Assalamu Alikum sisters,

Lately, I have been trying to be a better Muslim.  I have been reading more and more about Islam.  I know Muslim women have to wear the hijab.  But I still can't find it in myself to do so.  Am I considered to be a not good Muslim?  What should I do to help me wearing it?

As salamu alaikum sis. Asala.

I wouldn't label you or anyone a "bad" muslim.  Judgement is for Allah alone.  However, you do need to understand that you are in a state of disobedience to Allah azza wa jalla (ma'siyat allah) .  That's a dangerous state to live in and an even worse state to die in. 

Many women think that just because you're in an "arab" country hijab is easy.  I know that's not true.  I know lots of Arab girls that feel pressure to be "hanaqeesh" (not saying that you are).  I remember one day I was visiting an arab sister.  It just so happened that another one of her friends visited that had just started wearing proper hijab.  The sister actually asked her "malik tahajjabti!!" and laughed. 

I get the feeling that you want to wear hijab.  And in sha allah (unlike my friend's situation) there are plenty of people around you that will encourge you in fufilling your duty to Allah.  If there aren't, then let the promise of Allah's pleasure upon you be your encouragement.

Good luck sister.  May Allah increase you in patience and bless you in your efforts towards obeying him, Ameen 

Salaam

Assalamu Alaikum Sister:

When I first became a Muslim I had a high position working in a very large corporation. They did not have casual days, you were expected to wear business attire at all times. I would wear hijab to the mosque and most of my time off, but the desire to wear hijab full time became very strong in my heart. I felt that my outer appearance should reflect my inner beliefs, and I knew that I needed to follow the command of Allah to cover myself. I also knew that showing up at work in hijab would be one of the most difficult things I would ever do.

One day I woke up to go to work, and I knew it was the day. I washed my hair and just pinned it up so I couldn't take off my scarf even if I wanted to, put on a jilbab, I figured might as well go all the way, and drove to my job. I sat in the parking lot for about 20 minutes, I was terrified! Finally I made myself get out of the car and go inside. The security guard stopped me at the door and everyone was staring. It was horrible, but it was one of the most important days of my life. I felt strong and so free.

That was almost 10 years ago and Al HamdilAllah I can not even imagine what it would be like to take it off now. It has become such an important and intregal part of who I am. Wearing hijab gives you such a feeling of peace and identity.

I live in the States so I do get stared at and people make remarks, but I ignore them. After September 11 my Mom called me many times and asked me to take it off, but I told her I can't, it is part of my life.

If I am killed because I am a Muslim in hijab, perhaps that is the only way I could go to Jennah. I would be shaheed, Insha'Allah. And if I am hurt or killed because of the hijab, then that is my naseeb, and nothing I do or don't do will change it.

Sister, if you are feeling the desire to wear hijab, please listen to your heart and don't fear what people will say. Those people will not be judging you on the Day of Judgement. Their opinions mean little in this life and nothing in the next. Just be sure that you are ready, so that you can be strong in your decision.

Thank you all for your replies. 

Sister Jenni, I really don't care what the people will think of me or if they will start looking at me because of the hijab.  I used to live in he States and I used to always wear proper clothes and never cared of who would stare at me or not.  People at work knew me because I am a Muslim and knew what they can and can't do infront of me.  I am a Muslim by birth, but I am a good Muslim by choice.  And I am proud to be one.  I fear Allah in everything I do.  People looking or helping is not my problem.  My problem is in me, and that is what I need the help with.

Sister Amah, thank you for the article, but the link you sent is not displaying anything.  Would you please check it out for me?

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post, Jazzako Allah Kheer all.

Assalamu Alaikum Sisters:

I was not aware of the "Hijab Wars" either... But I can say that I live in Dallas/Ft. Worth and everywhere you go everyday you see Muslim women in hijab. They are everywhere here. And, most surprisingly, Muslim men in hijab, Masha'Allah. Even when I lived in Nashville most of the Muslim women I knew wore hijab.

Do any of you Sisters sunscribe to Bridges TV? Just curious...

