As Salaam Alaikum,

We are looking for a bride for my elder brother. He is 27 yers old and he is a highly qualified professional. He often goes overseas to work( in fact, he has been working in the U.S for more than 1 year now) and he is, sort of, a busy person. We are confused about whether we should approach professional woman or, girls who don't work outside home. I would be grateful to any one who posts his/her opinion regarding the matter.

Thank you.

ZamanH 

hi Angel,

Thanks for the reply.

By the way, I don't think women who work at home are less independent than those who work outside home.

Salam,

Just go to icmarriage.com, there are hundreds choices that ready to build a family.

Administrator wrote: Salam, Just go to icmarriage.com, there are hundreds choices that ready to build a family.

It appears to me, you didn't read my post. I want to know opinion of other members about an issue concerning our search for a bride for my elder brother (and I am not looking for a bride for myself).

Thank you,

Zaman.

  It appears to me, you didn't read my post. I want to know opinion of other members about an issue concerning our search for a bride for my elder brother (and I am not looking for a bride for myself).

Thank you,

Have you asked him what sort of woman he might like to marry? If he's 27 one assumes he might have some idea of the woman he would like to spend his life with.

Kim...

Salam,

ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here? Most peoples in this forum are reside in the west. In other threads you insisted that peoples in the west have been eaten by the western culture that against islamic value. So according to your assumption it's impossible to find a bride that meet your requirements. Why don't you just find her in India that according to you it's way more easy to find untouched man and women compare in the west.

Bellow I copied your statements from other threads:

===
The prevalence of lechery among "Muslims" settled in the West is invariably due to the influence of the Western "culture". I have heard that the first-generation of Muslims settled in the West lose their culture; the second generation of them, their language and the third generation, thier religion.

===
I know that large number (though, not many) of the Muslims in India are unchaste, I don't accept that most of them are unchaste. It was earlier stated in this thread that it is difficult to find chaste men. I thought that was said about Muslims in the West (probably, by a Muslim settled in the West), as consuption of wine and illicit (islamically) sex are widespred (or rampant) in the Western "culture". ===
Nearly 500 years back, people in the West rebelled against corrupt religious hierarchy and thought that they have rebelled against God and won. Now, they seem to pride themselves over their godlessness. Their advances in the field of science has removed the fear of God from their hearts and made them feel superior to Allah (subhan-Allah). No other group of people have oppressed the weak and poor people of the world as much as the Westerners and for as long as they are doing. They permit lechery and sodomy among themselves. Whether they admit it or not, they are exceedingly indulging in wine and women. Western "culture" is exceptionally antagonistic to Islam (and Muslims) compared to other cultures. Muslims have suffered so much because of them..... The writing on the wall is, there can be NO compromise between Islam and the West. Those "Muslims" who have adopted WEstern culture will have to decide soon about which side they are in - Islam or the West (this is not any kind of demand from me, its my anticipation/prediction).
====
It is interesting that Muslims lose their culture and language in no time, when they settle in the West;whereas, when it comes to uniting (or creating an Islamic state) they come up with complex theories about how much they love their language and culture etc. and how difficult it is for them to create an Islamic state because of that.
====

semar wrote: Salam, ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here?

Walaikum As salaam,

YA ALLAH, Everyone is misunderstanding me. I am NOT looking for a bride for my brother in this forum. I am just asking your opinion whether we should approach a professional woman or a housewife type.

He will certainly marry a girl form the city of my parents i.e. Bhopal (we have been living there for generations).

who cares if she's home bound or busy getter kind of a person its upto your brother to make his own decision that best suit his character... 

You guys are living a very sheltered life!

My family have lived in a Western nation for over 2 decades now... I have (Masha Allah) beautiful sisters who have NEVER been involved with men and are at the age of marrying.  They too are scared to just marry anyone, they have university qualifications and are very attractive. 

However, I do not understand & it makes me angry what some of you people on here mean when you say that the Western influence is taking culture, language and Islamic values away from nice girls.  This is WRONG... you boys are looking in the WRONG places.

As for finding someone for your brother, what.. he has no preference in a girl what-so-ever??  If he wanted to marry that bad, he'd find a partner himself.  I don't mean to sound like i'm mad at anyone, but people in this forum are jumping too all sorts of unrealistic assumptions. 

