Household payments
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31713
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 6:27am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Household payments
Posted By: Jami
Subject: Household payments
Date Posted: 26 September 2014 at 8:26am
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Hello sisters and brothers. I want up your advices please. I have been married for over 16 years. We have a 14 year old son. For the first 6 years of marriage my husband did not work because he was happy to live off me. Then he got a job for two years. During that time he contributed to family and household costs. Then he stopped that job and started working for himself. Since that time he has never contributed regularly or sufficiently to our household bills, always thinking that my salary will cover the bills, but this is not the case now and I have to borrow money to pay the bills. When I ask him to contribute, he laughs and says he has no money. He goes to mosque 5 times a day, but for a long time he told me his morning visits out of house where for exercise. My son told me his dad went to mosque at that time.
Now, he told me yesterday morning that his office has sent him for training to Dubai. He left yesterday evening and until now didn't call me. His friend send a message which came only after my husband left wishing him good trip to Haaj. I now find out that he has lied to me and has gone to Haaj, not for training. But just last week when I asked him for money he told me he had none. Please tell me what to do. Also, if he lied about going to Haaj, will it count for Jennat? Sorry for long message. |
Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 27 September 2014 at 7:18am
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Salaam,
It looks like your husband has been living a lie all these years of your marriage. Islamically, it is his responsibility to look after the family and spend the money which he earns. If you work then that money is entirely yours, if you want to keep all of the money to yourself then you are free to do so. As he has gone to perform Hajj on a lie then his Hajj will not be accepted. Also praying five times a day then as soon you step out of the masjid you commit sins then the prayers will not be accepted either. The only options left to you are to confront him and tell him that you know he has lied to you all these years and then give him a chance to change In Shaa Allah. The other option, if he doesn't change, is to divorce. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 27 September 2014 at 7:23pm
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One can only assume that an understanding between you and your husband allowed for your income to support the family for the first six years. When he was able to provide from his income he contributed. It is the nature of having your own business that income will fluctuate so this will require patience on your part until his efforts are more fruitful. How is it that he gave an excuse that his "office" sent him, when he is working for himself? What type of atmosphere exists in the home that would make him less than forthcoming about his exact whereabouts?
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 27 September 2014 at 7:26pm
Statements such as the above require textual evidence. |
Abu Loren wrote:Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 28 September 2014 at 5:13am
It's simple logic. If I decide to sin all my life and then decide tp perform Hajj on my death bed so that my sins may be forgiven then we would ALL do that won't we? To perform Hajj one should go with a pure heart and a pure intention. I would go further and say that his prayers won;t be accepted either as he is a munafiq. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 28 September 2014 at 10:15am
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The trouble is, whose "simple" logic do we base our religious practice and understanding upon? Ali (raa) once said, 'If the religion were based on opinion, it would be more fitting the wipe the under part of the leather socks rather than the upper part of it. However, I have seen the Messenger of Allah wiping over the upper parts of his leather socks.�
(Reported by Abu Dawud with a good chain of narrators) |
Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 28 September 2014 at 2:16pm
For what it's worth, on http://islamqa.info/en/173723 - islamqa.info I found a reference to the following hadith: "Ibn �Abd al-Barr (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It seems to me that if a man takes money that ought to have been used to support his family and uses it for Hajj instead, that would be an evil deed and the money (essentially stolen from his family) would not be "halaal wealth". But I'll try to leave this discussion to others. ------------- Addeenul �Aql � Religion is intellect. |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 29 September 2014 at 6:19am
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It seems to me that Ron Webb knows more about Islam than abuayisha. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 29 September 2014 at 8:22am
| Abu Loren does that imply you believe her husband went to hajj with stolen wealth? |
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 29 September 2014 at 8:35am
Of course he did. His earnings were never spent on his wife and child whilst he lied about his earnings to his wife. He's a despicable individual. ------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 29 September 2014 at 11:56am
 Not a chance, but thanks anyway!And to be fair, abuayisha didn't say you were wrong. He just wanted some evidence, which is always a good thing.  ------------- Addeenul �Aql � Religion is intellect. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 29 September 2014 at 12:34pm
| Hajj requires advance preparation, as well as advance ticket purchase. Could it not be that at the time she requested funds he'd already spent his money? Is it possible to "steal" from your own earnings? |
Posted By: Jami
Date Posted: 30 September 2014 at 8:09am
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Thank you all for your interest and your insightful and helpful comments. To be clear, my husband agrees that he should pay money each month, and has even agreed what that amount should be. Over the past four years however, since we made the agreement (at my insistence because he was paying nothing since 2004, despite me asking for support and him promising it) he has paid me that agreed monthly sum just 10 times. He has occasionally bought our son expensive but totally unnecessary gifts, and then when I have asked for the agreed monthly amount he points to the gifts and says 'there is the money'.
So to say that he needed to plan in advance for the Hajj and therefore could not pay the money is incorrect. His family and the monthly support we need is not a surprise for him. In fact I just realised that he must have lied to me for a long time if he planned for the Hajj in advance! Good point Abuayisha. |