Help me to Understand
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: General Islamic Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Islamic matters/issues that not covered by other sub catagories
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16511
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Topic: Help me to Understand
Posted By: gynks79
Subject: Help me to Understand
Date Posted: 17 March 2010 at 6:35am
| In my life on this earth I have been blessed by Allah in good health, family, jobs and some friends. I don't pray for materials, I never have but Allah has been kind to me in this, I have a simple life. However, I have tried many times to understand why I was not given happiness to be married, to have a good husband, and happy life together. I try so many times to find the answer to this hurt of my heart but, I don't know it. I have prayed to Allah so many days and nights and years for the answer, but still I have this empty sadness of my heart. I know there are many here who understand and know much more than me, so I ask for your help, inshalallah. |
Replies:
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 17 March 2010 at 7:51pm
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Asallam Alaikum, I could have written you post! I think I have so much but no husband.. I think most people are like us but in different ways.. most people have some type of "sadness" It just manifests itself in different ways. I have my own theories.. I know plenty of people who are married who have 'sadness' for many reasons. I think we see the potential and possibilities for our lives and they never, often quite get there on all levels. I have to say what helps me is to keep perspective but keeping in touch with other peoples' lives, how truly, truly hard they are. I think having some sadness is not a bad thing. We are human and we have emotions. And maybe by having 'incomplete' or 'imperfect' lives we long to go to a better place and not see the Dunya as heaven. What do you think? Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 17 March 2010 at 11:20pm
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Salam Good point Hayfa, we never reach perfect happiness in the dunya. We should try our best to achieve that we want, but left to Allah about the result He knows best what good for us. Just follow the flow of live, take it easy. I myself, alhamdulillah, have wonderful wife, wonderful children but many things that I dream not (yet) come true. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 18 March 2010 at 5:43am
| Salaam Hayfa, yes I agree everyone has some sadness in some form at varied times and maybe its good to help us to see and grow. Yet, I think at a time in our lives we all want and need to share our hearts and lives. I really hope and believe that Allah never means for us to live alone. he gives us hearts to share I believe, not to keep in the dark. I share my love with many people other than families. I love to teach and give my time to help others and anything else if I have it. I was married also, and have 2 sons. Just, I don't want to live the remainder of my life alone. I try to be a good person as much as I can, I know I have much to learn yet in Islam and I am so willing to learn it. but as good as any of us can be, we are human as you say, and we get lonely, its natural. |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 18 March 2010 at 9:48am
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As Salamu Alaikum
Sister, kindly read this thread http://www.islamicity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15991 Insha Allah, it shall help you alot. Patience patience and patience, untill your duas are answered sis.Untill then - not a word of complaint for Allah, for He knows us very well, and He loves and cares us more than anyone. Never despair and stay strong. Am sure that thread shall boost you. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 18 March 2010 at 10:06am
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Salaam to all: my brother, how can I begin to thank you for the reading you sent to me today. Maybe Allah touch you to send it, I believe. So much of it is how I feel. I have spent my adult life raising my two sons alone. Often working 2 jobs but now they are young men, good men. The reading speaks of tears and fears, I can not begin to tell you how many times this has affected me. I can not tell you how many times I pray to Allah but the reading sends me encouragement. I am at fault for what my eyes see often times, others who are happy together and my heart has cried for that sure. I am in the process of trying to volunteer to help others to read english and use computers and teach them how to interview for jobs. In my heart I know Allah make me good at these things and I love to do it. Just sometimes in the quiet moments of the day or night, my mind tell me....I will die alone and never know the love that Allah want us to have to share. it is at those times I cry so much and say please Allah tell me what did I do? My age is not young though age is of no matter. I lost my dad one year ago, he was my rock, my mom is sick, my sister lost a kidney to cancer last year. Oh my Allah! just I pray to hold me together. My younger son live with me in college to be doctor, he is a true gift from Allah hamduliallah! I could not ask for a better child in my life. Sorry to make this so long, please forgive me. BUT BROTHER, THANK YOU from my heart. Thank all of you for your kindness and sweet concern for someone u do not even know. Pray Allah will bless all of you and your families. |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 18 March 2010 at 10:21am
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As Salamu Alaikum
Sister, stay strong !! May Allah swt bless you with patience. Stay active at Islamicity, sis. You can help those who are in need of advice, or may also share anything that you know of Islam. Only key for contentment which i feel is to value what we have. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 22 March 2010 at 9:01am
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Salaam sister seekshidayath, I went into your blog this morning and begin to read about BEING SAD and why we should not and what it does to us. You know I wish I can carry this in my heart each day. Sadness is so strong with me, and I know its not good. I read also about trying to be patient and not worry of things and how it make us allow bad things to go into our minds. I try each day so hard not to do this also, but its very hard for me. I talk to Allah almost all day. Sometimes I think he grows tired to hear my calls my crys. But I have no place else to go, no one can feel my heart as Allah, no one can allow me to speak free as Allah and understand just me. I tell you the truth, my heart is breaking. But I am trying so hard to find the strength and that is why I come to this place. Many have sent to me words of the Holly Quran to help me, and I read it. Just I don't want to leave this earth with my heart this way, everyone want love and care from others and family. No one want to be alone in life, its just too hard, to hard. But I thank you for your blog its a very good one just I ask all of you to pray Allah do something inside of me, to make me strong to change my sadness. Thank you.
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 8:22am
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Salaams, This may be an odd question? Are you suffering from depression? Some people need "other help." Have you thought of this? Feeling sadness is normal, extensive and ongoing is not healthy for us.. Could you be suffering from depression? My Duas for you. Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 8:29am
| Salaam Hayfa, I would guess mine is a form of depression yes. Sometimes life just brings too much at one time. You know my dad was the one I would go to when things seemed to be so much for me, but he's gone, and that does not change the fact things will continue to happen as we live. Its just that I'm not and never was good at dealing with them alone. Fatimah |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 8:44am
| I actually called the mosque that I attend in hopes to speaking to the Imam for guidance, but no one has returned my call, I sent an email to another mosque and explained generally my needs and again no one responded. The world has truly changed, people can often times be very disappointing. then again, maybe I'm expecting too much. Fatimah |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:01am
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As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah
Sis Fatimah, i really pray that Allah swt ease your problems and bless you with contentment and happiness
You must have read many a times this hadith that Dua is a weapon of a believer. Alhamdullilah, you have been making duas.
Sister here are two authentic duas, which are my weapons while am distressed
Allahumma rahmata arjoo fa la takilni ila nafsi tarfat ayn w�aslih li sha�ni kullahu la ilaha illa anta Trans: O Allah, for your mercy I hope, so do not leave in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye: rectify all my affairs. There is no God except You. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:03am
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La ilaha ill-Allah al-Azeem al-Hakeem, laa ilaha ill-Allah Rabb al �Arsh al-�Adheem la ilaha illa-Allah Rabb al-Samawat wa Rabb al Ard wa Rabb al-Arsh al-kareem
Trans: There is no God but Allah, the All-powerful. The Forbearing; There is no god but Allah. Rabb of the mighty throne; there is no god but Allah, Rabb of heaven,Rabb of earth, Rabb of the nobel throne. As well this dua this sis Fatima :
Ya hayyu ya qayyum bi rahmatika astagheetu
Trans: O Ever-Living , O Eternal, by Your mercy I seek help. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:09am
| Thank you. I too pray constantly, even in my work day. In the night I wake and pray and pray and each morning for a reason i do not know. I am waken at 5:30 am exact time each morning. So I rise and clean my body and pray and talk to Allah. I ask for his help constantly. and thank you as well fatimah |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:11am
| Alhamduliallah! thank you so much, I will pray with this request to Allah. Please pray for my strength. fatimah |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:17am
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Right now sis, can you go out to meet any of good friends / relatives who really care you, or if its not possible to reach them, make calls to them.