Jenni wrote: My husband has never had a man ask him where his beard is. Or why he doesn't wear traditional clothing,  Peace

Assalamu Alaikum Sister Jenni:

My husband has. Sometimes when he goes to Jumma from work he wears jeans or slacks and many times the Brothers have asked him why he doesn't wear a thobe or djellaba. I told him I think they are right as you are supposed to dress in your best clothes for the prayer. Now he takes a thobe with him when he will be praying at the mosque and on Fridays.

I love men in Islamic clothing. I think it makes them appear quite beautiful.

Salaams, Dwanna

Assalamu Alaikum Sisters:

Perhaps they focus on hijab because it is visible?

Assalamu Alaikum:

Maybe the Muslims here are very nosey, but they will ask about your beard if they know you.

If someone openly backbites that is visible.

I don't know many Sisters who do so openly, they kinda sneak it in when you least expect it. I struggle really hard not to gossip, but I am guilty of listening, which is as bad. For me, it is hard to know the line between when someone is backbiting or someone needs to share a problem or wants help with a situation. Sometimes you just need to get something off of your chest. What I try to do is call a friend in another state who will not know the person I am speaking about and I do not use names.

Bismillah,

Dear Sisters,

If you do a forum search with the word hijab, you will find many discussions (and arguments) on the topic of hijab.

Backbiting is never allowed, AstagfirAllah.  Maybe you mean "discussing a situation that someone involved wouldn't like you to discuss" for the purpose of getting help or advice is allowed!

Bismillah,

 "Similarly, if you speak about your brother or someone else to his guardian or to someone who is able to stop him from doing wrong � with the intention of voicing a grievance and asking for help, or because he has taken something from you unlawfully and you want to demand your rights from the guardian of the one who took what is rightfully yours, such as when a man complains about his brother to his father  if he has mistreated him or taken something that belongs to him, in order to have his rights restored to him, or complaining to a ruler or judge of unfair treatment � this is not gheebah. " (From your quoted web site.)

Why don't you start another thread and post your full article on this topic?  It's a nice link.

In English the word backbiting implies only evil and a different word and/or words should be used for clarification, in English, to help English speakers get the meaning intended.

Assalamu Alaikum:

From the website:

The sixth is for the purposes of identification: if a person is known by a nickname such as al-A�mash (rheumy-eyed), al-A�raj (lame), al-Azraq (blue), al-Qaseer (short), al-A�maa (blind), al-Aqta� (missing a limb) etc., this is permissible for purposes of identification, but it is haraam to use such names for the purpose of belittling a person, and if it is possible to identify them by using other words, this is better. And Allaah knows best.�

People call me Crazy Cat Lady..... I guess it could be excused as a way of identification....

Assalamu Alaikum:

It's a joke that goes back to when I was young and my sister was predicting my future. She said I would end up one of those crazy cat ladies who live alone in a corner house with 75 cats. In America crazy cat ladies are famous....

She was pretty close. I'm not alone, and I don't have 75 cats, yet.....

Assalamu Alaikum Sisters:

I think women are their most beautiful in hijab. It makes them glow, Masha'Allah. Now when I see women with lots of makeup and big hair, or girls wearing barely anything it looks abnormal to me.

as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh..

Dear asala, I would like to share with you something related to Hejab, insha'allah it can be useful for you and your decision to wear it...

Hejab is an act of obedience to Allah [swt] I think you know this verse... "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc) and not to show off their adornment except what must (ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their Juyubihinna"[24:31].

Most sisters in the U.S. don't wear in, most would like to but don't. That is a fact, and as bad as things are for muslims in the west right now I don't think anyone needs to act like a martyr, we are more divided than ever, and divided we will fall...

It is sad that we should have to say this, but yes it is so true. I live in a southwestern desert town with a local air force base and have had tomatoes lobbed at me. I wear hijab over 95% of the time when I am out, I am still building my nursing uniforms to be modest and only wear a white bandanna/turban  when working. I wear long sleeved shirts under my scrubs. (that is really hot in a 120 degree summer!) I put on my Shayla when praying or leaving work. In fact I have reduced my outings so that my son or my husband are with me when I go out. and I have reddish hair and VERY blue eyes, so what? Allah (all praise be unto Him) is merciful and compassionate and knows the affairs of our hearts. What I see that is sad is that in country that was built in the code of religious freedom we seem to have little at times!

maryah

Maryah,

There is a site that alot of my mormon friends use. 

http://www.coverwear.com - http://www.coverwear.com

The long sleeve shirts they sell are very thin material and not very hot. 

