Marrying girl from Orthodox family but my parents&
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Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33039
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Topic: Marrying girl from Orthodox family but my parents&
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Subject: Marrying girl from Orthodox family but my parents&
Date Posted: 09 February 2015 at 12:40am
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So there's this girl that i met on a social network half a year ago and she completely changed me as a person and a Muslim.i now find myself following sunnah actively and thoroughly researching and perfecting my imaan. She belongs to a highly conservative Muslim family and is very pious. I am highly obliged and thank Allah swt for making her a medium for bringing me on to the right path. We live in different parts of our country (India) and since the cultural difference is very vast in this country, people hardly marry outside their community. Plus i belong to a not so conservative muslim family, as in, we are the kind of muslims you would find offering prayers 5 times a day, fasting during ramadhan and trying to stay away from sins and all fardh acts with a somewhat liberal approach towards sunnah and mustahab acts. But this girl that i mentioned belongs to such an orthodox family with her father having performed Hajj 16 times!!! , her brother becoming a hafiz e Quran at the age of 10 or 11 and her parents adhering strictly to the islamic code like for example emphasising on the concept of non mahram, strict discipline and hijab etc. and parents offering all non obligatory prayers like Ishraq, Tahajjud ,Salat Al Tasbih and Salat Al-Awwabin etc( my father offers only the third among these on Lailat-ul-Qadr mostly).
So now i want to marry this girl for many reasons the prime being that she's very pious and could prove to be an ideal wife just what a Muslim man would want to have and also that we share a lot of interests like cooking,baking, and many habits. We've only met twice and then we decided that we wouldn't be meeting before our Nikah (In sha Allah). But the problem is two fold... 1; her father being strongly motivated by this hadees (if a man seeks your daughter's hand in marriage and his knowledge of deen satisfies you, marry her to him - Tirmidhi) and myself being a liberal Muslim. 2; how do i convince my family to accept her for me given that she comes from an absolutely different culture (the only thing we have in common is religion and my second language,which is her vernacular). My parents would lay more emphasis on cultural difference than the gap in religious conservatism. But they would also welcome a pious girl but i feel like the culture factor holds more weight for them The only plus i have is that i belong to the only muslim majority region. The girl's father has a bit of liking for my region for the same reason but he has fallen for this stereotype of my native people being more materialistic and egocentric with a lot of indulgence in BIDAH and shirk activities - visiting dargahs of Sufi saints(mausoleums, peers and highly revering and belief in Sufi saints (this being true but Alhamdulilah my family abstains from these acts). We really love each other very much and i Am facing this dilemma of how to introduce her to my parents and how to persuade them. And after that , how to approach her father and how to seek her hand. I know its a very complex situation and demands detailed analysis. i am willing to give whatever details u ask of me. The girl's mother knows about me and she recently proposed that we perform nikah but as i am in the middle of my studies right now (for the next year and a half after which i will have my job) i cant even ask my parents for getting me married to her as it would be disgraceful and shameful of me to ask for my marriage while still living on my father's money and they would also perceive this act as a betrayal of trust since i am currently away from home for studies and they wouldn't want such things to "distract me". P.S : the very idea of us meeting through internet might seem far fetched to both families. :/ Could anyone please suggest a viable solution and plan of action? Thanks. [IMG]smileys/smiley5.gif" align="middle" /> [IMG]smileys/smiley19.gif" align="middle" /> [IMG]smileys/smiley12.gif" align="middle" /> |
Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 10 February 2015 at 10:24am
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Get rid of your internet connection.
------------- La Ilaha IllAllah |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 11 February 2015 at 2:00am
Thanks. That was very helpful. 
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Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 13 February 2015 at 5:59pm
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May I ask you which two cultures are you talking about.
As far as I know (being an Indian myself) there is no such thing as black and white in India - we are so intertwined. I think you should first concentrate on completing your studies and finding a decent job, to be able to support a married life before you ask your parents for consideration. Your dilemma and hesitation over the entire matter is most probably because you are still a student who is dependent entirely on his father. ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 14 February 2015 at 11:39pm
| well i am from Kashmir and she's from Aligarh. I am concentrating on my studies only. My only concern is how do i make my parents understand that it would be apt for me to marry her since she is very pious and she's made ne a better person and ofcourse because we like each other. the problem is that parents nowadays tend to stress more on family background,culture and education than piety and devotion to Islam. My parents belong to a similar class. |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 14 February 2015 at 11:40pm
| And yes you got that right. That is exactly whats the cause of my concern. Thanks sister. 👍 |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 16 February 2015 at 8:30pm
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I am prejudiced against Aligarians, so I shld rather not comment on your case 
Anyway, pray to Allah that He makes your road easy. perform istekhara, concentrate on your studies and let Allah take care of everything. How are the things there after the floods last year? Take care. ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 22 February 2015 at 11:34pm
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In sha Allah. I hope so. I am concentrating on my studies only. This issue is still their in the back of my mind always.
You're not the only one sister. Lol. Ive friends who talk about Aligarh being a 'bad place' and Aligarians being misfits,aggressive,arrogant and snobbish etc. 😊 Things are not quite as they were. Kashmir had been pushed back 20 years economically and infrastructurally. And if that were not enough, now the swine flu is wreaking havoc and there's panic all around Srinagar. Where are u from btw; if you dont mind me asking? |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 22 February 2015 at 11:38pm
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I am just too afraid and hesitant to perform
istikhara.I might misinterpret the dream and also there is that "what if" fear. So I've asked a friend of mine to perform it on my behalf. Thanks. 😊 |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 23 February 2015 at 11:41pm
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I m so sorry to hear about the state of Srinagar. My image of Kashmir is that of 1980s when I visited with my parents - it was peaceful back then. And the persian poet who said if there is paradise anywhere on earth, its here (ie in Kashmir). Im from Lucknow. Istekhara not necessarily results in a dream. There is a special dua we say after the istekhara which means we leave our matters in the hands of Allah who knows best, so that whatever is the outcome of our situation, it is already taken care of by Allah. check this link to know about the istekhara %20 - http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2010/11/03/the-reality-of-istikhara/ ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 24 February 2015 at 1:21am
| thanks sister. the link is broken though. |
Posted By: Gizmogeek
Date Posted: 24 February 2015 at 1:47am
| Nevermind. It's working. Thanks again. 😊👍 |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 24 February 2015 at 8:01pm
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if you copy-paste the URL to a new window, it will work inshAllah. ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |