Love marriage
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42106
Printed Date: 24 November 2024 at 7:08pm
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Topic: Love marriage
Posted By: Muham123
Subject: Love marriage
Date Posted: 23 January 2018 at 5:50pm
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Asalaamualikum. My question is very simple, Me and this girl have liking for each other and the girl told her father about me 2 years ago and the father said to her that he will think about it when the time is right, i.e when she has finished her university. However, he didnt even wanted to hear about me or see a picture of me but he still didnt stop her daughter from goin out etc.. im sure he knows she sees me. Now two years have gone so I planned to message her dad and I messaged him saying simply and shortly that two years have gone by and studies are done and whats his plan regarding marriage. Her father blocked me and ignored me just like two years ago. Like he does not even want to speak to me or know how I look like - yet he doesnt stop her daughter from going out or pretends to be normal with her. I am very confused as to how can a father not care about which guy her daughter is hanging around with. My mother wants to go to her house but since he just keeps ignoring me and this weird situation I dont know what to do? I have no idea what hes thinking and why is he ignoring? I mean atleast tell me that you dont like me.. u know atleast some sort of answer.. but nothing! Please help me out!
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Replies:
Posted By: Aisha2012
Date Posted: 23 January 2018 at 10:27pm
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Sounds like a tough position to be in. I think the only choice you have is for you and the girl to go together and see him. He will have to answer you then. He can�t possibly ignore you face to face. Good luck
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 24 January 2018 at 5:33am
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Wa alaikum salaam, and welcome. I would assume that his daughter has given him a biographical sketch of who you are and perhaps he's unimpressed. Objectively speaking, aside from his daughters interest in you, do you believe you have the right career and social standing which any reasonable dad would want for their daughter? Are both families of the same cultural and social background? Perhaps he feels you should have come to him prior to dating and liking his daughter. Also, I believe texting with respect to a matter as important as marriage to his daughter was a mistake. I think your mom may have the best idea, that of going to his house. Allah bless you with a good outcome.
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Posted By: Muham123
Date Posted: 24 January 2018 at 5:50am
First of all thank you for your reply...
Firstly, we are both pakistanis and muslims, but ofcourse cast is different and her family tend to get people married in family or atleast maybe from same village etc..
However in terms of her giving a description of me, that was never really the case because she said 2 years ago �dad atleast look at him� but he said no� and in terms of education, i have graduated as an engineer and have obtained a good graduate role, she has also graduated and got a job. So educational level and stuff is not the issue here. Her dad at the time 2 years ago said to her daughter that �i am not saying no to ur choice� and she said that �dad you are going to waste my time when the time comes for talks� and he said �i wont� and now 2 years have gone by we both have graduated, and in good position, the aim to message her dad was only that we were out of option, how can my mom go their house when the girl is scared to speak to her father again, but she told me to message her dad, and i simply told him that I would like to bring my parents over whenever he is ready - but he blocked me. Btw i messaged him teo years ago as well and he ignored me then too. My question is, he knows that her daughter sees me which ofcourse i know is wrong, but he isnt stopping her despite knowing? But also at the same time he isnt responding? How do i best get around this issue? Also, normally wen dad find out about their daughters they are naturally protective but he still seems to give her freedom. I find that odd. I mean atleast say that �you dont like me�.. you know something... . My mom told me that i will end up getting hurt and that she wants to go and see her parents, she actually wanted to go 2 years ago but her dad ofcourse like i said made excuse of �education� but what is the excuse now? He shouldve said just no then? He let it carry on and now 2 years down the line, still nothing? We know each other for 6 years. From school days till right up till this day university nearly finished.
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 25 January 2018 at 6:56am
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Perhaps you can see him in the mosque. Maybe he's known by the Imam and you can seek guidance from Imam as for a way forward. Aside from his cast preferring to marry from within, are there any other issues with this cast situation that your parents may know of? Such as never marrying from your cast? Maybe further patience and gift giving could soften dad's heart. Perhaps a sympathetic uncle or other such relative of his daughter may be willing to intercede with dad? Anyway, try to keep cool and don't panic. We pray for a good outcome. Patience and prayer.
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