Am I doing the right thing?
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Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=32895
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Topic: Am I doing the right thing?
Posted By: bintbelady
Subject: Am I doing the right thing?
Date Posted: 20 January 2015 at 3:56pm
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Asalamu 3alakum,
Recently I met a very pious brother. I met him at my lowest, and we got to know one another purely for the intention of marriage. I have always alhamdulillah been a good muslimah, never had a boyfriend/relationship because I knew when the time came, it would be well worth it. I thought/think this brother is the answer to my prayers. He was everything I asked Allah for as a husband and as a father to my future children inshallah. It is as if Allah made him just for me. As his intentions were pure, he came and asked for my hand in marriage. My parents did not think it was the right time. They wanted me to wait and revisit marriage in a few months. I am 22 now nearly 23, they put a good case but I cant stop thinking ive made a mistake. I want to respect my parents, and they are very fair to me. They didnt find a fault in his character, they are just cautious because of something in his past. He is the best man I have ever come across, and the thing that happened in his past was not his fault. He strengthened my relationship with Allah, wakes me up for fajr and always had my best interest at heart. He always strived to be a better muslim and this is rare in todays society. He never asked me to do anything Allah didnt already ask of me, he was fair and when I told him my parents as me to wait, he just said alhamdulillah and Allah knows best. We agreed that he would continue looking for a wife, and if he found one he would marry and not wait, and I agree with that. If he isnt married in a few months we re-visit the issue. I want to respect my parents, and I have done everything they asked, but I really think he is the one. I have come across many men and there isnt one close to this guy, and I afraid in the future I will always compare other men to him and never be truly satisfied. During the time I got to know him, I prayed isti5ara nearly daily, and I had good dreams and our road was easy, too easy, until he came to visit and my parents asked me to wait and see if I still wanted to marry him in a few months. They said that I need to trust in Allah, and that it is already written. If I was meant to be with this man than it would happen and they couldnt stop it either way, so I listened to them. But still, I have a nagging feeling he is truly the one. Every-time I think of his characters, and his deen, and his personality, I could not even picture a better person for me I feel like I am letting an opportunity pass, at the same time I feel like I should stop being selfish and perhaps this is a test from Allah, to test my patience and my trust in him. What should I do? |
Replies:
Posted By: Ron Webb
Date Posted: 21 January 2015 at 6:54pm
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I'm hoping that someone will reply to this, because I'm very curious to know what a Muslim would say. The lady says she is nearly 23 years old. Does it even matter what her parents think? ------------- Addeenul �Aql � Religion is intellect. |
Posted By: Caringheart
Date Posted: 21 January 2015 at 8:42pm
Hi Ron, I too, am interested to hear replies. I say, of course it matters what her parents think. A new person is being brought into the family and parents want only good things for their children, it is good to listen to counsel and foolishness not to. I believe in the proverbs: (and in native ways and traditions where elders are always consulted) 14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. 22 Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. I admire the way the muslim community honors parents... as long as those parents are just and loving. I think it is right and good that she puts faith in her parents and trust in the One above. If it is meant to be, then it will be. I am a big believer in that. and if it does not come to be, then it was not meant to be. It is all part of accepting the will of One greater than ourselves. ------------- Let us seek Truth together Blessed be God forever "I believe in Jesus as I believe in the sun... not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.: - C.S.Lewis |
Ron Webb wrote:Posted By: Caringheart
Date Posted: 21 January 2015 at 8:47pm
Greetings bintbelady, I hope that I am allowed to reply because I support you, and I think that you are corrected in concluding that this may be a test from the One greater than ourselves to see if you are willing to put your trust in Him and submit to His will. You sound like a very good child of God. asalaam and blessings, Caringheart ------------- Let us seek Truth together Blessed be God forever "I believe in Jesus as I believe in the sun... not because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else.: - C.S.Lewis |
Posted By: Lachi
Date Posted: 22 January 2015 at 9:26am
| Whatever your age, it doesn't alter the respect you give your parents nor the importance of your faith. But like you, I believe bintbelady needs advice from someone who understands her situation. |
Posted By: Rofexa
Date Posted: 22 January 2015 at 12:03pm
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As-salam Alaykum Sister,
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Allah Almighty knows best, Islamically you are always able to choose to accept or decline a marriage proposal, regardless of your parent�s opinion. Of course we want to please our parents, but the choice is yours. Please note your parents didn't say no. They just asked you to wait a few months that is all. Now that being said, you have to ask yourself can you stand to be apart from your family, both financially & emotionally. If you chose to marry this boy, the reason I say boy is if he can't wait a few months for you, His maturity isn't reflecting the image of a Man. So now my question to you is what do you would want? You are old enough to make your own decisions, however you also must accept the consequences of YOUR decisions OK you stated �During the time I got to know him, I prayed isti5ara nearly daily" Salat-l-Istikhara, is not something done daily for the same thing. Here is a link on how to perform it & what it means. http://www.hadithoftheday.com/inspiration/islamic-information/how-to-perform-salat-l-istikhara/ But don't ask for this boy, ask for Allah to forgive you for your short comings, guide you to your path. Be him or someone else and last but not least to accept his will. That's a tough one; we are such an ungrateful being. We ask Allah for things and when we don't get them we are spiteful. What we need to always be mindful of is that Allah will give what he deems correct for us. We have to accept this in our hearts gratefully and with a glad heart. Allah created everything and found a way for you to be here. Don't you think Allah will find a way for you to be with this boy, if that is your destiny? Even if you have to wait a few months? Take this time to strengthen your relationship with Allah, your parents and this boy. Have your Father and him go to Jummah together, go for coffee, and let your patents see what you see in him. Then if it is meant to be it will be. That it, everything is Allah's will. However, we have free will, which is the test of every human being since the creation of Adam (PBOH). Think long and hard about your future and accept Allah's will. ------------- Walaikumu Salaam, Your sister in Islam ''When the world pushes you to your knees you�re in the perfect position to pray'' ~ Rumi |