Help & Advice Please
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38123
Printed Date: 24 November 2024 at 7:49pm
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Topic: Help & Advice Please
Posted By: samii
Subject: Help & Advice Please
Date Posted: 16 September 2016 at 10:50am
hi i need some help and advice please.
i was with my partner for 7 years before getting married and everything was good. we got married in april 2015 and i got pregnant straight away and have a little boy now who is 10 months alhamdulillah.
The problems im having and would like advice on is, after getting married we only slept together in the first week and when i got preganant everything went downhill. we stopped sleeping together he stopped talking to me never worked previously but i thought he would start to work to provide for me and our child but its comming on to nearly 2 years and he still does not work he takes money off me he aint come near me.
i have tried to talk 2 him loads of times but he constantly says i will sort everything out and i keep waiting but nothing is happening in anyway .
i am very depressed and stressed over this i am working to provide for us all and its becomming to much.
i have decided to tell him 2 leave as i dont feel nomore love towards him which is sad but this is not the life i want to live.
please if anyone has any advice or been through a similar situation i would love to hear from you in sha allah .
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Replies:
Posted By: asep48garut60
Date Posted: 17 September 2016 at 9:54am
Dear Samii,
I can not give more advice because besides I do not know the root case also do not know the character of both of you. but I have some advice for you:
Pray to Allah to be given strength and patience, and given a way out. Apart from that you try to compromise with your parents.
I pray to Allah, hopefully the problems you are facing will be resolved properly and meet with happiness. Ameen.
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 18 September 2016 at 6:47am
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Samii welcome! You sound angry and resentful that your expectations for this man have yet to materialize, in spite of the marriage and baby. Perhaps he feels unable to compete with the baby for your love and nurturing, this is understandable and will pass as he matures. What's important is that you realize this and do your best to make him the center of attention whenever possible. You may want to get a babysitter once a week and have some quiet time alone with your husband. Make sure you are paying attention to your health and beauty also. Are there logical and practical reasons he has been unable to find gainful employment? Could it be his educational level? Lack of job experience? Ethnicity (discrimination)? You may want to continue your support until he is able to complete a training program or college degree. He is now your baby's father, and now is a bad time for a failed marriage. My sense is that you indeed love him but you are thoroughly disappointed. Disappointments can be overcome in time. Give it some time. All the best!
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Posted By: DavidC
Date Posted: 18 September 2016 at 2:09pm
It is very common for men to have psychological issues surrounding the first pregnancy and child. Divorce is a common solution, but it is usually not the best one.
Therapists can help. Don't just give up and trade one set of problems for new ones. The cause is often very simple and easily remedied.
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Christian; Wesleyan M.Div.
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Posted By: samii
Date Posted: 20 September 2016 at 2:17pm
i have found him work numerous times and he always has a excuse as to why he dont want to do it.. there is nothing wrong with him as to why he cannot work, he just prefers to do things in the haram way and making money illegally. he has said numerous things 2 me to hurt me such as hes happy Allah Swt did not give us with a daughter. when i ask what he meant by this he just laughs ?
i have told him 2 leave as i need some space im very stressed and have not ate properly in 4 days . and he happily agreed he will leave and not come back
its very confusing and stressfull and i think until one is in a similar situation you will not understand
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Posted By: asep48garut60
Date Posted: 21 September 2016 at 3:49am
Hi Samii,
If you're really depressed and considered difficult to overcome by yourself, why don't you talk to your parents or your other families ? whether you've ever done this way or not yet ? or there is something else ?
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