What would you do if your spouse went to bars ?
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
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URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17077
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Topic: What would you do if your spouse went to bars ?
Posted By: sarahangela
Subject: What would you do if your spouse went to bars ?
Date Posted: 12 July 2010 at 3:42pm
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Hi, What would you do if your spouse went to bars every weekend, and drank and came home at 3 in the morning? Would you allow it? What would you do to convince them to stop? Or would you allow them to behave in such a manner. |
Replies:
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 12 July 2010 at 7:49pm
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You shouldn't allow him to do that. But with a nice way. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 12 July 2010 at 10:49pm
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salam,
If he is muslim then keep your house surrounded by relegious activities,do read quran pray salah in tahajjud to make leave the bars.
read sura baqra always
say salam to your spouse when ever he enters the house
will pray for u
Regards
Faisal
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Posted By: sarahangela
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 12:13pm
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What do you mean a nice way? What do you suggest I do specifically? I think salah is a good idea. |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:01pm
Well, this situation is common in the current "modern" world, and I feel so sorry for you.
I would suggest you to offer him to come with him, but he will reject it. Sure in "nice" way... if you can.
But, what I would do, I would leave the flat during the weekends, so this way he will understand that you don't agree with him. On Friday, you can ask him about his plans for weekend, and if his plans are to go out with his friends... just tell him that you have another plan for yourself.
The third option, and the best I think, would be to start organising thins to do together on weekend, so make him feel that he doesn't want to go outside. I would suggest you to look for funny things, maybe start going outside for a weekend (even if it's to a beach, to the mountains, or wherever, but at least together). Just try to make him feel happy with you.
Men are getting bored easily, and we have to be smart to avoid it, and to try to surprise them daily. Start every day with a laugh and a kiss for him, try to be mysterious, and don't talk to him about your concerns by the moment. Just play with him (sorry to the men who are reading this, but.... it works!!!).
Good luck dear and please, come back with a positive update
 Regards
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
sarahangela wrote:Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 11:13pm
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hello, patty its so easy for women to win over a man,unfortunatly we men find so difficult if the wife is angry. |
Posted By: sarahangela
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 4:36pm
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I don't know. I kind of feel that my husband is young, wants to have fun and sees other Muslims drinking so feels he should enjoy himself. He doesn't see anything wrong with it.
I just feel that every weekend is quite excessive.
I don't think that suggesting we do things on the weekend will change his behavior. I don't stay out till 3AM. We do things during the day and he just leaves and parties all night.
Honestly, I feel like I have tried everything.
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 16 July 2010 at 10:14pm
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may allah help u,
do some zikar and specific dua
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Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 2:40pm
I cannot tell you any other thing. I know other couples with the same problem, and the girl fixed it going with them, or leaving the house, or... well, doesn't matter. But you have to make him forget the existance of his friends. I understand that you don't know how to do it, but if you do it with love, you will see. Just make him choose in natural way.
Good luck.
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 2:47pm
We are so simple, that a man can control our lives with a simple expresion such as "I love you", even if they don't offer any other thing.
If the love is there, we are weak, we have no power, no opinion, and we just want to stay with the man. And when a woman loves a man, she knows how to make him happy, how to play with him, as I said.
About an angry wife... there are angry wives, and angry husbands, the most important is not to make this situation last in the time. I mean, if your husband is angry, you have to try to fix it before going to the bed, so the morning after he will not be angry and you can talk quietly about it and understand.
And opposite, in case the wife is angry, the husband should be nice with her and understand that maybe, the question is not if she or he is angry, but only to give the space to be.
We all get angry from time to time, but what we have to do is to control ourselves so the other can understand that we need time.
And I insist, we have to work hard to avoid going to the bed angry. Myself, I learned it from my family and it works. We may be angry from each other, but kiss him/her before going to the bed. You never know what is going to happen the morning after and better not to regret.
Kind regards
Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 10:06pm
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Hello Patti, I completely agree with what you said,i will use your formulas to maintain peace in my house.
It is very much necessary that a couple should go on bed with good feelings for eachother.
Regards
Faisal
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 22 July 2010 at 5:43pm
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Asalaam Alaikum, Well you want him to stop drinking. Drinking alcohol is haram. my family is not Muslim. There are some family members I avoid as they have trouble with alcohol. What was interesting when my uncle -nonMuslim- married his current wife (we was a widower) he drank. She said if he doesn't stop, she is out of there. She won't live with it. He stopped. And they are not Muslim. Its what you'll deal with it and be willing to deal with. Me, have to say it would end or I would be gone. But that's me. It is interesting what we won't bend on... we are all so different. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: sarahangela
Date Posted: 23 July 2010 at 10:21am
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Well, I think that being more religious is the strongest option I have to allow my husband to reflect on his behavior. I do know that he comes from a religious family, and one of the most religious parts of the middle east. I think that being in America, a lot of people run with the idea of letting loose because there isn't so much social pressure to be a certain way. I think that living in either extreme isn't beneficial, and moderation is more realistic in terms of religion. I just have witnessed enough people fall victim to alcohol and completely loose control and I would hate for him to go through life in such a way. |