Hello, I'm new
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Forum Name: Groups : New Muslims
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URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=29265
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Topic: Hello, I'm new
Posted By: MrsNabil
Subject: Hello, I'm new
Date Posted: 17 May 2014 at 2:30pm
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Salaam.
I became a Muslim in 2012, when I married, but I have not become a practicing Muslim yet. I live in a very small town in SE Iowa, in the US. The closest mosque is more than 100 miles (161 km) from my home. There are no Muslims in my rural community of 30,000. I was married in Ramallah, Palestine. I had to become Muslim in order for the Imam in the court to become my guardian and guarantee I was a single woman. I learned about Muslim beliefs while I was in Amman and Ramallah, and felt drawn to Allah (PBUH) like never before. I suppose one could say I was married to my husband accidentally. I had been in love with his uncle, who I knew via the Internet for 4.5 years. We could not marry in Amman because I couldn't prove I was a single woman. We then went to Palestine, and I married his nephew--my husband--and the plan was to get divorced three days later and marry the man I thought I loved when we returned to Amman. Well, this man never got my husband and I divorced. He lied to me for almost a year, guaranteeing that we were married. I only found out the truth 10 months later. I also discovered that this man I thought I loved was a liar and a thief. He stole money from me, and also my husband's life savings. He told my husband that I knew we were still married, and that he needed my husband's money to pay for an attorney and the immigration fees. (sigh) It is such a complicated story. I had been keeping in touch with Nabil after I left the Middle East. He was kind, considerate, generous, well-educated, and just the sweetest man I had ever known. When I told him I just discovered we were still married, we started talking about the lies his uncle told both of us. The question was, should we stay married? We talked almost daily for many months. There is a very large age difference between us, and this caused me to think he should divorce me. What I did not know was that my husband had fallen in love with me when he met me. I prayed. I realized that Allah (PBUH) had saved me from a horrible man, and gave me to someone that already loved me very much. Against our families' wishes, we are staying married. I went to see him 9 weeks ago to be sure he is a man I felt comfortable with and whom I could trust. He was everything I wanted and needed. We are in the last stage of immigration and we hope he will be here by the end of Ramadan. Nabil is very religious--something I admire about him. Now, I need to start to pray and become the wife he deserves. I hope you all will give me guidance. I have been reading the Quran and about Mohammed (PBUH), and I am learning very much. This site has been very helpful. I do have a question that I could not find an answer: All my memories of my marriage are of his thief uncle, who was Nabil's proxy. I want to be married again, this time with Nabil by my side. Is this allowed in Islam? It means so much to me to make better memories. Thank you for listening to my long story. |
Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 17 May 2014 at 9:47pm
| Assalamalecum,Allah in Quran in ch 2 v 232 says" if u divorce a woman n they complete their term, then don't prevent them from remarrying their firmer husband.its a message to all who believe in Allah n last day.Allah knows everything n u not."more importantly from ur story Allah also had another message for u in ch 2 v 216, Allah says u may like a thing which is bad for u, u may hate a thing which is good for u, but Allah only knows what is good for u. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 17 May 2014 at 11:10pm
I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean to say in the first quote. I was never married to his uncle. Nabil and I were never divorced. How does this apply to us? I want to have memories of marrying Nabil, not of having his uncle standing in his place during the ceremony. And, yes, I also read that second quote in the Quran, and it definitely applies to this situation! I was originally in love with an evil man who is more of an atheist than a Muslim. Allah made the right decision at a time when I could not. (I should make his uncle's name public so all can avoid this liar and thief!) |
NABA wrote:Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 7:19am
| This entire situation sounds like a US Green card ruse, and both Nabil and his uncle are involved. He will use, abuse and ultimately discard you once safely and legally settled in the United States. MrsNabil proceed with extreme caution. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 4:42pm
(sigh) This is what my son believes, also. My son is already threatening to kill him if he mistreats me in any way, and has plans of telling Nabil this on the first day he arrives here--holding gun to his head in order to show he is serious. As my son is very over-protective of his mother, his threats are real. The voracity of my son's threats does frighten me, though. I don't want him to harm anyone and go to prison. I pray because I do not know if your warning is from the voice of Allah, telling me to take heed, or from Shaitan, in order to cause doubt. |
Posted By: ll0OoO0ll
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 8:04pm
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I think you need to bring Islam in your life at a pace that you can handle in a longer run. Rushing and crash coursing usually don't go a long way.
There will be many people who will come up with a bombardment of "Do's and Don'ts" but what you need to do is start with the basics - which are five pillars of Islam. Tauheed (Oneness of God), Alhamdolillah your heart is already enlighten with this - Next step is to establish salah. Learn the 7 verses of the first chapter and start praying salah. If you miss one, makeup for it later but try not to make it habit. Try to practice an Islamic dietary habit by refraining from pork and alcohol (Which I think you should already be doing this  ).
And then Inshallah Ramadhan is around the corner so make intention to fast as many days as you can. Also, take the advantage of Ramadhan and give Zakaat (Islamic charity) if you owe any. And finally, Inshallah make the intention of performing Hajj with your husband whenever Allah makes it easy upon both of you. Ameen. Please remember that when a non-Muslim enters Islam, the Satan starts working on him/her 24/7 to push him back into ignorance. The journey of Islam is easy and it could also be testing at times, so no matter what happens, NEVER leave Islam. So this was to start off with faith strengthen thoughts. Now the important part of Nabil coming over here. You start with trust and a clean heart. It may ruin things if you start this relationship on the basis of deception and having doubts in him. Refrain to sow this seed in your heart before you have even begun the journey with him. If he has any wrong intention to get green card or whatever then he will reap what he sows. Allah is your sustainer, neither Nabeel nor his uncle. The important part that you need to understand and educate yourself with is the possible upcoming clash of two cultures. Usually when males from Muslim countries immigrate to USA after getting married - specially when their spouse is a convert American Muslimah - they go into a culture shock of disliking many things that you may see as normal. This results in initial frustration. It usually takes 3 to 4 years for an immigrant Muslim man to fully integrate into the American social set up - so it's super important that you stay patient during this "transition" period of Nabil. Just as you are learning Islam at your own pace, Nabeel also needs to merge into American Society at his own pace. The golden rule to save any marriage and always live happy is; "NEVER look or find short comings in your spouse and ALWAYS look for and appreciate the good qualities/habits in your spouse". If both husband and wife understand this trick, they will always live happily - so tell this to Nabeel for me since you both will be practicing this Inshallah
Now, what could REALLY help is if you guys move out to a city where you could stay connected with a mosque and a good Muslim community. This will tremendously help BOTH of you in your individual challenges of learning and integrating. Trust me, staying in good Islamic environment helps a lot. Stay connected with us over here and Inshallah things will be OK. ------------- There is no atheist on a sinking ship. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 8:58pm
Yes, I have been doing the dietary habits of Islam ever since I was married. I've avoided pork, but when I was with my family for Easter, I did have ham--it made me sick! I don't go near it now! And, I've been sober for 24 (almost 25!) years now--no worries about that. I know that Ramadan is near, but I'm diabetic. I can't get my doctor's permission to fast. My BG runs low as it is, and fasting will probably result in a coma. So, I will give more Zakaat because I do owe it. I feel the burden of fighting Satan daily now. I would not leave Islam, not even for my family, at this point. But when I hear something from a Muslim brother/sister here that challenges my faith in my husband's piety or honesty, I do get very upset. We do plan on moving to a larger city. We both want to go back to school for our graduate degrees, so we are looking at the Chicago area or Washington DC/Arlington County. I thought Chicago would be good because 70% of the Arabs living there are Palestinian. And, I'm originally from the Chicago suburbs, and my son and my mother still live there. Thank you for your thoughtful response. It means very much to me. Peace be upon you. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 18 May 2014 at 10:41pm
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To those that have PM'd me...
Why do you sow the seeds of doubt? Why do you want to sow destructive feelings in my heart? My husband has given me no reason to doubt him, and he has taken good care of me from afar. I have no wants or needs because of him. He has been an answer to decades of prayer. I will not allow Shaitan, nor YOU, to invade my heart and mind with accusations against my husband. Allah made a decision and I will not question His reasons. "Truly, Allah knows and you know not." |
Posted By: ll0OoO0ll
Date Posted: 20 May 2014 at 6:58pm
[IMG]smileys/smiley1.gif" align="middle" /> Well, consider this scenario as also part of the test and a way of Satan trying to create a feeling of dislike towards other Muslims. So if that happens again, put a smile on your face and ignore the attack to move on with your life. These small things are not worth your time, and they should not create a hindrance in your way.
This is an extremely good idea, and I actually forgot to emphasize on it. Education is super important for Nabil to help him quickly integrate in the American Social Setup and become a positive contributor to his new country. He will get a good respectable job with a graduate degree and will be able to strike a good work life balance in contrast to a situation where doing odd jobs for a longer time will wear him off and create stress and frustration. If he has any interest in software and tech then I will most definitely recommend a pursuit of B.S. in Computer Sciences/IT. Good money, easy life! Chicago seems a logically good choice if you have family there; however, it may be costly to live in Chicago when you don't have a good paying job. I am not sure about your personal finance situation but do consider Ballwin, MO. They have a very good Islamic Community Center, good diversified Muslim community and affordable housing compared to Chicago. Ballwin has an extremely low crime rate and the area is nice and clean with a couple of good halal meat and middle eastern grocery stores. There are good colleges where you and your husband can get enrolled to affordable tuition fees etc. It's only 5 hours from Chicago. Let me know if you need more information on Darul Salam Masjid and Islamic community in Ballwin. All the best to you. ------------- There is no atheist on a sinking ship. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 20 May 2014 at 7:31pm
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Whoa! Median income of $76K? That's almost twice the median income of MO!
Average rent of $905! (I only pay $425 now.) But, if it's a good place, we'll look into it. It would be nice to live in a Muslim-friendly community. Nabil is the equivalent of a CPA; he needs to take intensive English classes to work on his grammar, and then tax laws for the US. His Graduate degree would be in Business Admin. I'm the one who is into software implementation and training, along with programming.  I have a Bachelor's in Spanish, but I want to go to Columbia Univ. and get an MS in International Relations Negotiation and Settlement. Having been to Palestine and the Middle East, I really believe that something has to be done about the Zionists. I hope to make a difference... but, perhaps that's just a dream. It will be very hard to have both of us at university at the same time, along with paying for my son's college.
Thank you for your guidance! |
Posted By: ll0OoO0ll
Date Posted: 24 May 2014 at 5:59pm
Yep, all neighboring cities of Ballwin, like Town and Country, Creve Coeur, and Manchester have a good and well diversified Muslim population. Town and Country is a bit more upscale but you can enjoy a very good life in Ballwin and surrounding cities. There is a new Masjid in overland which is very close to Creve Coeur. In contrast, if you are in Chicago, you will probably not get a 2 bedroom apartment for $900.00 in the same kinds of neighborhood as in MO. ------------- There is no atheist on a sinking ship. |
Posted By: sarahzohar88
Date Posted: 26 May 2014 at 3:38am
| Hi to all from sarah and i feel lucky after join this forum. |
Posted By: MrsNabil
Date Posted: 27 May 2014 at 5:27am
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Welcome Sarah!
Tell me about yourself! 
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Posted By: SamLucille
Date Posted: 08 July 2014 at 10:32am
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And then Inshallah Ramadhan is around the corner so make intention to fast as many days as you can. Also, take the advantage of Ramadhan and give Zakaat (Islamic charity) if you owe any.
And finally, Inshallah make the intention of performing Hajj with your husband whenever Allah makes it easy upon both of you. Ameen http://funnylobby.com - . |
Posted By: Kaleemah
Date Posted: 07 August 2014 at 10:41pm
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Salaam alaikum sister, I'm sorry you feel like others are sowing seeds of doubt. I'm sure their intentions are pure and are only trying to help you. Be careful. Pray. Learn Salat. Visit a Masjid. Talk to an Imam. Talk to sisters, not just the brothers. Talk to women in Islam. P.S. When you refer to Allah, you don't say 'peace be upon him'. That's a term we reserve for our Prophets! The term we use is Subhana wa ta'ala (or SWT) which means Glorified and Exalted Be He. |