help me!!!
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32158
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Topic: help me!!!
Posted By: Aliya khan
Subject: help me!!!
Date Posted: 29 October 2014 at 8:35am
Salam I am a 40 year old lady, educated, holding a good job with four children My eldest is 21 yeas old, A month ago I found out that my husband whom I have always trusted implicitly has another wife and two small kids, When i encountered him he refused, even keping his hand on the koran and denying, But over the days he has accepted and now says it is a galti (mistake) which he will rectify. The marriage took place 10 years ago without any ones knowledge and amongst a family who are not his equals in society, What I want to know is that can a man marry without his first wifes knowledge, There was absolutely no need for another marriage I have always catered to all his needs and looked after the house and children to the best of my ability. I have always tried to live as per the laws of Islam I have done nothing ever that would hurt my marriage as it was the single most important thing in my life
How do i deal with loss of trust, the lies and deception over the years.
What should I do, what path has Allah prescribed for such situations. How can i live with a man who has lied to me and betrayed my trust.
please guide me
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Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 30 October 2014 at 7:47am
Wa alaikum salaam,
How old is your youngest child? Are the children now aware he has another family? Are any of your relatives or his relative now aware of his other marriage? How is he planning to "rectify" his mistake?
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Posted By: Aliya khan
Date Posted: 30 October 2014 at 8:13am
Salam My youngest is 12 years old None of my or his relatives know of his marriage nor do our children know
He says he wants to end that relationship and get the children they are 3 and 1 years old. What i am worried is that i dont want to be the cause of breaking a nikaah however hidden it was
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Posted By: kodoo
Date Posted: 30 October 2014 at 8:35am
wa salam, sister.
Though it would be better for him to have informed you, there are things that you need to know.
First, there is no such thing as "a family who are not not his equals in society". Islam considers every believer soul equal. And just as your families are dear to God, her familiy is also.
Secondly, you can't stop your husband from marrying another, UNLESS YOU HAVE STATED IT IN THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT. And I guess you didn't state it. Thus, what happens now is in the decision of Islamic court. If they think he has valid reasons to marry another, then he can. And if they think he doesn't have valid reasons or that he can't do justice between both of you, then he can't.
I am sorry that he did not inform you after all these years of commitment. But I hope you also forgive it for the good of the two small kids and the second wife. You wouldn't want them to be widow and orphans, right?
And I hope you discuss such things with your husband, rather than with foreigners.
ma salam
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Posted By: Aliya khan
Date Posted: 31 October 2014 at 4:57am
wsaalm Thank you for taking time to answer my question Isnt there a saying that says marriage should take place amongst your equal and neither from people above or below our status All souls are equal that is perfectly right.
Does a womam's rights extend to only accepting a man's wrong behaviour and forgiveness
Marriage is all about trust and respect if that is gone what is left?
IF my husband discussed matters maybe things would not have come to this point
I need help to seek the right course of action
Thank you
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