Question for Muslim Sisters?

I have very close Pakistani friend who has been married to white girl for about 8 years and they have 2 kids together.

It was a love marriage even though his parents weren�t happy about the marriage they accepted her. My friend wasn�t religious before  marriage but soon after he became very religious with Sunnah beard, etc.

For last 8 years he has been trying to teach his wife to learn about Islam but she doesn't want to learn and practice Islam. She has neither Muslim friends nor she care to make any friends. He tried everything for her to change and mix in his family but she doesn�t care. She was complains about going to his mother house and go to pakistani/muslim parties & activities. She doesn�t even know how to pray properly but when she can she does go to masjid (Fridays & sometime in Ramadan).

He tried his best, got her to take class at local Islamic Center, she went 1st day and decided that I would be better for her to read books. He bought her several very good Islamic books and copy of Quran in English, Internet Islamic websites but she doesn't want to read/learn. Every now and then she does pickup book and read few pages just to please him but no action.

He tried everything possible but no response from her. She very Lazy, she only cook & clean when she likes. (she cook for the kids).

He talked to local Imam & his mother both told him to be patient and just pray for her.

My friend is thinking about separation/divorce for last 2 years but he doesn�t want to lose his children. (They have 2 kids together).

He said if she didn't change in 8 years she probably won't ever change. He wants  to  live according to  Quran &  Sunnah and  wants  Hijabi  Wife.

Sisters any sugestions?

And he's probably right.  But like I said, al-hidaya is from Allah.   There is a chance that she may change in the future.   At this point he has to do what's best for his children.  

I would suggest that he introduce her to some American Muslim sisters .   She would probably feel more comfortable culturally.  It's important that the sister/sisters have a personality compatible with hers.  Let them get to know her and give her da'wa simply by their example.    And then maybe Allah will soften her heart to Islam. 

Now, how will he introduce the sister(s) to his wife without her feeling like he's trying to pick her friends?   He'll have to use his imagination on that one.  Suggestions anyone?????????

Salaam

Thanks for the reply.

I just saw him @ the Masjid, he is totally depressed.

Abeer23,

she is not Christian, at least this is what my friend told me.   She claims to be Muslim. Everyone at her work knows that she is Muslim & she doesn't eat pork. She is even fasting but not praying obligatory prayers. According to my friend, he thinks she doesn't want to change because of her family.

My friend has tried to introduce her to few muslimah @ local Masjid but she not interested.  The Strange thing is she tells everyone that she is Muslim but she doesn�t want to practice.

Something happened 2 years ago that caused a major problem between them.

One day electric company came and turned off his light. He didn't know why they shut is off; he called them to inquire about it and they said he hasn't paid his light bill in 4-5 months.  He asked his wife what happened and she said she forgets to pay the bills.

Since last 2 years she is working at dead end job and what ever she makes she spend it on babysitting. Recently he bought her Honda Odyssey VAN so her and kids have vehicle. He has asked her to go to school and get back into the nursing program (she dropped out of the RN nursing program back in 2000). She has been lying to him that she is taking classes on-line but she never took any class. She is very smart girl but she is just too lazy.

Bismillah,

He has to think of the kids and himself.  He obviously doesn't care about her at all.  Probably he is telling you the story only from his side.  I have had that happen to me, and that's a very hard unfair thing.  So I refuse to believe one said unless I hear the other (unless it's hypothetical or not so extreme as this case.)

He's making her sound as evil as he can.  Maybe he needs to reasses himself and the situation.  I hear underneath the story that she has been trying, is human and makes mistakes.  Maybe her life with him is depressing her and she hasn't been able to deal with her reality.

herjihad wrote:     Probably he is telling you the story only from his side.

Excellent point Herjihad.  Wow, four or five months - no bills paid, even the mortgage, and not a clue until the lights go out?  Something is indeed missing in this story, and as Herjihad indicated - both sides of the story.

