly influenced by her family members and older friends. She is not mature enough I think.
I think she puts too much importance on money/material possessions and as you are hard working but poor then she does not want to live a life less than the one she has now. I expect she wants to marry a rich man. It is sad, but it happens all too often.
So hold your head high and try to move forward with your life. I am certain you will be rewarded with a kinder more loving lady from within your own community in India, that is happy with you as a person and not how much money you have in your pocket.
Remember the Prophets daughter Fatima(peace be upon them all) who needed few possessions in this life and was happy this way. She was not concerned with social status. She was so nice. Many people in this life are too worried about what other people think about them. What does it matter. IF you have enough to survive then who needs more? It is greed, only that. It all goes when we die.
Learn from this experience and move forward. Bro Saladin is correct..you don't have to be a Devdas
 ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 16 September 2009 at 3:24pm
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"Perhaps this lady was in love with love,......"
In love with love?
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 16 September 2009 at 8:44pm
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"In love with love" I take it to mean that some people are in love with the 'idea' of love. Not understanding what exactly love is. You know people are into the 'romantic concept' but not really the hard work. Like do you love your spouse enough that if that are ill you will take care of them? Lots of people go into marriage with this false idealized notion of love. Not having a clue. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 16 September 2009 at 11:35pm
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"In love with love"
YEs. In love with the idea of love (small prob with language there lol)
As you have correctly said Hayfa, the romantic concept...what I call the airy fairy, head in clouds kind of love which is a total illusion to the reality of true lasting love which requires continued effort, patience..oh the list is endless lol. It is so important to have a good grounding to any marriage right from the start. Easier said than done. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 25 September 2009 at 11:50pm
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dear maria and patti, i never claimed my sex right and plz our culture is not that cruel for woman so plz dont blame culture maria. this lady cud have understood me and realise wot she did to my brain she has litrally tortured me each day before telling her final decision,and having mom 2 brothers and father present was that reallly possible common patti she just did it to save her pride this lady who made a normal man mad and insane will fear from my threats not acceptable. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 12:23am
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dear all,
thnx for all your comments,and really the point 'In love with the idea of love ' is very informative,this cud be true in my wife's case.
on my last call i clarified that i never meant or said any thing that means i will rape her or something like this.
i called to leave with a good note as i wanted to make her realise that she left a gentleman,sorry to boast about myself.
i requested her to say that she love me and she did saying its not the truth anyways,i agreed and she said i love you for the last time.
she said she forgave me on this i also said i forgive her but friends when eid day came and all those dreams which i saw came in front of my eyes and i cud not forgive her,i can never forgive her hope allah forgive me for this.
my father told my aunt to get a good girl immdiately after the divorce for me,but only my heart and allah knows how i will utter those 3 words which is the most hatefull to allah "Talaq"
i cud have used these words 'Talaq'to insult her and her family when they insulted me,but alhumdulillah my fear of allah and love for this girl prevented me from saying this even in utmosta anger and insanity.
just pray for me and my peace of mind,i have no relative in riyadh i am alone this is even bothering me more,for eid i was at uncle's place and they were talking to me so felt relief but now i am all by myself.
i was living so temporarily in the bacelors apartment now just imagine i have to make my mind that i have to live there permanantly.my aunt says i shud not say anything to my boss as it will take away my family status so keep quite and marry some one here in saudi and this way i will be saved from the insult and pity of the peole in my office.dont know weather i shud stay in this country or go back to india as i have lost the motive now,she was the centre of life.i still love her and i know i am a fool but this is not in my hands.thanks a million friends for all your comments and dua.
