My depression is killing me
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Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36097
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Topic: My depression is killing me
Posted By: Tainted
Subject: My depression is killing me
Date Posted: 04 May 2016 at 2:50pm
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Firstly I'd like to give an apology if I posted on the wrong side
So here goes, Hi everyone I've been going through a very tough time in life again, It's been almost a year since my wife left me I'm 32 years old she was my first in everything I truly loved her and stuck with her helped her through everything in her troubles one of the reason being I had a very bad childhood I was raped and molested by a man and a woman for years and overcame my depression in life through marriage seeing how she eased my hearts pain (I hadn't yet revealed what I went through in my childhood) I only began to love her more and more even started praying 5 times a day giving zakat etc Till recently I found out the love was all an act she secretly was biding her time untill she got her papers to stay in the country without any problems I never saw it coming we were happy no arguments nothing she is the best damn actress in the world (I married a foreigner). When she had gotten the stay she had me buy her plane ticket for (aswell as milking out any other gifts as much as she could) her to visit her parents and when she got there all happily with love still playing me along she accused me of cheating being abusive and even went so far as to attack my manhood that I can't 'perform' and various other things just to make herself look like the victim. Also I found out she was cheating on me , everyone I know, knows about this and it has destroyed my life I have no friends or relatives anymore now (even though I barely had any friends before this but now I know who really are my friends sadly none now) I married into family so everyone thinks why the hell would she do this he is guilty and as obviously only women are ever the victim >.> Even though I hate her for what she did even though I will never ever take her back the thoughts of her being with another man is killing me. I am almost in tears everyday wondering why again and I've tried everything to get better but now I don't pray only juma or abuse tramadol when I can get some or drink alcohol to make myself feel better I joined a gym for a month and gave up again my weights ballooned back to 315 pounds lost my job back home with the parents ffs I could use some advice guys how did you come out of this rut or should I just man up and take each day as it comes. Thanks for taking the time read. |
Replies:
Posted By: NABA
Date Posted: 07 May 2016 at 2:31am
| The remedy for this is reading Quran and following it,u r doing wrong by not praying and drinking alcohol, Allah forbids alcohol in ch 5 v 90 of Quran, Allah in ch 74 v 43-44 of Quran says Allah will ask the sinners for what they were in hell,they will reply that they didn't offer prayers and didn't do charity,moreover you should be thankful that Allah showed you her true face,whenever you are cheated don't be sad instead thank Allah that he gave u experience of not loving or believing someone blindly,and make urself strong,take hits and move forward. |
Posted By: ArabicTruth
Date Posted: 07 May 2016 at 9:39am
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Brother, Pray to Allah for a way out and repent inside and outside.
THEN, THE NEXT STEP IS GO TO A TRUSTED PSYCHIATRIST. Many Muslims might not tell you that, but do it brother, he's met hundreds if not thousands like you. May Allah grant you ease and Jannah. |
Posted By: aka2x2
Date Posted: 12 May 2016 at 12:37am
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I totally agree with ArabicTruth.
You have had a hard life and very bad experiences. Not having any friends is not helping you. You need professional help. May God have mercy on you and help you in your grief... ------------- Respectfully  aka2x2
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Posted By: Emma Santiago
Date Posted: 22 May 2016 at 3:20am
| just get rid of your negative thoughts..dont let things which disturb you hover over your mind.keep yourself busy with the things you like.why do you cancel meetings with friends meet them try to enjoy tke everything positively.And yes please try meditation it will help you.Try thinking about some good things |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 28 May 2016 at 10:04am
| Assalamalikum I think just like Cunning people very proudly honorably exist in the society and we cannot do any harm or drive them away and to meet their worldly goals they do harm and use good people like us and we feel like *****s feel hurt humiliated and go backwards by a few years in our growth due to these I'll effects . But whatever our gender we finally have to accept this as well as realize plenty of good people exist in this world with whom we should form our own society . your lucky your a male and no children out of this marriage now with you while your so unstable |
Posted By: herbamuslim
Date Posted: 17 June 2016 at 12:40am
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Firstly, congratulations on speaking about your trials and seeking help. You have no idea how great a step you have already taken and you're already on your way to overcoming this hurdle insha-Allah.
Whoever is successful in observing patience in the face of adversities comes under the Mercy of Allah. Thus, Allah Subhaanahu wata'aala states in the Magnificent Qur'aan: "And we will surely test you with some fear and hunger and with some paucity of wealth and lives and crops; and give glad tidings to those who patiently endure. Those who say when calamity befalls them, �Indeed we belong to Allah and indeed it is to Him we are to return.� These are the people upon those are the blessings from their Rabb, and mercy; and it is they who are on the right path." (Surah-Al-Baqarah, Part. 2, Verse. 155-157) (Kanz-ul-Iman [Translation of Qur'aan]) So, whoever observes impatience in the moments of miseries, utters discourteous reckless comments, engages in self-loathing acts or contemplates suicide in sheer frustration... he, after having failed badly in the trial, entangles himself in troubles a billion times more severe in intensity than those worldly tribulations. Impatience can never avert troubles, instead the great reward which may become due on observing patience is lost, which itself is a great misfortune. I urge you to PM me brother, Insha-Allah if nothing and nobody else, I am one who truly desires for you the best and would be honored to assist you with your tribulations. Just PM me if you are open to a more private and discreet conversation on the matter |
Posted By: Tainted
Date Posted: 03 July 2016 at 11:34pm
| Walaikam Salam yes you are right my eyes are now open to the world where they were once closed on how evil people can be but now due to that it's made me so closed off to others now and to allah because how I always did my best to do right in life had no girlfriends and in the end to be rewarded with this, who I thought to have married a perfect partner who cared about her deen but instead leaving me devoid of any happiness and it is a good thing I never had a child with her but yet I only view it as yet again another form of punishment as I really really wanted children in the end I found out it is highly unlikely I'll ever be able to have children through natural conception instead having to rely on IVF I don't know what I've done to keep getting punished like this, in the end I keep blaming allah why do all these impossible odds of bad luck keeps on happening to me and I know it's very wrong to keep feeling the way I do I want to pray again like I used to I want to have love in my heart for Allah like I used to but why the hell does impossible keep happening as if some higher power has a vendetta I know it's wrong but it's how I feel and now I post this when Ramadan is nearly over and I haven't even prayed once and I hate myself for it but every time I talk to allah it's always me asking why won't you help me I hate how 'familiar' I am with Allah now as if it's a friend I'm talking to how I can speak however I want and I hate it so to stop all this negativity and honestly I feel blasphemous I get so guilty that I've stopped at all entirely I'm afraid I'll anger allah even more if I carry on that way than just blindly worshipping him and trying to keep that voice inside silent. |
Posted By: Tainted
Date Posted: 03 July 2016 at 11:48pm
| Thanks for that verse you reminded me when I'd forgotten about it, the Quran is just about the only thing I believe anymore....but seriously all my life it's going to be like this? Lol...again and again and again always the impossible |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 21 July 2016 at 10:24pm
| Assalamalikum I can see you still didn't get any answers for all the innumerable questions you have about your life about your iman and your future let me make one more attempt first be grateful to Allah that despite all tests he has given you your still a Muslim and very close to gaining answers to most of your questions on life sabr and strong Iman Inshallah. Toxic and difficult people every one encounters everyday even scholars . some come into your immediate family as your ex wife.and plenty in your extended family your entire relatives look like that hence what you suffered as a child and in your marriage no one came to rescue you .but you have to be on sirat e mustaqim that is straight path which is the easiest one so forgive all of your relatives anyway your wife by Allah s mercy is already out of your life .don't blame your relatives for anything they did or didn't do for you.take these events as tests from Allah .so don't blame relatives when you can't blame Allah.because blaming Allah is a sign of weakness of iman .A Muslim happily faces whatever Allah tests him with and the worst level of sabr is when you hate Allah for the tests then you'll be doing kufr . |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 21 July 2016 at 10:37pm
| Now whatever bad anyone has done to you or to others Allah will continue to give them good fortune as he decrees for them or as a test .so their punishment also Allah will decide and give it's none of our business so just forget them kick them out of your thoughts and your life .just go off to some other place where your likely to find good Muslims.dont ever make the mistake to join back with them especially now that your not ready your in the process of making a strong Iman and strong individual. So leave all shady relatives as you become stronger you can meet if you want one by one according to how much you can manage. As abusers have this on off strategy they abuse and as you go away they act all nice so that you remain attached to them so that they can begin all over again.whether physical or mental abuse |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 21 July 2016 at 10:48pm
| Your post shows your a mashAllah very positive person.regarding ivf you can meet urologist or gynaecologist again not an Allah's test type but a genuinely good one not a nonsense famous one .if there is blockage and you need procedure or surgery or only decreased count or motility so you need testosterone or medicines and to rule out any factor causing it like diabetes or impaired sugars .ivf is nothing to be concerned about the baby born will still be a blessing from Allah.even a woman may have problems will you counsel her negatively for ivf ? If a child is born normally or through caesarian section to a woman it will still remain coolness of the eyes for her and for her husband |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 21 July 2016 at 11:15pm
| Read about prophet job how he was a contented man and devil grew jealous of him and requested Allah that he will take away everything from him not just wealth but even children and health he took away thinking now prophet job will become displeased with Allah but even after 7 years job still remained grateful he was nearly 80 at that time and he said for 80 years I've been blessed for 7 years why should I complain .you are only 30 and you saw problems as a child when you can't understand or solve or make future plans how to save yourself plus you didn't see 80 years of happiness to know gratefulness . you don't have adequate experience or support in how to remain stable with all ups and downs .so don't worry that you don't have prophet jobs patience or your losing Iman .InshAllah one day you'll have a very strong Iman and self |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 22 July 2016 at 12:26am
| The reward for patience is double of what is lost so Allah gave back wealth ,double the number of children at that age and health back.i feel some people don't ever pass their test hence no reward so their entire life is spent in complaining and quarrelling with others. |
Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 22 July 2016 at 12:27am
| Listen to khutba of nouman ali khan on you tube you can even join his course of a month . whatever I have mentioned you can look into the net for exact words and references from hadith collections |
Posted By: rulesoferick
Date Posted: 03 August 2016 at 11:26am
trust on it ♥ blessings |
ArabicTruth wrote: