His family won't accept me because I'm not Arab
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=38595
Printed Date: 25 November 2024 at 3:57am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: His family won't accept me because I'm not Arab
Posted By: annaindia
Subject: His family won't accept me because I'm not Arab
Date Posted: 26 November 2016 at 4:28pm
This man and I really want to get married, however his family cannot accept because I'm Indian/ White British and he and his family are Jordanian Arab. They would prefer if he got married to girl from his country, to keep the family "pure", but his heart is set on me.
I am Muslim, I converted about 6 months ago, I am religiously committed and I have a good character; therefore, they cannot really object, Islamically speaking.
It hurts my heart that they cannot accept me, as I really want to be part his family, I've met them, they are good people but this situation based on race and nationality is ridiculous to me. I really want to have a good relationship with them, not to be an outcast if he marries me.
I've read articles where convert women leave Islam because they face this kind of racism from Muslim parents of the man they want to marry. And I'm worried that one day I might be forced to do the same.
I do not want to lose this man, he is the one good thing in my life; I pray to Allah to allow us to be together, and he is the only person I can trust. It would kill me if I lost him.
They also set these conditions where if he marries me, then he has to take a Jordanian wife as a second wife, who will stay in Jordan. And I really do not want to share him.
He wants to live in England with me, but I know it is hard to get a house, many people go into debt to provide for their family, he won't be financially capable to do it, he even wants to do a MBA as well. The average person in the Uk tends to get at least a 3 week holiday from their job, which they have to spread out among the year, so I don't see how a second wife would benefit from the marriage.
They see me as a foreigner, but I do not want to be seen this way, I want to be only seen as Muslim. Are they even allowed to set these conditions, Islamically speaking? |
Replies:
Posted By: asep48garut60
Date Posted: 04 December 2016 at 5:00pm
Assalaamu�alaikum,
In Islam there is no prohibition of marriage between tribes or nation, and which are prohibited to marry is Muslim to non-Muslim.
Allah says in the Quran (2):221
And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.
Therefore, not because of the tribe or nation is used as a measure, but their faith.
Often some parents forbid their children to marry with other tribes, though one faith, and usually the parents like this do not understand about Islamic law especially with regard to marriage cases between tribes or nations.
Allah says in the Quran (49):13
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.
Or because of the customs are still strong in their family, or it could be there are other things that still consider.
You don't need to despair, please try to compromise with him well, then you submit the final decision to Allah SWT.
Sometimes what we think is good, but not necessarily for Allah, and vice versa. We only ordered by Allah to do with fully effort, and the final decision only on the will of Allah SWT, as mentioned in Quran, (2):216.
Hopefully this will be useful to you. Insya Allah.
Wassalam,
Asep
|
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 05 December 2016 at 8:16am
|
Salaams, and welcome annaindia! Does this man have UK citizenship? If not, I'd caution you because he may be already married in Jordan. On the one hand they won't accept you, however conditions are placed for a plural marriage. Often these men use women only for immigration status, thus proceed very carefully. All the best!
|
Posted By: annaindia
Date Posted: 05 December 2016 at 8:38am
I know him personally, he is god fearing and respectful. He wouldn't use me in such a way, he is honest, so he tells me everything. And I've been to Jordan and he wasn't married then and I've been in contact with him almost every day. If he was married, he would tell me. Plus for him to come to the UK, I would need to have a job that earns me �18,600 a year. He rather go through study visas and work visas than use me.
I don't think he even wants a plural marriage. He just tells me that he wants to marry me and to keep his family happy. And that he is trying his best to find a solution.
|
|