 a broken heart is much closer to Allah. |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 3:38am
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Dear fais, I am sorry for you and for what happened. I understand you perfectly, more than what you can imagine. I will tell you what I feel, and I hope you will understand me: if God's is changing our life road, it's because He needs us in other place or for different things. He knows the best, as you said, and maybe that girl was not able to give you whatever you need, or to make you happy. Maybe your real wife is waiting for you in somewhere, waiting to make you happy. But my suggestion is to take your time. Everytime that a relation finish, it's necessary what they call "mourning" time, without thinking of anything but yourself and your future. Really, better not to start another relation by the moment and to rebuild your feelings and thoughts. You are hurt and you have to sane your heart, but it will go. Think that the love is something pure, and peaceful, and the feelings that your wife was giving you were not love, if you were getting mad everytime. Now, you have to take your time and to take breath deeply. You are a strong man and good person, so find your place back and restart your life, learning from the bad lessons. Everything is going to be Ok sooner or later. Maybe it will take few months, maybe one year, but you will be Ok. Just think about her in nice and friendly way, and forget the good moments, just remember that everything is finished and you have to go on (and she has to do too). Good luck and all the best from my heart. I will pray for you and for her too. Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 6:09am
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salam brother saladin, thnx for the advice,i know that it might not be al ain or blackmagic,she never gave a try to solve this problem so she wanted to end this anyways, Insha allah i will not be a devdas as she cud never become the the girl devdas died for,i will take some time but will get up soon insha allah i just need another motive to live then all will be fine.do remember me in your prayers. regards
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 6:27am
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Hi Patti,
thnx for the beautiful reply,i want nothing now but just onething that in her life oneday she shud feel that yes she did a mistake by leaving such a loving husband,she feels this is an indication from allah to her to leave me,my heart really curses her but i have left this to allah to decide.
u know the feeling of being left by someone is very hard to accept,just pray that i get the stregnth to face the day on which my marraige will be terminated.
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Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:34am
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Asslamu Alaikum I understand how you feel brother, and if you want my advice you should go back to India or any other country just to be far form her and to stop thinking about her. Now she must be the past that you learned form it and be improved. It is hard I know but you have been tested by Allah to be stronger, I believe. And do not think about marriage now because that girl is still in your heart and it will not be fair to marry a woman you do not love and be not fair with her. I see you should fill your life and mind with everything good and useful. Never have time to think of your past or problems. Avoid being free, doing nothing. Do anything, play sport, go the gym, go out with your friends. Or even at work think of new plans for the company. Try to improve yourself, and I am sure soon you will feel better and meet the woman whom you love and who loves you. We human beings Allah has blessed us with forgetting things, after some time of being busy in this life, you will forget that girl and stop even thinking of her. May Allah help you.. we pray for you.. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:40pm
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Salam, Full of hopes, thnx sister for the dua and advises,i wanted send u a private message but dont know how to send,its some thing about the culture here which i dont want anybody to misunderstand. anyways i see your comments everywhere in this forum may allah reward u for this.my email is mailto:[email protected] - [email protected] Regards |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 9:57pm
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Wa Alaikum Asslam I hope I can help. You click on my name any place on the forum then you see my member page, press on send a PM and then you will write me a PM (private message) But I am not sure if I can help, just I hope I can. May Allah be pleased. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 26 September 2009 at 10:21pm
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salam, well i think u have blocked all for private message,so send a hi then i will reply.its not something important but just something in my mind i wanna disscuss. regards |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 02 October 2009 at 10:24pm
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Hello All,
I need an advice again,my father-in-law called today and he said he is returning everything which I gave to my wife as meher and gold as gift and he is asking me to file for talaq in my city in the sharah court,but all my well wishers say that even if she is paying the meher and gold back she should file for Khula as she is initiating this,she is taking the whole responsibility,so let her go to the court and feel what she is doing.
Please advise what should i do plz advise.
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Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 5:38am
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Salaams Brother,
Your well wishers are correct. If she is returning everything to you she should initiate Khula. Why should you do talaq? You do not want this divorce!
It seems she wants to be free of the error of her ways by implying it is you that is at fault...and is requesting you do this talaq.
Perhaps she feels it would be easier to find a future husband if she did not do khula with you?
