marriage
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16061
Printed Date: 17 December 2024 at 11:09pm
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Topic: marriage
Posted By: shadi81
Subject: marriage
Date Posted: 22 December 2009 at 2:43pm
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salaams everyone,
Masha'Allah im a newly married girl. i met a wonderful man who alhamdulilah is a very good muslim and has just completed Hajj. however, whilst he was away i learnt that he use to be a drinker. although this is in his past and now he doesnt, it seems to play on my mind a lot. i havent mentioned it to him as i was taught that our past sins dont have to be discussed and im in no place to judge him for it. however, i often find myself thinking it over and im worried it may affect my relationship with him.
does anyone have advice on this? how should this be dealt with Islamically?
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Replies:
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 2:40am
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Dear,
It is "the past", before you arrived. Don't even think about it, because you don't know why was he drinking.
Most of the times, the men do it because of trying to show their friends that "they are real men". Other times, it's just because everyone does around.
But most probably, he was lost in that time, and then he found you.
Just look at him now and if he doesn't do it in the current times, don't blame him because of something he did before meeting you. He doesn't deserve.
See, I am not Muslim, but a believer, and as Catholic, we believe that God is always asking us to help our brothers and sisters. I think that God sent you to your husband to help him, so think about it. I don't know your story, but I believe so.
All the best and Mabrook for the wedding
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Saladin
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 3:35am
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Salam member_profile.asp?PF=62562&FID=89 - shadi81
Unless your husband's past drinking habit's as a result, adversely affecting him now, like Pati said - past is past, its gone! You know, Shaitan loves to break up happy marriages and gives these insinuating thoughts... sly dude, he is.
(114:1) Say: �I seek refuge with the Lord of mankind;
(114:2) the King of mankind, (114:3) the True God of mankind, (114:4) from the mischief of the whispering, elusive prompter who returns again and again, (114:5) who whispers in the hearts of people; (114:6) whether he be from the jinn or humans.� ------------- 'Trust everyone but not the devil in them' |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 6:30am
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Asalalam ALaikum, Welcome to the Forum. I agree with Pati and Saladin. Let it go. When I was young and nonMuslim I did things that are certainly not halal. Assuming he was a Muslim, did he live / grow up in the US? If so, chances are pretty high that he was influenced by the society around him. Young people tend to do foolish things. If he does not drink, great! He grew up. You know a few years ago, I met, on the phone, a Muslim man. It was around this time. We talked on the phone. We were talking what we did for the "New Year" and he said he went out partying. He was 35 at the time. My thought was uh oh..never grew up. People DO grow up and change behavior. if your husband is not exhibiting any behavior thank Allah! Again thank Allah for your blessings. There are sadly spouses dealing with drinking problems or porn addictions or other ongoing struggles. We often, myself included, forget to either thank Allah for our blessings or not have patience when we are tested. Be grateful ALL the time. There very well may be other tests. But thank Allah he does not drink. Again welcome.  ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 8:31am
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Nothing to add, good advise from all the members ! Nobody is perfect sister, the best part is that alhamdulilah he seems to have turned over a new leaf (and Allah knows best). Besides, after Hajj, a Muslim becomes as clean and sinless as a new born baby (inshAllah). Keep praying for Hidayath (guidance) of you both, and a blessed life together. Hopefully InshAllah he stays on this new path he has taken. Stay optimistic. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 10:12am
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me too nothing to add!! I agree with them all. May Allah make your life happy. We all did mistakes in past and still doing but Allah is full of mercy. He forgives the sins when you repent. Do not let shyatn spoil your joy and happiness. Ignore this shyatn. The Muslim can become even more closer to Allah after the sin if he repents from the sin and did good things after it. Best wishes for you.  ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 1:45pm
| If "drinker" is synonymous with alcoholic, then it should greatly concern you. Often recovering alcoholics struggle with their addiction and return to drinking during stressful times. What are the warning signs? What are possible triggers? How can you help? These and other questions you would be well advised to educate yourself on and ponder. However, if your husband was a "social" drinker on occasion, I wouldn't worry too much about this. Alcohol addiction is indeed something to concern yourself about if his drinking lead to the disease of alcoholism. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 28 December 2009 at 11:26pm
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Salam,
Mabrook from the bottom of my heart,may you have a beautiful life in this world here after,do some acts of islam together like saum,or salah tahajjud this will increase the luv between you two.
just an advise can use it
regards
Faisal
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Posted By: aka2x2
Date Posted: 30 December 2009 at 1:59pm
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You should look into your heart and ask if you like/love your new husband... If not why not....
You already know his past is passed, yet you cannot let it go... It may be that you are looking for a justifiable excuse for your lack of love.... ------------- Respectfully  aka2x2
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