Islamic Dress In the House
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: General Islamic Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Islamic matters/issues that not covered by other sub catagories
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15808
Printed Date: 16 February 2025 at 8:50pm
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Topic: Islamic Dress In the House
Posted By: leigha
Subject: Islamic Dress In the House
Date Posted: 15 November 2009 at 7:14pm
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Asalaam Alakium, I am here and not sure this is the right place but I wanted to ask a question. I have a teenage daughter who is 13 about to be 14 years old. She is at puberty. My question is when she is in the house only around her family no one else is she allowed to wear things like tank tops, capri's, shorts, as long as it is appropriate? I have been muslim 10 years and i have always been able around my family to do this but because my husband thinks that because she is at puberty she has to dress modestly ALL the time does not sound right to me. Can someone please tell me or show me where in quran or hadith were it says what she is allowed to wear in the house around her family and what she is not. Inshallah this can be solved because it is a huge issue and i really do not think that this is how Allah meant for women to dress. If that is the case then that means when i am at home relaxing then i have to wear hijab and dress as if i were outside. Thank you and inshallah may Allah continue to bless you for having this great place for us to come and gain knowledge. |
Replies:
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 3:04pm
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Walaikum asalaam sister,
I think what struck me first, and please correct me if I am mistaken, but is your daughter also your husbands? As you have been muslim 10yrs and your daughter is almost 14yrs I am wondering if this is the situation. If this is the case then I would definately understand why your husband would say she must dress modestly. I gather your daughter is not muslim then? Are you happy to answer this question? I don't think I personally can give you the right advice without knowing a bit more. Other sisters might be able to. Good to have you in the forum :) ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: leigha
Date Posted: 16 November 2009 at 8:01pm
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That is true my husband is not her father but he is the only father she knows. She is muslim but the conflict comes when our 9 year old son wants to walk around the house in tank tops and while in the house she is told she cannot. She wants to just around the house when it is only family and no visitors wear tank tops as well.it is hard because she does not understand why she cannot wear whatever she wants when she is in the house and he can. i have explained to her that i do not dress that way and that young women should dress as young women but it has no effect on her. it actually as she is getting older seems that the more and more taleem that we are doing and islamic teachings because i homeschool them the further and further she wants away from islam she is already having a hard time wearing hijab and hates it she has gotten to the point that when we make her and i mean force her to leave the house she cries because she doesnt want to go outside with hijab on. she has told me that she deals with when we go out but while in the house she thinks its unfair and that she is starting to hate islam if she has to dress like this in the house. Hope this helps. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 2:49am
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Salams,
It must be confusing for your daughter. She is at an impressionable age, and I am wondering if she is getting bullied from her non-muslim peers? Does she go to a muslim school? Kids feel safe in the home. As she cries when told to put the hijab on to go outside I think she wants some freedom indoors. I feel sure it goes far deeper than being an Islamic issue for her. Try to console her. Be patient. Ask your son to dress more appropriately in the home. I understand it is different for boys regarding dress. Does your husband wear shorts in the home? If so then perhaps he needs to understand that your daughter feels 'got at' by being told to cover. Especially if there are forces at work outside the home to. Also, her hormones are all over the place at her age. ANd certainly however you handle this situation could have lasting effects on her. She might say she is starting to hate Islam, but I think its about her more having some freedom to choose rather than it being religion based. SO for now, try to explain to your husband more. I hope he is an understanding man and father. I am sure you can resolve this without it becoming too much of an issue Good luck.Let us know how you get on. Always here to help :) Martha ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: leigha
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 5:26am
| salam, no my children are homeschooled so she says she is always having to cover and that she doesnt agree with hijab. i will take your advice and inshallah it will get better |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 10:45am
