Groups : Women (Sisters) - Does fighting for love, backfire?

Does fighting for love, backfire?

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Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=44481
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Topic: Does fighting for love, backfire?

Posted By: Sa_001
Subject: Does fighting for love, backfire?
Date Posted: 17 April 2020 at 8:42pm

When I met my husband and we fell in love. We fought for each others love. When I say fought, we really fought. We really wanted each other. It had its ups and downs between both families, we still fought through. We had a whole bunch of haters, We finally got married a few years later. Then boom. Everything started to fall apart the day of the wedding. Wedding day was fine, but that night....it was weird. There was no chemistry. As much as we loved each other. There was no chemistry. When I say we loved each other, I mean we loved each other, to a point where we were willing to go against our parents but we didn’t. We did it the right way. Now we tried to fix our chemistry, there was progress. Still inlove. Still fighting for our love. We went to a few sheik to get hijama done as well as rukyah. A tiny progress after that. Then our downs increased. Arguments. Now my husband says that he fell out of love. And he truly does not know why. But he assumes it’s from the arguments we had, nothing too serious by the way. They’re small silly arguments. I’m not sure if he’s talking to someone. We don’t go through each other phones, I am still deeply deeply I love with him. He says he loves me, cares about me, and can’t live without me, but is not In love with me. Still wants kids from me . I am so confused. I love him to a point where I am willing to sacrifice and give him kids just to make him happy. Because I love him. Islamically, a wife would be patient, I have been. I cry almost every day because I’m so helpless. I want my husband back. The guy that was so madly in love with me. I don’t know what to do, stay , or leave. As much as I want to stay, I’m embarrassed to, because he doesn’t feel the same. I need Islamic advice. We are on an edge thinking about divorce, I don’t what a divorce,. I am very patient, but I’m only human. Looking for Islamic advice. We both pray. Ladies, any opinions?

Replies:

Posted By: Dr. Aslam
Date Posted: 23 April 2020 at 10:42am

Wa alaikum Salam

You both are ones who can change the conditions. You need to sit down and communicate in a polite manner bringing up your concerns and expectations from each other. You need to ask what you can be done to improve your relationship.

Arguments do not solve any problem, they compound them.

You both should first listen to each other without any argument. Once you have listened to each other, you both can realize your weakness and strength.

But for God sake stop making arguments and excuses for your behavior.

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Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah

Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 24 April 2020 at 6:27am

What does no chemistry mean to you? I sense you're being overly idealistic. All relationships have troubles, as well as life in general. Start getting closer to Allah and concentrate of practicing your religion. Those who know you both very well, the family who advised against the marriage, may very well be your best sources of support to help mend whatever rifts have opened in your marriage. Make sure you're eating healthy and get some exercise. If you don't work volunteer some of your time helping others. Sounds to me like your marriage if fine, save for growth and maturity, which comes in time.