The problem with Islamic society in the West today is.. we young girls are bright, educated and respectful towards Islam and our parents.. however, when it comes to finding a partner for life, we are just as stuck as some of you men are.

rami, rami, rami.. I have a life besides being here..

We are not shy girls either!

Where did I say anything like that??

for finding someone for your brother, what.. he has no preference in a girl what-so-ever??  If he wanted to marry that bad, he'd find a partner himself.  I don't mean to sound like i'm mad at anyone, but people in this forum are jumping too all sorts of unrealistic assumptions. 

I guess 'we' includes my brother, too. And he is as much confused as us.

It may be possible for him to find someone who is _currently_ working, but who may be thinking about becoming a housewife later when the children come along.

More and more women nowdays are thinking like that - they discover that working fulltime is so much work and so stressful, they decide that when their children eventually come along, they will give up work to bring the kids up.

Kim...

Salams,

ZamanH u said somethings along the lines of:  you insisted that peoples in the west have been eaten by the western culture that against islamic value.  

I just retraced this from a post Samer said to you..  highlighting the above statements you made too.

Samer responded to this by saying:  So according to your assumption it's impossible to find a bride that meet your requirements. Why don't you just find her in India that according to you it's way more easy to find untouched man and women compare in the west.

Remember?

ZamanH wrote: semar wrote: Salam, ZamanH, why you even bothered to find a bride for your brother here? Walaikum As salaam, YA ALLAH, Everyone is misunderstanding me. I am NOT looking for a bride for my brother in this forum. I am just asking your opinion whether we should approach a professional woman or a housewife type. He will certainly marry a girl form the city of my parents i.e. Bhopal (we have been living there for generations).

Yap! as more and more responses that I see to your simple question, more I am realizing people's preoccupation about your sayings on other posts. And that leads to responding to a wrong question. I have noted it and therefore thought to jump in to rescue you with my own understanding for your question. See if I can succeed in it.

My preference goes with a working wife than a house wife. Plain and simple. I don't think that I should remind the pros and cons of the two. However, as regards to care and upbringing of the children is concerned, people in close family traditions and combined families, like you have mentioned are living from generations after generations at the same place, they don't have much to worry about as there are always elders in the home to take care of this aspect. Even if your brother opts to move to another location, elders from a family may be called in for help.   

why do people have the mindset that women who is not a professional carreer woman, is more pure, untouched, husband-pleasing etc...

Question is about compatibility, its not about judging anyone.

actually there are many women who loves to be a housewife, but they need to work to support their family.

Their issues are entirely different from those who work outside home because of their preference/choice. Anyway, that is off the topic.

their marriege didn't work out because Allah has set their marriege as an example to muslims.

Nothing, whether its good or evil happens whithout Allah's consent, anyway. There were clearly differences between Zainab(R.A) and ZAid(R.A). I don't know why you don't understand piety and comptibility as marriage partners are two different things. Do you really think a woman should marry a impotent man if he is pious??

What is nafkah by the way??

Also, to be more articulate let me put it this way, my question was between two equally religious woman, one of whom works out of home and other does not, who will be a better wife??

Assalamu alaikum, brother Zaman,

I think the answer to your question might be that the better wife would be the one who is happy and content with what she is.

A woman who stays at home, but wishes she had a career will not be happy.  A woman who stays at home, and is content with that lifestyle will be happy.

A woman who works but wishes she could stay home will not be happy.  A woman who works, and is content with that lifestyle will be happy.

So, the job here is to thoroughly question and get to know any prospective spouse to see what her hopes and dreams of the future are, what she is happy doing and so on.

Simply, the better wife will be the one who is satisfied with her role in life, no matter what that role is!

Peace, ummziba.

Walai Kum As Salaam Ukhti Ummziba,

Thanks for your reply.

& thank you for thanking Ummziba. maybe i'm not worth to be thanks to.

As Salaam Alaikum,

C'mon, I am profoundly grateful to you for holding this dicussion with me. I didn't thanked you earlier because I thought I will do that in the end. That's it.

Also, I am sorry if you feel I was reacting angrily with you. You might be feeling that way because I might have been too much frank in those messages, as I am often tempted to not spending much time while composing my messages.

Zaman.