As Mormons we have special garments (underwear) that defines the boundaries of our clothing and encourages modesty.  The clothing on this site is to help with that.  I know the short sleeves and camisoles would not help you ladies, but a thin material long sleeve shirt can help greatly in the heat.  I live in Utah and it gets HOT in the summer.  Considering on any day I have three layers of shirts. 

Modesty is such a blessing, even in some non muslim faiths.  I have such a great respect when I see a Hijabi out and about.  I know she faces more dangers and greater trials than the Muslim brother with the short beard and western clothes.

Modesty helps a woman respect herself and to feel happy.  Though I disagree that a scarf solely defines modesty, its up to a woman.  Modesty is as much about behaviour than it is about clothing.  A woman can be completely immodest in her speech actions and thoughts but be covered head to toe in a niqab.  But I know women who wear capris pants and modest t-shirts that refuse to hear foul language, have rated R movies in their house and work very hard to ensure their daughters understand that chasity is the most important gift they can give themselves.

Maryah, one last thing, I knew a woman who wore a long white scarf as a nurse....but she pinned it more in the back like a babushka while at work....so the patients couldn't get a hold of it so easy if they struggled.  (She worked in a nursing home with a number of senile patients)  She was non muslim, but she wanted to keep her hair out of her face.

So what, I am speaking the truth. Listen sisters, if you can't even get most of the women in Muslim countries to wear hijab(like Jordan, Pakistan, Egypt, Kuwait, Tunisia, Turkey ect.) Then you honestly think it will be so easy for women in western countries where women are harassed for them to all just go out and start wearing hijab? Please, my friend told me this-"In America you are all competing to see who is a better Muslim, you all want to turn each other into the muslims that you each think are the best. IF a woman wears a hijab, she wont accept you if you don't. Here in Pakistan a woman who does not wear hijab and one who does can be the best of friends. It is a NON-ISSUE, we don't even discuss it. IT is her choice and we respect it." Please ladies, what I have seen in the Muslim community has shown me NO EVIDENCE that the women who wear hijab are ANY MORE kind or pious than the ones who don't, the only difference between the two is that one has thier hair covered and one doesn't. ANd again if someone doesn't wear hijab, it is none of your business!!!

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

A very good advice from sis danty, Im sure u must hav read hadith qudsi On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said: Allah the Almighty said:

I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.

so sis take one step towards Allah swt with sincerity and matters will become easier inshaAllah, another thing bout when sisters say it should come from ur heart n all that then we should be aware of the fact that Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) said that worst enemy of believer is between his own two ears meaning his nafs and in another narration that Shaytan runs in human like blood. so mayb it might seem hard to start with bcos u r doing a right thing, pleasing ur lord and thus causing a pain to shaytan so he is making it harder by whisperin n trying to influence ur nafs so step away n inshaAllah it will be ok, there was this sister in my uni she used to be covered head to toe in black n some1 asked her one day dont u feel hot in this in summer, she goes, 'fire of hell is hotter than this' subhanAllah very strong Imaan, our duas r with u inshaAllah n keep us in ur duas

wassalam

Jenni wrote: So what, I am speaking the truth. Listen sisters, if you can't even get most of the women in Muslim countries to wear hijab(like Jordan, Pakistan, Egypt, Kuwait, Tunisia, Turkey ect.) Then you honestly think it will be so easy for women in western countries where women are harassed for them to all just go out and start wearing hijab? Please, my friend told me this-"In America you are all competing to see who is a better Muslim, you all want to turn each other into the muslims that you each think are the best. IF a woman wears a hijab, she wont accept you if you don't. Here in Pakistan a woman who does not wear hijab and one who does can be the best of friends. It is a NON-ISSUE, we don't even discuss it. IT is her choice and we respect it." Please ladies, what I have seen in the Muslim community has shown me NO EVIDENCE that the women who wear hijab are ANY MORE kind or pious than the ones who don't, the only difference between the two is that one has thier hair covered and one doesn't. ANd again if someone doesn't wear hijab, it is none of your business!!!