Sis, as said earlier, the biggest achievement is contentment. Ask Allah swt for that. Make duas about this sister, you shall really find difference. Infact when we seek help of humans be it our relatives or friends, they may help us but at times they get vexed of us. But our Creator, infact feels happy when we ask Him.
And don't forget this hadith sis Fatimah that �When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.�
The dua shared above - La ilaha ill-Allah --- was the dua Prophet {sallal lahu alayhi wasallam} used to make while in distress or sorrow. So kindly keep reciting it all the time.
------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:19am
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Also sis, you can be active here. You can find many friends here. Insha Allah, i wish to top your list of friends
 Am sure, every reader of this thread, shall make duas for you. Stay strong sis. You can even PM me.
Remember me in your duas as well
------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:40am
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But why Allah try them with hardship to be good to them. I have heard Imam say this too. Im so weak for this, it hurts my heart so much and I cry and cry because I know Allah is so good but I become afraid of the test. All my sisters in my family are married, when things happen to them, they have their husbands to talk to them to be near to them. I go home alone and think and worry and hurt. I have my son there sure, but I can not burden him with my hurts, I just can't. I don't want him to worry of me too. So my mind just go, and go. Im so glad I find this site to talk. I feel shame, I just tell you because it seem all of you so more strong than me and I wish for this too. My family is getting smaller and smaller, it seem all the ones I love are going and I know we all must go, I know that in my head but my heart, its too much for it. When I read the words you send me even now it bring tears to my eyes, but im glad you give to me. thank you. fatimah |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 6:56pm
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Come on ! You say us sister and still feel embarassed to write to us. We all are pillars of each other sis. Problems are part of everyone's life. We need to stand and support each other.
One point which i don't understand, why do our parents not share their problems with us. Of course, they need not tell us, we know and understand them, yet why this feeling that it shall worry them ! or its burdening ! Not at all, its not burdening, but sharing. You can share with your son as well, sis. He is now capable to listen you, infact may also advise you. He will be more a friend than a son to you. Be free with him as well. I really wish i cud meet you and hug you ! Now, no more sobbings or broodings. Keep smiling and refresh yourselves, sis. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 9:41pm
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Salaams Sister... You are always welcome to write here.. there are many good people here. Isolation is NOT good for us. As Seeks has said, seek out others..Yes your sisters have husbands, but you have them. We all need help in different ways. I think many of us have faced " dark times." What do you worry about? What is causing you so much distress? ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: haris30432
Date Posted: 23 March 2010 at 11:58pm
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Salam,
I not sure if this again is a woman only section.However with everybody's permission i would like to say the solution to your problem is GOD and him alone.We should seek GOD and GOD alone in our lives.Day and night we should commemorate him,praise him,thank him for even the smallest thing we see in our life.Tell ourselves a million times if need be that we need only GOD and we are here only to worship him alone.This is the first and foremost priority.Our only mission is to please our Lord and redeem ourselves so that we attain salvation and then eternal paradise.Everything else is secondary.As we are weak humanbeings,i understand you feeling lonely and helpless.Everybody is like that,including me.I feel lonely too and also worry sometimes but if we persist in our worries that means we do not trust GOD.It means that we havent submitted to his will.It means that we are not appreciative of the other things that we have in our lives.And finally it simply means that we are objecting GOD.Anything negetive in our minds are always from Satan.This is why remembering GOD while standing,walking and sitting is very important.The verse in the Quran is there for a good reason.Problems do come,tests do come,even the messengers of GOD were tested.So how did they prevail??!!ABSOLUTE TRUST IN GOD!Even when disaster seemed right in front of their faces,they still thot "NO,my GOD will protect me or help me".These are the true believers.I and you should strive to attain that level of certainity and trust in GOD.Only then,fear will not touch us.What i think u shud be praying now is not for a partner but for certainty and strength in your faith.This is what i try to pray.Nothing else matters,coz we leave this world with nothing.Our jobs,our spouses,our money,our children nothing goes with us.We leave it all here.God alone is there always.Once we attain the certainty and strength of faith you will see how God's promise comes true.God knows your innermost thots.God knows your needs more than you do.When u put him above everything else,even if you dont specifically ask,GOD will give you whats best for u.He is all knowing,the most merciful.Keep telling urself day and night,when you wake up,on the way to work,during ur breaks,on the way back home etc that GOD alone is your refuge and that GOD is there always with you closer than your jugular vein.Your life will change,happiness will come to you.God's mercy will be showered upon you.This is God's promise and who is best in keeping his promise other than GOD?!!
[50:16] We created the human, and we know what he whispers to himself. We are closer to him than his jugular vein.
Peace!
