Need urgent advice
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39184
Printed Date: 17 December 2024 at 10:42pm
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Topic: Need urgent advice
Posted By: Punjabian
Subject: Need urgent advice
Date Posted: 09 April 2017 at 2:13am
Dear members.... I got married one month before. Our engagement remain for almost one year but my fianc�e never try to talk to me. Being female, I also did not try to contact him as I dnt want to take initiative in this regard. Before marriage, I was told that he is religious minded and nice person.I am working as Assistant director in ministry of overseas and he is a lecturer in a private college. We are aware that his income is average and belongs to lower middle class family. But still my parents and I was happy that he is religious minded and nice person. On my first wedding night, he didn't talk to me much and said I am sorry I want to sleep. I thought he was tired and exhaust. On second night he was not with me and on third night he initiated talk saying love hurts, love breaks, love is pain and I am lost, I am broken and he asked me to make a promise that I will allow and help him to do second marriage. I asked him' are you serious? He said yes I am serious. I still thought that he is not serious. I asked him if he liked someone else but he didn't reply. Then from the first day, he tried to keep me busy in work and he himself lock himself in another room. When I noticed that he is deliberately avoiding me I tried to talk to him. I assure him that I love him since I got engaged with him and have been thinking and imagining about him. I daily get ready and dress up Well before he got up. But he did not give me a single smile. I also noticed him doing texting on mobile. I asked him who is she but he replied you will tell everyone. He sang sad songs and dialogues like I am broken, I want to die, I will die soon.. he did not make physical relation with me. He also praises him that his university fellows attracted towards him and will be direct appointed as director he make efforts for government job. He asked me if I am attract towards him. He said that you should listen to my words carefully, my talks are great. He said that you are lucky girl I dnt talk too much but I am talking to you and giving you time and soon I will be silent for long time. I thought he needs extra love and attention and want me to initiate. I myself tried to come close to him though I dnt want to do so as in our society females do not initiate and poses to be shy but he said I am not ready, I need time, my heart is not with me, if you want my love ask Allah he will give you I can't. I cried before him and asked him what is my fault and he keep repeating " love breaks, love hurts, I lost, I am broken. I said to him dnt love me but at least respect me dnt do texting in front me. I talked him clearly that if he want to marry someone else then do and leave me but do not keep me in this state of emotional torture. He said he can't and asked me that if I could've give him double happiness mean I should stay in his life and also allow him second marriage. I tried to show my love and obedience all 15 days I remain with him. I never tried to make him feel that I am more qualified or at a higher position than him. I didn't share with my family.
Now I am at my father home and tell them everything. I am unable to understand what he actually wants. If he really like a girl then why didn't he marry her and if he could not then why he did this all to me. I asked her parents that if he had told them about his choice but they are refusing that he did not like any girl. Even I heard that he is ready to take oath on Quran that there is no other girl is his life except me. He is saying that he was kidding and I misunderstood that. I extract his mobile data where I found that girls number. I approached that girl and she was his colleague and they are in relationship since long even the watchmen and some other colleagues confirmed that they came before collage timing and also hav physical relations. But to me he said that he will ask what the right Way in shariah for husband wife relation. Now I got the news that the girl got married jst few days ago. If he was aware that they can't get married then why he showed his relation to me? His family members are saying he never told us about any girl.
Now he is asking everyone to give him a chance. I stayed with him for fifteen days and he didn't make physical relation with me though I tried to initiate many time and asked him openly. He forbade me to extend leave from work and even asked to continue my studies. I asked home to go out so he might feel good but he refused. He tried to be authoritative since first day. He is working in Same collage since seven years and have not do anything else. Now he is planning to start his studies or business. He said that I want to start my routine as early as possible. He is planning to start business or go for studies I also felt he has thinking that if he start fulfilling my demands in early days then he has to do whole life. I am unable to understand why he degraded me.? If he has some psychic issue or he only wants to show me that he has affairs? Should I give him another chance though I dnt want to go back. But the only fear is the Hardee's that" if a girl demand divorce without genuine reason she will not even get fragrance of jannah "
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Replies:
Posted By: Punjabian
Date Posted: 09 April 2017 at 2:25am
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I also felt that he only wants my income and the huge dowry my parents gave to me and has no interest in me. He asked me for gifts in lighter moods like iPhone 7, branded shirts, perfumes. Whenever I came close to him he turned his face to other side. I felt so much insulted and degraded. everyone is saying that he is religious person and can't do such things and some one have make spell on him that's why he is behaving in this way.
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