he is not fair
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16851
Printed Date: 24 November 2024 at 10:03pm
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Topic: he is not fair
Posted By: arsella_mystica
Subject: he is not fair
Date Posted: 31 May 2010 at 10:09pm
| i am a muslim woman im married to an arabic muslim also.but hes married already before we got married and i know about this but still i marry him.and now i regret it..we have 2 children.he has 4 children with 1st wife.but he is with her...i am here in my country very far...he sent me here without a clear reason..is it really unfair for me she is with him living with him always and im here...in the other country.sometimes im thinking to divorce him but im afraid for the children i know this will cause something for them. im 34 but i dont want to marry again..when i marry him i told my self this would be forever but now im confused...pls help me im really confused..thanks |
Replies:
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 02 June 2010 at 10:49am
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Hi dear arsella_mystica, First of all, welcome to the forum. Secondly, just a question: did he tell you what was his plan when he sent you back to your country? I mean, did he promised you would meet every month, every two months, once a year... or something like that? If he married both of you, his first wife and you, he should take care of both, not only of one. Is he doing that? Is he taking care of you? What about the children? And the most important question, does his first wife knows that he already married a second wife? I heard about lot of situation where the husbands hides the existence of the second wife and tries to hide her, but I don't know if this situation is one of that. Regarding what can you do, dear, you are his wife, ask for your rights as a wife, and in case he is not making the role of husband and father... well, that's only in your hands. All the best, Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 3:39am
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Dear Sister,
Indeed he is not being fair with you. Unfortunately this situation does happen a lot. 
Only you can decide what you want to do regarding this situation. You know that he has to be equally fair with you and his 1st wife. And he is not doing this. By the way, where does he live now? And where do you live? Does he plan to visit you sometimes? Divorce is not always the answer, but sometimes it is necessary. You and your children deserve to be happy in life, and not be confused as to when he will visit or phone. I understand that whatever you decide will have consequences. Do istikharah . Keep us informed of what happens. We will all pray for you. Salams ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: arsella_mystica
Date Posted: 03 June 2010 at 7:50am
SALAM SIS PATI AND MARTHA..THANK you.I feel im ailve again..for your replies. its really a long sad story of my life..im just a quiet person i dont have much friends because i dont want them to ask me after about my married life i will just feel bad, feel down.im always at home just take care for my children.. actually he dont tell me exactly why he send me here but i feel and i think its about expenses...if we will live there in UAE he will spend more.as a very understanding woman i just take it but now its very difficult.he's ok with our support its continous but not enough...for example he will gave me 1000 thats for everything even for doctors\medicines if we get sick..so it means a deduction for my budget for food..he dont visit us every year i know its quite expensive..we dont talk always in the phone again its expenses even in internet to make chat because hes so busy with his work..actually after 3years he just visited us the other month but stay here only ten days..and another thing im not that envy what the other family have inside their house but if you will compare whats inside my place and to the other family theres a big difference...maybe he dont care that much because hes not living with us. sure i feel very sad.again im very understanding...a very loyal faithful wife.i dont even try to cheat him because im a true God fearing woman...these are just some of unfairness i have...if i will tell it all maybe some will think im very st**id woman for keeping these things...i just wanna have a family intact complete...but ?pls i really need also somebody to talk to even just through my mail.just to share and feel im not alone
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Posted By: yelenaferjani
Date Posted: 26 June 2010 at 7:26pm
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I am so so sad sister reading your story. Your husband is not right: if he and his first wife agreed for you to marry him, he should treat as his wife, not a send away stranger. But if he sees you and your children once every other year, is he a husband for you? I am not suggesting a divorce, it�s only for you to decide, but you deserve to have loving and caring men by your side, not to be alone. And why are you ashamed? He should be ashamed for treating you badly, not you. Have some friends, they could be the best support you can have in your life. Just think about that you can still meat your true love and have a happy family, but you cannot meet anyone if you still married to your far away husband. I know so many happy stories when women get divorced because their husbands treated them badly or would not spend time with them and remarried happily, some have three children with them. If you want to be happy, you have to fight for it. Before I married my husband, our relationship was taking a great tall on me, I suffered a lot. It was long distance, international, and interreligious and very painful because I was not sure how it would end. I left my family, drop out of university and travel half world to be with someone I barely knew, to get married and start a new life without anything. I never regret that decision. I wish you strength, sister, be active and fight for your rights and your happiness. Allah did not send you here to suffer, he wants you to be happy, but it not always comes easily. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 12:30am
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Salam,
Sister just tell one thing to him,is he doing justice to as per the islamic guidelines.