I am so sorry you are feeling so defensive. Like I said, I wear Hijab 95% of the time when I am out. I work for a nursing agency and am not permitted to wear anything on my head when I work at the prison. Hijab is a personal choice and is between an Muslimah and Allah (swt) alone. Insh'allah, I believe the sisters were just discussing the matter and did not mean anything personal. After all, this is a discussion forum!

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

Brother ak, covering of whole body other than face, hands and feet (some difference of opinion on feet among major Imams) is fardh, not a sunnah or an option, as the hukm of this could be found in the Holy Quran, here is an answer which explains the ayah of hijab

Concerning the standard explanation of the verse of hijab
Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Assalamu alaikum,
I wanted to get clarification on the explanation Sh. Nuh gave on the evidence for hijab. This has been a topic of debate since the hijab ban discussion in France and I'm unclear now on where the requirement comes from.

Sh. Nuh writes:

'There is no other lexical sense in which the word khimar may be construed. The wording of the command, however, and let them drape their headcoverings over their bosoms, sometimes confuses nonspecialists in the sciences of the Qur'an, and in truth, interpreting the Qur'an does sometimes require in-depth knowledge of the historical circumstances in which the various verses were revealed. In this instance, the elliptical form of the divine command is because women at the time of the revelation wore their headcovers tied back behind their necks, as some village women still do in Muslim countries, leaving the front of the neck bare, as well as the opening (Ar. singular jayb, plural juyub, translated as "bosoms" in the above verse) at the top of the dress. The Islamic revelation confirmed the practice of covering the head, understood from the use of the word khimar in the verse, but also explained that the custom of the time was not sufficient and that women were henceforth to tie the headcover in front and let it drape down to conceal the throat and the dress's opening at the top.'

I'm a bit confused about how the wording used in these particular verses are considered to be a command. My earlier understanding of the evidence for hijab was that the specificity of the command came from the hadith in Abu Dawood about the Prophet (AS) pointing out to Asma that only the face and hands should be revealed. Can you please clarify what it is about the wording/grammar in the verses reference above that makes them the evidence for the fard status for hijab? I'm not clear how the word "khimar" in and of itself is used as evidence to say that hijab is required.

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Praise be to Allah. May Allah's peace and blessings shower upon our beloved Messenger.

Dear Sister,

The obligation of hijab is evident when we examine the grammatical structure of this verse.

The translation:

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms..." [Abdullah Yusuf Ali]

The style of the language employed in the verse is very important. Allah Most High begins with the imperative form of the verb "qalla," which means to say or tell. Thus, Allah Most High is commanding the Prophet, peace be upon him, to tell the believing women to take a series of steps:

1. To guard their gaze, which is an important factor in modest interaction;

2. To guard their chastity or sexuality;

3. To conceal their adornment and natural beauty, which scholars have interpreted to mean the whole body except for the face, hands, and (for Hanafis) the feet.

4. And, finally, to emphasize the above point, Allah Ta'ala uses the phrase, "wa-lyadhribna bikhumurihinna ala juyubihinna." The verb "yadhribna" which means "to draw or pull over" appears as a feminine plural, thus going back to the original subject of the verse, the believing women. Most importantly, it starts off with the letter "lam," which is called "lam al-amr." Lam al-amr, when prefixed to a present tense verb, such as "yadhribna," makes the verb an imperative, that is, a command. It is not understood as a recommendation, but a specific command directly from Allah Most High to His slaves among the believing women.

Lam al-amr is used in other imperative contexts in the Qur'an. For example, Allah Ta'ala says, "Let the man of means spend according to his means: and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what God has given him..." [Al-Talaq, 65:7]

Here, Allah Most High is commanding men to spend according to their means in the context of child support for divorced wives.

This is understood to be a command, not a recommendation, since men are required to support their children. The lam of command, or lam al-amr, once again appears prefixed to the present verb, "yunfiq," meaning "to spend." [Qatr al-Nada, Dar al-Asmaa, 96]

To return to the verse in question, the phrase "wa-lyadhribna bikhumurihinna ala juyubihinna," is a command for women to draw their veils over their bosoms. Allah Most High did not say, "And tell the believing women to put on their veils," because implicit in the verse is the understanding that women were already expected to veil. However, unlike the practice at the time of leaving the scarf hanging down the back with the neck and cleavage exposed, Muslim women were to take it one step further and draw the "khimar" or veil over the neck and cleavage area. Those who argue that the Qur'an says nothing about veiling are completely misreading this verse. Not only does the Qur'anic text make it clear that women are expected to veil, it also dictates the extent of the veiling, i.e., covering the neck and cleavage.