DON'T DO IT BROTHER!! Tell her family she must do khula!!
And actually I can;t see how anything you gave her can be returned until after the divorce is finalised. So also don't take back anything at this time.
------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 6:05am
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Salam,
Well my Father-in-law is my fathers first cousin so returning the money was never the issue,last night they said they have sent all meher and gold thru my wives first cousin,so according to you i should not accept the money and gold before divorce,can u explain why i mean is there any legal religios complications.
U know sister according to her and her family khula is only when they are not returning the meher but they are saying when everything they are returning then it is regardless i give talaq or they take khula,
but for me sister meher money has no value i told them on their face that i dont want it,i want that girl feel the pain that the way she took this bold decision so the same way she shud go to same court where once she got married to me.it will at least remind her the day of marraige and her thousands of promises she did with me.she left me without any big reason,and more important she has one reason that she is taking talaq for whcih she will tell me after Talaq, she is punishing me without telling what i have done.she has litrally tortured me but still i cant stop loving her.
May allah save me from anything unrelegious.
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Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 7:37am
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Salaams Brother,
It is my understanding that when a woman does khula she returns her meher and gold. And if a man does Talaq he lets her keep the gifts.
Certainly in the UK until Talaq or Khula is done through an Islamic court then no money etc is exchanged. Talaq here is not acceptable by saying 3 times...it must go through the Shariah Council.
If Shariah COurt in Saudi Arabia is the same as the UK then a representative of you both will talk to you about the reasons for Khula or Talaq. Then there is a court hearing when the divorce is made final.So she cannot say she will will talk to you afterwards. I find that very strange. Like I say maybe it is different in Saudi.
I think as it is all very complicated it would be a good idea to speak with an Imam and get everything more clear for you.
I know you do not want to take back the gifts. But she doesn't want to keep them. That suggests she is feeling guilty? But I am sure she has some conscience especially as you are closely related.
Please go and get some more advice. Don;t rely on truth coming from her and her family. They might feel they know Islam...but perhaps they dont...so don't let them pull you to pieces. I hope you can move on quickly with your life brother. Loving someone is useless in this life if there is manipulation from one in the marraige. We all need stability and a sense of peace, not mindless games. I am sorry to say she is not mature enough to understand this. You deserve better ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 9:09am
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salam, Sister thnx a million for your reply yes you made me believe i deserve better, My father-in-law told me that i shud go to the court and file for talaq,they give a date and at time the alim will try to convince not give talaq or khula at time if you say u want seperation at any cost then the the divorce is executed,now about the reason of talaq in islam she can take khula even if she dont like me for no reason,so this is something between girl and the boy,and hearing makes no sence as there is no issue of any holding any money or right of anyone. telling me the reason is just for the accountability on the day of judgement in front of allah subhana tala,and if she dont state it then she will be answerable to allah on the day of judgement.
i can force her to state me a reason but there is no use for me as she will tell me the reason to blame me and not to reconcile.she thinks she has made a mistake marrying me and allah subhana tala has supernaturally informed her that she shud leave me.allah has informed her by smell and suffocation problem and she saw a dream in which she is marrying someone else and he is telling her that she will get better than what she lost,
i will try your adivces and see what happenes
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:25pm
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Salaam Fais, I agree with Martha, you need to meet with someone who is a scholar is Shariah. I do not think any of us are qualified to answer you. There is Shariah and then there is Saudi Law. I would imagine you need to know both. My Duas are for. I know it is not easy for you. Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 4:50pm
I agree with you sister 100%. And another advice I am not sure if others will agree. In my opinion I advise: try to avoid making troubles to your wife or her family. She might have been bad with you and not fair but we as Muslims do not return the wrong way of treating. We always try to be better then others. What is the point of causing her troubles??? She could not love you and asked for divorce. I just want you to put yourself in her shoes!!! Of course you want the other person to help you and make things easy for you. Also as you mentioned before she is your cousin so be careful of your relatives and let them remember your generosity with them. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 10:30pm
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Dear Sister,
Full of hope,
Allah knows my intention,i never meant to trouble her at any point of my life,I am just asking her to file for khula and not troubling her,troubling is a wrong word to use sister,i am a god fearing man and i know my limits i would have troubled her if i would have not participated in any legal formalities of divorce,i would have troubled if i had gone to my country back without giving talaq no one can force me,but i said i will sign the papers where ever they call and ask me to sign.