------------- ONE GOD ONE SOURCE OF LAW! |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 3:32am
Why are you so doubtful today brother ! You are at the right section  ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 5:52am
| salaam Hayfa, I think my bigest worry is dieing alone. I never wanted to be alone as a woman. I was a good wife and good mother and I hope a good friend. I am not a great person, no, but I will give to anyone if I can because I know lot of people need help and If i have it, I give it. but it just seem there is been this lost in my life. I raise my sons alone I feel bad for that because they deserve both parents but I guess I choose the wrong person, so I accept that and was very strong to work many jobs to make sure my sons are good. but Allah give me a heart that want to share and love and care, so why he give me this heart and no one to share with? I try everyday to think what did I do so bad in my life what, what? but really I don't know. No one want to die alone, its nice to have someone hold your hand at that moment and say he has always been your love and cared for you. But I believe it hurt so much to die without knowing you have shared your heart with a warm caring person. This thought break my heart, walah. Yes I know I have my sons and family who care sure, but Allah did not give these children to me alone, yet I am alone. I know I think too much I always have, but now you know honest, I'm tired, I'm tired, I pray for many years for this, many years. If Allah ask me today, if I wanted another chance to live this life, I would say to him, please NEVER. fatimah |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 6:02am
| salaam brother Haris, thank you, thank you. Your words are so exact and I know and believe all that you say is true. I know it, only to be truthful I have to admit, its very very hard to do when we live in this world. This world is all that we know, we can imagine other place and jenna but this world today, as it is, is all that we know. I know what you say is right, as sure as I know my own children. being a human being is so very hard so hard. so much comes into play and we try and try to push it out. Have you ever been thinking or pray to Allah and then other thoughts come to your head and you say, oh my Allah please move these thoughts or worries? why does this happen, most of us try to hard to do as you say, its very hard. I know Allah know me more than I know me and I wish I was as good as any of the messengers but I know I am not so strong. I feel like the more I pray the more things happen, really I don't understand it maybe its just so overwhelming for me, I just don't know, I feel lost. fatimah |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 1:16pm
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file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPINKPA%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml -
file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPINKPA%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml - file:///C:%5CUsers%5CPINKPA%7E1%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml - ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 1:39pm
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Wylekum Salaam Sister Hayfa, You are right in all that you say, I agree with all my heart and believe it or not, each morning, each day, each night. I thank Allah even for my bed, even for the quiet of the night and the early morning, the silence, even for the crispness of the air I breath. And yes I do think each day of the many people that I wish I can help in many countries who suffer and I wonder why there is so much unkindness in the world just to people who want to just live a simple life. I do hurt for them I do. I am grateful for all things I have and I have never ever ask Allah for riches or big house, or lot of anything, those things mean nothing to me, they never have, I try harder than you know sister to be a stronger person. I feel I am the weaker one of my family yet, do you know, everyone in my family and many friends come to me with their fears, they come to me! because I have been through so so much,and they think maybe I know something to tell them to help them, and I try, but I am no good for myself, no good. I do not look for relationships because i already know it will not be good, so what else can I do? I volunteer to teach others english and computer software and to read stories or tell stories to children, whatever I can do, but my sister sometimes in the quiet of the evening when I sit and have my tea alone, or my dinner alone if my son is not there or I go anyplace always alone, that is when it hurts. fatimah |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 1:46pm
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Asalaam Alaikum Fatimah,
I really feel for you. And I am sure Hayfa is right in saying that you are depressed. BUt that need not be a big problem, really it need not be. At our saddest times we evaluate our life..but often we are so caught up in the negative aspects that it is almost impossible to see a silver lining. Sister, it is not likely that you will die alone. I am sure at our vulnerable and weak moments( as this is what us humans are) we all feel the same.I certainly have.I am not ashamed to say it. It doesn;t mean that Allah or His truth is not important..it just means that we all get tired in life, as Hayfa says. The fact that you have such emotion and passion about life, love, family, childen, people..shows that you are a truly good person. You perhaps cannot see it because life has not been as kind to you as you deserve. It happens a lot to good people. BUt I know you will come though this episode. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that, when you do, you will aid those that also feel low. It is what kind people do because they remember their sadness and don't like others to suffer. THere are basically 2 kinds of people in this life..the givers and the takers. I know which one you are:) So, be pleased Allah made you this way. You have much to give and Allah will reward you. I went through a horrendous time..I never believed I would come through it..I had special friends to keep me going. ANd less than a year later I am the happiest I have been for a decade. So...many of us have been right where you are now. It will come right for you Fatimah. Take care, Fatimah (yes, that's my name too)  ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 1:55pm
| Alhamduliallah, alhamduliallah, Allah send me so many to hold me up, hamduliallah!!! thank you so much sister Fatimah, thanks to all of my sisters and brothers today who come to my aid and more, thank you for understanding what I am going through and my weaknesses. I hope I make it through insha allah. Just seems so much going on all around me, sickness, sadness, death, pain and I feel I am in the middle of a wild wind. People hurting all over the world, it hurts me too, to hear it or see it because who am I, I can do nothing not even for myself. I'm glad Allah lead me to this group, thank you so much. fatimah |
Posted By: haris30432
Date Posted: 24 March 2010 at 11:40pm
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Salam,
Why are you so doubtful today brother ! You are at the right section
Lol !well..i dont see any brothers here..soo...it got me doubtful ..just being cautious.. dont wish to intrude...lol :D.. but thank you for clearing it up for me.. take care
Peace! ------------- ONE GOD ONE SOURCE OF LAW! |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 25 March 2010 at 7:10am
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Asalaam Alaikum Sister, I think most people go through times of "reflection" when we see things and wish for "change." But I do not think we are meant to have "everything" in this life, or we would think this is Jannah. And its not. Plus we have good and bad, hard and soft, sleep and activity, etc.. we have both. We experience both the "highs" and "lows" of life. There is nothing wrong with having those moments. I think we all do. Death: we don't know when it will be sister, or how it will be. There is no guarantees if you were married the husband would be able to be by your side. And if you are aware you are"dying" at some point you must turn inwards for no one will be making that journey with you. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 25 March 2010 at 7:14am
| Salaam Hayfa, yes sister you are correct in all that you say. Living in this world to me is so very hard, I would never want to do it again, never. Just it seem out of 6 children in my family, I am choosen to have the hardest life, why? I would never wish that on anyone, even if I am so angry to them, I would never. its just too much. Fatimah |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 25 March 2010 at 6:45pm
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Do we know? Of course not.. why of anything.... I think we learn answers "later." And you know, hard as it may seem, it is a different type of blessing. I think of how my life has been hard and yet it has made me a far, far better person. And its REALLY important to not compare yourself to others.. and view that you are "missing" something. You know you born into Islam.. you know how many of us wish we had been born into a Muslim family? I, and probably others who don't have any Muslim family have asked "Why me." It is a very lonely road at times. We don't have family who understands us, we often have few friends.. We often belong neither in the Muslim or nonMuslim world. I could think that you sister, has way more then I. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 2:04am
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Assalamu alaikum sister,
May Allah ease your hardships, and give you strength and patience to face them. Hope this helps: http://www.godsline.com/2010/03/how-strong-is-our-faith.html%20 - http://www.godsline.com/2010/03/how-strong-is-our-faith.html and this too...in some way
http://www.godsline.com/2010/03/to-say-thank-you.html%20 - http://www.godsline.com/2010/03/to-say-thank-you.html Just trust Allah.
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Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 5:15am
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As-salaam alaykum Warahamatullah Wabarakatuh my dear brethren in Islam...
