Drawn to Islam but afraid to commit
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Islam for non-Muslims
Forum Description: Non-Muslims can ask questions about Islam, discussion for the purpose of learning.
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21663
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 9:58am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Drawn to Islam but afraid to commit
Posted By: Lalli36
Subject: Drawn to Islam but afraid to commit
Date Posted: 31 August 2011 at 10:18am
|
Hello all,
First I want to say thank you all in advance for helping me out. =) This is something I have been struggling with for some time. I have what I think is a bit of an odd question. I have been wearing the hijab for more than a month now following my experiment "30 Days of Hijab" at my school. For a long time now, I have been drawn towards Islam. I feel I have a strong connection to the morals and values offered within, but I am absolutely, 100% terrified of conversion. I don't fully know why. I suppose it's a fear of commitment and the fear that some days I wont be able/willing to adhere to the rules. I am also afraid of what my family, namely my husband, would think. He absolutely refuses to go out in public with me while I'm in hijab during my experiment. He truly hates it, for fear of discrimination. It's not the religion he has an issue with, just the hijab. I guess I can't fully explain my fears about total conversion. They just are, if that makes sense. I feel it's wrong to just pick and chose which things to follow and which to ignore, and I certainly wouldn't make the commitment with the intention of picking and choosing which rules to obey. But is it wrong to study Islam and try to live in a way as close to what it teaches as possible without the conversion, knowing that at this point I can't totally commit? I understand that one cannot receive the full blessings of any religion without total adherence, but do you think it is an offense to God to do this? Who knows, perhaps through study and with time I will be led to convert at Gods pace? Thank you for your help. I feel a bit tortured by this. Lalli |
Replies:
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 01 September 2011 at 5:53pm
Hello Lalli, Makes perfect sense. Religion, like so many other things has a major impact on peoples' lives.. especially if they are practicing adherents [if thats a word]... So naturally you would be very careful about such a major change. You would think, re-think, evaluate your decision.. that's good, normal, that's how we evolved.. Even if you look at it from a non-religious point of view.. Change is difficult, natural tendency is for humans to look at change as 'bad'. Thats what we learnt in a purely business course 'Managing Change'. This is when we need to calm our nerves and think rationally and weigh our decision. Why do you want to convert? How would you feel if you didn't convert and ignored your inclinations? Do you have internal misgivings, or your external environment is scaring you? Things like that... Also, you don't have to immediately break the news to your loved ones. You can take your time with that. It will allow you to figure out relationships as a muslim, without the external pressure. And you converted the moment you believed in Allah and His message - that is the beauty of Islam. Its all about a change of the heart... verbal declarations are important, but secondary to the heart and intention.
A lot of 'converts' ask this actually... you are not alone. Your intention is correct Lalli, that one should enter the folds of Islam wholeheartedly and not pick & choose. But we should also try to identify our emotions. Maybe it is Shaitan telling you that oh you can't be perfect, so don't even try! Silly example, lol.. but I often end up not going to the gym because the whole routine just mentally exhausts me, and I say - oh come on Chrysalis! Its not like you are going to be regular, just forget about it. And I end up not going at all... ever... for months... So don't worry about that! Take baby steps, but take the steps. No matter how small, how tiny - make the effort. So maybe you find hijab difficult, fine... probably prayers will seem tough, etc etc. But don't let that scare you.. God-Willing in time you shall improve. Nobody is a perfect muslim. We all try. Its the effort and intention that counts the most.. Believing in Allah and His message and being a 'weak muslim' is still better than being an unbeliever... So don't worry about not being able to practice everything fully the moment you become muslim, it shall be a gradual process inshAllah, and over time you shall improve. Its possible one may stumble now and then, but we keep trying! What you can do is hold off on a 'public conversion/ shahadah'. And practise Islam privately - for as long as you think you are not ready to face the public.
Its all about the heart Sis! You don't have to feel like anybody is forcing you to convert - but you should also not let your reservations stop you... Allah / God is very Merciful, and Loving.. and He helps those who turn to Him and beseech Him for help! So grow close to God, build a relationship with Him and ask Him for help. Once you feel you have that connection with Him, things will be much easier inshAllah. And relax sister, don't let thoughts like that torture you. Be calm and rational! A spiritual change should lighten your heart, and beautify your life :-) ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: W.S.
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 5:36am
|
Lalli, I think Chrysalis replies to your post beautifully - especially since I'm having some issues myself. I'm male and I recently reverted to Islam in my heart. I realize that this may seem provocative to some people here but I did not fast during Ramadan. I know it's compulsory. I've had a somewhat physically challenging job in health care this summer, it's been warm and humid and I've been sweating like a pig. I have a high metabolism and my psysical being holds no reserves. Also, I reside in Sweden where summer days are long. Fasting would not have brought me closer to God but closer to the ground as I would have collapsed. Furthermore, I did not wish to cause a car crash due to my being like a zombie. This does not mean that I haven't felt bad about not fasting. Another issue is how to explain to people. Everybody will ask you "WHY Islam?" and expect you to give them a short and simple answer, but I'm not so sure there is such a thing as a short and simple answer. So, like Chrysalis says: you're not alone. Chrysalis: as you can see a lot of what you've written to Lalli speaks to me as well. Or would that be unjust?
|
Posted By: Lalli36
Date Posted: 02 September 2011 at 6:44am
|
Thank you, Thank you Chrysalis! You always seem to have wonderful advice =) Ironically, as a woman, hijab is the least of my worries! So far with my limited experience wearing it, I absolutely love it, though I'm sure now and then it would be a challenge. I suppose I will just take a deep breath and take it one step at a time. Thank you again! Lalli |