Background:
Been a part of eachother's life for 7years now since early teens, she
was 3 years younger. (before you condemn me, there has been no zina or
anything, not justifying being together though). She is the best thing
that happened to me and she is a good person and a muslim. She honestly
changed me and made me a better person and a better Muslim and in that
sense thats exactly the person you want to marry and spend your life
with.
Some more context, she is well off, I am from an upper middle class
background(think: her dad has earned 5x more than mine has each year for
the past 20). Lifestyles are similar yet hers is obviously more lavish
but thats never come between us.
Now:
I'm 24, have a stable but low-paying job in my home country, I have
known I will never be able to afford marrying her if I dont move abroad
and luckily my parents want the same. I will be going for my masters
this year to U.S and graduating in 2022, she will be finishing undergrad
the same year. We are at the stage of having told our mothers and ready
to potentially be engaged before I leave with plans for nikkah end of
2022 once i get a job and an apartment for her.
That was the plan, it always has been.
But moving abroad was not her first choice, she is super close to her
family unlike me, so it is a compromise for her. Also, she will not be
able to work being my F1 dependent while im on my opt in U.S so thats
another compromise.
We were talking about stuff and she decides since she cant work, will be
away from family she wants a baby soon after marriage in like the first
year(this is new, previous plan was to wait 1.5-2years) and its
non-negotiable since she cant make more compromises.
Going to U.S and working hard was my way of having enough to afford her
lifestyle, I was sure of that that I would have enough to keep her
happy. Although I wouldnt be stable in anyway still on my student visa
for work permit, 26, not even H1B visa unless God helps with that. and
post-grad school would be me starting over.
But, the thought of having a child in the middle of all that; a year out
of grad school still at the start of my career with barely any savings -
having a wife stable yes but not a baby stable. I do not want to bring a
human into this world in such instability and lack of financial
security. Its freaking me out soo bad since we had this conversation.
There's no way I can be sure of being able to provide realistically.
I tried to tell her but we fought and she says she expected me to be
excited about it, its non-negotiable for her to the point where if its a
no for me then its over for us.
Now I'm stuck and honestly soo stressed and freaking out. On one hand
its her the person I want to spend my life with who is good for me and
everything I ever want, on the other the whole expectation of having a
baby and being able to afford one which It doesnt seem like i
realistically would be able to.
What do I do? Accept the situation with the uncertainty and tell that to
her or let her go because I might not be able to keep her happy
lifestyle wise.
Is doing an istikhara valid in this situation. please help this has me stressing so bad.
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