General Islamic Matter - islam, marriage and alcohol.

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islam, marriage and alcohol.

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: General Islamic Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Islamic matters/issues that not covered by other sub catagories
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16487
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 6:48pm
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Topic: islam, marriage and alcohol.

Posted By: shammir
Subject: islam, marriage and alcohol.
Date Posted: 15 March 2010 at 12:46am

I am a believer and practicer of islam. My husband is a muslim by birth. He does not practice Islam though he has a muslim name. I loved him and married him. He has a drinking problem. He likes to consume alcohol when he's with his non-muslim friends. though he does not gets drunk and creates problems, I am totally against it. He has said that he enjoys it and will not stop. it happens atleast about 20 times a year. Yet i am a happy woman with him till i know he's going to drink. I don't want to lose him and yet i don't like him drinking. what should i do?

Replies:

Posted By: UmmFatima
Date Posted: 15 March 2010 at 3:35pm

Ask your local imam if you can. This is a tricky issue.

If he doesn't stop then you're endangering the integrity of your family. I wish there was an easy answer.

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�Our Lord! Grant us comfort in our spouses and descendants, and make us leaders of the God-fearing.� -Al-Furqan 74

Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 15 March 2010 at 6:48pm

As Salamu Alaikum

Sister, why don't you work towards increasing his faith and strive him to be a practicing muslim. Also try to get rid him rid of such freinds. Company influences alot. Try to keep him away from such friends.

Share to him the evils of drinking and remind him punishment in Islam for drinkers. Infact i remember having read that the janazah prayers of people who drink are not to be done !!!

Here are the hadiths which i wish you share with him. Its weak Imaan and fear of Allah, that makes a person not realise the seriousness of committing a sin

Jaabir reported that he said: �Allaah has promised the one who drinks khamr that He will make him drink the mud of khibaal.� The people asked, �O Messenger of Allaah, what is the mud of khibaal?� He said, �The sweat of the people of Hell, or the juice of the people of Hell.�

(Reported by Muslim, 3/1587).

Ibn Abbaas reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: �Whoever dies and has the habit of drinking khamr, he will meet Allaah as one who worships idols.�

(Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/45; see also Saheeh al-Jaami�, 6525)

"Alcohol paralyses the senses, makes one lurch, and vomit, extinguishes the feeble glimmer of reason which flickers in our poor minds. It soon overcomes the strongest man, and turns him into a raging beast who with empurpled face and bloodshot eyes, bellows forth oaths and threats against his surroundings and insults imaginary enemies. Never in any animal species, not among pigs, nor jackals, nor donkeys, is such ignominy to be found. The ugliest thing in creation is the drunkard, a repulsive being, the sight of whom makes one ashamed to belong to the same living species." (Dr Charles Richet, Paris - Nobel Prize Winner of Physiology)

May Allah help you towards making him a practising muslim. Start up by making duas, sis.

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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

Posted By: shammir
Date Posted: 15 March 2010 at 7:40pm

Dear Brothers and sisters

As Salamu Alaikum

As i have said he is muslim by birth but he does not practice it. His dad is hindu and mum muslim. He was brought up a muslim but had the freedom to decide how he wants to run his life. He does not do anything required by our religion. He does not pray, he does not fast, he refuse to listen to anything when it comes to religion. He has always been a loving husband. I have got no complaints about that. He has always been supportive of my family and me. He never gets angry. It's hard for a female to have a best friend after marriage. But he is my best friend, my true best friend. I have never felt i can open up to anyone as much as i can but him. He treats me even better than my own family had treated me. And i feel i cannot ask too much from him. He tells me all the time that he is not doing anything wrong. He gives donations from his salary, he makes sure nothing lacks at home, he spends most of his time with me and with allahs blessing, hasnt looked at another woman. yet he tells me not to stop him from what he is and how he is. Not to make him stop his small enjoyments. A male in the singaporean society has alot of friends. And similar his friends have been with him from the lowest ebb of his life till now. It will be unfair if i ask him to give it up. He wont even go to see a imaam to talk as well. I dont know what i should do. I dont know how to talk to him. I dont know if he will even listen to someone else. I dont like it when he says he's a man of principles and not of religion.

Posted By: shammir
Date Posted: 15 March 2010 at 7:55pm

and the main issue is i dont like the idea of him drinking. I hate it. i hate to know that he drinks. yet he does not want to stop.

Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 16 March 2010 at 5:37am

Walaikum asalaam sister shammir,
I think what is SO good here is that you have a good husband who is not a hypocrite...he is honest with you (not all husbands are) he looks after you(not all husbands do). He is also your best friend and treats other people well also. So...I understand your frustrations that he does not follow Islam at all. BUt I assume you were aware of that before you married him. SO he did not deceive you in that sense.
Continue to build on the positive issues...by wanting to make him face his weakness of alcohol at this time I feel could aggravate an apparently happy marriage.
I wouldn't try to point put the evils of drink as such. He seems like a well grounded adult that would already know that alcohol has other effects on the body other than the religious aspect of it. Why rock the boat? He will stop when he is ready, not because you want him to. As he doesn't get drunk and it seems to be a social activity done amongst his non-muslim friends, and he does not do it behind your back, then I think that is also a positive. In time, as he gets older, he will I am sure get things in perspective.
Be more patient with him..don;t discuss it with him. By confronting him might just make him begin to point out your faults also? (Don't we all have them sister?)
Don't risk your friendship and marriage over something that could resolve itself on it's own. At least he doesn;t cheat on you or murder people.
Keep your marriage happy.

