I thank those who have offered advice on my last question about the two muslim brothers i am dealing with. I continue to asked for more advice so that i may keep my mind going the right way.

The thing with the muslim brother who is locked up is that i cannot commit anymore sin out of wedlock which is good. At the same time we can get to know each other without temptations. We have a daughter together who will be 10yrs old this month. He also is teaching me Quran and arabic and also helping me on my school major in Business. He wants to help me in staying focused which he does when i commit myself to him. He also wants to marry me when he comes home in 4yrs. I agreed to this because i myself still have to be right before i let a man take me for his wife. That i am working on inshaallah now. I am trying...

The thing with the brother i am around more now is that he just became muslim and is interested but is not really giving himself the time make it priority to learn.  he has hurt me continuously in the past and still by doing little things here and there. He is not A communicater and i believe is very secretive. He likes to drink and well i know people have their flaws. He is medically intelligant and all around bright although he has proven to be a bit of a coward. I still have strong feelings for him. How can I not we just had a baby together 6 months ago and were together for 3 yrs. I love him but really dont want to marry him,but sometimes I feel like Im stuck with him. I dont like this feeling. He helps me finacially. I just hope i am not unconsiously dealing with him because of the finance part. Because that has never been me. I dont know what to do!!!!

I am ashamed of having 3 children out of wedlock, i beat myself up all the time. I wish I  was stronger than I am. I dont have many muslim friends maybe only 2 but I speak to 1 of them on the regular. She is new to islam. So I need to be an example to her I dont think Im doing a very good job.  :(

Please can someone relate or at least tell me a way of strength...Inshaallah..

-Striving for PATIENCE

Salaam,

patience wrote:    Please can someone relate or at least tell me a way of strength...Inshaallah..

Pray.....inshallah you will find peace and strength

Thank You. Rose- U are right. I do need to keep away. that is what i am trying to do. I am not starting anything new. I am just trying to keep my distance from my 6month olds, father. It is hard he lives right around the corner and only moved there to be closer to us. We argue all the time. I am currently enrolled in school i start my classes Aug 29th. I am trying to get into reading more and I also will be taking arabic and islamic study classes, inshaallah. This encouragement believe it or not is coming from the one locked up. We have always been friends He has been behinde bars for 9yrs now. I am not dealing with men and do not plan to, but I am trying to not continue with the one closer to me. This is why I I am thankful that u are talking to me and answering my posts. It is motivating me. I thank Allah(swt) for allowing me this time.

Oh by the way. I am keeping my clothes on.    :-)

Thank u Jenni that goes for u too. Right now I am not reciving any income but through one of my childs father. I do not plan to return to work until she turns one. So the beginning of next yr I will be working again. I only took off to take care of my child, for I do not trust anyone with my baby except my family and they all work too. My daughters father, I dont really think is capable by himself. which is understandable he just needs assistance.

I am striving to be A better muslim woman so that when it is my turn to be married I can not only make my husband happy, but I will most importantly please Allah(swt) with everything I am and become.

I admit I need help and need to learn more patience and also eliminate the laziness. It is really hard though. Inshaallah it will come easier.... Thank you so much

Patience,

Just logged on and saw your post. Have you contacted a social worker in your area?

MayPB

Patience,

At least you feel sorry for what you have done in your past, Remember Allah is most forgiving and most merciful. Insha�llah allah will open up for you and make things easy. Can you get financial help from the mosque?

Assalamu alaikum sisters,

The only adive that I can offer is that you need to belive in your self that you can make the right decision and stick to the right decision.  You are strong enough to keep away from men, you are strong enough to raise your childern and go to school/work.  Allah (swt) does not give us trials that we cannot overcome.  Find strenght in the knowldege that Allah(swt) knows you can make it through this, IF you ask Him for guidence and forgiveness.  The feelings of loneliness is the result of being far from Allah(swt), during these times you should pray and thank Allah(swt) for eveything that you do have, ie. children, a place to stay, food on your table, a loving/caring family.  Insallah, if it is good for you, I hope you will marry.

Lehua

I disagree about getting married. There are already chilren under 18 with no father living in the home with Patience so it would be risky to bring yet another relationship to these children. The best thing is to raise these children as a "single mother", responsibly (own it ! ) and ask the Islamic community for some help as far as mentorship for the children, this might be especially helpful as they get older. Being a wife is a responsibility all in it's own, and of course the man will want his own chilren as well. That's my opinion anyways, raise the kids then look for partnership when the last one is out of the house and 18.

Peace

Bismillah,

Oh, I see your new thread.  Take it easy.  Take deep breaths. (If you start to think sad, lonely thoughts, make yourself take ten slow breaths trying only to think of the breathing until you are finiished.  Sometimes I am so distracted I can only make it to two, but it is a  good goal and helps out really.

Make du'a when prayer is difficult.  When you are lonely, there are many options.  Learn one difficult thing.  Find a focus that helps you that is easy.  I used to wake up during the night in pain with lonliness.  One thing I did that helped was I took a calculator and memorized my times tables very slowly.  This helped my children eventually also.

But you can find a simple thing to distract you that will help.  Distraction works great with kids tantrums too!

Me too, replied in the other thread.