I had to read this post from the first page till the end here,before contributing my 'quota' as a Muslimah. I must admit that,everyone who has responded has been so thoughtful,understanding,non-judgemental and most of all,kind.May Allah ease all your affairs and grant you Jannah on the Day of Reckoning.Ameen. What more can I possibly say that hasn't already been said? Dear sister Fatimah...you are named after one of the respected,pious, devoted,blessed and most cherished women in Islam.The daughter of our beloved Muhammad (s.a.w) was consoled in her times of hardship.I can't relate the story 'word for word'.But I can tell you that she also got sore hands ,which was the consequence of streinous housechores.Once the Prophet(s.a.w) visited her home,she was consoled by him that,Allah will grant her reward from being a dutiful wife in the Hereafter...(something along that line). Remember also that,the holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)suffered a great loss as well.Even to the extent of shedding tears and saying the Takbeer more than the required time,while leading Eid prayers.Wouldn't one have thought that being the beloved of Allah's Messengers,he should know no hardships,feel no hurts of experience any losses? Rasulullah (s.a.w) shed tears,he was aggrieved but not desolated...Allah promised him Jannah over Dunniyah. And remember,"after hardship comes relief"...That is Allah's promise to the believers. What I have learnt about life is that,"we can't have it all".And this is why we must seek'contentment'.You are human, and it is only natural that you feel the way you do.Some people are still found wanting in the midst of plenty.Some people are sharing their lives with people who do not bring them joy,happiness,satisfaction or fulfilment.Some would even wish they were alone because they'd be better-off not married. Some are married and are still seeking the fruit of the womb.I feel your pain dear sister,but only Allah can grant you succour!!!! Am also a very emotional and sensitive human being....The downside of that is being hurt easily.But the positive and good side is that I feel people's pain and put myself in other people's shoes.And I indeed have had my fair share of life's disappointments.I can't even begin to tell you what psychological imbalance that caused me.But what I have also learnt is that,am more at ease with myself when am closer to Allah spiritually. We are social-beings and Allah has created us with physical needs.But in trying times like this,we must look for an avenue (within the limits of Islam) to fill that void we feel;the same way men have been advised to fast in order not to fall into temptation because of their emotional needs,before they are ready for marriage. I'm 'second' to sister Seekskhidayath in putting my hand of friendship forward. May Allah grant your heart ease.It is good to let the feelings out as bottling everything up does you no good.We are here for you,when you need to 'lash out' or vent'.But Allah alone can grant your heart ease....Be strong and always remember'After pain comes relief'.... It isn't easy,but it will be worth it insha Allah in this life and the Hereafter! Love you for the sake of Allah! ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 5:26am
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http://dailyreminders.org/dua-when-under-stress-anxiety/
I thought you might find this site helpful,masha Allahu! ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 5:38am
| good morning sister Hayfa, I hope you are well insha allah. My sister you think I was born into Islam, oh how i wish it. I was not, my entire family except my son are christians. None of them like that I am muslima, none of them. Only my father accepted me in this. He was happy that I believe in Allah and he and I would talk many days and hours of our God, but as I say before now he is gone. None of my friends are muslima, so I don't go to them so much, yes I still care them but they always speak in the name of Jesus, I can not do that. Soooo, its me and my son. I go to mosque on some sundays for halaqa and I enjoy it. I have been in Islam for about 8 years now. I know its the right place for me hamduliallah. So I do understand your feeling of loneliness in this respect believe me. And yes we are not to compare ourselves to others but when we live around others and see these things sometimes its so hard. Many times I have been afraid when raising my sons that maybe I would not make it, but Allah cared for all of us and made the way for us. I guess its hard for others to understand that marriage mean a lot to me. I have a sister who love only materials, all she speak of are materials and if you could see how she spend you would not believe it, she owns 5 cars, 5 cars, why, why. I will never understand that, but, its up to her not to me. As for, I don't care of any of those things, I never have. Just I want to be happy in the way i believe Allah want us. To be caring and giving, and loving to each other and to have happy life, nothing more. |
Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 5:52am
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Assalamu alaikum,
sister lovesakeenah, that was so very good of you, very well said indeed...may Allah reward you well in this life and the next..ameen. Allah hafiz |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 5:53am
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Salaam my dear sister,
thank you ever so much for your kind and strong words. it seem all of you know me, as if we all raise in same house. How wonderful this is, I have you as my sisters and brothers, hamduliallah. Thank Allah for ALL OF YOU. I wish I can hug you all and hold all of you near to me, I love you all for caring of me walah. I wish I can bring all of you to live with me then I never be lonely. All that you say to me I know is right because I can feel it in my heart. Its good to talk to men and woman who have been on same path as we are. Only they can truly understand. Yes i have read the story of Fatimah many times and how she loved her father our prophet (pbuh) so so much. Each time I read it I cry so much. it is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read other than the story of our prophet (pbuh). Both had so many hardships so so many and their stories touch my heart so deeply. Thank you for reminding of these things sister. Allah be with you.
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Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 26 March 2010 at 6:47pm
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JazakiAllahu khayr sisters for the beautiful reminders. Sis Sakeenah, kindly stay active at IC.
Glad to see you active wisdomseeker. Kya haal hai ! Now, to my dear sis Fatimah. Alhamdullilah, am glad that you finally had smiles over your face.Keep smiling
------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 31 March 2010 at 8:02am
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Ameen to your duaah wisdomseeker..and same for you too dear sis. masha Allahu.
Sister seekshidayath...I never forget IC..and will try insha Allahu to be more regular...
sister Fatimah....just imagine all the loving and concerned sisters on IC smiling at you,laughing with you and giving you a group hug'...am sure that'd make it feel almost real...may Allah ease all our affairs!!! ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 31 March 2010 at 8:18am
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I must tell all of you, I'm feeling better, better alhamduliallah! I know now that Allah send me here to get my strength. Thank all of you so much. But I must tell you something that is crazy! I'm afraid to feel good, afraid that something is around the corner for me again to hit me, hurt me. its like Im in a good place and afraid to move on to another. I don't know what will be there. I know it sound so silly, but its true. I just want to stay in this one spot, were I feel safe now.
Fatimah
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 31 March 2010 at 11:11pm
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This thread and the posts made me cry ! May Allah bless the sisters here who are always giving such comforting advise. All of you please include everyone here in their Duas. . . starting from your very next salaat. JazakAllah Khair. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 01 April 2010 at 8:51am
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Asalaam ALaikum, Good to see you Loves.... Gynks: just be where you are. Have faith in Allah that all will be as it is meant to be. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 01 April 2010 at 9:14am
| Sister Hayfa, thank you for your support. Thank all of you for supporting me and helping so very much. You don't even know me and all of you have been such a great help to me. I appreciate it more than you know. Yes, I will wait, I must learn patience, its the hardest thing I will ever do I believe or at least one of the hardest. I will wait and be still and pray for peace and calm as before. thank you sisters and brothers. fatimah |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 01 April 2010 at 12:35pm
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Fatimah,
I am so pleased you are feeling better :D I can understand what you say about feeling afraid to feel happy. It is probably because you are still grieving for your father and you don't want to be seen to be happy, in case it is disrespecting him. BUt be assured, he does not want you to grieve anymore. DOn't feel guilty about being happy. Enjoy life. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 01 April 2010 at 12:45pm
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Salaam Martha, You know I do grieve for my dad everyday, everyday. I use to love to go and take them riding and my dad love to listen to nice soft music. Anywhere he wanted to go I take him, no matter where it was. But he was the best ever. I remember as a girl, when I begin to look for jobs, I was so afraid to go, my dad would take off his job and go with me on interviews, wow! I never know any other of my friends whos dad do this, none of them. It was dad who made our family strong and have no fears after all he has 5 girls and we all run to daddy, daddy always even as adults. We had great respect for him and my mother so much. Just when I go to the burial grounds and see his name there, I can't believe he is in the ground and it hurts so so much. I think of him when i ride home in my car, while i cook, even when i watch TV and especially when I listen to the music he loved. I never had anything hurt me so much in my life. I wish many days that time could go back. I think it bothers me so much that none us could see the signs. It was years since all of my parents children were together in same place, years, even his grandchildren were there. Why did I not know the mean of that? none of us did, we were all shocked when he passed. He was 86 years but he looked 65, even now I can still see his soft face and feel his strong protecting hands. I really miss him terrible. We all do. |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 02 April 2010 at 3:50am
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As Salamu Alaikum
Sis Fatimah, sometimes, it's tough to accept facts in our lives, esp the loss of loved ones. Yes, we do miss their presence in our lives, but you need to pacify yourselves, that he is at a better place than this. ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 02 April 2010 at 5:33am
| Wylekum Asalaam Sister, yes, of course you are right. Its just we miss our dad so much. I use to ask my mom long ago, how can you live without your parents when they die. She would say, she think of them everyday, not a day go by without her thoughts of them. Now I know that feeling its so hard feeling dear sister. I know we all must go in our time, my head know this sure, but my heart, just miss him so much. Thank you. Fatimah |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 02 April 2010 at 10:30am
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Assalam Sister Fatimah,
My father died 10 years ago. It is a huge loss, I agree, but you learn after time to adjust to the loss. NOw I think of life without my mother in the future. BUt, you know, none of us know when our time comes. We all think our parents are indestructible. We do not see them age as others age. So I understand what you say. We mature with years..and we do cope in time with the loss of a parent. Just live the life he would want you to do. That way you keep him with you always and you respect his memory. And to talk about him will also help you. May ALlah bless you Fatimah. :) ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 02 April 2010 at 10:46am
| Shokran Sister Martha, and may Allah keep you in his grace always. I pray Allah will keep all of you in his grace, close to his hand and all those that you love. Amin Fatimah |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 2:27am
 May his soul rest in peace... ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
gynks79 wrote:Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 03 April 2010 at 10:21am
| Ameen, ameen! Forgive and have mercy upon him. What a blessing parents are. Allah is so great and merciful. |
Posted By: Ukhti S.