sister i was generous thru out my relation but this one thing now i want which is my right for my self esteem,she has broken me into peaces and no more i can do favours for her.i never thought i will give talaq to my wife whoever she is,and by doing this i will be happy that i never had to utter talaq word which is the most fateful to Allah subhana tala.they are protecting their daughter she got everything redaymade,and now she wants talaq also readymade.like a saudi women she made me do all things she wanted and when i got all she dumped me for her own reasons which is not even justified.insha allah i will get you the correct fatwa related to this matter.
Regards
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Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 10:44pm
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I am sorry if I hurt you without my intention. I observed that some members where telling you to be tough and take the revenge. I know how some women suffer in the court for their freedom and was giving you an advice just to fear Allah and not to be one of those men. I did not say you are cruel or bad. I gave a simple advice that can be taken or rejected. I said above some one may not agree.... Again I am sorry if I hurt you without my intention. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 October 2009 at 11:14pm
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Dear Sister, I have no intetions that she should struggle in the court,they are all arabi speaking people they know how to deal,i will cooperate completely,i will not ask her to state the reason of khula but she shud take the resposibility of what she has done boldly,she has broken 2 kins apart my father and her father will never talk again,i told her we will leave eachother like an educated couple but by creating that last fight she made the things worse,so sister do u think she kept little respect for the person who loved her with full honesty,she dint even think where will i go in jeddah in the middle of the night after the fight,i was going to haram to spend the night as my bus was next day,luckyly my cousin was there who came to pick me and remained with me anotherwise i would have comitted sucide that day. If i wanted to trouble i would have done many things,i could have used the 3 words of talaq standing on her house door loudly to insult her and her family but my fear of allah and love for her stopped me.if you have any idea can you explain how a girl will suffer in the court can u explain plz i wanna know whats there in your mind.
When people were talking bad things about her character it was me who called them and asked them to stop it as she is still my wife,i still love her.i know what you saying i appreciate it but this one thing i want now for myself but still i will not do anything unrelegious.
Regards
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Posted By: saima100
Date Posted: 04 October 2009 at 1:11pm
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Asslam o alaikum
It is really sad to read all you have written.I dont know if it still is applicable in your case.But if she is willing to go to a family therapist then you both should go there.Many times people themselves dont know what the problem is and this seems the case with your wife.I think what has happened with her is on emotional level and it has nothing to do with smell or appearance.She felt somehow emotionally betrayed by you and stopped trusting you and couldnt come closer to you. In such a situation where one of the partner is unable to understand how sacred marriage is it is best to finish it. Best wishes for you. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 17 October 2009 at 8:33am
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Salam to all my dear brothers and sisters who helped me during my bad time.
To expidite the process of talaq i was asked by my brother in law to give talaq directly to her than there will be no questions from the qazi and the documentation will be fast.
i could not say this to her directly on the phone as i new i would forgive her if i hear her voice.i gave her talaq thru her brother so our talaq is done just paper work is left now.she got finally what she wanted,when she wanted me,she got me and when she wanted to leave me she got that also.just pray allah give me sabar.may she read this someday and realise her mistake.
