clueless about what next...
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=33940
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Topic: clueless about what next...
Posted By: carpe _diem
Subject: clueless about what next...
Date Posted: 24 June 2015 at 7:47am
Assalam o alaikum,
Im a 25 yo practicing muslim girl, expat, living in KSA. Five years back, I found my childhood friend , a guy, A, on a social media. Im not the kind who talks to opposite gender but I was glad, seeing his face after like ten years. Long story short, we fall in love. Despite living in the same city, we never met or date. We wanted to get married right away. His father and mother didnt agreed as in their family children are not suppose to choose their spouses, elders do that (so in mine).
Now, from here the problems have started, almost all his family relatives know about this by now, his sisters showed pictures of my sisters (who are quite liberal and post their pics and stuff on FB) to his father and all the relatives. Now his father and mother thinks Im some kind of low life trapping their son . I wanted to end this relationship many times just because his family was not happy, but A didnt let me. He claimed, once they get to know me , they will love me.
My father is really strict and conservative, he knows one of the A's cousin , we got them introduced through a third person so he wont know about my likeness and involvement. That cousin was suppose to start the marriage talk, but he never did, apparently my "notoriety" got to him too.
"A" is still hopeful after all the disasters, I am feeling like its a dead end. So many things can go wrong. Like if we do get married, his family will never accept me. or his relatives can tell someone from my side that your daughter has trapped this guy, stuff like that.
I dont want to cause distress to his family or mine, but it is so hard to leave "A". It has been five years, plus all my friends are married and busy in their lives, I have no one to consult with. My mother is supporting me in this, means she knows I have done nothing wrong and their is nothing wrong in choosing your own spouse if your not crossing the line set by our religion.
Shall I tell my mother to look for someone else for me and cause relive to "A" family but live like a living dead with someone else and break "A" heart.
Or..shall I wait more and hope that a miracle would happen.. but in future that might cause embarrassment to my father as his relatives have cooked up many things about me :( I am so broken hearted, I have been pious and they have marred my name and people who do every sin are spared from it, and appear good. I am sorry I know I should not judge any one, Im just hopeless.
P.S. We both have done istekhara, he got positive vibes from it, that he should carry on plus he saw something good in dream. And I got a neutral feeling. I often do saalat ul istekhara and it calms me down but I havent gotten any particular answer or vibe telling me to pursue it or quit.
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Replies:
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 27 November 2015 at 6:43pm
Assalam Alaikum,
This is what happens when you take things in your hands with out consulting the parents. If this guy agrees, convince your family and get married in Shara court in saudi as a man is free to marry anyone he does not require a permission.
Regards,
Faisal
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