Family Matter - Living with inlaws

Living with inlaws

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Questions realted to familly matter.
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42548
Printed Date: 12 December 2024 at 6:31am
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Topic: Living with inlaws

Posted By: Refajan08
Subject: Living with inlaws
Date Posted: 27 April 2018 at 6:16am

My question is about my married life living with parents inlaws. I was raised in the US. I got married overseas. My husband and I lived in US after marriage and years later my parents inlaws joined in the US and live with us in the same house. Now we are living together. They are here for the excuse of my motherinlaw continuous
surgery that she has done 5 times so far. These surgeries are endless. So they want to stay with us.

My problem living with them is a hardship for me. My husband has been affected. Our marriage life has changed.
My husband and I worked enough to support our self before. We couldn't afford much but we were very happy and spent much time together. My husband had lots of patients and love towards me and everything. Our home was very neat and clean. Our financial situation was in control for us. We were in love. We had a daughter.

After my parents inlaws joined our home. Our lives has changed in many ways. My husband couldn't afford much before but now he has been working extra extra hard to support all of us. He has become so impatient with me, with every situation. He is so stressed out after he comes from long day of work his eyes are red from lack of sleep. He yells and threatens my daughter and my lives every night that we go to sleep with fear after a fight. This is all happening from so much stress he is going through. It's all building up inside him. His responsibility have increased to the point he can't handle it. My husband is not seeing the bigger picture because he doesn't want to disappoint his parents. He ignores it all and keeps building the stress to take it out all on me.

As for my personal hardship in the home. Im very concerned and stressful to how much my home has changed in cleaning and the services I must provide in demand every single day. The cleaning has gotten out of my control. I dont feel like it's MY home anymore. I feel like the bathroom is a public bathroom.

Im very disturbed that my house is not as clean and neat as I had liked. The cleaning is a situation I was going through myself. Now my husband has been affected with so my stess from working so hard to provide for us to the point that our marriage is on the line. Its the limit.

Back home where they came from they have 3 daughter inlaws living with them. They expect the same from me even more. As im involved in their continuous appointments as well.

How do I make it clear that it is enough without hurting anyones feeling and without making my reputation bad. I'm too kind to speak it out. My husband will never tell his parents that he can't afford them. My inlaws dont see that it is so much hardship on us. They think everything is fine. Please help. I really cant live with them anymore. What we would like is for them to not come back to the US and stay home in overseas.

Replies:

Posted By: Dr. Aslam
Date Posted: 28 April 2018 at 1:44pm

WA ALAIKUM sALAM,

It is indeed a stressful situation. You need to sit down with your husband or seek outside religious advise together. You need to write down your concern and share with your husband in a polite but firm manner. No matter how stressful the situation is, your husband need to tame his anger. It will only complicate the situation. He also need to communicate his parents about certain rules of the house without hurting their feelings.

Certainly moving to a bigger house would be an option if the finances allow that. Finding your in laws a separate house would be another option.

However, the important thing is to communicate your concerns to your husband as clearly as you can and explain him the situation without being angry.

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Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah