He is not ready now
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=35244
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 12:26am
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Topic: He is not ready now
Posted By: Alis
Subject: He is not ready now
Date Posted: 25 December 2015 at 10:51pm
Hi everyone. It's the first time I write about my story in a forum and it's the first time I ask for advice. I really need to hear other opinions.
I am a muslim european from a conservative Christian family (I converted to Islam 4 years ago) and he is a muslim from the Middle East. We met in his country (same working place) and have been knowing each other for 1 year so far, developing feelings for each other after about 3/4 months. During these last two months our feelings became so much stronger, to the extend that I started thinking of something more concrete such as a marriage. We are compatible, we share the same values and the same vision of life. From the religious point of view, I am much more committed than him.
He told me that he loves me but then he told me also that our union is illogical ( why? ) and then that he is not ready for marriage ( what does it mean? ) and he needs at least one more year.
I have been clear with him: I won't accept any other interaction out of a formal relation. He has cried for that and he said he is trying to change his mind.
He talks about me to friends and family as a friend/working-mate. His family invited me for dinner and everyone has been so nice with me and then remarked that I have good manners.
I am suffering a lot. I have my own dignity as a woman. Despite European, I have always lived according to the strict culture and religious rules of my family: I have never drunk, never smoke, never been in a relationship before, never committed zina, almost never going out with friends, I always try to be kind with everyone. I am well educated and from a wealth family. I have good relation with everyone as I am a peaceful person. I think I don't deserve all this pain. He has made me sad a lot of times and he knows.
I decided to leave my job and his country and come back to my home-country. I used to cry almost everyday and several times a day. I was so much stressed and I couldn't suffer more. The last day he said to give him 4 months more but I am sure nothing will change, just 4 months more of pain and calls and texts and nothing concrete. I don't want to be sad anymore.
Now he is sending some messages but I don't reply.
(We are both more than 26 years old and less than 30).
I am so confused. What do I have to do?
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Replies:
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 26 December 2015 at 10:14pm
Salam/Peace,
I think you don't need to rush on this. I know falling love is very sensitive things, due to this sometime even we become illogical.
I think you need to keep busy with things, fill your every life lot of activities, if you don't work now, try to find a new work that bit challenging that need to learn new things. At night if you don't work try to read some islamic boodk, read qur'an etc. So insha Allah 4 months is very short.
Mean time also need a lot pryaer to Allah swt to give you guidance to so you if he is the rigt person for you or not and give strength in case he is not the right person and ask ALlah give you the better one.
Yes it's difficult even painful, however remember our love, our marrige etc should be intended to bring you closer to Allah swt.
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Salam/Peace,
Semar
"We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH)
"1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 27 December 2015 at 7:00am
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Alis welcome! I think your education and family values have served you well with respect to your decision to leave and not respond to his messages. He is locked into a cultural quagmire, wherein you're not suitable for a wife, but fitting for enjoyment. Indeed you deserve much better. We ask Allah, Most High, to ease your pain during the difficult days ahead, and that you emerge from this an even better person, than you undoubtedly already are.
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 July 2016 at 7:56pm
Dear Sister,
This post is old, So I think you problem must have been resolved. can you how you became a Muslim.
Regards,
Faisal
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