Is it ok if i abandon my feeling and let him go
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=19833
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Topic: Is it ok if i abandon my feeling and let him go
Posted By: haniyyya
Subject: Is it ok if i abandon my feeling and let him go
Date Posted: 06 April 2011 at 11:56pm
assalamu alaykum ..... im married for two years now and have a baby alhmdlh and my husband married me for benefits i feel sorry for myslef i would have really liked to marry man who would love me only unconditional we live together get old together and well later eventually die but well alhmdlh i now know we were created to worship Allah and that a man is allowed to have four wives this is something i accept but am to weak to bare but there is no use living on hope or dreams which will eventually never happen and obviously it hasnt happen before so why would it happen later so ive been thinking to seperate from my husband since we dont love each other anyway and well will not ever since he married me for benefits and he keeps telling your not what i wanted (my looks,my length,what i am,where i come from,my origin) so yah i feel sad but have accepted so ive been thinking alot and wish to seperate from my husband next year inshlh and give him permission to take other wives on one condition he shouldnt let me know about it infact once we seperate i dont want to be a part of his life dont wana know where he is what his doing i just dont want it to be my bussiness i feel this man has chosen the wrong girl for himself and regrets it because like he said i am not what he wanted ok so now i have to deal with it with his mistake which was marrying me like my feelings just have to be bombed up ok ,is this ok? do i have to make istikhaarah for this? is it allowed to do this? i mean instead of hearing him all the time telling me while we are out or when we watch tv he says like wow now thats beauty or she has a nice body or before we have sex he says i saw a beautiful women today thats why i came to you to protect myself can i like make this real for him like give him the opportunity to actually marry such beautiful women with beautiful bodies? because obviously i dont have that but inshlh in jannah i willi mean im not special to him in anyway or his source of protection against zina i mean alot of men have beautiful wives with beautiful bodies but still do zina so i mean to him im not that beautiful so why cant he just go out there and find what he wants and stop making me feel ugly or bad because to me im pretty infact a rare beauty who if not can be appreciated well would love to rather be thrown away .... i dont have a valid excuse for a divorce so i dont wana not enter jannah for a divorce i force without a valid reason so i will sacrifice all my feelings for jannah is this ok? am i normal?
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Replies:
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 April 2011 at 3:54am
Asalaam Alaikum,
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time.
There are many valid reasons for divorce sister. Divorce does not mean that you cannot go to Jannah.. I am sure some of the other more scholarly sisters can tell you about people who divorced in the time of the Sahaba who were not compatible.
Your husband is treating you poorly. But you need to stand up for Yourself and tell him this hurts you. Yes he may "Think" this way but it is extremely cruel to speak it over and over again to your wife. We should not be cruel to anyone, let alone family members.
Sister in the best time and place you need to let him know about it. If you let him talk to you this way he will. There is nothing that says we women are complete doormats and take this. This is mental cruelty.
My Duas for you..
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 07 April 2011 at 6:39pm
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".....my husband married me for benefits.."
What does this mean?
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Posted By: haniyyya
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 12:22am
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it means for the green card meaning papers to stay in my country coz its good for bussiness and his country isnt and for sex
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