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If the father pointed this puberty fact out - then I think it would be better for the daughter to wear more modest clothes. Obviousley he noticed/observed it as inappropriate. Although Fathers and Brothers are our Mahrams - it is just as important for female members to dress within the realms of dignity so our borthers and fathers don't have to feel awkward. True, we can act/dressed relaxed around them - but modesty/haya still plays an important part. They shouldnt have to see something that they feel awkward about. The fact that he is not a biological father, makes it more important. If your daughter is not liking the "you have to because of Islam" approach - use a different one. Stress that it is not lady-like or dignified to dress inappropriately. . . like Martha said, the brother shud also be put into the same category of dressing dignified (shorts etc). Ofcourse you need to explain the obvious fact that men and women have different "auraah" . . . without having to "hammer" Islam into her. Even in the west, a shirtless man will not raise brows - but a shirtless female will . . . its not something Islam is enforcing upon us . . . its based on natural human tendencies and decency. Ofcourse - an important question is what "Dressing Modestly" within the four walls of your home means . . . whats acceptable to you and the family. In most muslim households who observe some sort of Hijab - women will usually not wear sleeveless, or reveal legs, even in front of brothers and fathers. As long as she is not exposing her "figure" . . . most ppl would say its ok whatever she wears . . . You could try leaving Islam out of it and talk generally abt acceptable family values/modesty. If you focus too much on Islam - she will simply resent islam and blame it for her restrictions. . . like she is doing now. Goodluck. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: leigha
Date Posted: 17 November 2009 at 12:09pm
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True that is why I am asking for what quran and sunnah say about this matter because my husband is refusing to make our son dress more modestly stating quran says he doesnt have to. I just wanted what Allah says and the prophet says about this matter because if the hadith say for us to dress modest then modest according to islam is covering everything except face, hands, and feet. I as an adult would have a problem with that as well. I have no problem and love wearing hijab but in my own home when no visitors are here does seem a bit much and i can understand my daughters point of view. The other thing is that yes men and women or boys and girls do have different requirements in islam on how to dress but we are not suppose to put our own opinion in it and only go off what quran and sunnah tell us. I cannot explain to her that young women whom dress more modest are better people when what she is wearing in her eyes and in my eyes is modest and only to my husband it is not. But with my husband he is not the type of father that likes being around teenage girls and does not understand that they have their own mind, thoughts, and feelings. He wants her to be covered because "she is a girl and she is in puberty and that is what allah says" is what he tells me daily. It has already turned into a huge and I mean a HUGE thing where my family is arguing over this on a daily basis and i am truly getting tired of it. I have been praying and making dua about this and the only thing that i can understand is that in my view she is fine but in his he is punishing her for being a girl and being a puberty and to me it is wrong. Thank you and inshallah may allah have mercy on us all |
Posted By: SteppeNomad
Date Posted: 18 November 2009 at 9:08am
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Leigha: But with my husband he is not the type of father that likes being around teenage girls and does not understand that they have their own mind, thoughts, and feelings. He wants her to be covered because "she is a girl and she is in puberty and that is what allah says" is what he tells me daily
No offence, but you husband sounds like a loser.
Looks like its got less to do with what Allah says but more to do with him being messed up.
Thats my advice.
------------- Ya Allah, Bismillah, AllahuAkbar. |
Posted By: Saladin
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 4:58am
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Boys and girls have to be modest whether at home or outside, whether in the presence of mahram or stranger; only the levels of clothing vary slightly. There're rules in Islam and they're there for good reasons but there's no point imposing the rules on anyone who dont get the spirit of the rules. Instead of complicating this simple issue, infusing the kids with the spirit of Islam and self esteem would do good. ------------- 'Trust everyone but not the devil in them' |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 5:37am
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'I have no problem and love wearing hijab but in my own home when no visitors are here does seem a bit much and i can understand my daughters point of view. '
Salams, Wearing hijab in the home is not necessary in front of your husband. Is this what he is requiring her to do? And you also? He does seem to be rather strict if this is the case. Hadiths tell us to dress modestly and I believe we should not follow western dress if it is immodest. HOWEVER, I agree with Saladin that it is better to not be so rigid with her if she doesn't yet understand. YOur husband, in my opinion, needs to relax a bit as there is a huge chance she will reject Islam and her father altogether at some point in the future. It does seem to be more about what he wants here.But I appreciate you are stuck in the middle and want to do what's right. Maybe a talk with your local Imam? As nothing seems to be working? I am sure he will guide you all in this matter. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 6:30am
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Actually yes, it doesn't make sense at all to wear a Hijab at home, in front of Mahrams ! It really is a complicated situation.  If your husband is disagreeable, I just hope the daughter is much more sensible and mature - and she understands your position on the matter. All I can think of to solve the issue is, Maybe you should just take her into confidence, and ask her to go along with dressing a bit more modestly - in order to keep the peace of the house. You'll just have to find a balance. . . Brothers who are reading - please be more understanding/cooperative husbands/fathers when its your turn! ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Saladin
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 9:28am
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Well if he wants her to be hijabed even at home, thats way too much. If its just that he wants her to cover her awra, cant fault him for that. Tank tops and shorts dont do a good job.
