I think me and my wife had a baby too soon, now I
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34180
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 8:49am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: I think me and my wife had a baby too soon, now I
Posted By: Haris12343
Subject: I think me and my wife had a baby too soon, now I
Date Posted: 25 July 2015 at 7:33am
|
I had always wanted to get married, get to know my wife, actually fall in love with her. She wanted a kid though, and said that in this culture also it would be better to have a kid, I had talked about this in forums also and everywhere it was said that having a baby would only make us grow close. I was never the sharing type person but I wanted to fall in love with my wife, know how she thinks, and even have a lot of sexual intimacy and closeness. But rather now, I have lost interest. She became pregnant very soon because she wanted a child, and then we weren't able to have sex for some months, never the way I would have wanted right after marriage. After our child, we weren't able to travel someplace, spend that much time and obviously, her first priority became our child. I love my child, but not my wife. I want to, but now I just can't. We never got the sexual intimacy or closeness I wanted. Now it's like living with somebody I don't really know. She said she loves me because of how I take care of her and my family, and she wants me to open up but I can't. I am actually shy of talking to her intimately, just can't. We make love but it's like nothing new is there and I just now get bored. I am able to be intimate with her, and it's just boring, everything. She's a good wife, but I wanted to become friends, grow closer, that never happened. Now I don't know how to become intimate her, now it's like having a responsibility of the baby and that being the priority always, can't travel, can't do whatever we want, can't be the way I wanted to be with my wife. Never understood how arranged marriage works, marry a stranger who becomes your 'life partner', and just let her in and force yourself to love her, even though you don't know her. First everybody said to never grow close to a stranger woman, and I was always away from any sinful activity at all, never even saw a woman with bad intentions, never touched a woman, and now I can't do that with my wife either, because she might be my wife, but I still feel like I don't know her.
|
Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 26 July 2015 at 11:12am
Haris go and find the nearest lake and jump in it.
-------------
La Ilaha IllAllah
|
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 27 July 2015 at 7:06am
|
Haris, salaams, and welcome! How far do you live from your parents or her family? Perhaps they can take care of the baby once or twice a week so that you and your wife can enjoy some private time together. You may also want to discuss your feelings with your parents. I'm sure they can give you valuable advise. If you have problems communicating, try small steps and keep it simple. For example, give a gift with a note expressing your feelings. The next time give a gift and say something nice. What role does your religion play in the life of your family? Try to focus more on what's good about the relationship. Be thankful for a good wife who takes care of your child. Realize that emotional love and sexual intimacy are only facets of a relationship which has many other dimensions as well. No couple has a perfect relationship and all marriages are works in progress. Be patient and it will get better, Insha'Allah. Allah reward you for staying away from sinful activities and bless your marriage with peace, love and happiness.
|
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 27 November 2015 at 4:06pm
Asslam Alikum,
Abu Loren, Dont be so harsh to someone who is sharing his problems with you.
Dear Brother,
Please be advised that when you have a child, your center of love changes. And the hub is your child. your everything is directed toward your child and in turn you love your wife.
If you take my Situation, we never enjoyed going to malls or places of leisure but now since i Have a child we are always planning where should we take her so that she can enjoy and in the mean time we also enjoy. so take her out and find different ways to get closer.
may this helps.
Regards
Faisal
|
Posted By: MarieFahnert
Date Posted: 18 January 2016 at 10:38pm
|
I would like to suggest you to be open to you partner she will help you the best way as others wont..All th very best
|
Posted By: AhmadJoyia
Date Posted: 01 February 2016 at 10:15am
|
Dear Bro Haris12343, thanks for sharing your problem. Though I am not an expert but my opinion is that having child is a blessing and having a healthy child is a gift. You may not realize it, but believe me how lucky you are. Now coming to wife and intimacy issues, patience is a virtue and is a precious tool to a happy married life; a life that no one else can make it for you but you and your own self.
|
Posted By: Saleha_Kh
Date Posted: 31 March 2016 at 1:46pm
Dear Brother,
IT seems you have taken to much physchological burden of that. From your discussion it seems , both of you want it but there is just some mentla block or ego issue.
Having kid is not the end of intimacy. Just consult some council or find time to discuss with each other. Be true to each other and convey each other's feeling on what do you want. These should you should convey to your wife rather than forum.
|
|