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some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 16 March 2010 at 6:09am

Asalaam Alaikum,

Welcome to the Forum,

In essence you married what amounts to a nonMuslim.. he does not practice the religion. He may have been "Muslim at birth" but as an adult he has chosen to reject Islam. As you have written, "he is a man of principles not religion"

Sadly this can be common.It may not have been the most important question and either someone was misrepresented or no one thought of this assuming it was arranged?? Now you are in a bit of mess. He does not pray, does not fast etc. Maybe you are changing? What would have been ok for me at 20 is not okay as I got older. Sadly some parents look can a man provide and don't check whether they actually ever pray.. like they want their kids to be doctors, lawyers or engineers but don't care if they have any faith...

The question may be what does religion and faith mean to you? Is it about "just the drinking." Drinking is not halal, but it sounds like he has "bigger" problems then drinking around "20 times per year". (For instance I have alcoholics in my family, my brother gets drunk nearly every day after work.. and I do mean drunk.)

He is not striving to follow Allah. And really sister, if he is not practicing (basically has he rejected Islam??) then the drinking is not haram. In his own mind, if he is not following Islam then you are trying to deal with a nonreligious issue. (My opinion). And having lived with and known people with drinking problems you cannot make him "give it up."

Not that you want it, but if he is not practicing his religion, that is Islamically, grounds for divorce.

What I would do first and foremost: pray to Allah. Do many, many prayers.

Then you have to decide what you want in YOUR life. If you are a practicing Muslim it is almost like you married a person of another faith. (His mom did and now her son is quite agnostic.) Anyone who is very serious about their religion would find the whole thing troublesome.

If you are fine with all things (minus the drinking) then you have two options:
1. Live with it and not say anything
2. Speak up. He says not to "change him" well we all give and take in a relationship. We all "change" for our partners. Its not like you are asking him to give up all aspects of his life. Just the drinking is upsetting you. If he does not have a drinking - addiction - problem. He should not be hard to give up. If he refuses you know where you stand.

Then you have to decide what you can live with.

Many people who don't want religion often its because they are filled with their own self-ego and think they "know what they need to know" and no one will tell them what to do.. They like to feel important. And they'd have to "give up" things.

At that point its up to Allah..

my Duas for you sister..

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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Posted By: Mohammed Safwan
Date Posted: 22 March 2010 at 8:18am

As Salam Alaikum :-)

Please deal with Patience... Educate him about Islam. There is no hard and fast rule in this world to get rid of habits... Only Hidayaah from Allah can guide a person to the right path. None of the people here in forum either have the rights to justify whether your marriage is within Islam or outside. Your relationship here is very complicated...Deal with it like a good surgeon... Patience .. Patience is the Key.....

Ask him:-- If he is a person of principle why doesnot he stand against a Social evil like Alcohol... What are his principle standing for when he and his friends drink such a social evil... Ask him to imagine the amount of money he spend out of his earning on Alcohol can be spent on a good cause...thereby bringing more pleasure to his heart & soul...

I say this because, if a man is truly made of his principle... then he will surely pay more regards to deeds that gives pleasure to the soul & not his desires...

The trick below I mention is an age old trick .... which everyone is well versed with, but still for the pleasure of mentioning it:-

Whenever a child insist of something which cannot be provided or is harmful to him/her we :-

Try and divert his/her attention...

Try to pamper with things they like more...

Engage them into something else...

Shover our LOVE...

Dont speak to them...(Negative Motivation)

Emotionally black-mail...(If you love me... cant you just leave drinking for me...)

Guage his improvements...Take him to a Doctor...(just say why cant he give a try).....

When you see very good improvements If he is not an Atheist(if yes more tough situation) give him books about Islam... just let him read it.. Especially give him books that speaks about the Character of Our Beloved Prophet & his companions...Make sure to not give him any philosophical book(It is very complicated)... Give books more of the Moral that we can learn from the Character of Mohammed(Pbuh)... Now if you see some improvements give him to read books about Quran...Insha Allah finally he will change...

And finally we succeed....

But there are cases where only a hurt can teach a proper lesson...

So try all that you can...

Dont straight away start preaching...(Its like educating a Donkey)

Also as mentioned by others the friends circle is something you need to keep him away from....Or else take the war to the enemies camp... Start teaching the evil effects of Alcohol to them too... educate their wives...atleast for sure you will certainly see some change...

Finally:---

DO ALL THE ABOVE IN A VERY SWEET AND PROFESSIONAL MANNER -- ANY RUDE WAY WILL SPOIL THE SPORT --- REMEMBER LIKE A SURGEON..

Cheers....Insha Allah everything will be ok...

God Bless you to have Beautiful Muslim Family...

As Salam Walaikum... :-)