Salamoualeikoum everyone,
My husband and I are recently married (6months) and things were never easy. He battles depression which I didn’t know of beforehand and it makes him dysfunctional in the marriage. His family always described him as someone who’s « trying to define what makes him happy » but it is actually much deeper than that. They all thought that what was missing was a woman to love and care for him.
He converted to Islam about 2 years ago and his growth has been very slow. I am a born Muslim. He chased me and was extremely invested romantically with gifts and saying that he is working hard for our future. We got married and hamdoulilah it was a beautiful day really.
But shortly after, he changed. He works 60+ hours by choice to « push » his career and make more money to pay back his debts (not a lot hamdoulilah). I also help financially and I’m able to save for the both of us. We have a good life really. I am content.
But He is scared of responsibilities, loosing sleep over it and being unable to enjoy fun activities and outings. he is always worried even though he really shouldn’ be.. We have good families and a strong Muslim ocommunity around us but sadly he withdraw and won’t seek advice. He has been unable to make any decision without changing his mind endless times and it has became frustrating as nothing gets done and everything becomes a problem. I tried showing him the positive side of things, remind him to be grateful and to seek professional help if he must for his depression. He has been seing a therapist but If anything, it seems worse. He has withdrawn from intimacy as he says we argue too much and he isn’t in a good place mentally. Im always trying to de escalate and get closer to him but he pushes me away. He buys me all kinds of things to make it up but its Not what we need. I never asked for money or gifts, I just want him to be healthy mentally.
We have agreed BEFORE marriage that we would be trying for kids soon as I am not young anymore. Obviously, this was the topic that tipt Him over and he divorced me saying « he is not good enough for me and he can’t make me happy ». He was miserable and crying and all over the place. I am now back at my parents and it has been a week. He has not reached out, only to ask me if I got there safe.
I know he will regret his decision as he is a good man but he is troubled. I only realized it starting to live with him. I told him as well as trusted people in our community to not rush his decision and we tried to help but he won’t open up and most importantly, he won’t use Islamic tools to strengthen his iman.
I am hurting and very confused. I feel depleated emotionally. I assume I entered the dish period of 3 months.
I pray and cry to try and feel better and accept. This is my second marriage and I feel like I am reliving the same pain all over again.
If this man comes back to me, what are my options? Should I take him back or is he going to make my life miserable? Please advise me,
Thank you and much love to all.
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