Date Posted: 26 April 2010 at 1:27pm
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Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon you) My Dear Sister in Islam! I hope everything is Great with you, InshaAllah! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Grant you with the best of health and strong emaan (faith), Ameen. I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa - Pure and Exalted Allah is) to reward you with the best rewards in this life and in the Hereafter for your sincerity and patience and obedience to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), Ameen! Your experience of life have truly brought tears into my eyes... The Dear Brothers and Sisters have been so nice and understanding, May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) reward them with Blessings and Goodness, Ameen. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has truly Blessed you with all of these dear Sisters and Brothers, Alhamdulilahi Wa Shukr! May Allah Bless you even more, Ameen! I would like to also share some things with you and I want to quote some Ayahs (verses) that hopefully, InshaAllah, will be beneficial;
"And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things." [The Qur'an; Chapter 65 (At Talaq - The Divorce) : Verse 2-3]
Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the dominion; and He is Able to do all things. Who has Created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving." [The Qur'an; Chapter 67 (Al Mulk - Dominion) : Verse 1-2] --> i.e. who amongst you do the good deeds in the most perfected manner, that means to do them (the deeds) totally for Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) sake and in accordance with the legal ways of Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam - Allah's Praise and Peace be upon him).
"And put your trust in Allah, and Sufficient is Allah as Wakil (Trustee or Disposer of affairs)." [The Qur'an; Chapter 33 (Al Ahzab - The Confederates) : Verse 3]
"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." - by Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us about the wishes we can make in Paradise;
"Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire, and therein you shall have (all) for which you ask." [The Qur'an; Chapter 41 (Fussilat) : Verse 31]
So, dear sister, do not be sad if you are not married, InshaAllah in the Hereafter, in the Paradise, you will be granted which ever husband you desire. If a woman is one of the people of Paradise, and if she did not get married, or if her husband is not of one of the people of Paradise, if she wants to get married then she will inevitebly have what she desires, because of the general meaning of the verse above.
But truly, as the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said that marriage is half our deen (religion) in this life, marriage completes us and our faith.
And dear sister, I have read from the earlier posts that you are depressed, and if you are seriously depressed I advice you to consult a doctor, because it can have physical affects...
I would also like to tell you that this depression and sadness you have, look at it as another way of/reason to submit to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and be in Sajdah (prostration), during which you are closest to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).
Verily, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Does Know what is in our hearts;
"Allah might test what is in your breasts; and to purify that which was in your hearts (sins), and Allah is All-Knower of what is in (your) breasts." [The Qur'an; Chapter 3 (Al Imran - The Family of Imran) : Verse 154]. This what you feel, could also be seen as a test from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).
Du'a is the essence of worship and it is quoted in Tirmidhi that the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam - Allah's Praise and Peace be upon him) advised us to ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) for exactly what we want instead of making vague wishes. A good advice would be to turn each worry into du'a and each du'a into an action plan. That will show your commitment to your request and will focus your energy in the right direction, InshaAllah.
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us in the Noble Qur'an to "Seek help in patience and As Salat (the prayers)" [The Qur'an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - The Cow) : Verse 45]. Dear Sister, we truly can control our reaction to our circumstances and through patience our control will be stronger, but truly we cannot control what happens to us and to our surrounding.
The Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) recommend us to read a verse, which is known as 'Ayat Al Kursi', after each prayer. But do also recite it frequently; when you go out, before you go to bed etc.
Ayat Al Kursi is the name of the verse number 255 in Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah - the Cow) of the Noble Qur'an.
My Dear Sister in Islam, remember that life is short. Time passes by like a snapshot. Once, you realise and say "I remember once I was a child, I did this and that... and now I am grown up... wish I could turn back time". But also remember that the life in Hereafter is everlasting! Allahu Akbar!
We all face hardships in life, and truly ease come after it as Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Says in the Noble Qur'an;
"Verily, along every hardship is relief. Verily, along every hardship is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs)." [The Qur'an; Chapter 94 (Ash Sharh - The Opening Forth) : Verse 5-6]
Also look at this verse (no. 8) what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us from the same chapter;
"And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your) intentions and hopes."
Also, my dear sister, I suggest you to keep Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) in rememberance frequently as He Tells us in the Noble Qur'an;
"Verily, in the rememberance of Allah (dhikr) do hearts find rest." [Chapter 13 (Ar Ra'd - The Thunder) : Verse 28]
Narrated by Abu Musa (Alayhi Salam - May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) be pleased with him):
The Prophet (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said; "The example of the one who remembers (glorifies the Praises of) his Lord (Allah), in comparison to the one who does not remember (glorify the Praises of) his Lord, is that of a living creature compared to a dead one." [Sahih Al Bukhari; Vol. 1 : No. 46]
Dear Sister, I have another advice for you, whenever you see someone happy and married and have found that love it make you feel deppressed even more, but try to think of those who are in a worse condition than you, in that way we learn to to appreciate and thank Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) for whatever we have. You have, Alhamdulilahi Wa Shukr, sons whom Love you dearly as their mother. And as a Sister said in an earlier comment; try to talk with your son. I understand that you that as a mother you don't want to burden your son much and make him feel also sad and depressed. But, InshaAllah, by the Help of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) you both will benefit from each others accompany and share of knowledge and support. And none of you will, InshaAllah, be sad or deppressed anymore, because surely it is such a relief when you talk with someone about your feelings. I am sure your son will be happy that you are honest with him and tell him how you feel and I am sure that he will be also understandable.
Don't make a big change in your life, take everything easy step by step. If you make a big change all of a sudden, then everything will seem very tough and hard.