Me and her
12th september,2007-17th october,2009
30thshaban,1428-28th shawal,1430
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Posted By: mohmmad786
Date Posted: 20 December 2009 at 10:09am
| Assalamualekum my brother, i am sorry that your relationship has finished with your wife but all you can pray now is good for her and yourself. May ALLAH give you the will to forget her and may you follow the true path of ALLAH. I was very very far from ALLAH for few years but me having all these problems have brought me very close to ALLAH and maybe ALLAH just do this to take our exam and if we pass it we would get better things from ALLAH in our future. All i can do is pray that Allah give peace to your heart. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 20 December 2009 at 10:21pm
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Salam brother,
yes allah will compensate me but i only can curse her for her bad behaviour,i can never ever forgive her,yes allah is testing me and i am still in saudi which is like prison for me,i cant get out of here and if i go back there is nothing left for me in my country.i am totally destroyed brother,but eventually i am a man i will be ok once i have new partner in my life,hopefully this time i marry a girl who will marry me on my terms and will be happy where ever i go. |
Posted By: humera
Date Posted: 09 January 2010 at 11:22pm
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salaam
maybe this will sound st**id to some of you but you should find out through someone if you are under spell,magic "jadoo" your situation only gave me one thought that maybe someone in your family or her family is trying to break your marriage. You should really seek help brother
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Posted By: islamic_talibah
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 7:46am
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Assalamualaikum warehmatullah...............
brother fais.... m very sorry 4 u.... maybe dats all i can say..... Allah will surely give u da BEST of all!!! INSHALLAH!!!....
brother... plz take help of istekhara on every step of life..... i mean it... it has made my life SO easy n just SO beautiful......
i havnt ever done istekhara 4 da reason of finding proper life partners but m sure its gonna b of gr8 help...
plz take gud care of urself...
ur sister...
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 8:58pm
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Salam sister humera,
may be she was in a spell but she never took a step to cure it,she cud have gone to a doctor but only she and allah knows what was there in her mind,sister she wont realise now,its hard to get a good man in life and she dint care for this,she will repent.
anyways i have got a new life partner alhumdullillah,and conincidentally she has the same name and same father name as my ex wife,i sent her proposal 8yrs back and this time again i sent and it got accepted,just pray for me that i get married to her soon.
Regards
Faisal
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 February 2010 at 9:05pm
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Salam sister taliba
may be she was in a spell but she never took a step to cure it,she cud have gone to a doctor but only she and allah knows what was there in her mind,sister she wont realise now,its hard to get a good man in life and she dint care for this,she will repent.
anyways i have got a new life partner alhumdullillah,and conincidentally she has the same name and same father name as my ex wife,i sent her proposal 8yrs back and this time again i sent and it got accepted,just pray for me that i get married to her soon.
yes istekhara is good tool to take decisions in life and and i did istekhara till the last moment of my enagagement for this new girl,i prayed 'o allah if there is khair in this ralation let it happen and if there is no khair just let me forget this and look for another girl'i did not direct allah's decision this time and allah did the best for me.allah is perfect,when he does something nobody can remove a single diffect.
Regards
Faisal
Please all my brothers and sisters on the forum do dua for my new life and wish a good career for me to keep this girl happy.
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Posted By: islamic_talibah
Date Posted: 02 February 2010 at 10:58pm
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Assalamualaikum brother!! My sincere prayers r wid u 2 hav the most wonderful n lifetime experience with her!! always ask 4 Allah's help n never 4get Him....Always thank Him..........n u'll c u'll b one of da "few" happy ones on this face of Earth!! AMEEEN!!! INSHALLAH!!!
n i hope n pray dat u get married 2 her soon!! hav a great life!!!
take care brother faisal!!
P.S. DO inform us ven u get married!!!
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 February 2010 at 8:47pm
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Salam, thnx sister,i m really thankfull to all my friends and realtives who stood by in this difficult time,i was not there as the engagement was in india and i m in saudi but when i called them ,all the family members had one of dua for me,insha allah i feel everything is going good in this marraige,my father is happy as he can see my marraige this time.
thnx thnx thnx to all do remember me in dua. Regards Faisal. |