------------- 'Trust everyone but not the devil in them' |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 9:32am
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Asalaam alaikum, i think that, as mentioned, if the son can practically do what he likes and she cannot, any woman would find that irritating. When living in Pakistan I saw NO naked people in general. The only men who wore shorts were the sports -soccer players. Everyone dressed modestly in and out probably cause visitors arrived at any point. The climate should be Islamic.. why should anyone be 3/4 or 1/2 naked?? The climate should be modest. I also can see where you can enforce rules inside the home. But anyone who thinks they can force a woman wear hijab outside of the home in the west is asking for BIG trouble. People make hijab to be a 6th pillar.. and its not. And yes your husband is technically correct... but we need to be gentle with people. hijab should be the choice of the woman. Your daughter is considered a woman. Are the clothes tight? I can wear really loose clothes at home and its not seen as 'sexy.' And you can see a woman outside the home "completely' covered and it is definitely sexy and will draw the eye. And if she is forced to wear hijab not only will she resent it, she is not doing for the right reasons - to please Allah. And it ALWAYS amazes me when men have NO comprehension about how hard it can be for women to wear hijab in this society. And you know, it should be between her and Allah. Maybe he could agree to a compromise... as Chrysalis sugguested.. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 10:43am
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Asslamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatu Allah well sister, first welcome to the IslamiCity Forum. Then, I should say I feel so much respect for you cause from the beginning you said, you want what Allah said and Sunnah. I am not a scholar just Keep waiting for a reply with those proofs and explanation for you case from Quraan and Sunnah . And I believe you already know enough of feelings and how Hijab can be hard for some people, because you are a convert in the US and you understand the whole thing. What you really need to know is from a scholar or a knowledgeable person what to do in this case? What is auraa at home exactly? what is it in front of the father and brothers? Then, be so kind, gentle and understanding with your daughter to let her obey Allah. She is still young to be left between her and Allah. You are her mum and you should teach her that and educate her about Islam. SO the first step, know what Allah wants from you. Second, make duaa that Allah makes is easy for you to obey Him. Then, try your best to obey Allah for his sake not to please your hubby or anyone else. Just make sure of your intention to please Allah and obey Him and everything will be Ok. She will do what pleases Alalh and even love it, insha' Alalh. Talk to her a lot about the good rewards, the paradise. Talk to her about Allah's blessings on her and on every human being. You do not need to warn as you really need to make her love what pleases Allah. It is not hard, you can do it even with children. Just know the way.. May Allah bless you and make it easy for you. Peace. -------------  And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: leigha
Date Posted: 19 November 2009 at 11:44am
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Thank you sisters ever so much. I believe that you are all right. I am going to keeping asking Allah to guide me in this and teach her what Allah wants her to do the main thing is that I want her to do what Allah wants her to do not what others want her to do. If she loves Allah and obeys him then she is doing right. Inshallah this will all be easy for all of us. |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 20 November 2009 at 7:15am
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As Salamu Alaikum
I pray Sis Leigha that Allah swt eases this tension of yours. Hope that you shall deal with your daughter softly. Its not easy to deal with girls of such age. Also convey her that all the sisters here conveyed salaam to her. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |