My Beliefs on a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are relationships where there is Trust and Truth.  Relationships are important for our existence as healthy individuals and families.

Open lines of communication are key to a healthy relationship and this may take some nurturing if someone has been hurt or abused.

Healthy relationships give a person confidence that if or when they make a mistake it can be dealt with in a responsible manner.

Healthy relationships take effort at times becuase sometimes we want to stay quiet about something that is bothering us when it might be better to talk about it.

In a healthy relationship your partner and you would give each other time to share feelings and thoughts on various issues and happenings.

All is not lost if your relationship is suffering as there is counseling from a variety of sources such as clergy or Imam or Rabbi.

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In Islam you have an ever-persistent relationship with your Lord; you worship Him and talk to Him and ask Him guidance, support, and aid in adhering to His religion; you feel His company and security by your prayers to Him your seeking refuge in Him--to an extent that will compensate you more than the absence of anybody else.

 
The main obligation of the any Spouse as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. They must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of thier mate. They may neither offend them nor hurt either of their feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur'anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness.� (Al-Furqan: 74)

This is the basis on which each spouses obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation:

1- They both must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest.

2- They must not deceive thier mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive either of them of legitimate progeny.

3- They must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively thier Spouses right, i.e. sexual intimacy.

4-They must not receive anyone in their home whom the either one does not like.

5-They may accept gifts without either of thier approval. 

6- The possessions of the Marriage are each of their trusts. If either has access to any portion thereof, or if they are entrusted with any fund, they must discharge thier duty wisely and thriftily. They may not lend or dispose of any of either Spouses belongings without thier permission.

7- With respect to intimacy, both Spouses are to make themselves desirable; to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.

8- A Spouse may not deny the other Spouse except in illness, stress, wearieness or the period of Pregnancy or Early Child rearing or any time either of them feels that sexual relations would not benifit both parties. For the Qur'an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency.

9- Moreover, both Spouses are not permitted to do anything that may render thier companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If they neglect themselves, the either has the right to encourage and support efforts towards positive change, like diet and exercise or training. So that both parties may feel and be fullfilled within themselves and the relationship both working towards excellence in behavior, conduct and supporting one anothers goals or aspiration like recieiving training to become a nurse, Doctor, Lawyer, Cook, Plumber, Electrition or just plain good people and the best of Spouses, Mothers or Fathers they can be. 

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Family or relationship violence, threats or abuse of any kind is no way to develop a loving realationship.

Guys if you really do not love the person your with then divorce them and be generous fincially to ensure they are well looked after and arrange for visitation with your children on a regular basis.

If you really love the person your with and you are being violent with them or abusive in any way then seek out counseling services to learn new behaviors to deal with your anger, frustration, ignorance that are kinder and more productive and caring. 

Your wife or partner are worth making the effort towards positive healthy change and so are you, in the end you can be a hero for your wife and family by getting education and training in better ways to deal with emotions.  It is critical that you recieve counseling from certified professionals like Social workers, Doctors, Trained Psychologists.

Encouraging your partner to recieve counseling would show you are really a man/woman and you care for her/him and for your children as well.

Taking responsibility for your actions may be one of the hardest and easiest things you will ever do.  Getting over the guilt for having the negative behavior should you be able to accept that your behavior was violent or abusive.

Allah did not create you to be violent or abusive, he created you to love and be loved.

When we love we do not abuse people, emotionally, physically or sexually.

When we love people we nurture and encourage people in graceful, caring and kind ways.

When we love people we work hard at controlling our temper and emotions.

When we love someone we learn how to cope with total or partial abstance from sex, self pleasuring and how to deal with the wide range of emotions that can take place following this course of action either in a relationship or not.

I guess what I am trying to say is there is hope for redemption but it means facing reality and accepting responsibility for yourself.

AMH