How much longer?
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32131
Printed Date: 25 November 2024 at 1:03pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: How much longer?
Posted By: Salman64
Subject: How much longer?
Date Posted: 27 October 2014 at 9:06pm
|
Alsalaam Aleykum brothers and sisters. I am hoping to get an answer to my question from some the scholars who might be attending this forum.
I am a Muslim American, I was married to a Woman for 20 years who converted to Islam on her own accord before we were married. towards the end of our marriage she became uninterested in the marriage and left our home and took our children to another state without my permission. After a battle in Court, I was awarded sole custody of our kids, the courts granted me full control of the mother's visitations and I was able to recover them from the State my X wife moved to. She was also refused alimony and all our properties went to me. Because she never worked during our marriage she has had a very difficult time getting a job and I have supported her for the last 19 months. She had not seen our kids for 15 months and had never asked to see them or invited them to go see her. She rarely calls them and she only ever does when she wants me to give her money. During the entire time I have been supporting her I continued to ask her if she is still following the teachings of Islam and she assured me she was. 2 weeks ago, my youngest son who is 7 repeatedly asked that I take him to see his mother as he had missed her terribly. I connected with her and she agreed that we visit. I booked 2 rooms in a Hotel in her town and we visited for 5 days. She seemed very indifferent to the kids and was more focused on trying to reconnect with me. I have no more desire for her being in my life though and the rejection was upsetting her terribly. During the visit I paid her apartment rent and gave her enough money to cover her bills. On the last day of the visit, she informed me that she is involved in very obscene sexual activities, excessive alcohol abuse and experimenting with drugs. I never asked her, she simply volunteered this information. This information upset me, I did not say anything and we left in peace. When we got back to our home state she contacted me asking me for more money. I refused, I told her I cannot participate in her activities, for me to provide her with money so she can spend it on Alcohol and lewd conduct is against my faith and personal beliefs. Am I out of line for stopping to support her? We have been divorced for 16 months now, I have paid her Moakhar ($5000) already and have given her so far more than $28,000 in assistance. What does Islam require of me in this situation? She has no one to help her, she is uneducated and had relied on me most of her adult life. Her father is dead, her mother is an alcoholic and has major drug addictions. She is an only child with no siblings. Part of me feels guilty for no longer wanting to support her, does it make me a bad Muslim or am I going against the will of Allah for stopping all support now that I found out what she is doing? |
Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 04 November 2014 at 4:34am
|
Wa Alaikum Asalaam,
I'm not a scholar but here goes. When you divorced your wife and you have given back her mahr or an equivalent thereof then that should have been the end of matter. Of course it is your obligation to take your children to see her or vise versa. You do not have any financial obligations towards her, if anything you are paying for her drug habit. Once she divorced you she made an intention to not rely on you. So stop worrying about her and get on with your life. If you are feeling lonely then you have the right to seek a wife and marry her. You are not a bad Muslim, if anything, you are a good person as you are concerned about your ex-wife. Salaam |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 04 November 2014 at 7:03am
The mahr is paid/given by the man, and under certain conditions she is entitled to maintenance. |
Abu Loren wrote:Posted By: nazir_in_texas
Date Posted: 04 November 2014 at 7:12am
| I am not a scholar either but the way I think is if you keep giving her money which she spends on drugs and alchohol then in a way you are making it easy for to maintain that lifestyle. So stop that and tell her if she she needs any help from you then she need to get clean first. You are a good person and she is using you. |