Family Matter - weak iman because of cheating..?

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weak iman because of cheating..?

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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=18107
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Topic: weak iman because of cheating..?

Posted By: HelpMePlz
Subject: weak iman because of cheating..?
Date Posted: 09 January 2011 at 3:49pm

Selam alykom jzk for reading my post any reply will be loved. i have been engaged for 3 years, we both trying to save money to move me to his country for marrage. we dont talk in a haram way, but i am deeply in love with him still. Hes a good religious guy and was a virgin until a month ago when he was seduced by a loose woman.

hes so regretful to allah and crys a lot asking forgiveness. i believe he is sincere becaz of his good past and soft personlity. i know if i did what he did then he will forgive me. he keep saying sorry its a huge mistake and saying he loves me and ask me to forgive him, so i said ok. but

i used to try hard not to think haram things when we talked, but now its easy becaz i resent him. i forgave him and i love him so much but whenever i think of him touching her i becom disgusted and throw up a lot. i cant sleep or eat normal any more and im getting sick. my heart is so broken but i dont tell him that becaz i dont wana hurt him and make him feel more guilty than he deos already.

i keep praying to have this pain go away and to let me forget his mistake. i really want to spend my life with this brother but im afraid if i cant satisfy him becaz of my disgust with him. i dont want to hurt him he loves me a lot and always asking me if i need anything and giving compliments. he trying to win my heart but i dont trust him. i dont tell him how i feel so i dont make him sad.

inshallah allah will forgive him and give him jenah. i wish i can just forget everything that happened but i cant remove it from my mind. pls forgve my long post. am i an evil person to feel disgust at him when hes trying to hard to make me love him? my pain and jelaous is killing me inside

Replies:

Posted By: haniyyya
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 3:40am

asslm alaykum.... talk abt it sis! my husband will be marrying someone else soon inshlh because im not beautiful enough and my body is low class to him so this he figured after sleeping with me for two years.... and the thought of him with another women is so disgusting to me wallah i dont love tis man but its like i love myself and wouldnt want my honour to stoop that low like sharing a man so inshlh i wana seperate ahhh thats much better its like one man two women no no this cant and wont work for me i accept it and agree with it but uhmmm i will not bear it i have dreams like he gets married to another so i know this is a start its like really going to happen i cant sleep at nights it troubles me alot to such an extent my heart feels weak and i cant breath properly i never knew i love my honour that much i feel like im going to die soon ive picked up many illnesses because of this im simply to weak but inshlh ill die a shaheed and wake up in a beautiful noor grave for my sacrifice

Posted By: Miss Z
Date Posted: 27 April 2011 at 7:57am

Well Sis...

I think you should tell him how you really feel about it. Yes he would get hurt but at least he knows. both of you are hurt from this incident. Sometimes by being honest with him can change how you feel toward it. InshaAllah.

Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 29 April 2011 at 11:02am

Salaams Sister,

How much we truly know about another person is relative. Only Allah knows is this man is truly contrite.

As far as yourself, sister people make mistakes. Either you need to forgive him and let it go or you should stop your relationship with him.

Keep in mind that this man did not have to tell you (assuming he told you). And can point to many things as to why he told you. Honestly, he did not have to tell you, and either told you as he really does love you and wants forgiveness, and he probably did not think this out. (There could be others but those are the main two.)

Sister, I have no idea of your age or his, but men are, how shall I say, often weak. And the younger they are, the more likely he got into a situation way too late and went to far.

Maybe as I am western, it does not surprise me. He is a virgin, probably "young." He is also not yet married.

I suspect it is worse that you are not with each other yet. The imagination can be a dangerous thing. Its hard to move past this..

And sister, we do need to forgive people. Most of us have done things we are not proud of. Honestly, if he had told you, maybe he should not have. This is why we hide our sins. Often what good does it really do to tell people? Sometimes it creates more heartache than its worth.

Sister, pray to Allah, either you need to let it go or let him go.

Keep us posted.

Hayfa

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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Posted By: tiger
Date Posted: 10 May 2011 at 12:58pm

Salaam

I agree with the above advice. I to think you really do need to work on trying to forgive him. But if you feel you really cant and the resenment is continuing to grow, than maybe the best thing for you and him would be to go your seprate ways now, rather than later.