A last advice to you my dear sister, try to not listen to music so much. I deeply understand that you would like to listen to the favourite music of your father (May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) have Mercy on him, Ameen). But I recommend you to recite and listen to the Words of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). Listening to music is not good as it will unweaken your heart and make it hard. Soften it by the Words of All-Mighty Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).
I know this is a long post, and I am sorry for that. Just when I read what have been said, it touched me deeply and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and knowledge. I am not a scholar or someone very knowledgable, so Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) knows if I have answered you appropriately or not, but my answers come from a sister who is concerned for her fellow sister in Islam. I would feel so sad if a sister who is so earnest to practice her religion would end up in deep sorrow.
I pray for Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Enlighten your Heart and the days of your life with His N�r (Light), Ameen!
May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Help you in your life and Strengthen you, Ameen!
I won't, InshaAllah, forget you in my prayers, dear sister!
And last but not least: Stay Happy and Smile! Smile is Sunnah of the beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam)!
 Take Care, Stay Blessed and Stay Strong, MashaAllah!
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon you too)
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What ever Good I have said is from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), but what every bad and wrong I have said is from myself. May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) forgive our sins and misdeeds and make us enabled to do more deeds so we can please Him more, Ameen!
Remember also, Amr Bil Ma'ruf Wa Nahi Anil Munkar! (Command the right and forbid the evil!) - So, dear sisters and brothers, whatever wrong I have said correct me and InshaAllah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), will reward you with the greates reward in this life and in the Hereafter!
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------------- Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal! |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 26 April 2010 at 6:45pm
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JazakAllahu khayr for writing to her so beautifully. I wish she soon reads this. Insha Allah, she shall regain her lost spirits. She was very much depressed last time-- ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: Ukhti S.
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 2:16am
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Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful
As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu!
Wa Iyyaki
BarakaAllah Feeki, sister. I understand she was much depressed, and I hope that she is feeling much better now, InshaAllah.
Take Care and Stay Blessed!
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
------------- Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal! |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 4:41am
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Walaikum Salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Stay active sis. Masha Allah, you write so well. I liked your signature as well, May your posts be source of guidance and add knowledge to us. Wasalaam ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 27 April 2010 at 5:39am
| salaam my dear sister, I get your letter only today, tuesday. I want to thank you so much in the name of Allah, for taking the time to feel my heart and my words. to know what my feeling are and to make prayer for me and my family. Yes i know my depression is deep and yes I pray to Allah and talk to him much in each day and night. It bring me peace and calm. thank you for your prayers for my father, I miss him so much. I know that all what you say is true and the surahs that you send to me are so beautiful and good. I appreciate them so much sister. Its hard for me because I am alone mostly in my religion here. My family is all christian but me and my son, so its hard to talk to them and for them to feel me in this way. but I thank Allah for all my sisters and brothers here hamduliallah! thank you for your kindness and your feelings of heart, I wish i can just sit in the company of all of you, even if we say nothing, just to sit with you would be enough for me to feel the strength of Allah more. Please continue to pray for me, I need that so much, I don't know where my life will go but I ask Allah to help me. I pray Allah to bless you, ALL OF YOU and your families forever. Shokran sister. Fatimah |
Posted By: Ukhti S.
Date Posted: 28 April 2010 at 10:37am
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Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful
As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Dear Sister!
I hope everything is great with you! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) grant you with the best of health and give you "hidayath", Ameen!
InshaAllah I will do my best to stay active, but I cannot promise I will. :)
Baraka Allah Feeki dear sister. May we all benefit from each others' posts and grow in the deen (religion) together and May Allah (subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) bless us with goodness for sharing knowledge and helping each others, Ameen.
Take Care and Stay Blessed!
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
------------- Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal! |
Posted By: Ukhti S.
Date Posted: 28 April 2010 at 12:07pm
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Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful
Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu My Dear Sister in Islam!
I hope everything is great with you! May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) grant you with the best of health and increase your emaan (faith), Ameen!
First of all, I would like to warmly welcome you to Islam (even though it was years ago you converted) and I am happy that I gained another dear sister! A HUGE teddybear hug from me to you!
I am glad to hear that you feel well and happy with being here, Alhamdulilah! Surely, it is great to be befriended with Muslim Sisters and Brothers, MashaAllah!
The Words of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) are truly very Beautiful and they are very informative and beneficial, SubhanAllah! Reciting the Words of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) does surely bring you also peace and calmness and besides that, you will get very much good reward for it by Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa). Try to recite it every day, on your way to work or while you make the dishes or anything.
I deeply understand you my dear sister that it can be difficult and hard to talk to a family member who is a nonmuslim, they don't understand and feel you as a Muslim Sister or Brother do. But don't take it hard on yourself in that matter. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) knows you more than anyone else, so turn yourself to Him and seek Guidance from Him! Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) is truly every Mu'min's (Believer's) Al Waliyy (Best Friend), and Al Wahhab (The Bestower), so May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) bestow His Mercy and Love upon you and May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) guide your family to the right path, Ameen!!
But also remember that it is a test from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa), many times in life we face hardships, but stay strong and keep your faith in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and InshaAllah ease will come after that and you will be rewarded with plenty of goodness and blessings!
I suggest you my dear sister, that even though your family is nonmuslim, try to talk with them about Islam a little bit once in a while. Every Muslim has the duty to do Da'wah (calling people towards Islam), even telling that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) is the One is Da'wah!!
Tell them about the beauty of Islam, and that Harmony and Peace and Love you get in your soul for surrendering and submitting yourself in true obedience and in a sincere way to the One and only Who is worthy of all worship!
And the most important thing as a Muslim is to please Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).
Try to be the best with your mother, even if she is not very nice. Every Muslim has to be obedient and nice towards their parents, especially their mothers. You can tell your mother about the high status a mother has in Islam.
As you mentioned in an earlier post that you have a sister who is very materialistic, who have several cars etc. Try to talk with her and convince her that materials are nothing. That one day we will all die, and that none of our materials will follow with us to death, they simply bring nothing good to our life except for giving the feeling of "pride" that you own a metal piece who can after some years be rotten steal.
"The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception" [The Qur'an; Chapter 3 (Al Imran - The Family of Imran) : Verse 185]
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us in the Noble Qur'an;
"So, whatever thing you have been given in this world it is but (for) enjoyment of the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely" [The Qur'an; Chapter 42 (Ash Shuraa - Consultation) : Verse 36]
Meaning that everything in this life is nothing compared to next life, and people in this life get hung up in these things in this life that when something gets wrong they tend to freak out and think that it is the end of the world. But no, it is not the end of the world. Whatever you have been given is Mata'a (in arabic) which means that something you use but you don't neccessarily enjoy.
Back in the times, the acient arabs used to use a brush to scrape dishes with. It is something you use but you don't say "WOW, what an amazing brush!" because it is not something you neccessarily enjoy; like a fork, a shuffle etc these are examples of Mata'a in arabic.
From the verse above, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Says that everything in this world, everything we have been given is Mata'a.
In other words it is something for us to use for a higher purpose and the thing to enjoy is in the next life.
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us; "But what is with Allah is better".
So, what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) tells us from this verse is that whatever we have in this world, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has something much better than that.
For example you have youth, strength or ability, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will give you better of those things. So, the message we get is that we should not get caught up on these worldly things we have.
As great as these things are, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) has it better!
But, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Has added another adjective into the verse, which is Abqa, and that means that it is much more everlasting. In other words; everything in this life is temporary.
For example you have health, but it will start withering away. You have strength, it starts weakening. You have a nice car, it starts getting problems. You have friends, they disappear or move to another place or you drift away and have your own lives.
Everything you have in this life and that you enjoy doesn't last.
So Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) says why don't you work for something (1) that is better and (2) last longer.
But for those who? It is for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely.
Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) does not only mean "believers" in general when talking about that verse, even though it is included. But it is also for those believers who believe in that these worldly things are not as good as those things in the next life. And it is also for those who upon their Lord rely as mentioned in the verse. It takes a lot of trust in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to really believe that what He is offering you in the next life is something you haven't even seen or even touched or smelled, only heard about and that is enough for you to trust on Allah's (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Words.
May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) strengthen our emaan (faith) and so we don't get caught up on the worldly things, Ameen!
Tell her about what Islam tells us about death and that neither of our materials nor our rank of the society will save the us from death as Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) Tells us in the Noble Qur'an;
"Every soul shall have the taste of death" [The Qur'an; Chapter 29 (Al Ankabut - The Spider) : Verse 57]
InshaAllah, eventually your family will be guided by Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) to the right path too as you were guided.
But seriously, my dear sister. As I mentioned earlier, and as I understand from your latest post, your depression is deep. If it is so deep and very serious, I really suggest you to consult a doctor because it could have some physical affects. InshaAllah nothing will happen and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) will grant you with the best of health and fill your days with happiness and love and peace (Ameen), but I am worried about you. Some things are better to not leave aside, such as deep depression.
And May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) gather us all in Paradise, Ameen Ya Rabbal'alameen! There we will have great company of each other and feel the bliss and odour of Paradise, InshaAllah!
I love you dearly for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa).
I would like to give you another HUGE teddybear hug for being so strong and kind hearted, MashaAllah!
Take Care and Stay Blessed and Stay Strong!
As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
PS. Next time you reply to me, I would like to see a smile from you!
Remember; Smiling is a Sunnah from the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu Alayhi Wa Salam - Allah's Praise and Peace be upon him).
------------- Allah is my Support, the Qur'an and Sunnah is my Guide and the Paradise is my Goal! |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 29 April 2010 at 12:08pm
| Salaam sister, when I read your words I feel i am in a quiet, peaceful gentle place. I wish I am so smart and strong as you my sister, but I am glad Allah love me enough to send you to me. Hamduliallah! I take your words seriously and to my mind and heart and I thank you so much dear sister. You know I must tell you, my sister that I say have lot of materials. She has been sick, since last year, it happen all of a sudden, no one knew, she is one who take good care of herself, eat well not much, exercise each day, but she go to doctor last year and he say he must remove her kidney for cancer. We were so shocked dear sister. my natural sister is so little person, she has always been but not more little. she worry so much after this operation, I try to talk to her and tell her lot of Allah and to talk with him and ask for his help, she does listen to me, but I am so worried of her, i know she is so afraid this cancer will return. I talk to her last night, she just does not know what to do, she is fine and back to work but her mind is so full of thoughts and fears. I don't know how to help her dear sisters and brothers, please tell me what I can do? I pray and i ask Allah what can I do for her? she say the doctor told her if she did not come last year, she would have died possible in 2 years. I can not imagine this thought. it make me sick to think of it, please brothers and sisters, what can i do to help my natural sister? I want her mind to have peace and calm, pleasse make prayer for her, please, please her name is Monica. thank you all so much. Fatimah |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 1:49am
|
Bismillah,
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah dear sister Fatimah,
I read most of your posts, may Allah give you strength and increase you in imaan, ameen.
The advice you get here is very beautiful, perhaps you will find my input quite dry, but would like to share some thoughts with you.
Dear sister, there are many people in this life who are alone, but to feel lonely comes from within us. I know that Allah has created us humans such that we find peace and tranquility in a partner, but if He has not decreed a partner for us, does not mean He has not decreed peace and tranquility for us.
On a spiritual level, He created the ruh from His essence, so its ture peace is experienced in unity with Him. Allah is in your heart, closer than your juglar vein, so reach Him, and you will find peace - happiness - contentment and everything the heart desires to be happy and gay. Trust me sister, you can find your happiness in your heart, you have to turn inward not look around for it.
Allah has said in the Quran that in His rememberance do hearts find rest. So when our hearts are not at rest, there must be something missing in our rememberance of Him ... Im not blaming you of anything sister, just ponder on the verse.
When I m exhausted and depressed in life, my mother reminds me, happy or sad, healthy or sick, rich or poor, everyone has a destination, and we are all moving to that goal everyday. The purpose of He creating us was not to find happiness or a partner, its to serve Allah, and to purify our hearts - to seek His countenance. This is such a monumental job that if we get busy, we wont have time to get sad over the loses we see as big.
And the return in getting busy over this is a sweetness in the heart that is delivered by the Almighty because of His good pleasure with us
So dear sister, seek your purpose in life - the purpose for which all of us are created, and inshAllah He will deliver you from your pain.
Please keep us in your duas.
nausheen ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 6:41am
| Assalamu alaikum Sr. Nausheen - Ahlan! |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 6:58am
| Bismillah, Wylekum Salaam sister, thank you for your words, your time, and your feelings for my troubles. I want to tell all of you something, I appreciate so much your kindness, never have I seen such kindness to a person that you do not know, and all the time you have taken to send the words of Allah to help me. I try very hard to take all the words to my heart, to my mind and my soul, but, maybe I just don't know how to do what you are telling me. I'm just empty inside, like a hollow rock, its like I give up, I care about others if I can do for them but for me, I give up. You know I am reading a book, entitle: why do bad things happen to good people, by Harold Kushner. In this book he tries to make people see that bad things do not come from Allah, and how when we are sad, he believe its a reflexion of Allahs sadness for us for for a situation. But, the man also tells us, many things to think about, he says....maybe there are things, bad things that happen on this earth because of our free will, and these things Allah does not stop, because we choose them. He says....he believe in the beginning when Allah created and molded this earth that there was randomness and coax and maybe Allah's light has not touched all of the randomness (which he describes as evil) and Allah is still working to rid of us it. He say...maybe as much as Allah is powerful, since his light has not yet touched some of these evil places on earth, he has no power over what happens because of it. This man is a believer in Allah, whom he call God, I do believe this, he is a rabbi and seem to be a good person, so caring of others. When I read these things it make me wonder as I see all the sadness that happen in the world, and the choices we make that hurt others, or kill others or what have you. His question in the book is this.......would you rather have a God who is powerful but not all powerful, but ALL LOVING AND CARING, or have a God who is ALL POWERFUL, but has limited love? Anyway, my sisters and brothers, I don't know how to go inside of myself and place all my thoughts on Allah, I really don't know how to do that because I still have human desires, when Allah make us, he give us the ability to desire. that is why I say I'm lost. Allah bless all of you. Fatimah |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 30 April 2010 at 5:37pm
|
Dear Fatimah,
Assalamualiakum wa rahmatullah wa barkatuhu,
For the sake of Allah, I love you. As muslims we must try to befriend and love as many muslims as we can in this life, because we do not know who is going forth into jannah before us and would desire our company. Its for the sake of that desire of this righteous believer that Allah might show mercy upon us and grant us Jannah. My words, if they can help you, would be a means of reward for me in hereafter, so allow me to try ...