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Posted By: arsella
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 9:10am
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hi martha..i have problem logging in thats why only now i can make comments again..anyway just to tell you news about me..sure he is heartless..i think he's not a man and a muslim..you know what happen he left me already..he left us with nothing just like that..sure it really make me crazy because he left us when its time for paying bills..i dont know what to do..i dont have job..and you know what he dont talk to me direct only his friend told me we're finished..i know he has problem but leaving us without giving something sure very bad..i know God will surely punish him...i dont do anything..im very faithful to him..now im living by God's grace..i still dont have work my children in a private school, im full of debts from other people borrowing just to survive the days...i start to sell some of my things etc. etc...why some men like that...hurting woman who is so faithful to them
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 10:58pm
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Salam Sister,
May allah help you in this difficult time,pray salah in tahjjud and ask allah for the best for you.then accept whatever comes your way.
I dont know your situation but i think if you can take a job in some gulf country it will be good for your family as native speakers get good job and payment here.
If you want i can help you with some contact numbers here in saudi of british managers,anyways just a try to help u in some way.
May Allah help you.
can you tell me which arab country your husband from.
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Posted By: arsella
Date Posted: 03 August 2010 at 11:59pm
salam brother..thanks for your message.actually his name same like yours fayiz.maybe its you..(joke only).he is from syria.i can say im okay a little but im just worrying for all the debts i have to pay...my family dont have also enough to help me financially..im planning to go to the mosque just to ask help in financial just i need to stand from the fall he caused to our life.what you think they will help me..actually i will return/pay it when i have work already..because i know there are still brothers and sisters who are more in need than me..just i need aid now..because if i keep on borrowing i will pay more because of interest...i know i will survive because God is with me...i read this message saying" God will never leave you empty.He will replace everything you lost, if He ask you to put something down, its because God wants you to pick-up something Greater"amen...just pray for me thanks
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Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 04 August 2010 at 8:27pm
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Salam,
Just a reminder, it's not a good idea to reveal personal information in public forum. An evil person can use it to do the bad things. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 05 August 2010 at 10:27am
Hi,
I agree with you, Semar. There are some bad people who are in internet just getting some information to control and hurt people.
Dear arsella,
Please, I would take care of the information you give regarding your husband, and obviously yourself. Just take care and read your messages before sending
It's grate to see that you feel better, and I hope you will find some help for this difficult times and you will find a good job that allow you to be independent.
All the best
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
semar wrote:Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 07 August 2010 at 12:07am
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Hello All I am sorry for the wrong question but my intention was to advise her to take a job in that Arab country where her huband is from as she has better chance to earn and maintain her family compared to U.S I just wanted to mention the feasibility as i know some laws exist in arab countries for wives and children.
I did not ask her husbands name and never wanted to know.
 Hope you all forgive me.
Regards
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Posted By: arsella
Date Posted: 12 August 2010 at 2:42am
salam brothers and sisters...i dont want to cause any trouble..its okay, its name\country only, there are lots of them the same name etc..even in other networking site etc you also share your personal info more..its up to me if i will believe i m still the one to decide.see how you know if its my true name where i am now...or even my email...yap of course why to reveal your own identity almost all of us are hiding to a usersname...of course i know my limitation he still the father of my children...nobody knows me at all because im a hidden thing in his life..my message i posted here..is like a story that will serve as a lesson to all women, never depend on anybody...never marry a man with a wife already unless you talk how to spend life together with another wife.any way thanks for the advice maybe this my last post because i will face my life now as a single mother i will be very busy just pray for me and thanks for the prayer...massalamah and ramadan kareem
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