Salam alikoum,

I think the time here isn�t an issue, but what was the marriage based upon, ie., physical attraction, immigration status (green card), money, social status, religion, or otherwise?  Was there any involvement from the Islamic community, and did you have a wali (guardian) to advise you concerning your husband and/or potential compatibility?

Since the beginning, we have had problems and we argue constantly. At least once or twice a week we have some sort of huge blow out and I feel like the issues are never resolved (ie: the same things keep coming up).

As painful and stressful that arguments can be they are somewhat natural and normal given two individuals with differing goals, objective and outlook on life.  What�s important in my estimation is that one of you must possess enough maturity and knowledge of how to properly communicate (communication skills) without blowing up and becoming angry and defensive.

On his part, he says that I am cold, and that I don�t try to do anything to please him. He also tells me that if I don�t please him, that eventually he will have to look elsewhere (ie: he will cheat on me, even though he knows it�s a HUGE sin), or he will take another wife. He also (jokingly) says that he should have married someone from his own country because at least they would know how to cook, clean, etc. I can�t help but start believing this after he repeats it over and over!

This sounds like frustration over not having his expectations met; has he been married before?  Or maybe his expectations are cultural � the way his mom did things; however either way no need for you to become defensive or feel inadequate.  This is an opportunity for you to learn something new and spice it up with your own cultural background and experiences.

As far as me, he blames me for the problems, he says things that I think belittle me (such as: you ruin everything, I have to explain everything to you, you don�t understand, etc) and make me feel incompetent. I�ve brought this to his attention many a times, but he generally shrugs it off. He doesn�t do anything to make me feel special as a wife. We have been out once since we have been married and that is because I suggested that we go have a picnic at the beach.

Yeah, I�m sorry these words are painful, but know he is dealing with his own feelings of low self esteem and maturity.  Often those who say these things are not emotionally secure and stable themselves.  He will need your help to bring to his attention the inappropriateness of his comments, but without emotion and crying.  Better you do it at a time when you are in control of yourself.  You may want to take the lead to suggest other interesting family outings � maybe culturally he needs your help in this area.

Last night I was crying and when he asked me what�s wrong I said that I feel like I�m not a good wife (ie: honestly feeling like I can�t please him, regardless of what I do), and all he said was �whatever, you make your own conclusions� and left me to cry. Then he made a comment later on along the lines of, �she has all these problems, she�s always crying� without trying to comfort me.

Sounds like he was trying to say your conclusion wasn�t correct.  Often men feel a bit helpless and unable to deal with crying, so I wouldn�t take this to mean he doesn�t care.

Lately we don�t sleep in the same bed and we can go the entire day without saying more than 2-3 sentences to each other.

Well hopefully once the anger subsides it will get better.  What about family and friends, have they been able to make any helpful suggestions or interventions? 

Every week the idea of divorce has been brought up, and he has told me several times that if I don�t change that he will be forced to divorce me because he can�t live with someone �cold� like me.

I am afraid to talk to him because I don�t know how to start the conversation and I am afraid of his reaction to my feelings.

I constantly pray to ALLAH swt that he will guide us and I feel like SHAYTAN is in our relationship trying to constantly pull us apart.

Are you both praying five times daily?  Does he attend any lectures in the mosque?  As long as you�re not irreligious Shaytan will not be successful.  If your marriage began correctly, insha�Allah it will continue correctly and get better with proper communication, love and compromise.

Please help! After one 1 month I am afraid we are headed to divorce already? I am so disparate to save our
relationship but I don�t know what to do.

Struggle to work things out and don�t mention divorce.  Seek outside help if you�re unable to work through your troubles, but try your best first.  One month certainly isn�t very long � be patient and insha�Allah you�ll be happy you hung in there. Allah bless you and reward you.  I�m praying for you!

Barakallahu fikoum for any advice. It is much appreciated.

Riad Ouarzazi is an "NLP Certified Life Coach practitioner".  Does this qualify someone as a "certified marriage counselor"?