Family issue
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=36215
Printed Date: 22 November 2024 at 12:28am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Family issue
Posted By: Fatou
Subject: Family issue
Date Posted: 19 May 2016 at 8:36pm
May peace be upon you all, Alhamdoulilah.
I m writing because l have a problem that is been bothering me a lot. My parents were divorced when l was 1 and half year old, l never asked about the cause but one thing l know is my mother hates my dad. I was raised by my maternal grandmother,my mother was not around a lot and l don't blame her for that she was working all the time. My father did not involve much in my life. After l completed my 2 years college degree in Africa l joined my mother who was living in U.S to complete my studies. It was not easy to live with my mom in U.S she always said things that really heart me a lot ( you are ugly, you will never be successful, you are a looser just like your dad etc... She even accused me of willing to kill her which never crossed my mind) and l m her only child, l worked for her business to pay for my studies but she always reminded that l would be nothing without her anyway l can't tell everything. During all these times l never been disrespectful to her or left her side and l was 23 and that kept going on for 4 years . Alhamdoulilah l survived. Now one day she told if ever l become successful in life and help my dad she will never talk to me again well l didn't commit to that. Thank God l have finished school and landed a good job Alhamdoulilah. I have been working for 6 years and l can't save any money since because on every paycheck l have to give her almost half of my paycheck. If l don't do so my life becomes fitnah with her. After paying bills and rent l m almost left without nothing. I do not have a problem giving her money, but l m worrying about my future l got married about a year ago and l have to think about planning on having kids and all that. Furthermore l can't financillay help my dad and other members of my family. My mom has money more than l do but she acts like she doesn't if l give her one penny less than what she wants she just lost control and become the meanest person ever. Now l get to a point where l have to do something about this but l do not want all the drama involve so l m here looking for advice or dua to get her more reasonable about my financial situation without all the drama and madness. Sorry about the length.
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Replies:
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 30 June 2016 at 6:47pm
Walekum assalam,
Well I think you should respect your Mom but not at cost of her unislamic demands. you can provide her with how much she needs and rest save for your better future. You said you got married, if yes then it is your husband and you who will decide what needs to be done with the income in the family. If you are staying with her than you might leave her house and take care of her by visiting her everyday. You should contact your other relatives as your mom has no right to cut you from the relation of Womb.
Hope this helps
Regards
Faisal
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Posted By: Fatou
Date Posted: 12 July 2016 at 10:24am
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Thank you for the advice.
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Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 18 July 2016 at 2:34am
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Assalamalikum your mom looks like a typical mom most people have your mom has gone through so much this may be expected of her in most situations moms who have lived a relatively good life are also like this .The best part is despite all this your letter never mentions that you ever became depressed or lost your peace of mind , maybe because you are more socially active.think about the children who become depressed and mad due to their parents and the same parents give them antidepressants and antipsychotics.unless Allah wills your mom is going to remain as unreasonable forever.its not her fault something she can change or have control even young people your siblings , cousin's or in laws or even spouse can be weird some change some are simply unchangeable .you should be grateful that mashAllah you have lived well got married have a wonderful spouse and leave all these problems to Allah .and live your life happily .may Allah give you barakath
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Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 18 July 2016 at 2:36am
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As for your mother she is your responsibility and door to jannah so you need to take care of her in all ways without causing undue harm of any kind to your mind family or finance
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Posted By: Sultana99
Date Posted: 18 July 2016 at 2:42am
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You may leave the house as well .I think you should
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Posted By: Fatou
Date Posted: 10 August 2016 at 7:02am
Posted By: asep48garut60
Date Posted: 29 August 2016 at 11:35pm
Wa�alaikumsalam Warahmatullaahi Wabarakaatuhu,
all suggestions from our relatives (Faisal and Sultana99) are all good and helpful for you.
Your life journey has a similar experience with me, the difference is that I am a man (now 56 years). You don't despair and feel depressed, please read the words of Allah, such as:
At Taghabun sura (64):11, Al Mu�Min sura (40):60, Al Baqarah sura (2):45, Al Baqarah sura (2):186
Narrated by Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim:
�A Muslim who gets the hardships of life, disease, poverty, including pricked by a thorn or more than that, Allah Subhanahu Wata�ala will remove his/her sins, like the falling leaves from its tree.�
I pray to Allah, hoping that you will get a solution soon, and trust to Allah that He will help His servants, one day you will find happiness. Insha Allah. Ameen.
Wassalamu�alaikum,
Asep
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Posted By: Tim the plumber
Date Posted: 31 August 2016 at 11:55am
Well done for being able to overcome your mother's emotional abuse.
I think I understand why your father might have left her.
In this relationship you have the power. It is your money she is poncing off you. You can say that the rules are x or y. You can say how much of your money you will or will not give her but I don't see that you owe her much of anything, you have given a lot already. You seem to have recieved little from her other than pain.
I am impressed with your strength of character and determination.
Good luck.
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