The muslim brotherhood/sisterhood for the sake of Allah does not end with this life, it lives beyond the realm of this ephimeral abode.
I want to help you dear. If you have time, there is a series of online lectures by a sister, started this friday ... its based on the contents of the book : Wayfareres to God, by Habib Ali al Jifry.
There is nothing to lose, if you have time and if the lecture times suit you please attend this coming friday.
For details about the class please email: mailto:[email protected] - [email protected]
May He grants you the best in this world and the next, ameen.
nausheen
PS: Brother Abuaisha, walaikum assalam wa rahamtullah. It is always a pleasure to join a discussion, no matter how long the gap has been. Barak Allahu Feek for your kind welcome!
------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 01 May 2010 at 8:52pm
|
Asalaam Alaikum Gynks, I was reflecting upon what you write about this very week. I spent a week with my sister. And how we can "be with others" and yet feel "alone" at the same time. i find myself as I age that on one hand I am hopefully, more wise and seen the illusions of this life and see the transitory nature. And it makes me sad too.. bitter sweet. I do not think you should feel bad for your desires and at times your sadness at the "limitations" in this life. And you are right, these desires are from Allah. We are not Buddhists that seek to eliminate these desires (though at moments we want them to go away. ) Just look at so many people out there seeking fulfillment of their "desires," these are in us. There is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, love and affection. And yeah, it is temporary, but its nice to have it. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 02 May 2010 at 7:30pm
|
This is for you Hayfa:
Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta
kahin zameen to kahin asmaan nahi milta!!
not sure how to translate. The literal translation is so dumb.
In the above lines its said that noone gets everything in this life. Some miss one thing, while others miss someother.
Its true in case of every life. You are correct Hayfa, we are born with desires, and our religion does not teach us to run after them. It shows us guidance to control them and live a normal life despite these.
I think none of us looks to stop the desires, but some people get overwhelmed because they are unable to handle them. Need for a companion can become an overwhelming need, that we might want to fulfil with a partner.
When we don't fiind the right person to connect with, most of the times we fail to find alternatives - this becomes a problem, we get depressed and dont know how to heal it.
Being married or having a true soul-mate is not THE means for total happiness. We must try to understand this, so that we don't come to a road block when a soul-mate is not quite in ones reach.
wassalam
nausheen ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: asif
Date Posted: 02 May 2010 at 10:30pm
| yes it i absolutely right.It always happens in life,otherwise the human becomes perfect which is an impossibilyty except Allah. I am my self an urdu speaker and very much of the view and share similar thoughts with the verse. |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 03 May 2010 at 6:48am
| salaam sister Hayfa, thank you for your words, it helps me to know I am not crazy, or old fashion. I have always been a woman who wanted just a marriage, family and happy children, and good health for all if possible. I never wanted riches, or lot of things, I never cared. I think this is why not having this desire hurt me so much sister. Because we are taught that Allah want us to have these things, want us to be happy with them, yet as much as I have tried, it seems to slip through my fingers. Anyone would begin to think, what is wrong with them, are they being punished. If it is in the plan for me not to have these things, then it means I have no free will, and then I become confused as to were I should be, what I should think, what Allah want of me. and my confusion makes me depressed. I believe i am not a bad person, and I know I am not a great person, but I know my heart tries to be kind, caring, helpful and strong to help as many as I can. I enjoy companionship of marriage, just the little things, of sharing dinner, or see a movie together, or exchange things we read or just watching the snow fall together. My family say i am a dreamer, but these things are not dreams they are real. There is so much in the world going on, I only ask for this much, not more. I do realize the hardships of others and I can feel for them to a point and help them to a point, but it does not change my pain, or my desires for me. thank you for your message dear sister. Allah bless you. Fatimah |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 03 May 2010 at 8:30am
|
Salamm Wyleykum sister, thank you very much for your thoughts and kind words. also thank you for this information on the class. I will find out more about it. I do enjoy to hear good lecutures and good information in hopes it will help me. thank you again. |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 03 May 2010 at 10:52pm
|
As Salamu Alaikum
Welcome back sis Nausheen. Very happy to see you active.
------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 6:21am
|
I found this quote that made me think of this discussion.... "The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter." � http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/566.Paulo_Coelho - Paulo Coelho Gynks: you may be a "dreamer" but those "dreams" are about wanting to live a certain way in this world. You are not dreaming of the riches of the world. but to have meaning and to be able to share that meaning with someone else. The hardest thing is, never mind life situation, finding that person. Most people are not trying to live on a "deeper" level. This dunya pulls at us all the time. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 7:51am
| my dear sister Hayfa, thank you so much for understanding me and not thinking me a fool. I can not tell you how many people have laugh at me and tell me I think as a child. while their interest is in money, clothes, cars, big this and that. Even as a younger person it was never my interest, I always dreamed of happy days, peaceful calm days, lots of laughter and love. As a child it was love from family and friends, I still enjoy that now, but also want to share my heart with someone so special to me and hope i would be special to him as well. Thank you my dear sister for opening your mind to accept my thoughts. Take care of you. Fatimah |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 10:52am
|
This is also fitting "Don�t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can and keep whatever you felt as a gift from God. The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions." � http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/566.Paulo_Coelho - Paulo Coelho People tell me I am very private.. i think the above sums up one of the reason why... ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 10:25pm
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salam sister hyfa its a wonderfull quote,can you just elaborate what do mean by explain emotions,bridge between visible and invisible. i m sorry i am bit dumb to understand such quotes.
Regards
|
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 10:37pm
|
Salam let me give a try: Kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta
kahin zameen to kahin asmaan nahi milta!!
no one gets a complete world
someone does not get the earth and another does not get the sky.
i think it makes sence
|
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 10:59pm
|
Dear sister
he believe in the beginning when Allah created and molded this earth that there was randomness and coax and maybe Allah's light has not touched all of the randomness (which he describes as evil) and Allah is still working to rid of us it. He say...maybe as much as Allah is powerful, since his light has not yet touched some of these evil places on earth, he has no power over what happens because of it.
these words of kufr,allah has power on everything.nothing is impossible for him.
|
Posted By: gynks79
Date Posted: 15 July 2010 at 5:33am
| Salaam brother, I do not believe anything is impossible for Allah, however, maybe just maybe because Allah give all of his time to watching over us, saving us, helping us, giving us, healing us and on and on. There is such a thing as satan and he is always around. Allah also give us free will and he say he will never take that from us. In so saying, could it be that with that free will, when we choose to do something bad or unkind Allah does not change it because it was our choice and therefore, comes the randomness and evil? Could it be? |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 10:42pm
|
dear sister, now u saying the same thing which i mentioned,nothing is immpossible for him,but the story by rabbi was kind of kufr,and its not allowed for muslims to read books from other relegion priests.u might go astray |