Lie to get pregnant(?)
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17866
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Topic: Lie to get pregnant(?)
Posted By: searchingsoul
Subject: Lie to get pregnant(?)
Date Posted: 23 November 2010 at 1:14am
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Assalamu'alaikum Brothers and Sisters, I've been married for 4 years, and my husband never wants a kid. While I as a normal woman longing for one. So, my confusion is if I lie to him about my ovulation days to get me pregnant is that sounds ok or not?. I've read in a islamic q&a site that a wife can ask for a divorce to marry to other if the first husband doesn't want to have baby, but I really don't want to do that so I'm thinking about lying to him about my ovulation day as i said above.. Any advice with islamic perspective? Jazakallah before.. |
Replies:
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 29 November 2010 at 11:14am
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Walaikum Salaam, Welcome to the forum I think you are in a tough situation. Islamically it is rare for it to be "ok" to lie. And bringing a child into a relationship where one parent is vehemently opposed you could be asking for a whole heap of trouble. Really sister, how will he feel if you lied. And frankly, you are asking him to be a parent when he does not wish to. This has life-long repercussions for him. I think you need to discuss this further with him. And if you want a child then think about another husband... Lying to him is a manipulation. That is not really right sister. Did you discuss this with him before you married? Its one thing to change your mind... You need to be honest with him. And yes, you may have to choose between him an having a child. A tough choice, we all have tough choices. Be honest and truthful in all endeavors in life. Peace Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: searchingsoul
Date Posted: 29 November 2010 at 7:06pm
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Salam Sister Hayfa, That's right. Lie is a lie. It is tough, very tough though.. He never said that he didn't want a child before we got married. I was so dissapointed the first year of the marriage knowing that he never wanted one, but i thought with the time passing by that he would change his mind so I waited.. but until now, it's just still the same. And this waiting for 4 years has change me into really in love with this man (as FYI, we met only once and then decide to get marry the next day, and we married on the third day we met) Sometimes, it got me to think, will I ever wanted to lose someone I love which is already here with me to get something that maybe I can't get? huffhh.. confused |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 01 December 2010 at 11:37am
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Salaams, Yes it is confusing and very hard. I think you really need to discuss with him in depth your desire. It is causing you heartache and angst. I assume he also cares for you. Has he told you why he does not want a child? Some people just don't like children, for others they may have something that is stopping them. Fear is real for many with kids. And some people do not understand the desperation some people have to really want a child. He will have to consent to having a child You agree to not have kids and stay married Having a child is so important to you that you would divorce and find another None of the above is easy. But choice A is his. And you decide from there. Its not like dear sister we can get a 2nd husband (though it would be quite interesting! lol). Have you had a heart to heart talk with him? ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: searchingsoul
Date Posted: 05 December 2010 at 5:40am
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He knew I desperate for one, i did talk about it with him. We are an open minded couple to each other, Alhamdulillah. But the reason he told me about this matter is that he's just worried if the baby will grow up in such a crazy world, He told me about many bad things happen in this world today (natural disasters, wars, etc) he's worrying too far, I think. But I tried to accept whatever it is as I want to always please his heart. That second hubby idea is quite tickling my tummy tehehe |
Posted By: NuraB
Date Posted: 08 December 2010 at 1:37pm
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Salam searchingsoul
Multiple husbands,
 no thanks! One man is enough to drive me crazy.On a serious note, that is a drastic measure, to lie about your ovulation.
Perhaps that can be an argument point with him.
"Honey, I really want us to have a baby. You know I was even thinking about lying to trick you into getting pregnant. I don't want to lie to you. Please, let's have a baby."
N.B.
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 10 December 2010 at 9:25am
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Salaam Searching Soul, I think that worrying about the future is a human element. On the other hand, to "fear" is actually unislamic for us to not trust in Allah to provide. I remember when I was "young" and you thin kthe world is about to end with all the news.. we cannot predict the future. And we need to trust Allah Keep us posted sister.. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: searchingsoul
Date Posted: 12 December 2010 at 2:08am
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Salam Sisters, @NuraB : hhmm... he'll pinch my nose if I say that.. @Hayfa : I did tell him about to put the trust in Allah who provides, but it still won't change him.. (eerrgghh.. sometimes i do have naughty thought of shaving his beard off when he's asleep.. hehe) |
Posted By: NuraB
Date Posted: 12 December 2010 at 7:40pm
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salam searchingsoul
Does he know how strongly you feel? Having 4 years under your belt together you know your husband best, and likewise, he should know you very well also.
Sis Hayfa said it well. You have three options.
1. He agrees
2. You stay-no baby
3. Divorce
Would involving a third party such as his parents or your wakeel help the situation?
N.B. |
Posted By: Zarazinar
Date Posted: 18 January 2021 at 11:02am
| How did it go? I am also struggeling with this. I dont want to, but feel I have too:/ Really want a baby now, before its too late. But dont want to do anything thats haram. You know if it is haram to trick him to get pregnant? I am thinking to stop taking p-pills |