Salam her husband needs to talk to her and not you. I became muslim when i married my husband but it took me a long time to read Quran and pray. My husband keep going on at me about what i should be doing as a muslim and what i should not be doing , and in the end i did nothing because every time he told me to do something i felt like i was doing it for him and not for allah.we talked and talked and i told him everytime he asked me to pray it felt like i was praying for him and in the end he stopped asking. It took me nearly 10 years to learn how to pray and i am still learning. You did not find any thing good to say about this sister you are only finding fualt with her. Her husband has been with her for 8 years so ther must be something good about her for him to stay and for then to have 2 kids together. I was the same as this sister and now i pray 5 times a day and every thing i do i do for Allah. Her husband needs to stop telling her what he wants her to do and let her make her own choice . If Allah wills she will be the wife that he is looking for. My husband says it took mohamed[SA]23 years for dawahfor the non muslim. Her husband needs to treat her nice and when he is praying he should say dawah for her. He should forget about the past its not the end of the world if she didnot pay a few bills tell them to start from new  as if they were just married. Islamic marrage is about understanding each others needs and trying to help each other. Also tell them to read surhar al bakkarah and the shyaton will run away from the house. Try and let them pray 2 rakka togather and may Allah lead them to the right path............

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karimah wrote: Salam her husband needs to talk to her and not you. I became muslim when i married my husband but it took me a long time to read Quran and pray. My husband keep going on at me about what i should be doing as a muslim and what i should not be doing , and in the end i did nothing because every time he told me to do something i felt like i was doing it for him and not for allah.we talked and talked and i told him everytime he asked me to pray it felt like i was praying for him and in the end he stopped asking. It took me nearly 10 years to learn how to pray and i am still learning. You did not find any thing good to say about this sister you are only finding fualt with her. Her husband has been with her for 8 years so ther must be something good about her for him to stay and for then to have 2 kids together. I was the same as this sister and now i pray 5 times a day and every thing i do i do for Allah. Her husband needs to stop telling her what he wants her to do and let her make her own choice . If Allah wills she will be the wife that he is looking for. My husband says it took mohamed[SA]23 years for dawahfor the non muslim. Her husband needs to treat her nice and when he is praying he should say dawah for her. He should forget about the past its not the end of the world if she didnot pay a few bills tell them to start from new  as if they were just married. Islamic marrage is about understanding each others needs and trying to help each other. Also tell them to read surhar al bakkarah and the shyaton will run away from the house. Try and let them pray 2 rakka togather and may Allah lead them to the right path............ +

Thanks for the advice; I will talk to him tomorrow.
I have known him (Ali) since High school and I know he wouldn�t lie to me.

Well, to be honest with you there is another twist in this story. 
About Year while he was trying to introduce his wife to sisters at local Masjid he meet another white revert sister (Reyhana).

Who is Reyhana?
Reyhana is 28 years old, reverted 3 years ago; she has 2 children, daughter 8 from a white father and son 5 from black father. She is unmarried and live with her mother.

He though it would be best for his wife to meet/friends with Reyhana since Reyhana is practicing muslimah.  But for some strange reason his wife either wasn't interested or wan't able to meet her.
Anyway, He told Reyhana about his situation and requested her to talk to his wife. In last 8 months he saw her few times at the local Masjid. Reyhanna gave him few advices but nothing worked. 
Recently Reyhanna has asked him to take her as his wife but he said NO.

He said he loves his wife and he will never cheat on her or do any thing to caused problems. He just wants her to realize what she is missing; there is no life without Islam.

Salam Alaikum

With this new twist i could say a lot but i fear Allah so i will not say anything........

SALAAMS HUMZA

 i am so sorry to hear that your friend is in this position, i do agree with the others that he sould have thought of converting her before they got married,.i was reading up on the net yetserday and it says if a women converts for the sole purpose of marriage thenthe community aroundher should nurture her weak imaan so that it becomes strong.but u say that he has already tried this,i think what i would do is i would discuss with her about the upbringing of the children.he should make it clear to her that he wants them brought up as good muslims,making their salaah and all that goes with being a muslim.another thing to keep im ming is tha it says in the Quran "there is no compulsion in relieion" this refers to the non believers.if u becomne muslim it is FARDH on you that u fulfill the five pillars..she should have understood that BEFORE she got married.

i pray inshallah that they can resolve their differences and also that their chldren will not be affected by this conflict in their home.