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Hi Left-to-die92, what Dr. Aslam said was true. While you are continuing to seek medical treatment, please do not forget to worship Allah. Insya Allah, He will provide the best solution for you, because all healing essencially come from Him. Please remember that Allah strictly forbids suicide as in His words: وَلَا تَقْتُلُوْۤا اَنْـفُسَكُمْ ۗ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيْمًا وَمَنْ يَّفْعَلْ ذٰلِكَ عُدْوَانًا وَّظُلْمًا فَسَوْفَ نُصْلِيْهِ نَارًا ۗ وَكَانَ ذٰلِكَ عَلَى اللّٰهِ يَسِيْرًا "...And do not kill yourself. Truly, Allah is Merciful to you." "And whoever does such things by breaking the law and wrongdoing, We will put him in hell. Such is easy for Allah." (An-Nisa' 4: 29, 30)
You asked: "Does suffering in this life mean happiness in the next life ?"
Not all suffering in this world will always end in happiness in the next life. Such statements only apply to people who believe in Allah. This is explained in a hadith from Suhaib bin Sinan R.A. that the Prophet Muhammad said: عَجَبًا لِ�£َمْرِ الْمُؤْمِنِ !! إِنَّ �£َمْرَهُ كُلَّهُ خَيْرٌ وَلَيْسَ ذَاكَ لِ�£َحَدٍ إِلَّا لِلْمُؤْمِنِ ؛ إِنْ �£َصَابَتْهُ سَرَّاءُ شَكَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ ، وَإِنْ �£َصَابَتْهُ ضَرَّاءُ صَبَرَ فَكَانَ خَيْرًا لَهُ "It's amazing the case of believers. Everything that happens to them is good. This happens only to believers. If he gets something pleasing he is grateful, then that is good for him. If he gets bad he is patient, then it's also good for him" (Narrated by Muslim).
"It is not a Muslim who suffers from illness due to an illness and others, but Allah is shedding its mistakes with the disease, like a tree shedding its leaves." (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim from Abu Hurairah R.A)
Therefore, pray to Allah, because healing is essentially coming from Allah. Allah says: وَاِذَا سَاَلَـكَ عِبَادِيْ عَنِّيْ فَاِنِّيْ قَرِيْبٌ ۗ اُجِيْبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ اِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيْبُوْا لِيْ وَلْيُؤْمِنُوْا بِيْ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُوْنَ "And if My servants ask you (Muhammad) about Me, then surely I am close. I grant the request of the one who prays when he prays to Me. Let them fulfill My (commandments) and believe in Me so that they obtain the truth. " (Al-Baqarah 2: 186)
In another surah Allah says: وَمَنْ يَّـتَّـقِ اللّٰهَ يَجْعَلْ لَّهٗ مَخْرَجًا "...Whoever believes in Allah, He will open the way for him, " (At-Talaq 65: 2)
You asked : "Will the lord accept me into his kingdom of heaven ?"
Insya Allah, yes..., with the condition that you really repent and do no more mistakes, and still worship Allah. Allah says: يٰۤاَيُّهَا الَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْا تُوْبُوْۤا اِلَى اللّٰهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوْحًا ۗ عَسٰى رَبُّكُمْ اَنْ يُّكَفِّرَ عَنْكُمْ سَيِّاٰتِكُمْ وَيُدْخِلَـكُمْ جَنّٰتٍ تَجْرِيْ مِنْ تَحْتِهَا الْاَنْهٰرُ ۙ يَوْمَ لَا يُخْزِى اللّٰهُ النَّبِيَّ وَالَّذِيْنَ اٰمَنُوْا مَعَهٗ ۚ "O believers! Repent to Allah with pure repentance, hopefully your Lord will erase your mistakes and put you in the heavens that flow underneath the rivers, on a day when Allah does not disappoint the Prophet and those who believe with him; " (At-Tahrim 66: 8)
The Prophet Shallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said: "If you make mistakes (sins) until your mistakes reach the sky, then you repent, surely Allah will give repentance to you. "(Narrated by Ibn Majah from Abi Hurairah R.A.)
Asep
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