This point is elucidated by reports from Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, and other women of the Sahaba, who immediately implemented this verse by tearing up pieces of cloth and covering their hair and bodies. Al-Bukhari recorded that Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "May Allah have mercy on the women of the early emigrants. When Allah revealed the verse:

(and to draw their veils over their bosoms), they tore their aprons and veiled themselves [made khimars] with them.'' [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

The actions of the Sahaba, may Allah be pleased with them all, did not indicate that hijab was optional. I find it interesting that hijab was not legislated in stages, as opposed to the ban on intoxicants. When the verses in Surat al-Nur were revealed, the female Sahaba immediately covered themselves. Would that we had a fraction of their iman!

And Allah knows best.

Umm Salah (Zaynab Ansari)

wassalam

Bismillah,

Brother Ak,  Do a forum search on the topic of hijab because it has been discussed many times and it will take you a long time to read all that has been written before.  Main point, I absolutely disagree with Sister Fatima.  And what happens is that the sisters and brothers who feel as I do leave web sites like this because of the constant nagging and admonitions by others that we will go to hell for such ideas that disagree with theirs.

Look at how rudely Sister Maryah said that Sister Jenny was being "defensive".  I thought Sister Jenny was just stating important facts and I didn't see anything but truth and information in her post.

I always like to point out at this point that brothers have a dress code which they do not follow and then sisters say that is up to them, you are the one who will burn in hell for not putting a cloth on your head.  Whatever.  I also say that women shouldn't be in the front of battles, and by us wearing distinctively Islaamic clothing all of the time whereas the prevailing opinion is that men can slip in and out of Islaamic dress (jeans and suits don't fit the Islaamic requirement for men, brothers!), thus shielding themselves from scrutiny and danger while women wearing hijab do so all of the time exposing themselves to comment, criticism, and physical danger in a place where Muslims are reviled. 

The world reviles us; we need to love each other for our love of Islam and our wonderful rightly guided prophets guidance urges us to do so.  It is NOT loving to say:  You'll go to hell, but that's your business.

Peace

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

Im sorry for causing u a hurt sis herjihad, brother ak asked a question and i only mentioned the law, no one said that any1 who dont follow will go to hell cos alhamdulillah i know that Allah swt said in Holy Quran He forgives everything other than shirk to whomever He wills.  I know bout myself and im sure the intention of other sisters who said similar is the same that if some1 asks and is in doubt u try to encourage em to the right by stating the law and every thing else that u can do only to encourage another person into complete submission of Allah swt bcos u know thats whats best for the soul of each n every individual.

sis what men do of wrong is also said to be wrong and im sure there will be many brothers who would be encouraging them to the right path, another thing please dont take everything as an isult or something and if makes u angry then inshaAllah say Istghfar and then forgive for sake of ur lord cos Allah swt loves those who forgive others for his sake, u r getting double reward as u getting wronged and bearing it and then forgiving aswell, and mayb intention of the other person is really sincere cos matters of heart are only known to Allah swt

Lastly living in west i do know its hard so no one should judge another person but sis see the reward, those people in time of Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) and He (saw) himself went through worst of abuse but those are the ones who get nearness of Allah swt, Mayb when some1 mentions hijab is only with the good heart of thinkin all the reward u will get and will also help them in attainin more so subhanAllah thousand of reason, im so so so so so ........ sorry, hope u forgive me

wassalam

Bismillah,

Dear Sister Fatima,

Thank you for your kind comments.  Well, Okay.  I forgive you. . Thanks for caring!  You are so thoughtful in your wording, Ma'shah Allah!

 Even though I'm being silly, there are two important issues here.  One is that even though the squeaky wheel gets the oil, all the wheels need oil.  Meaning that just because on this web site and others like it and in the mosques as well everyone you know and hear of says hijab meaning head scarf is obligatory et cetera et cetera, doesn't mean that millions of Muslims in this big world that Allah, SWT, created agree.  Millions of us don't agree and don't say that hijab, head scarf is obligatory.  And people get so mad that they start saying it is a bad thing, which I don't normally agree with.  So I am one person presenting this as one Islaamic point of view, but I represent many others who agree.

And if we can solve the issue of how to talk to one another in a loving, non-aggressive, non-offensive way, then we can fix a lot of other problems that we Muslims have amongst each other.  We have so many differences!  Muslims right now are fighting and killing each other and each other's children.  For the sake of Allah, SWT, and His good pleasure with us, we must learn to get along much better than we do.

So I won't grin and bear it when Ammah makes the comment she just did.  She doesn't get it that that is hurtful and mean and not the same thing and doesn't apply.  I know she doesn't intend to hurt, but sisters need to be smarter and adapt and learn how to communicate lovingly and with compassion.  I know more sisters who stopped going to the mosque and Sister's groups for this attitude than for any other reason. 

I don't want to insist with Muslims that I am right that hijab is Not obligatory.  But I do insist that Muslims not discount my integrity and sisters like me because we need to respect each other so that we can build a better world together.  You guys can believe that it is obligatory if you want.  And if you guys want, we can have dialogue about it.  But this debate is killing us.

(Reminder: I wore a scarf for 15 years and a jilbab very many years also. )

Bismillah,

May Allah, The Merciful and Loving forgive you Sister Amah.

Bismillah,

Salaamu alaykum, Sister Jenni.  I am humbled by your kind words.  JazzakAllahKhayr.  May Allah, SWT, forgive and guide us all.

Bismillah,

Sister Amah,  When you say:

Relax sister Fatima!

It is your duty to enjoin good and forbid evil......so continue doing that.

It seems that you equate not wearing a scarf to evil.  Is that not what you meant?

Turning away from the sick and oppressed is evil.  Pornography is evil.  Beating your wife and children is evil. Murder is evil.  Being rude all the time when you could be patient and kind is evil. 

Sisters who wear modest clothing, don't pick up guys in bars, read Quran, care for their families are some of the behaviors that describe good people to me.  I don't see ANY evil in such people, but especially I don't see they are evil for not having a head cloth on.

I appreciate your quote indicating that we are not to tell each other we are going to hell or we may do so in the end.  Sisters aren't usually saying it so directly, but instead they are quoting verses unrelated to the scarf which say people are going to hellfire as response to my and other sisters comments that we don't intend to wear scarves especially in western countries where we know abuse and degradation will be heaped on us.

Thank you for trying to relate to what we are saying, Sister.  JazzakAllahKhayr.

Herjihad well said..

Since becoming a Moslem I am fascinated by the fact that this issue, more then others, pushes so many personal buttons, within myself and others.

Whether non-Moslems or Moslems.. how we appear to the world is a hot-button issue.

I was on another Moslem women's web site and this woman wrote a post making fun of all those women who were wearing some type of scarf but it was not 'perfect', would slide off etc.. I was new to Islam and left that site and never went back.  

I think if we would just stop this and do something to make the world a bit better we would be further along.

Bismillah,

JazzakAllahKhayr for your  post, Sister Amah!

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

May Allah swt bless us all with His true guidance, ameen. felt really nice reading last few posts cos of the fact that law of Allah swt is held up high n alhamdulillah no one is hurt either, thats why i think it is so important to understand the ahadith which state that nasiha should be given with good manners. cos if u telling some1 right thing but in the process u hurt their feeling then they are neva going to come to the truth bcos of shortcoming of person who is giving nasiha.  it also shows that lack of communication causes alot of problem some times

wassalam

amah wrote: O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult ones brother after having Faith (i.e. to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: "O sinner", or "O wicked", etc.). And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed Zalimoon (wrong-doers, etc.).   (  ���� �������  , Al-Hujraat, Chapter http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=49&translator=5 - #49 , Verse http://www.searchtruth.com/chapter_display.php?chapter=49&translator=5#11 - #11 )

Ameen, sister Amah, whether a woman chooses to wear the veil or not is between her and Allah (swt) alone. We should not judge one another! Jazak'Allah Khair!